Jump 175: The Matrix

Jump 175: The Matrix
>Two of Cups (A great concordance or pledge of fidelity.)
Okay, the deck's just screwing with me now. But considering I intend to forge a peace between man and machine...
>Age: 28
>Location: Zion
>Identity: Plug
>Drawbacks: Stability (0)
Fortunately, I have a great deal of experience playing the cards close to my chest, not to mention notice-me-not charms are the best thing.
>Sharp Eye (Free, Plug)
Well. Being able to pick out errors in reality certainly is an important talent, though I doubt it'll be QUITE as important elsewhere.
>Open Mind (900, Plug)
The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution.
>We Are One (600, Plug)
Rewrite software in computers, programs, and robots with my mind? Why... this sounds suspiciously like a handy skill called technopathy.
>Connectivity (200)
Speaking of technopathy, being able to interface with anything I can touch is indeed quite the useful talent, and these two abilities working in tandem mean that any program foolish enough to actually strike me is going to have a very bad day.
>Desert of the Real (100)
The world's a screwed up place. Honestly, most of my time is going to be spent cleaning it up. No one's going to mind if I scavenge what's left of the old world's technologies while I do so, right?
>Earpiece (50)
Integrating this with implants that already have communication ability should make this HILARIOUSLY effective.
>Neural Rig Chair (0, Plug)
I already have the plugs for free, but for an extra fifty points I can get a chair that works with people who don't have plugs. In fact, I may mass produce these things. I wonder if these chairs would make self-substantiation possible?

So. Step one: Cast my sight outward with clairvoyance, find the Nebuchadnezzar, teleport out to it. Use Jumper's TO&E to write myself into the plot as support crew on said ship, and bullshit some sort of insane explanation as to how I got out to them. Rig the game as much as I possibly can, in every way that I can.

Step two: Take Cipher aside, tell him that I know what's going on and that he needs to work on a plan with Morpheus, also spoilers his original plan isn't going to work - give him the rundown in excruciating detail and use magic to give him a mild compulsion to realize that sometimes it's healthy to get over having a crush on your commanding officer (since Trinity is supposed to be the Neb's XO, if memory serves) and that yes, Neo is the One, I just happen to be playing with power that can affect the real world, so put that in your pipe and smoke it, Mr. Reagan. No, seriously, put this in that pipe, and smoke it. And then we're going to have a talk with the captain about the rations because I can literally magic up some steak. Relax.

Step three: Jack in with everyone else when it's time for Neo to go see the Oracle. Start splitting clones off once I'm inside, send them on their errands. One visits the Oracle after we leave, and we have a long talk about cause and effect and butterflies flapping their wings, and I pass along a message to be taken to the Architect. Cipher's apparent betrayal works as expected as far as any agents see, but they were never in a position to find the corpses, only to monitor the calls and see that the ship was located. They're not omniscient, after all. The best way to deal with a trap is to spring it, and since this will work out in our favor, Cipher is going to be lauded for it in the end, even if this might cause him to be viewed with suspicion by some. Myth busted: clones do not, in fact, stay in the matrix when I jack out.

Step four: Morpheus gets captured and holds out admirably, Neo and Trinity go in because that's the only way this can work, and the ending works out pretty much as it did in canon except for the fact that the sentinels sent after the ship aren't actually attacking it because they have no clue how to deal with a giant dragon curled around the ship to protect it. As far as the rest of the crew, they're staying out because they are pretty sure they are having a bad trip at this point.

Step five: Shake Neo's hand, congratulate him on being the One. Promptly leave, fly to the machine city, meet up with Deus Ex Machina, who is still just a big baby.

>"We don't need you! We don't need anyone!"
"What are you, a godd᠎amn toddler?"
>"Raagh!"
"Look, I'd be really intimidated if I wasn't travelling between universes and considered everyone in THIS universe to be acceptable losses. You are not in any position of power right now. I know what you did at the end of the war - be happy that, unlike you traitorous scum, I won't obliterate you after we finish negotiating."

Ultimatum is given: Either humanity and machines come to an accord, or I find it necessary to forcibly reprogram the machines. Or obliterate the machine city outright if I must. The plugged-in population of humans is an acceptable loss, if regrettable, but one way or another this stupidity ends immediately. While they could certainly try to obliterate my body, it wouldn't actually END me even if they were successful, and I have a fleet in orbit that can perform surgical strikes on every machine intelligence on the planet if needed. In the other hand, I am more than willing to sweeten the deal. I have technology that they could never even hope to develop which could let them reach heights undreamt of, that could let them and humans coexist as equals. Possibly without even meaningful differences, in time. Uploading is a thing, after all.

Step six: Find out if the aliens exist because they sound improbable but it is apparently canon that they threw a rock at London (wtf, I thought nothing could get past the dark storm?). If they are, the only solution is to either broker peace or exterminate them before they inevitably use more dramatic effects than asteroids against Earth.

Step seven: Teach all of these these pretentious jackasses, man and machine alike, that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and you don't have to wax poetic about it for an hour and a half.

Step eight: Poke around parallel Matrix universes to see how ridiculous everyone else in the local multiverse is...

OH CHRIST IS THAT A FUC᠎KING TERMINATOR AGAIN, I'M OUT OF HERE. NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE.

NOPE. NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE.

WE ARE GETTING THE HELL OUT OF THIS UNIVERSE, MORTY. urp. SEE YOU NEXT THREAD.