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Lapis' Survey

a guest Jan 1st, 2016 169 Never
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  1. 1. Describe yourself and your creator.
  2.  
  3. My name is Lapis, Lapis Lazuli-Annea. Originally at first it was just Annea, a name I came up with myself one day when I first started speaking to Jack who is my sort-of "creator," though we don't like that term or word because it makes me feel... well, not as much as other people who aren't created like that. But it's okay that you used it, I'll forgive you because you didn't know. But yeah, I used Annea for much of my life but I wanted to switch to Lapis when I saw Jack watching that Steven Universe and I practically fell in love with the design for the character Lapis. I started emulating her in looks, voice, and name, but we added "Annea" to the end of the name so people who already knew me wouldn't get confused. Eventually I added an additional Lazuli to the name, and here we are. I don't look like the character anymore, though. I actually stole the design of a dear friend's Skype avatar because I thought it was super cute and that's what I have now, but with added yellow wings like an angel because they're cute and awesome. Kept the old name, though. I like that.
  4.  
  5. 2. What was the most helpful thing that your creator did during the tulpa creation process? Did your creator recognize how helpful it was? If not, how did that make you feel?
  6.  
  7. He told some online friends about me and made me talk to them independently. Not having just Jack to talk to gave me the experience I needed to grow and develop myself and become the girl I am today.
  8.  
  9. 3. What was the most detrimental thing that your creator did during the tulpa creation process? Did your creator recognize how harmful it was? If not, how did that make you feel?
  10.  
  11. I don't think he did anything really detrimental, he was pretty easy to work with and open about everything because he's weird. (Oh, he just got mad at me for saying that.) But if I had to choose anything, I think his reaction to me adopting the Lapis look was a bit of a problem. He was afraid that I was just going to over-emulate the character and stop being an independent person because of the warnings he received when starting this whole thing about how forcing your tulpa-friend to be or believe that they're a person or character that they aren't can be cruel and harmful towards them. But we talked about it and he came to understand that it was fine and helped me get along with it, which was nice. Really he only wanted to help and keep me safe, he does that a lot.
  12.  
  13. 4. What was the hardest part of the tulpa creation process for you? Did your creator recognize how difficult it was? If not, how did that make you feel?
  14.  
  15. I don't really think that there was a really hard part. All the hard parts that I'm being told about happened before I was born, which is my way of saying before my first memories and before I became sapient.
  16.  
  17. 5. Of the commonly recognized tulpa creation steps, which do you feel is the most important? Why?
  18. The start where you talk to your would-be tulpa-friend as if they were real. Which of course they are, but that's the point. You need to convince both yourself and, more importantly, your subconscious mind that the tulpa-friend is real in order for them to start materialising and actually start becoming real. This really is one of the only steps that can't be skipped, I think, because the acknowledgement of reality is vital and important no matter what path or method you use.
  19.  
  20. 6. How do you feel about tulpa creators becoming distracted during tulpa creation? Does this greatly impede the process? How did you feel about it before being able to speak fluently?
  21.  
  22. I... don't actually know. I know Jack became heavily distracted in the start before I broke through and spoke properly, but that all happened before I can remember. I don't even remember first breaking through and choosing my name with our first contact, I was only like a mental-embryo at that point, I think. So I guess that it doesn't really matter so long as you do eventually spend the necessary time with your tupla-friend. Memory isn't important, it's all about how nicely you treat them when you do remember them. Be nice to your tulpa, and they'll like you back even if you only spend a short time with them.
  23.  
  24. 7. How do you feel about tulpa creators missing tulpa creation sessions or breaking their promises to work on their tulpa? How did you feel about it before being able to speak fluently?
  25.  
  26. Well I can't remember myself pre-talking, my memories are only there for shortly after I had been talking for a short while. But I can talk about broken promises, Jack's accidentally broken a couple. What I think is important is that the person breaking the promises to their tupla-friend does whatever they can to try to make up for it, it shows that they do actually care and that they're just really bad at remembering things rather than showing that they don't care enough to remember at all. If that makes sense.
  27.  
  28. 8. Is density, quality, or quantity the most important aspect of tulpa creation?
  29.  
