Vortigaunt Studies

	Jack Miller was a relatively normal guy. Well, “normal” had gotten really relative ever since the Seven Hour War and the Combine took over Earth. Kind of a lot to take in, but it all happened when he was relatively young, so a world where antlions killed you for visiting the beach was the norm for him. Even from that perspective, living under the thumb of a hostile alien empire wasn’t too appealing, so in his youth he set out and joined the resistance. Although to this day they assure he’s in a very important position, Jack is painfully aware he’s in a low priority operation.

	Still, once the fires of rebellion faded in his mind, he found the relatively peaceful nature of his new occupation quite nice. A lot of horror stories of fighting aliens, zombies, and Combine soldiers of all kinds from other rebels made him a little more appreciative of his daily duties of taking inventory and making pot-shots at the occasional interdimensional vermin that wandered out of the wilderness. The small base itself, an old office building now sitting in the ruins of a small town nearly swallowed up by nature, had a simple purpose. They house a handful of scientists, and every once in a while they were sent some obscure piece of alien tech that everyone else was too busy to analyze.

	This actually was quite important in the grand scheme of things, but it lead to mostly boring days for Jack. Largely tasked with the rare need for security, and managing supplies, he spent a concerning amount of time making boring patrols around the perimeter of the building, SMG in hand for a nebulous threat that never came. Some days he spent mostly indoors, just running small errands for the other rebels with duties like his, the one dedicated cook, or even the actual science team. Today was the latter, as he wandered around the admittedly too large office building to deliver a packet of mathematical formulas he couldn’t begin to guess the purpose of.

It was to be delivered to “Dr. Lucetta,” one of the vortigaunts, or “vorts” stationed with them. Honestly he had already accepted so many bizarre things in his life already, the four eyed people weren’t difficult, especially because they were one of the few aliens not actively fighting against them. This one in particular seemed to have wandered off from her colleagues, and one of them asked him to find her. He already checked the more busy floors, so he decided to pick one of the empty ones on a whim. Walking through the crumbling hallways and empty cubicles, he was starting to remember just how big this place was.

His search finally stumbled onto something when he heard the creaking of a chair… and something too muffled to fully make out around the corner. His old, and quite rushed, training came back to him as he approached the door cautiously. He wasn’t expecting an invasion force, but sometimes a headcrab found it’s way indoors, and he hated catching those bastards. Poking around the corner, armed with nothing more than a manila folder, he spotted… nothing. Just a light on it one of the corner offices, the frosted glass revealing a faintly moving silhouette.

	Steadying himself, he knew that had to be her. He calmly walked forward and opened the wooden door quietly, so as not to disturb whatever she was researching. Only, he was greeted by a very different sight as he walked in. The green woman was facing opposite to him at a large desk, sitting in her chair with a half-eaten microwavable pizza next to her. That wasn’t the part that really got to him, it was what she did before he could make his entrance known.

	She leaned over in her plush office chair, showcasing the large curves restrained underneath her white lab coat, and then grunted softly. A rumbling ripper of a fart rippled out from her behind, the leather of the chair giving it a unique sound both partially muffled, and yet somehow even louder. It echoed in the quiet building for nearly six seconds before she sighed with relief and returned to her normal seating position. She absentmindedly waved a hand behind her as she muttered, “The chef is correct, ‘Lucetta may love human food, but human food does not love her.”

	Jack was in disbelief. He never told a soul about this, but he had a thing for gassy girls. He thought about just backing out of the situation to make a new entrance, but once he breathed in he was paralyzed. It reeked, easily one of the worst things he had ever smelled, and that was an accomplishment in a world where rotting zombies walked the earth and vehicles regularly returned covered in antlion guts that had baked in the sun all day. As much as he wanted to sneak away, a part of his brain just wanted to bask in the scent.

	The moment of hesitation was a moment too long, because while he stood there looking stupid, she swiveled in her chair. Her relaxed gaze turned to four wide red eyes as she realized someone was in the room with her. “Ah… I did not hear this one enter…” She noticed his flared nostrils with concern. “Please, if the guest wishes to conduct our meeting in a space… with fresher air, I can oblige…” The man sprung back to life as his voice returned, “Oh no, no, no… It’s fine. I’ve uh… just got some papers here for you.”

	While he bent over to put the folder on her desk, he couldn’t help but take in a few of Lucetta’s features. She definitely had more curves than your average vort. Wide hips, the feminine swell of her breasts… she even had a little bit of a paunch developing. Something he was unaware was the result of her recent hobby of “experimenting” with human cuisine. Even as he leaned over her chair, he could practically feel the air grow warmer, and the smell intensify. His body betraying any control, he inhaled deeply over her.

	Lucetta was stunned to say the least. As the man leaned over her, she could have sworn he actually went out of his way to take in more of her noxious creation. She knew for a fact the results of her trying the delicious alien food was despised by human and vortigaunt alike, it’s exactly why she started finding secluded corners like this. Naturally curious as a research, she ventured a hesitant question, “Please tell me, what is meant by ‘It’s fine’?”

