HARDSCRABBLE'S WILD RIDE

"It has come to my attention, that you are standing out in class, and not in a favourable way. No, it isn't because you are human, it is about your attire. Look around you, and tell me what you don't see on them, that is on you. No, I don't mean your nose, I'm sure we could find a nose or two if we look around. Well? I don't care what your traditions are back home, here we follow a dress code. Here, we do not wear pants. If you don't remove them, I will remove them for you. Don't test me. Well? Well? Very well then, you leave me no choice. What is this? Smaller pants beneath your pants? Is this some kind of human obsession? These will have to go as well."

"... I see. You were concealingly some kind of appendage. I dare say, I doubt you'll scare anyone with that. What is it exactly? It doesn't seem to be a tentacle, yet it's soft and pliable. Or perhaps not, it has become something like a horn. Can it grow any further? I see, the act of stroking it thus, hardens it. It seems to have reached a point where it does not go any further. No matter how I persist, it remains largely the same. Oh. Wait. There. You've sprung a leak. I would have thought there would be more inside. What little was in there, is just oozing out. Is it supposed to react this way? This does taste rather funny, I'll have to have you in my office more often. I still stand by my statement however, this is unlikely to be useful in a scare. With enough hard work, I'm sure we can find your place here at Monster University."

"Oh, you're here? Well, straight to the matter. I have called you to my office today, to apologize. After consulting with some of the more mammalian sisters of the pee en kay sorority, I have been informed that the appendage I drew attention to was your gamete proboscis. I apologize, because it was not proper for me to be critical of it, both verbally, and um physically. I do hope you do not think that we monsters are likely to behave in such an indelicate way, it is simply a difference in anatomy that perhaps led to my confusion. You see, monster genitalia is not so easy to find, or rather is less predominant or grandiose. It is on that matter that it may be fair to warn you that there are whispers from pee en kay about a late night group study. I know this does not excuse my prior behaviour, but I hope it puts monster and human relations in a better light. You look confused, um perhaps more explanation? No, perhaps not, I don't believe I could explain properly. Would it be improper to show you? I will draw the curtains. There. If you will indulge for the sake of demonstration, please take a seat, or rather a lean back against the fainting couch over here. Yes, like that. Now if I were to position myself thus..."

"...and there. It is a rather tight fit, but I think we have made a valid go of it. Now you see that we are not so different, so I will simply disembark and... Wait. Don't move. Oh dear, I've stepped in it now. I was reckless to attempt a human mating. No use trying, you are quite stuck. I'm afraid my particular monster linage has equipped my anatomy with a tendency to latch on until completion. How long is hard to say. The lubricating fluid will keep you quite engorged until I am able to relax my grip. Suffice to say, it depends quite a bit on what we do going forward. If we attempt further stimulation, we may be able to tire the muscles in a few as three hours. Otherwise, we are essentially here until daybreak. Yes, I suppose motion is the most logical approach. I was not anticipating this, or I would have taken further precautions. It may provide you solace in that I do feel rather safe in assuming our gametes are not compatible."

"Good morning. Are you doing well? Very good then. Have a seat, there is something we need to discuss. Just a moment, I need to check for something. Please lift your shirt for a moment. There it is. I was afraid this would happen. I'm sure you remember last week, when you were in my office and we interacted? If you will feel this place on your abdomen with your hand. Feel that? I'm afraid you are holding my egg. i realize this is unusual for a mammalian male, but even though as a female I produced the egg, part of the act of copulation was that it was quite deeply embedded in your anatomy. I had assumed that our DNA would be so incompatible that it would remain unfertilized and be discharged, but it seems I was mistaken. No need to panic, even arthropod type monsters produce only a single offspring per mating typically. You should only have to carry it for the standard 18 months, and then it will be ready to remove itself. Quite painless I have been told.

"Come in. Oh, this is an unexpected visit. I see, the gestation has progressed quite far. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought you had swallowed a basketball. Your, um, human horn also appears quite engorged. It's natural to experience sudden intense longings for physical affection, but I'm afraid i cannot placate them for you. Perhaps I am being old fashioned too late, but I cannot simply indulge when we have not made an official commitment. No, I cannot accept such a thing from you right now, when I know you are being influenced by the hormonal changes. I suggest you find some release at the pee en kay dorm, and then if you are sill interested in a mutual acquaintanceship, we can discuss it then."

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"Hey it's that human. Pull over."
"Hiyeee."
"Shut up"
"No, you shut up"
"Shut up"
"Tee hee"
"The other girls and I were talking, and you know, scaring finals are coming up, so we thought it might be nice to invite you over. You know, for scaring practice. Just us and you, sneaking up on each other in the dark."
"So, wanna come?"
"Jump in!"
"Yay!"

"Rawr!"
"He he, isn't this fun."
"Now your turn."
"Don't scare us too hard."
"Yeah, be gentle."
"Or don't."
"Tee hee"
"Okay okay, have mercy on us."
"You're better at this that we thought a human would be."
"Hey, did any of you see when the lights flickered?"
"I think I saw it too."
"I have to try something on the human."
"Getting a little person with him, arent you?"
"We promised a good time, right? Anyhow, look at the lights."
"There it did it again."
"Again, there, when I touched it."
"Wow, you could probably run a door off that."
"Is is fear or something else?"
"Maybe we can scare him more if we all join in."
"Yeah, maybe we can get the light to run from this alone."
"Places ladies. You suck the left gonad, you the right. Who volenteers to mount him?"
"Fine, I'll take the first ride, but the rest of you have to help."
"Think, you know, the back door does anything?"
"Try it and find out."
"Everyone together, find something to stimulate."
"Maybe we'll find a new powersource."
"Tee hee"

"Alright labies, huddle."
"Can't, I'm on duty over here."
"You keep harvesting, we'll fill you in later."
"What's up?"
"In the past months, what have learned?"
"Clearly the energy isn't fear or screams. It seems to be something else entirely?"
"Details?"
"We don't seem to get any power from the climax, just from the moment before."
"How can we use that?"
"We've learned how to keep him at that point for a long period, so we can tap for power continuously."
"Is the yield good?"
"Yesterday we averaged 15 tanks filled an hour."
"That's not shabby. Can we improve it?"
"We believe we can, but we need more research with the human."
"Very well. Have we learned anything else?"
"Well, we've learned our sweaters don't stretch well enough to hide a pregnancy."
"You can say that again. Don't waver now, we are working to save the world as we know it."
"Agreed!"
"I'm in!"
"Tee hee!"
"I think my water broke."