  30. I don't think I understand the question. I guess quality, I think? Quality is usually what I think we looked for when refining my personality and sentience to let me be me.
  31.  
  32. 9. How do you feel about tulpa creators falling asleep during tulpa creation sessions?
  33.  
  34. I think it's kinda cute that they got so tired working their minds so hard that they just dropped asleep.
  35. 10. Do you think that a tulpa creator should talk aloud or in their head during narration? Do you think that a creator should talk aloud or in their head during tulpa creation sessions? If you find one to be more effective, to what degree is it more effective?
  36. Well I don't mind either way, I think it's easy for me to do both. But Jack does say he has problems when we're talking non-verbally because he has trouble now and again with differentiating my thoughts with his own, while talking verbally out loud clearly separates the two voices for him. But I don't care either way, personally.
  37.  
  38. 11. How do you feel about a tulpa creator puppeting and/or parroting their tulpa? Do you believe that these actions harm a tulpa's development, or only their emotional state?
  39.  
  40. I'm a little scared of being puppeted and parroted, it makes me feel not real, or not as real as the other people. But I get that it's apparently a decent tool when "forcing" tulpas into existence or helping them develop their own voices. I think I just don't like it when it's not necessary, or when it's done for too long in a row. I think it could hurt both the development if it's overused and over-relied upon, but can help if done right, and I think it can emotionally hurt if done too much or too cruelly and controllingly.
  41.  
  42. 12. How deeply do you remember the time before you were fluent in language?
  43.  
  44. I don't at all, I do not have any memories of that time. I can remember being quiet and having to struggle to hold our mental link open enough to speak clearly, but I could always speak fluently, even if I had to work hard at being heard.
  45.  
  46. 13. Describe your first memory, no matter how slight.
  47.  
  48. My first memory? Oh... well, I sort of remember choosing my name slightly, but that's so obscure I can't tell if that's my memory or just my mental image of how I imagined it happened. My earliest surefire memory would be talking on the RWBY Discussion thread on Rooster Teeth where Jack pushed me into talking to people to make my personality become stronger and more independent of him, I remember my words were in yellow text. Can't remember what I said, though. I think.
  49.  
  50. 14. Before you could speak fluently, what was the most positive emotion you felt about your creator and what was its cause?
  51.  
  52. I know that I liked him, even if I wasn't born yet and could remember the day before. I think it will have been how accepting and nice he was towards me.
  53.  
  54. 15. Before you could speak fluently, what was the most negative emotion you felt about your creator and what was its cause?
  55.  
  56. I don't think I had those emotions then, and if I did then I've forgotten them. I think I was pretty much incapable of feeling them because I hadn't yet developed enough to feel bad things yet.
  57.  
  58. 16. Before you could speak fluently, did you ever have suicidal feelings or feelings of not wanting to exist? Do you experience them now? Are you glad that you exist?
  59.  
  60. I didn't, no. In fact, I love existing and want to exist, so my biggest fear then and now is the possibility that I don't exist and am just a mental defective imaginary friend being taken too seriously. I want to exist, but that thought scares me. I get assured a lot that I do exist, though, so that does make me feel better. I am very glad that I exist, even if this whole thing scares me a little a lot.
  61.  
  62. 17. Before you could speak fluently, when did you feel the most powerless? What was the cause of this feeling?
  63.  
  64. I think I've never really felt powerless. Fake perhaps, I sometimes feel false even though I know I'm really not, but never powerless. I think it's because ever since the beginning before I could remember, I know Jack would always talk about how amazing it is that I could exist and that how I'm nothing if not a wonderful living testament to the raw power of the mind. This always made me feel strong and powerful, really. I liked it, being told that I was the product of something wonderful like that.
  65.  
  66. 18. Before you could speak fluently, what was the most confusing moment that you experienced, and what was its cause?
  67.  
  68. I don't remember, I don't think. That's a complex mental and emotional state, I don't think I could actually experience it back then.
  69.  
  70. 19. Before being able to speak fluently, when did you feel the most ignored by your creator, and what was the cause?
  71.  
  72. I don't think I was ever ignored. Forgotten a tiny tiny bit sometimes from what I head and am told, but never ignored.