	Jack felt the spotlight shown on his unfortunate quirk, so he mumbled an explanation. “It doesn’t even smell THAT bad in here… It’s fine.” She looked at him quizzically, like a formula that failed to add up correctly. She spoke gingerly, “I… I have known my fellow human researcher to void her stomach from smaller… outbursts. Are you certain ‘it’s fine’?” While his mind was screaming “HELL YES IT’S FINE” he managed to restrain his answer, “Look, we uh, all get stomach… issues. It’s not a problem with me.”

	While he stood there anxiously, it didn’t escape her attention that this man wasn’t immediately finding the nearest escape route from her office tainted with nearly an hour’s worth of gas. There was more here and she needed to find out. Working up a bit of nerve she responded in a professional tone, “I appreciate the help…” While Jack slowly turned around, she continued, “But, if it does not trouble my guest… There is a small… experiment I could use a human such as yourself to help with tomorrow.” Although Jack felt socially awkward enough to agree to anything, her unusual toothy vortigaunt smile helped. “Sure, I doubt I’ll have anything better to do.”

	Waving goodbye with her third arm, he took the hint and vacated the premises, though not before taking one last whiff of her aromatic garlic bomb. He’d be thinking about that rather than the implications of an “experiment” the rest of the night counting bullets in the back room. Lucetta on the other hand, stuffed the remains of the pizza into her mouth before quickly jotting down notes on a clipboard. She had a lot of ideas how to use this research opportunity, and she had only until tomorrow to plan them. Before her night ended, she would have half a dozen meal plans sketched out, and a couple amateur doodles of that man who came into her office, all hastily scratched out when she realized she had absentmindedly started drawing them.

- The Next Night –

	Lucetta had all her hastily written notes in place. She had used enough technical terms, pure jargon, and vaguely related statistics at enough points, no one would question her experiment. However, she knew perfectly well deep down this wasn’t just an “Experiment to Determine Human Senses on Alien Compounds,” like the title said. No, she had a specific goal in mind. She was going to learn more about this human who had caught her attention. And hopefully have a little fun too.

	She always thought the human sense of smell was superior to that of a vortigaunt, and she knew this from experience with reactions to her own occasional emissions. Her human coworker’s overwhelming revulsion and red faces compared to the polite coughing from vortigaunts made it seem clear. She loved the idea he might actually find such an undesirable aspect appealing, but her other hypothesis was that he barely had any sense of smell to begin with. Perhaps because of a condition at birth or an unusual injury. If he passed her test however, it would confirm her admittedly biased theory that she might have some interesting company on her lunch breaks.

	She was stirred from her thoughts as the door opened again in that same private room she met him in yesterday. “Uh, hey? I was told you wanted to see me for the experiment now…” He sounded uncertain as he walked in. She took advantage of his confusion and put on her most professional demeanor. “Yes, the Miller is where he is expected. I am most pleased to see his arrival.” He stopped in his tracks for a second, “When did you learn my name?” She of course had looked it up through her files, but she chose to play up the mystery. “This is an important avenue of research, it would be unwise to not check.” The files had little more than his name and current assignment, but she could pretend with a smug curl of her lips around her teeth that they held more.

	Jack was starting to feel excited rather than dismayed. She made it sound like such a big deal, maybe he stumbled onto something cool? He never asked too many details about what the eggheads were up to. Even better she wasn’t acting awkward after their… unique, first meeting. She kept a restrained smile on her face as she started to explain it to him, “This test will be gauging human sensory skills when faced with unusual chemical compounds.” Public education while Jack was growing up was a total joke, so he tried to pretend he understood most of that. “Yes, yes… Of course.”

	She did her best not to comment on how he started exaggeratedly stroking his chin as he said, an expression of deep thought on his face. She did however pencil a quick note about the cuteness of the action. “Now, the method for obtaining and dispersing samples will be… different. The resistance may only spare so much resources in our favor, and must use what it has, does the Miller agree?” He nodded his head, bracing himself for whatever jar of alien slime she was going to bring out. Instead, he watched as she walked to his side of the desk, her stomach noisily rumbling. “Then I trust the Miller would agree it is best to start as soon as possible. I have been retaining this sample for much of the day, and wish to relieve myself of the burden.”

	To say Jack was dumbfounded as the vort put her elbows on the desk and jutted out her shapely rear, would be an extreme understatement. Even if her words were taking a while to sink in, the presentation of her rounded behind while she rubbed her stomach was a vision straight from his most private dreams. Maybe he hadn’t imagined a vortigaunt in this particular pose, but something about those unique legs and the four red eyes staring back at him impatiently excited that unusual part of his brain more.

	Hesitantly moving forward, he inched his face closer to the twin moons before him. “So uh… you’re saying the a-alien comparticles or whatever come from… here?” He felt like this was some elaborate prank, surely things like this didn’t happen normally. Although Lucetta felt a twinge of excitement about doing something as deviant as this, she kept the façade of a professional on her face. “This method may not be a common human one, but the Miller can rest assured this is for the benefit of scientific understanding.” She implied this sort of thing would fly with her own people, but that was a total lie. Her fellow vorts would find this as strange as any human.

