Rapture Noir: Amour

I was on High Street trying to clear my head when I first heard the song being played from Robertson's tobaccoria. The lyrics were scandalous, the subject painfully familiar. Booker, Paris, maybe it was simply the product of my fertile imagination. Either way, I needed to hear more.

♪You don't have to parlez-vous
 to understand the story I'm tellin' you
It was a mademoiselle in gay Paris
for years and years she hadn't said 'oui oui'
when she met a handsome stevedore
she thought "what in the world I'm saving it for?♪

I approached the stand. "Sir?"

The man at the counter looked up and smiled widely. "Hey there, little lady. What can I do for you?"

"That song, what is it?" I inquired, pointing to the record player.

The man chuckled and leaned in on the counter. "Tonight For Sure, by Ruth Wallis. I just got the record yesterday." I lingered at the counter, enraptured. As the song ended the man cleared his throat and spoke up again. "If you want to hear more I'm closing up shop soon. Perhaps you can come back to my place and have a listen?"

Caught off-guard I replied clumsily. "I-um, I'll pass. Thank you for your time."

I didn't wait to hear his reply. Instead I headed straight for the one record store that I knew had to have it. Silas Cobb, a regular at the Kashmir ran a store called Rapture Records. Cobb was closing up shop just as I arrived.

"Hey Silas, I know you're closing, but I was wondering if you could help me. I want to buy a record."

"Sure thing, Liz. It's never too late for a sale. What are ya lookin' for?"

"Would you happen to have a single of 'Tonight For Sure' by Ruth Wallis?" I inquired, hesitating at first.

"Yeah, I should have one in the back. It sure is somethin', ain't it?" He asked as he disappeared into the back room.

"It sure is." I said, trying not to sound like I was gushing.

Cobb returned from the back, holding the record. "Hey, so this is going to come to $1.98. Surface stuff always costs a little extra, ya know?"

"$1.98 is fine. I need it." Not want, need. There, I said it.

"Here you go. I hope you have a good night. Maybe I'll see you around the Kashmir sometime?"

Blushing slightly, I took the record. "Thank you so much." I replied over my shoulder as I hurried out the door.

I ran home with my new prize held closely to my chest, scolding myself even as I continued to run. I was acting like a naughty child trying not to be caught with something they shouldn't have.

I drew the blinds and lock the door behind me. Jittery with excitement I brought out my old record player from underneath the couch and set it on the coffee table. I bit my lip in anticipation I turn on the machine. Maybe I'd give myself a little amour de jour? I giggled at the thought.

Throwing myself onto the bed I bury my face in my pillow as the song washes over me. Sighing deeply, I imagine Booker. Feel his phantasmal embrace as he draws me closer. The illusion of his stubble tickling me as we kiss. I want it to be real, I need it to be real. The only relief comes by my own hand. But with relief comes regret.

Turning, I face the ceiling of my apartment, my breathing heavy and uneven. Booker was right, it was wrong. I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't feel the way I feel about him. Booker Was my-what? Father? How could I ever think of him as my father?

He came into my life as a dashing rogue saving me from my prison. He was a thug, a violent man who frightened me. He was my friend, my protector. When the time came I protected him, when the time came I killed him. He was many things to me, but he was never my father. An entire lifetime of him not being there, and I'm just supposed to accept the idea that I should feel like his daughter? It was a joke, a cosmic farce that God would make the one man I ever really loved be the one man I never could love.

The fires of passion shot through me, burning my body and soul. I strike my pillow in anger as the record plays on. This was a mistake.

♪I want a little amour de jour
baby its gotta be tonight for sure
we'll be wed, you'll share my bread
and mine will be thine
and thine will be mine
all of the time♪