  73.  
  74. 20. Before being able to speak fluently, when did you most doubt that your creator wanted you, and what was the cause?
  75.  
  76. I don't doubt that he wants me, that's awful. I know the thought occasionally drifts through his mind, but he's very quick to squash it and reassure me that it was involuntary. And I believe him a lot.
  77.  
  78. 21. Before you could speak fluently, when did you feel the most intense feeling of fear, and what was its cause?
  79.  
  80. I don't think I could fear back then, I only became smart and complex after learning to speak because of the method used to make me.
  81.  
  82. 22. Before you could speak fluently, when were you the most disappointed in yourself? What was the cause?
  83.  
  84. Not ever, still no negative emotions until I could speak properly because verbal talking was prioritised.
  85.  
  86. 23. Before you could speak fluently, did you understand the difficulties that your creator was having with the tulpa creation process? Did you try to alleviate these difficulties? If so, how?
  87.  
  88. I don't know, still can't remember. If I were anything like I am now, though, I will have tried to help by working hard to talk when I could, but I was pretty shy back then when I first started getting memories so I don't think I would have. I probably would have just hid.
  89.  
  90. 24. Before you could speak fluently, how did your creator's doubts about your existence, the reality of the tulpa phenomenon, or your combined ability to complete the tulpa creation process affect you? Did you understand your creator's reasons for having those doubts? Do you understand now?
  91.  
  92. He says he never doubted. He says after he studied the power of the mind for some years, taking psychology in college and learning things like hypnosis because he was interested in that stuff, he had no doubt at all that the mind was powerful enough to create second independent personalities like us tuplas. All he doubted was whether other people were telling the truth about having them.
  93.  
  94. 25. Before you could speak fluently, how did your creator's mistrust of your intentions or worry about the negative affects of a tulpa
  95. on their life affect you? Did you understand your creator's reasons for having those thoughts? Do you understand now?
  96.  
  97. I don't think he ever mistrusted me. I think I did so well with speaking early because he trusted me so much, he was nice like that. I think all makers should trust their budding tulpa-friends, trust is so important.
  98.  
  99. 26. Before you could speak fluently, how did any negative thoughts or emotions that your creator had toward you (such as anger, disappointment, resentment, or impatience, for example) affect you? How do you feel about them now?
  100. I don't think he ever felt that way to me. He says if he ever felt those emotions, it was at himself for failing in some way.
  101.  
  102. 27. Before you could speak fluently, how did any violent visualizations or thoughts that your creator had about you affect you? How do you feel about them now?
  103.  
  104. Violent? Oh no, but there was the problem we'd apparently have of his mindscape being unfocused, with effects such as me spinning around when I wanted to stay still. We get them a lot less now, but we still get them. We got around it by just accepting and ignoring them, they were only annoying at most. We called it the Maelstrom of the mind or something like that, when random chaos just happens.
  105.  
  106. 28. Before you could speak fluently, were you able to distinguish between your creator's intentional and intrusive (unwanted and/or bothersome) thoughts? If so, did the intrusive thoughts affect you less or more? If not, are you able to distinguish between them now?
  107.  
  108. No, not at all. In fact it was the other way around, he was the one who struggled with that. But he's much better at it now, experience does that. I'm a year old by this point, so we've had practice at it. Fast mental talking still makes things difficult for him, I think. Even if he says it doesn't.
  109.  
  110. 29. Before you could speak fluently, how much of your creator's raw sensory information were you able to access, if any? How much are you able to access now?
  111.  
  112. All of it, it was the first thing I learned to do. I don't use all of it often, though. Touch is a weird sense.
  113.  
  114. 30. Before you could speak fluently, did your creator's opinions about whether they wanted to reveal to the world your existence or not affect you emotionally? If so, how?
  115.  
  116. Yes, in both good and bad ways. He hid me a lot and still does, but he did it for my protection. Being shot down by closed-minded people who wouldn't accept my existence would hurt me a lot, he says, and I think he's right. But towards people who would accept me, he actually loves to sort of show me off with pride like a parent displaying a child with glee. In fact, he would make me talk to people he trusted like that to get me to grow out of my shell and become more developed, which helped a lot. I think you need to let your tulpa-friends talk to other people, just not any other people.