	As he motioned his face even closer to her cheeks held high in the air, she gave him additional instructions. “Be sure to apply the human nasal passages for this research…” She was interrupted by a soft grunt her demeanor couldn’t hide, as well as a gas cramp that pushed through her with an audibly bubbling fury. “…The Miller would do well to hurry, containment cannot be maintained much longer.” James didn’t have to hear that twice, if he could use his unusal for the better of science, then who was he to question it? Everyone had to do their part for the rebellion, right?

	As soon as his nose hit the cleft between her tightly clenched buns, she relaxed her grip. Immediately his senses were overwhelmed with a loud thunderous release of inhumanely nightmarish stench. His brain nearly melted as the heated concoction blitz through his nose, but as a professional researcher, Lucetta made sure to count every second of relief. Fourteen seconds of progressing knowledge later, she felt the immense opening fart fade to a stinging hiss. She suppressed her breathy moan after finally dropping that bomb and instead cleared her throat to ask as formally as she could, “For the purpose of this test, the Miller will do his best to identify the human food used to produce the alien compounds.”

	Jack’s head was swimming in a fog of horrendous fumes, and he was loving every second of it. He made sure not one molecule of that entire foghorn blast escaped him. The downside however, was that he hardly registered what she said. “…Huh? Identify what?” She flashed a small smile at his contently dazed reaction. Even if she herself tried to take a point-blank shot of her own brew like that, she would likely heave. Returning to her professional nature she repeated the question a little less technically. “Can the Miller tell me what I ate this morning?”

	He tried to concentrate, but he knew from the stench lingering in his nose that whatever she ate had been twisted and corrupted by her alien guts so badly it barely resembled whatever it used to be. It smelled more like an alien barnacle up close than something humans would make, let alone eat. She spotted the concern on his face and responded quickly. “The Miller should not be anxious, additional samples will be provided as long as the Miller is willing.” To emphasize her point she forced out a small bubbly fart that went on for a few seconds, immediately catching the man’s attention as he scrambled to capture the entire release of steamy air. She tried to hide her reaction, but she could tell just from that she would have to do more research with Miller, regardless of this experiment’s results.

	Ten minutes, and several raunchy rippers in, Jack was mostly failing at hiding his immense enjoyment of this very unorthodox research. However, he was still mostly stumped. He was failing to make connections between anything he had ever eaten and the plumes of smog coming out her alien cesspit against his nose. It burned his nostrils with such a sulfuric intensity, it was hard to decipher. Wait, maybe that was it! He raised his head up and caught her attention. She was admittedly getting lost in the relief, as well as surreal pleasure of having her own foul winds sucked out her as fast as she could pump them out.

	“Was it eggs?” He sounded quite excited, feeling like he had passed an important test. The vortigaunt held her latest gaseous expulsion at bay with a slight grimace, but kept her professional voice. “Can the Miller specify the type of egg?” He looked a little confused as he answered, did humans really eat other kinds of eggs? “Chicken eggs?” She beamed in her alien way as he spoke, but her smug expression returned shortly after, “He is correct! Yet, is the Miller ready to identify the second component in the alien substance?”

	Jack looked crestfallen at first, but his confidence returned as he realized the implications of further testing. He eagerly gave her rear a small but forceful slap as a way to say, “Hit me with another.” It wasn’t a second after until he realized he had just smacked fat alien ass, but before he could apologize Lucetta reacted. She enjoyed that abrupt touch more than she cared to admit, and in her lapse of concentration she let the next forceful explosion of fermented breakfast gas fly, interrupting whatever he was going to say. Her moan was only slightly drowned out by the raspy release being huffed by the overly eager human.

	He took in as much of the intestinal explosion as his lungs would allow him, and yet he was stuck. He couldn’t figure out what she might have eaten other than toxic waste or a rotting headcrab. Lucetta, feeling emboldened by how clearly into this “experiment” he was, decided to help him out.  She teasingly lifted the lab coat upward, allowing her compressed green booty to fall with a slight jiggle into the ruined atmosphere of that tightly shut office. While Jack watched with wide eyes she attempted to give her promiscuous act a sophisticated spin. “For the benefit of the Miller, I have reduced the layers of filtration. It is possible the material was interfering with the testing.”

	He nodded while staring intensely at the beauty before him. “Yeah… interfering…” She clearly wasn’t kidding around as she reached back to spread herself slightly, giving him a direct view of her nearly steaming hole. “The samples begin to wane, so the Miller should use what is left to the fullest extent.” Even if it was more acceptable for her people to go without clothes, she groaned as she felt him from a seal around her exit, his breathing further stimulating her other opening down there. She had to bring her focus away from the moisture starting to trickle down her leg, that could be an entirely different test later.

	With a grunt of effort she leaned her stomach into the desk, piping a shorter aftershock directly into Jack. His eyes stung from the concentrated flatus burning into his airways, he could practically taste how greasier whatever she ate was. He was so close, he just needed one more to figure out what the other part was. Given she seemed to accept the signal last time, he struck one of her glutes a little lighter this time, but still firm enough to wobble the weighty cheek.

