[4:50 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i just realized why he lost interest in me
[4:50 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: he couldn't touch me
[4:50 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: because he lives in canada
[4:50 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: and he needs that
[4:50 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: damn
[5:00 PM] julian^jUjU: I feel like you're gonna hate me for saying this
[5:00 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: but guys need sex?
[5:00 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: yeah
[5:00 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i know
[5:00 PM] julian^jUjU: Not even sex
[5:00 PM] julian^jUjU: Just some kind of sexual something
[5:00 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: why?
[5:01 PM] julian^jUjU: Idk most girls need it too
[5:01 PM] julian^jUjU: Its just how were programmed
[5:01 PM] julian^jUjU: U might be asexual
[5:02 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i'm scared i'll be scarred
[5:02 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: if i do something sexual
[5:02 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: like
[5:03 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i won't be able to forgive myself
[5:03 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: or something
[5:03 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: idk
[5:03 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: like
[5:03 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: when i was younger
[5:03 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: my first ever bf tried to touch me down there
[5:03 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: and i was traumatized
[5:03 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i broke up with him
[5:03 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: never talked to him again
[5:03 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: if he ever tried to talk to me i was awful to him
[5:04 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i didn't want him to
[5:04 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: but he tried anyway
[5:04 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: made me think i couldn't trust him
[5:04 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: which clearly i couldn't
[5:04 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: so now.. i'm just
[5:04 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: scared?
[5:04 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: of generally everything that has to do with real life sex
[5:04 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: or sexual things
[5:05 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: my family also plays a role in this, because they're all christian
[5:05 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: so i'm expected to save myself
[5:05 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: until marriage
[5:05 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: honestly it's so bad
[5:05 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i'm so broken mentally when it comes to sex
[5:05 PM] julian^jUjU: I can tell :/
[5:05 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i had to really work on it for a while
[5:05 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: just to accept that people have sex
[5:05 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: and that it's normal
[5:06 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: idk if i am asexual
[5:06 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i think i'm just frightened
[5:06 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i watch porn
[5:06 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: and stuff
[5:06 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: like
[5:06 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i am a normal person
[5:06 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i touch myself
[5:06 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: like everyone
[5:07 PM] julian^jUjU: I was scared to ask that
[5:07 PM] julian^jUjU: Ur not asexual
[5:07 PM] julian^jUjU: Didn't want to seem creepy tho
[5:07 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: haha
[5:07 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: it's ok
[5:07 PM] julian^jUjU: Start small
[5:07 PM] julian^jUjU: Next e boyfriend
[5:08 PM] julian^jUjU: Touch yourselves together while talking on discord
[5:08 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: no
[5:08 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i can't
[5:08 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: sorry
[5:08 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: it's too much
[5:08 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: :/
[5:08 PM] julian^jUjU: That was my first sexual experience idk
[5:08 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: see
[5:08 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i've done things on voice
[5:08 PM] julian^jUjU: I mean I'm not asking u to do it
[5:08 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: and i've taken pictures
[5:08 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: and videos
[5:08 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: with my exes
[5:09 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: two of them
[5:09 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: 1 o f them i regret
[5:09 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: the other i felt safe
[5:09 PM] julian^jUjU: U told me about that one
[5:09 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: but it just didn't work out
[5:09 PM] julian^jUjU: If you've done it before why is it too much?
[5:09 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i don't know
[5:09 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i think i'm just so hurt
[5:09 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: that my mind can't
[5:10 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: my heart is aching
[5:10 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: it hurts so fucking bad
[5:10 PM] julian^jUjU: Do you go to therapy?
[5:10 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: no
[5:10 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i'm broke
[5:10 PM] julian^jUjU: Oof
[5:10 PM] julian^jUjU: Health insurance?
[5:10 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: that's not a thing here
[5:11 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i just
[5:11 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i think it's me period cycle
[5:11 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: too
[5:11 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: my*
[5:11 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i'm in the time where i'd normally be emotional
[5:11 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: so it's making everything worse
[5:11 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i think i'd be ok doing sexual things
[5:11 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: as long as it's uh
[5:11 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: someone i trust
[5:11 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i guess
[5:11 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: but trust takes a while
[5:12 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: idk man
[5:12 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i just want to disappear
[5:12 PM] julian^jUjU: I mean were you doing sexual things with ur most recent bf
[5:12 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: no
[5:12 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: nothing at all
[5:12 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: i tried to start something
[5:12 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: but he never responded to it
[5:13 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: he put me in this bubble of being cute and innocent
[5:13 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: so he never showed me his friends
[5:13 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: never let me get to know anyone
[5:13 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: because he wanted to protect me or something
[5:14 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: so i had to break that wall myself
[5:14 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: to make him think i'm not all cute and innocent
[5:14 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: that i can be sexy and fierce
[5:14 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: idk
[5:14 PM] 𝐼𝓈𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁: just made me look even more like a helpless puppy to him
[5:22 PM] julian^jUjU: my gf is pissed at me
[5:22 PM] julian^jUjU: that Im talking to u about this
[5:22 PM] julian^jUjU: I cant
[5:22 PM] julian^jUjU: im sorry