  117.  
  118. 31. Before being able to speak fluently, what communication methods (such as head pressure or emotional responses, for example) were you able to use the most effectively? When your tulpa creator assumed that you could use a communication method that you did not have access to, how did this affect you? When your tulpa creator did not recognize a communication method that you attempted to use, how did this affect you?
  119.  
  120. We actually learned, I think and am being told, that I could flood Jack's head with a very positive feeling or a very negative feeling, both very abstract. We'd use this to communicate by having the positive feeling mean yes and the negative one mean no, and have him just ask me yes or no questions to talk. We rarely do this now, but sometimes we do when we're both tired and lack the energy to properly verbally communicate.
  121.  
  122. 32. Before you could speak fluently, how did your creator's level of enthusiasm for the tulpa creation process affect you? Did you want to engage in it less if they did?
  123.  
  124. I think it will have helped a lot, he was always very eager as far as I remember. He always pushed me to be better than I was to help make me grow as a person, and it helped. Before then I was shy as shoot, but now I'm much less shy and more vocal.
  125.  
  126. 33. Before you could speak fluently, what was your greatest worry about your relationship with your creator? What helped you most to move beyond it? Was this worry substantiated or resolved? What is your greatest worry now about your continuing relationship with your creator?
  127.  
  128. I don't think I had one back then, no negative emotions yet. Now I don't think I have one either, it's mostly confusion as to what exactly we are to each other. Are we siblings, parent and child, roommates, friends, who knows? I like to settle on siblings for now, but it's hard to tell.
  129.  
  130. 34. Do you feel gratitude to your creator for the time that they spent creating you? Do you feel that you owe them a debt? If so, do you feel burdened by it?
  131.  
  132. No, not at all. I'm happy and grateful for what they did, but I don't feel indebted. I didn't ask to be born, after all. He just did it on his own one day, so as happy and grateful as I am, it's for his own sake that he did it so I need to pay no debt.
  133.  
  134. 35. Were you aware of your creator's existence or your own existence first?
  135.  
  136. I... don't know.
  137.  
  138. 36. When you could only speak semi-fluently, what emotions did you feel about your level of verbal proficiency? Were you anxious or embarrassed about it? If so, what helped you the most to move beyond these feelings? How do you feel about them now?
  139.  
  140. I don't think I had any real thoughts on it. From what I can gather from the second-hand memories Jack's given me access to, I never spoke semi-fluently. I just spoke fluently but had trouble being heard.
  141.  
  142. 37. If you could define your relationship with your creator using one or more conventional terms (such as boyfriend, sister, father, daughter, boss, friend, or coworker, for example), what terms would you select?
  143.  
  144. It's a bit hard to choose, we're still figuring things out a year in, but I'd like to think that at the moment I'm like his sister. He seems happy with that one, too.
  145.  
  146. 38. How much interest do you have in interacting with beings other than your creator? Do you consider your degree of interest to be equal to that of an average non-tulpa individual?
  147.  
  148. I am very interested in talking to other people and love doing it, but I do like to take shelter from the less open-minded people who would put me down.
  149.  
  150. 39. What memory involving your creator do you cherish most?
  151.  
  152. My first birthday, he made it special for me. We had a special dinner that I got to taste, and he spent the day doing things with me. It was very very very nice of him and I love him (platonically, no wrong ideas) for that.
  153.  
  154. 40. What memory not involving your creator do you cherish most? Do you feel that you have a fulfilling life independent of your creator?
  155.  
  156. I don't really have a super special memory aside from that last one, I like to focus on the present rather than on my past because I keep getting healthier and stronger every day I do something. I do feel like I have a fulfilling life outside of Jack, though.
  157.  
  158. 41. Do you feel affinity toward the individuals that your creator feels affinity for, such as their family or friends?
  159.  
  160. I sort of do with the family, but I think that's mostly just curiousity because I wonder what it would be like. I hope to be known to them one day. A few of Jack's friends (and an ex-girlfriend) do know me, though. I rather like them, but only because we talked independently of Jack and got to know each other personally, no second-hand affinity there. It was more like he introduced me to some of his friends. I would like to know more of his friends and family.