	Lucetta moaned at his touch, she hadn’t even taught him to do that… It’s like he was just as aware how bogus this experiment really was, and the idea excited her further. Well if he wanted gas, she was going to give it to him. Pulling an arm back from her ass, allowing the spheres to slap back into him, she pushed in unison with her third arm, hard into her gut. Forcing out every last liter of vile miasma out of her, her head drooped in bliss while her stomach deflated. The release would have been especially loud, but the man stuffed behind her was muffling it greatly, taking in more of her intestinal than her own abused chair.
Once the volcanic eruption finally petered out, she let out a long deep sigh. It felt great to push them out like that, even better when she hardly smelled any of it. Feeling herself empty, Lucetta peeled her ass from his face and pulled her lab coat back down. His face was red from the heat alone, not to mention the impossibly dreadful stench leaking from his nose, but he had a wide grin on his face. She made sure to save a mental snapshot of that expression before clearing her throat to get his attention. “Does the Miller have any guesses?”

	He reflected on the meaty stench that permeated his nose. “Of course!” he thought, the answer was obvious. “Did you have sausages to go with those eggs?” She nodded, it was apparently human tradition to have the two foods together. “The Miller has done well, he can rest assured this will make for some very interesting findings.” Jack took one last deep inhale of the heavenly atmosphere inside the office, knowing this must be the end. “Hey, if you ever need my help with something like this again, I’ll definitely sign-up.” She smile wholeheartedly, “Yes, the Miller may be called back sooner than he imagines.”

	As he slowly left to replay the moments of tonight in his head, likely forever, she closed the door gently. Once it was shut, she immediately dug out every old human cookbook she had acquired over the years and spread them across her desk. Oh, this human was definitely interested in her unfortunate side-effects from human cuisine, and she planned to make full use of it. Her latest study about some obscure Combine gizmo could be delayed a little longer. She had other work to do.

. . .

	The next morning Jack woke up with vivid memories of the strangest dream… Strange, yet fantastic just to think about. Yet, he had inhaled so much of that foul brew, there was a faint linger even then that matched his recollections. His eyes widened when he realized the previous night’s events really did happen. Even if he was scheduled for another day of mindlessly patrolling the large desolate building, he would be doing it with a newfound stride in his step. It didn’t matter if the Earth was under the reign of an alien empire, he had something… or someone to look forward to for the first time in a while.

	Once the sun had traveled high in the sky, he turned back into the twisting corridors of their outpost to see what was available for lunch. The “menu” was hard to predict any day, usually a mixture of whatever was being shipped in from other bases and what they could scavenge in the immediate area. Contemplating what tin can he might be eating out of today, he pushed his way into the sparsely populated space that was their converted cafeteria. A mix of old wooden picnic tables, fold-out chairs, and desks being used as a dining space was a sight he had gotten used to though. Normally he might try to make small talk with whoever was around, but his attention was drawn to the same face he had been thinking about all day.

	From the look on her brightly colored eyes, he thought maybe for a moment she had been thinking about him just as much. Even if he knew that was unlikely, there was a glimmer of hope as she waved over to him. Still, he told himself she was just being nice, most vorts were pretty friendly in his experience. That certainly held true as she seemed eager to see him. “Do I see the Miller again so soon? Would he be interested in eating together? I find humans to be quite fond of this.” He blurted out the first thing to come to mind, “Yeah, humans are uh, fond of it. I’ll be right over.”

	Few would consider eating with a green alien at a worn picnic table that was dragged into an abandoned office building normal, but it was just another Thursday for Jack. Only today, he found his eyes unconsciously drifting towards the teasing crack in her lab coat that her third arm made. Quickly averting his gaze, he tried to make conversation. “So… were the test results any good?” She couldn’t quite grin like a human, but from years of practice she put on her best approximation. “Oh, yes, very! Few could handle such a… continuous series of samples… like the Miller did. It will be of much use. I am already planning the next phase.” He let his excitement crack through, “Next phase?” If it was anything like the first, he was very interested.

	His excitement rubbed off on her, loosening her stiff posture. “Yes… It will be some time before I have fully decided on the variables.” Her line of sight moved towards her plate, something Jack only started to register the oddity of. What first caught his attention was the colorful cupcake, with faded frosting spelling out “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Frankly, there were stranger things that came through the supply lines, but he found it more concerning what she was pairing it with. A steaming can full of baked beans. Evidently this was not one aspect of human culture she understood, because she was interchanging her utensil between the two as she ate.

	She noticed his interest and answered, “These are some potential variables I am considering… There is a wide array of human cuisine to consider, all wonderfully delicious in their strange ways.” The gurgle of her stomach after she said that sent a jolt up his spine, but he restrained his voice. “Well, I’m very interested in what you come up with…” She nodded her head, “Yes…” Silence trailed what she said as her face tensed for a moment, before drooping with a sigh. Jack was going to ask if she was alright, but he froze the second he breathed in.