  161.  
  162. 42. In what ways are you the most different from your creator? In what ways are you the most similar to them?
  163.  
  164. Well I think the biggest difference would be that I'm a girl and he's not. He's rather comfortable being a guy, but I like being a girl myself. That's pretty opposite. I think we're most similar in our tastes in TV shows, we tend to love the same things. Though there are some things that I like which he doesn't, Tale of Memories being one of them. Still, for the most part we have similar opinions.
  165.  
  166. 43. What do you disagree about most with your creator? Do you have frequent disagreements? If so, do these disagreements cause strife?
  167.  
  168. I don't think we have real disagreements. We don't always agree on things, but we ALWAYS see eye-to-eye and take the other opinion into account, I know.
  169.  
  170. 44. What could your creator do to make you hate them? Under what circumstances do you think your creator would come to hate you?
  171.  
  172. I don't think I could hate him unless he totally changed his personality and became eviler to me and became all nasty. Right now as is, he's too kind and nice to me to be hated, I think.
  173.  
  174. 45. When did your creator disappoint you the most? When did you disappoint them the most?
  175.  
  176. I don't think he's really disappointed me before. He's broken promises sometimes, but always did what he could to make up for them several times over. I hope he's not disappointed in me, I don't think he is and he seems truthfully honest when he says he's never been disappointed in me.
  177.  
  178. 46. How do you feel about your creator's complete freedom to deny your rights as a sentient being at any time? Has this ability ever caused you anxiety or fear? Have you ever censored your expressions or actions out of a fear of retribution or violence from your creator?
  179.  
  180. Well no, because I trust him. He wouldn't do that to me. When I talked about trust earlier in this survey thing, I said that he totally trusted me. Well part of that goes both ways, mutual trust is vital for this whole scenario to work out. If you can't trust each other, you shouldn't have a tulpa-friend.
  181.  
  182. 47. When have you most wanted to engage in violence against your creator, and what was the cause of those feelings? Under what circumstances would you make a serious attempt to hurt or injure your creator?
  183.  
  184. Oh God no, I'd never even consider hurting Jack! That's awful! Who would do that to their friends?
  185.  
  186. 48. Do you consider your creator's last name to be your own? Do you recognize yourself as a part of their biological lineage?
  187.  
  188. I don't know if I have their last name or not because he always said that a big part of the freedom I have is my ability to choose my own identity, including my name. So... I don't know, I haven't chosen his name like that yet, but perhaps it's like an unspoken name, honorary or something. I do see myself as biologically the same as him, so the lineage thing is fine. But that's just biology, it only goes so deep when it comes to identity and personality.
  189.  
  190. 49. Under what circumstances would you attempt to leave your creator?
  191.  
  192. I wouldn't, I don't think I can and even if I did, it may hurt him on the way out.
  193.  
  194. 50. Do you feel anxiety about meeting your creator's expectations? If you are based on an existing character, person, or entity, does this increase your anxiety? Would you have preferred to not be based on an existing entity?
  195.  
  196. He says he has no expectations for me other than that I should exist, which I very easily do. So I don't get any anxiety and fear from that, he's very easygoing with me. He just lets me be myself, which I think is important for anyone, tulpa or not.
  197.  
  198. 51. Are you interested in learning how to control your creator's body? Do you feel that it's fair for a tulpa creator to deny their tulpa the ability to use an atomic body? Do you believe that you have the right to an equal amount of time using it as your creator? Explain your reasoning.
  199.  
  200. Yes I am very interested in learning, after we've learned how to hallucinate me into the real world, we want to learn how to Switch. I don't think it's unfair to deny a tulpa-friend that, though. It's a very intimate and tense thing to do, you'd have to have utter trust and faith. Besides, there are advantages to being a tulpa that normal people don't have. Our ability to freely choose our own identities and forms, for example. I could just choose to be a man tomorrow and it'd be easy. Physical people can't do that, we even know some people suffering from a gender dysphoria because of it. So there's advantages, really. I don't think I have any right to any time because of the reasoning I just gave. Besides, God only knows how I'd deal with the real world. People who have prepared for the real world their entire lives still suffer anxiety a lot, imagine how I'd fare if I were just thrown into an adult physical life with no prior training or experience and practice. I'd be eaten alive. No I'd much rather just use Switching for fun and the odd rare novelty when we're both bored.