	It was overwhelming just how tainted the air had become since the last time he breathed in. She had completely polluted the immediate area with a silent stream of an entirely new poison. Equal parts toxic and intoxicating. While his face went red from secondhand embarrassment, as well as fear others would notice his lack of disgust, she watched him intensely. An expression that could only be described as lecherous while she enjoyed his reaction. She knew taking a risk with him was worth it. She whispered quietly to him, “I apologize if the Miller is offended, these samples don’t require being held so long…” Her statement was followed up by a breathy sigh, “…Oh, another seems to have escaped…”

	Jack breathed in deeply. If that was some obscure part of what aliens did, he wasn’t going to question it. Leaning forward into her invisible cloud, he answered her in a somewhat wavering voice. “It doesn’t bother me…” He felt a surge of confidence as she matched his gaze with those relieved half-lidded eyes, “…And maybe we can do lunch again?” Surprised by his boldness, she let out a tiny but audible toot before regaining her composure. While he starting snickering, the human went quiet when she leaned in nearly an inch from his face, “Gladly…”

	Both abruptly jerked their heads back as one of the few other people in the room started coughing and waving a hand in the air. With newfound awareness they might be getting stares, she made a suggestion. “Would the Miller meet for lunch somewhere else perhaps?” Given he spent all day patrolling the perimeter, he nodded excitedly. “I know just the place!” With food in tow, the human guided her up the stairs with promises the view was worth it.

. . .

	Over the next few days, the two would meet for lunch at the rooftop, acres of wilderness overtaking the abandoned city for as far as either could see. It was a simple beauty Lucetta had overlooked being inside all day. This only encouraged her more to bring the most bizarre culinary combinations, sometimes sharing a little of the rarer things she had to make herself with Jack. With the added privacy, they found themselves talking about a wide variety of subjects together. The scientist’s overly formal questioning about things like the cultural significance of thanksgiving dinners clashed with his more direct questions like, “What’s it like having three arms?” but both found themselves enjoying the little meetings.

	Of course, her added tenacity to try every human dish she could with her newfound friend inspired a significant uptick in “samples.” Silent gusts, echoing rippers, and wet bubbling emissions heated the air around them, and lingered like a fog around the odd couple. Of course neither complained, and as time went on it was becoming increasingly common to have one stare longingly at the other when they weren’t looking. Both attributing it to simple curiosity. As they spent more time together, Lucetta kept delaying her experiment ideas and substituting them with bolder ones. All the while she kept taking notes on their lunch breaks to determine the perfect fuel for her next experiment… as well as details like what he was wearing or what made him laugh.

	It was nearly a week until Lucetta had made up her mind on how to do it. It happened while she was sitting atop that same rusted bench in the open air of the roof. She was humming what sounded like a strange alien tune to Jack, but he simply leaned back and listened. Lucetta was also absentmindedly observing the human next to her. He was an odd one, but she had grown incredibly fond of the way he was always so happy to see her. Not to mention the way he tried to casually lean closer whenever she let a particularly bad one rip… she was feeling a little heated just remembering the way he buried himself in her ass… All the more reason she needed the next experiment to be perfect.

	Her thoughts turned to other aspects of “The Miller.” She knew he was quite infatuated with her worst aspect, even if he never outright said it… but was he quite infatuated with her? Her limited research into human reproduction… something she had been dipping into more lately in the dead hours of the night… told her than humans were  quite monogamous. She never saw him spending much time with anyone else… surely he wasn’t taken already. With a determined huff she decided what had to be done. She had a very important avenue of research to explore now, and it would require a lot of preparation.

	Jack was contentedly enjoying his time beside the woman when her humming stopped. She stood up abruptly before taking his hand just as quickly with a determined look. “It has been decided, the next phase of research will be tomorrow night in the same office as our previous experiment.” While he was happy to hear that, it looked like she was cutting their little lunch date… er “meeting” short. “Don’t you want to stay a little longer? You haven’t even finished your…” He had to look down at the mess of melted cheese on her plate again to confirm what it was. “…gorgonzola?”

	She sighed before explaining, “The Miller will have to trust that the preparations will be worth the wait… For scientific progress, of course!” He felt more disappointed than he anticipated after she said that. As swimmingly as they were getting along together recently, he was reminded maybe this really was all for research. He might have just been projecting his feelings on her alien behavior. Lucetta sympathized as his face fell, but a growing pressure in her gut gave her an idea to cheer him up.

	While she still held his hand, she motioned it to her shapely rear. Before he could react she pushed out a deafening blast of out-of-this-world gasses into his palm. Even if it was short, the sheer force she managed to pump her diabolical methane out with rippled her thinly covered cheeks beneath his fingers. She made sure to let out a deep guttural grunt of satisfaction before letting his hand go. “Ah, apologies for the… accidental release.” He pulled his heat soaked hand back with disbelief. “It’s uh, no problem.” She made her escape quickly, looking to obtain as much supplies as possible to set her plans in motion. This left the stunned human to lean back in private, and look around for witnesses before putting the fuming hand over his face. She certainly left him something to remember her by.

. . .