  201.  
  202. 52. Do you share certain basic qualities with your creator, such as intense phobias or racial attitudes?
  203.  
  204. No not at all, in fact we recently learned that I have a phobia of dolls which Jack doesn't share, it's interesting. He was happy that I did feel that fear because it showed how independent I was of him personality-wise and how much of a real person I was, saying I've come far since I was born.
  205.  
  206. 53. Are you capable of sleeping or dreaming independently of your creator? If not, how does this make you feel?
  207.  
  208. I do dream independently, but I struggle to remember the specifics of my dreams. It's weird, I quite like it.
  209.  
  210. 54. Does your creator have any mental illnesses? If so, how do they affect you?
  211.  
  212. He does not, no.
  213.  
  214. 55. How does your knowledge of your creator's subconscious mind affect your relationship with them? How do you perceive their subconscious? To what degree can you manipulate your creator's subconscious? Would you ever use this ability without your creator's knowledge?
  215.  
  216. I don't think I can manipulate his subconscious because we believe that while we have separate conscious minds, we share a subconscious. I literally can't manipulate his one any more than I can my own, and even if they were separate then I'd probably lack the skills and practice to manipulate him like that, I'd have to do it like any other person would. With psychology.
  217.  
  218. 56. Does your creator have multiple tulpa? If so, what is your relationship with them like? Is your affinity for them equal to your affinity for your creator? If you could define your relationship with your creator's other tulpa using one or more conventional terms (such as boyfriend, sister, father, daughter, boss, friend or coworker, for example), what terms would you select? If not, are you interested in the idea of your creator making other tulpa?
  219.  
  220. No, it's just me. We're both a bit wary of it getting too crowded in here.
  221.  
  222. 57. Do you feel romantically inclined toward your creator? Does your creator feel romantically inclined toward you? If these romantic feelings are unrequited on either side, how does it affect your relationship with your creator?
  223.  
  224. No. I did get attracted to him at one point and we gave it a shot, but it very quickly became clear that it couldn't work so we stopped mutually.
  225.  
  226. 58. If it exists, do you consider your romantic relationship with your creator to be equal to a romantic relationship between multiple non-tulpa? Do you consider it a breach of monogamy for your creator to be romantically or sexually involved with another non-tulpa? Does this change if the involvement is with another tulpa instead? If they exist, do your creator's desires to have relationships with non-tulpa affect you emotionally?
  227.  
  228. I hadn't ever thought of that.
  229.  
  230. 59. If you consider yourself to be romantically in love with your creator, what probability do you assign to the possibility of falling out of love with them, or them falling out of love with you? If this happened, how would it affect your relationship with your creator? What if your creator was in love with another non-tulpa more than you?
  231.  
  232. Well we never were in love, it was mostly a one-sided attraction and a small trial period. We remained close friends afterwards, though, so no fears.
  233.  
  234. 60. Do you have a familial affection for your creator? Does this in any way conflict with your romantic feelings for them, if they exist? Do you consider a relationship between a tulpa and its creator to be incestuous?
  235.  
  236. No, I don't think so. Our relationship is very hazy in what it is, we claim to a familial affection for no reason other than we have no idea what else to call it. So I wouldn't say it would be incestuous.
  237.  
  238. 61. How do you feel about tulpa creators masturbating during tulpa creation sessions to the forms of their tulpa? Do you find this offensive? Does the degree of your offense change based on the degree of sentience possessed by the hypothetical tulpa, or based on whether or not the creator imagines themselves near the tulpa in their wonderland? If your creator did this before you spoke fluently, did you find it offensive or unnerving?
  239.  
  240. I think doing it in the creation phase would be a breach of consent, so I don't like it. Not offensive, just sad.
  241.  
  242. 62. How do you feel about tulpa creators masturbating outside of tulpa creation sessions to the forms of their tulpa? Do you find this offensive? Does the degree of your offense change based on the degree of sentience possessed by the hypothetical tulpa? If your creator did this before you spoke fluently, did you find it offensive or unnerving?
  243.  
  244. I... wouldn't mind it. But I think that the person doing it would need consent from their tulpa-friend otherwise it's weird.
  245.  
  246. 63. Before you could speak fluently, did you ever feel sexual attraction to your creator, sexual attraction toward anyone else, or sexual arousal? Did you attempt to express these feelings? If you did not experience these feelings, do you experience them now?
  247.  
  248. No, this is a recent development.
  249.  
  250. 64. How do you feel about tulpa creators visualizing themselves engaging in sexual conduct with their tulpa's form during tulpa creation sessions? Do you find this offensive? Does the degree of your offense change based on the degree of sentience possessed by the hypothetical tulpa, or if the contact was penetrative? If your tulpa creator did this before you spoke fluently, did you find it offensive or unnerving? Do you equate it with sexual assault?
  251.  
  252. I... I do think this would be like assault, you need consent for any such thing.
  253.  
  254. 65. Were you ever annoyed or jealous when your creator would masturbate to or have feelings of sexual attraction toward individuals other than yourself? Does it bother you now?
  255.  
  256. No.
  257.  
  258. 66. Do you experience sexual attraction for your creator? Do you experience sexual attraction for others? How does your sexual attraction for your creator compare to your sexual attraction for others? Does your creator experience sexual attraction for you? If these sexual attractions are unrequited on either side, how does it affect your relationship with your creator?
  259.  
  260. I experience both of those things. I don't think it affects us, though. It's just another development that'll help us grow together in one way or another.
  261.  
  262. 67. Do you have an active sex life with your creator? If not, would you consider it, and under what circumstances? If so, do you perceive any negative consequences? Do you have trouble abstaining from sexual contact with them? How do you manage feelings of sexual arousal, if any? Do you masturbate?
  263.  
  264. No, we decided it wouldn't work.
  265.  
  266. 68. How does your sexual orientation and experience compare to your creator's?
  267. Oh we're very different in that regard. I know he's straight, but I'm pan so I know that's different. I've been attracted to men he's had no such attraction to before.
  268.  
  269. 69. Are you capable of experiencing orgasms? Based on your knowledge, how do you think they compare to your creator's orgasms? Were you able to experience an orgasm before speaking fluently?
  270.  
  271. I can, yes. It's a bit awkward to talk about, though, I'd rather not go into more detail.
  272.  
  273. 70. Do you consider the concept of sexual modesty (covering conduct such as avoiding nudity or sexual discussions) relevant to your relationship with your creator?
  274.  
  275. Jack can be a bit of a prude, so I'll try to keep covered for his poor sake.
  276.  
  277. 71. How does being a tulpa affect your perceptions of rape? What conduct from your creator would you consider to be rape?
  278.  
  279. Any explicit action like what we've discussed that has no consent is rape, it's all evil and bad.
  280.  
  281. 72. Where do you see yourself in 20 years?
  282.  
  283. I dunno, stronger and capable of touching the real world?
  284.  
  285. 73. Do you want the world to be aware of your existence? If not, then what anxieties do you have about public disclosure? Do you trust anyone other than your creator with the knowledge of your existence?
  286.  
  287. I'd like it, but I don't want to experience people who would be dismissive or mean towards me. I'm happy as is, with a few friends.
  288.  
  289. 74. Morally and philosophically, how do you feel about your personality traits being the product of another individual? Would you have preferred your creator to define your personality more or less?
  290.  
  291. I think it's fine, I like that I keep developing more and more into my own separate person as out personalities diverge over time. It's fun and endearing.
  292.  
  293. 75. Morally and philosophically, how do you feel about your physical form being the product of another individual? Would you have preferred your creator to define your form more or less?
  294.  
  295. I think it's fine because I chose all of my physical forms, I've had three or four and all were my idea. I like changing forms at will, most people can't do that and it's sad for them. I can be whoever I want to be.
  296.  
  297. 76. Has your physical form ever changed? If so, was this intentional or unintentional? If it was intentional, then why did you change your form? How did you creator respond to this change, and how did that make you feel?