	Time flew by for both of them after their meeting. It was already the next day, with the sun setting on the horizon. Jack was anxiously watching outside a window running the faint minutia of what to expect tonight over in his head. Should he wait for someone to tell him when to visit her like last time? Or was she expecting him to just show up? He knew where this was happening anyway, however he didn’t know exactly when. Maybe he’d ruin things by showing up too early? Then without an experiment going on she’d stop seeing him on the rooftop every day… She did like him though, right? They were friends, they talked all the time… Were they less than that though? More than that?

	His erratic train of thought was derailed by a fellow ragtag looking rebel rounding the corner. “Ah, Jack Miller. Finally found you. One of the scientists said you were supposed to get this.” Snapping back to reality he broke his absentminded gaze outside to take the manila folder. The guy who brought it joked, “Well, I hope you survive whatever experiments they put you through…” Jack laughed, but for the wrong reason. He had every suspicion whatever she was going to put him through would be quite the opposite. While the man left, Jack realized the folder was unusually light. Inside was a single torn piece of notebook paper that only read in exquisite flowing handwriting, “It’s time.”

	If the place wasn’t so empty, people would have mistaken Jack’s sprinting as sign of a Combine attack, but instead he was just fixated on not wanting to be late. Approaching her door however, he slowed down, and caught his breath. “It’s just for science… no need to overdo it.” However, the thumping of his heart disagreed. Something about getting her handwritten note like that was reminiscent of getting a love note back in school. Of course they were adults, and she was an alien… but the thought of repeating their last experiment was enough to get his hopes up.

	Before he entered through the frosted glass door, he noted some unusual noises. A lot of guttural grumbling and labored breathing. He reached the consensus this was all the more reason to enter in a fraction of a second. Opening the door, he was first met with the sight of Lucetta, hunched in her chair nursing a bloated stomach visibly pushing against her loose lab coat. Hearing his entrance, she stifled a belch before greeting him, “Ooh… The Miller has arrived for the next phase of testing…” The human did his best to contain his excitement, “Yeah, what are we doing?” She arduously rose out of her chair before answering.

	“Once again, the Miller will participate in a sensory test, however he will find some modifications to this one…” Jack leaned forward with interest, watching her lab coat struggle to contain the noisy cauldron of gas bubbling inside of her. “While this experiment will see extensive use of alien compounds, the response I will be testing… will differ.” He had to clear his throat before asking her one of the many questions he’d been stewing over, “Well, can you tell me what uh, samples you decided on? You must have tried a dozen things over all those lunches…” As he attempted to recall the wide list of strange things she ate, any thoughts he had were replaced by what she said next. “All of them.” She gestured to a pile of cans and plates stacked neatly in the corner, all devoid of whatever contents they used to have.

	Lucetta grinned, “The Miller must understand containment has been difficult on such an exponentially growing sample, yes?” He could only nod enthusiastically. “Then the explanation will be swift. I shall provide various stimulus, and the Miller will report changes in arousal.” Her last word was spoken so formally he had to do a double take. “What uh, what kind of a-arousal are we talking about?” Shit, she must be on to him. If he was lucky though this was one of those words that meant something different to the scientists. She restrained a wide grin from his reaction, “Mating, relating to reproduction… sexuaaallllll.” She made sure to stretch the last word while watching him closely with all her eyes.

	He blurted out in disbelief, “Well, that sure sounds like a, uh, unusual experiment.” Most of her pretense was gone by now, but the alien teasingly retained her professional demeanor. “Yes, very unusual, all the more reason only the Miller could perform it…” It was difficult to tell, but Jack was fairly certain she winked a single red eye at him. His mind raced with the implications of what she was saying while he took a seat in front of her desk. Were those thoughts in the back of his head true? Did this mean as much to her as it did to him?

	His attention was immediately stolen when the curvy women leaned against her desk, bending low to raise her backside high in the air. A familiar pose from last time. At her deep angle her single article of clothing was pulled back slowly by gravity, bearing most of her bouncing globes to the world. He had to restrain himself from immediately making contact with that ass as she explained through the gritted concentration required to keep the brewing storm inside of her. “Respond if the following impacts the Miller’s arousal positively or negatively.” She pushed her heavy midsection into the corner of the desk, only aiding in the evacuation of more fermenting fumes down her body.

	With a grunt of effort, her ticking timebomb of flatus detonated a foot from his face. The sheer force she sprayed out her gas with fluttered what little of her coat hung over her quivering cheeks, and made the distance to Jack’s face with little difficulty. In seconds the fierce gale of horrendously warm winds drowned in him in their vile scent. An un-nameable mixture of condensed corrupted stench ruffled his hair and pushed itself into his willing nosed. The best he could compare the overwhelming emission to was breathing directly out of a rotting zombie, only this had hints of bitterly sweet tangs he could only attribute to the more sugary items she had ingested.

	After roaring out for nearly eight seconds, she strained herself to cut the release off early. She fully intended to savor the volatile blend pleading for escape from her intestines.  Waiting a moment in the abrupt silence, well, save for a deep inhale from Jack, she spoke as calmly as she could. “Does this impact the Miller’s human arousal?” Similarly the man had to restrain himself from giving as enthusiastic of an answer as he wanted. “Yes, positive…definitely.” She chittered out a hum of curiosity, “Interesting…” This was going exactly as she had hoped. She shifted into a different position, intentionally making a show of slowly moving her bountiful behind.

	Now seated on to top of the desk facing him, she focused her half lidded eyes directly on him. Her human guest remained captivated as she cupped a breast with each hand through her coat, using her third arm to beckon towards him. Jack could only think of one thing to make the sight in front of him better, and she applied it without a word. Leaning forwards, she grunted before assaulting the desk with her horrendous fumes. Her gas angrily reverberated against the hardwood, amplifying the noise to be even louder as she slyly grinned at his entranced face. She forcibly ended the rough blast of alien methane after giving it a couple more seconds than the last one. Once it finished she made sure to lean in close enough Jack could feel her breathy sigh of relief against his neck.

	“Now… Does the Miller fin-” She was cut off however, as his lips silenced her. It was a risky move, but he couldn’t handle the way she teased him anymore, be it accidental or intentional. Without thinking he bridged the tiny gap between them and kissed her. Now, vortigaunt and human mouths weren’t made with compatibility in mind, but with reckless passion he made it work. Lucetta could only gasp in surprise, kissing wasn’t exactly an easy subject to find research documents on, but she did her best to reciprocate as she learned in the moment. Each savoring the exotic flavors of the other. After holding his mouth to hers for a torturously long time, Jack pulled back breathing deeply. He watched intently for a reaction as she panted out, “A… positi-…positive feeling… I assume?”

	While he nodded, she straightened out her coat as if there was any point anymore. She hopped off the desk, only to sit right back down. On him. He could feel her steaming hot buns envelop his crotch even through his pants. Her fetid vapors carried so much heat, just the steaming remnants were enough to excruciatingly stimulate him. He might have made the first move, but Lucetta refused to be outdone tonight, during her own experiment. Leaning her back against him to make sure he was pressed into the chair, she turned her head to whisper softly. “The Miller will receive a more direct sample now…”

	She grinded her glutes into him before spreading her meaty cheeks over his crotch. The growing beast of pressure inside of her growled for release, producing a sickening noise from within her stomach, before exploding into him. Her gaseous detonation would have been egregiously loud, but the human underneath her served as enough insulation to give her fart the sound of a low rumbling purr. Both parties groaned in pleasure, one from temporarily silencing the agonizing pressure inside her, and the other from a heated geyser soaking through his pants. Her rippling booty only served to continue his sensory overload.

	She had to grunt with effort to stop this one, it was getting harder every time to keep her “samples” under control. Jack let the pestilent funk radiate through him, opening his pores from the soaring heat and humidity clouding him, he basked in the scent. He couldn’t imagine anything producing a smell so foul, let alone the gorgeous creature straddling him. She prepared to ask her same question, but she was interrupted once again. This time however, by a stiff prod against her ass. Jack’s pants struggled to contain his primal excitement as she moaned in surprise. Her research seemed to have undersold the human’s size down there…

	Without thinking, Jack groped her overworked midsection, prompting a groan of pleasure from the woman. While she pushed herself down harder on his rapidly rising member, he kneaded every inch of her churning gut. Underneath his relentless massage, her façade crumble in a series of soft moans as well as short forceful poots that escaped her. One, two, three, four, five… Jack counted on and on as each second or two ripper crashed into him. By the eighth one he was having trouble counting anymore, simply too preoccupied inhaling her endless supply of gifts that wafted up to him.

	While he reveled in the wretchedness being squeezed out of her, she lifted herself against his grip with a squelch from her humid ass. Just enough to throw off her lab coat, now fully nude in front of him. Even if he was dazed, the human lifted a hand from her hyperactive stomach and yanked his pants down. She twisted around in his arms to face him, and leaned down to inspect his rigid shaft like an exciting new discovery. Cooing in delight she remarked, “Perhaps the Miller will appreciate a ‘kiss’ down here as well…” Without giving him time to respond, she motioned her lips over his erection with a lewd wet noise.

	He could only moan in pleasure as he felt her alien appendage swirl around the tip before descending lower in torturously slow strokes. Determined to solidify her hold on the situation, she let loose another gale of unrestrained wind, blowing a couple papers off her desk and rattling her coffee mugs. Jack could only grind his teeth in resistance to keep from unloading down her throat right then and there. Reveling in his reactions, she withdrew herself slowly, leaving a visible trail of saliva. He had to resist the urge to buck his hips into the air from the hot, moist sensation of her mouth withdrawing with a pop.

	Satisfied with that little bit of impromptu research, she wiped her mouth before twirling her bloated form around. Leaning heavily against the desk once again, she bounced her hips seductively. “I am ready to receive proof of the Miller’s arousal…” She interrupted herself by easing out another baritone blast, one that would prove difficult for her to halt. Jack took full advantage of the opportunity, and repeated their first experiment by inhaling her ever worsening odor straight from the tap. The concoction she was pumping out tonight was far richer however, and even he found difficulty absorbing it all.

	Lost in the returning joy of having someone delight so deeply in her worst byproduct, she unconsciously helped him savor her exhaust. By jutting out her legs to further bury him insider her quaking ass, she also clenched her cheeks around his head. This served to form a crude seal, making sure the vast majority of her seeping aroma traveled straight into his sinuses. The tone of her release simultaneously got wetter and more bombastic as the seconds ticked by. The sheer amount pushing into him was overwhelming as his lungs sought to reject the heated surge being injected into him, yet he continued to breathe deeply, intent on taking as much as he could.

	After far more seconds than either was in any condition to count, she managed to cut off the horrendous stream with the last of her willpower. Giving the mesmerized man only a moment to recover, she cleared her throat. “The Miller will find I require a different ‘sample’ from him as proof.” Releasing him from her posterior gas chamber, he was greeted with the sight of her spreading her steamy crack wide. Though, his attention was caught by the other hole beneath it. Evidently she was enjoying herself more than she cared to let on. She was completely drenched, leaking a translucent mess over the edge of the desk.

	Rather than feeling overcome by such a rapid series of events, he relished it. Jack was determined to pass whatever test she presented him with flying colors after the experience she’d given him. Looking forwards into the wall in front of them, she let out an eep of shock when Jack rather enthusiastically slammed right into her. She let out a ghastly wail of shock. Her people were not accustomed to such vigorous intimacy. Something she would heavily consider learning more about with this extremely motivated man. Fortunately for both of them, she had chosen this very room for soundproofing her rather noisy other end. Otherwise someone would definitely be running to help the “impaled” woman.

	Pleasure washed over Lucetta as she felt him push inside her, deeper and deeper. As she felt her already overloaded body filled further, her intestines figured out how to free up more space. An unapologetically loud fart absolutely tore through her, gushing out of her with a newfound ferocity as she lost the will to hold anything back. Serenaded by her erupting rear, he worked himself as far as he could go. Her reaction was eclipsed by the deafening gas pouring out of her, but the arch of her back in pleasure told enough of the story. He was just getting started.

	As he pulled out only to thrust back into her again, Lucetta’s impassioned moan heralded an even greater ferocity for her malodorous winds to escape with. As he repeated his thrusting it was as if he was directly pumping more out of her, and that provided all the more incentive for him to pick up the pace. Crude wet slapping and the thumping of the desk beneath them was difficult to make out through the now thundering bomb of alien flatulence. The tone constantly changed, both becoming more muffled at the apex of his thrust and his pelvis lewdly smacked her cheeks, and as each new stroke increased the pace she was violently deflating with. Lucetta, now long gone in overwhelming bliss, could practically feel herself lower as her stomach gradually lost volume.

	She continued to moan louder and louder against the cacophony her other end was creating until she came, hard. Her alien passaged clenched tightly around his member, more than any human woman could, milking him for everything he was worth as she screamed into the heavily tainted atmosphere of the small office. Jack was pushed to the edge by her reaction, unloading every ounce of hot rope he could inside of her. Even as her cries of delight turned to soft whimpers of pleasure and her head went limp against the desk, her asshole kept unrelentingly spraying its concoction of fermented fumes into the air. He also felt his legs go weak as the afterglow spread throughout his body, and he laid against her back. The resulting closeness allowing her fountain of heated fumes to push against him point blank and funnel out against his sweat soaked skin.

	With both of them panting for more of the horrendously corrupted air that circulated around the room, she eventually felt her diabolical release lower into an angry hiss, then a whisper, then… silence. Both the lovers were in a sweaty heap against the furniture, rocked by what had happened. Too many new sensations had occurred at such a rapid fire pace that words failed to describe the feeling. However, being a women of science, Lucetta made an attempt. “…after a moment’s rest and…” she was interrupted a heavy watery gurgle from her stomach. “...and some time for new samples to form, can the Miller be persuaded to… repeat these tests?”

	He responded by rubbing the length of her body sluggishly, “…as many times as you need.” Lucetta blushed as she felt the human soothe her still resentful stomach. She really had gone overboard on the human food. Plus she still had to write a research paper excusing the massive amount she ingested, but she could handle that when it came. Right now, she was more interested in making a certain someone cum instead.

	Any pretense of research had amazingly evaporated for Jack, leaving the dream relationship he had yearned for the entire time. However he would still need to take a breather before jackhammering her so hard the desk would slide. Right now however, his thoughts were preoccupied by something else. Her softly trembling body underneath her. As far as he was concerned, she was an absolute treasure, he never wanted to be separated from this woman, it barely mattered she was a different species.

. . .

	It was months after that fateful phase of testing had ended, and Jack had to lie through his teeth that escaped headcrabs dying in the vents were responsible for the nearly visible steamy air that eventually leaked into more habituated areas. Of course that was the last thing on their minds then, because they had repeated that same “experiment” countless times by now, although for the sake of Lucetta’s poor stomach, not to such an overwhelming degree. They had been regularly spending lunches together at the roof top, and now every other meal of the day. Frankly people were starting to catch on at this point there must be a reason it was increasingly rare to see the two apart.

Even then, it surprised everyone when Jack got down on one knee for that day’s particular lunch date.

Of course Lucetta was surprised more than anyone, not fully understanding the implications, but she was eager to learn more. This would be a lifelong study after all.