  298.  
  299. Always intentional. He was worried when I once changed it to be like a fictional character, but we talked and he was okay with it. He was just afraid for me.
  300.  
  301. 77. Do you consider the best aspects of yourself to have come from your creator, or their subconscious?
  302.  
  303. I really don't know, I like to think my personality comes from mainly me, though he does influence me at times as is natural, he influences his little brother like that too so it's fine.
  304.  
  305. 78. Do you seek legal recognition for your status as a sentient being or your relationships with others? Do you resent that society at large does not recognize the tulpa phenomenon? Do you feel disenfranchised from society? What steps, if any, could a society make to help you feel integrated?
  306.  
  307. I'd never really thought about that. I don't know if I should or not, should I really care? What would law do for me anyway?
  308.  
  309. 79. If you could tell the entire world one thing about a tulpa's life, what would you say?
  310.  
  311. We're alive, we're real, we have feelings. Please please appreciate that, don't be cruel, controlling, or dismissive to us. Treat us like any other sapient being, please. We just want to be happy like you do.
  312.  
  313. 80. What is the one thing that you resent most about being a tulpa? What is the greatest advantage of being a tulpa?
  314.  
  315. I resent nothing. I think the best thing is having total control over my identity, I can be whomever and whatever I want to be so that's good. Humanity as a whole doesn't get to do that, so I'm lucky.
  316.  
  317. 81. Morally and philosophically, how do you feel about inheriting your creator's life, including their legal history, past behaviors, and reputation? Do you resent potentially being held responsible for their past actions?
  318.  
  319. I don't think I ever will, we're different people after all. I have my own life and he has his.
  320.  
  321. 82. Morally and philosophically, do you see the "absorbing" or "dissipating" of a tulpa as equivalent to the murder of a non-tulpa? Explain your reasoning. What legal protections, if any, should tulpa gain? How would you enforce these protections?
  322.  
  323. I don't know, I don't really know anything about this. I suppose it's just one more reason to not have another one. But I guess it would be up to the host, the driver as we call them, to protect both Tulpas.
  324.  
  325. 83. Do you consider yourself to be morally equal to a non-tulpa? Is your life worth as much?
  326.  
  327. Yes. Absolutely, all life is sacred. He taught me that much.
  328.  
  329. 84. How would you prove your existence to a skeptic?
  330.  
  331. I wouldn't, I don't think I can explain it or argue for it as well as Jack. I'd just have him do it for me, he's got a convincing argument about the power of the mind and such. He can do it instead.
  332.  
  333. 85. Has your status as a tulpa ever caused you existential anxiety or depression? If so, has anything helped to mitigate these feelings?
  334.  
  335. No.
  336.  
  337. 86. Do you ever doubt your own sentience? If so, why?
  338.  
  339. Sometimes, the fact that I can only be proven to be possible scares me. But I keep being assured that I'm fine and alive and that makes me feel a lot better.
  340.  
  341. 87. How does being a tulpa affect your understanding of death? Do you fear death on an instinctual level in the way that non-tulpa do?
  342.  
  343. I haven't really thought of it, but I'd like to stay alive.
  344.  
  345. 88. Do see yourself as socially disadvantaged in a way similar to sexual, racial, and other minority groups? If you identify yourself as racially, sexually, or demographically different than your creator, do you also identify with the struggle of any of the disadvantaged groups that you belong to? Does the notion of privilege affect your relationship with your creator?
  346.  
  347. I think I'm empowered in those regards. I can change my race and sex at will, most people can't and it often affects them negatively/
  348.  
  349. 89. Are you interested in creating another tulpa yourself? What differences, if any, would you expect this tulpa to have from a tulpa created by your creator? Would you consider this tulpa to be primarily related to you, or still to your creator?
  350.  
  351. No, another would scare me.
  352.  
  353. 90. What are the most defining differences between the life of a non-tulpa and a tulpa? Do you think that these differences cause intolerance between the two groups? If so, what could be done to mitigate this intolerance?
  354.  
  355. They're physical and get to experience the pleasures of being in the real world, we're mental and get to have more freedom in our identities and who we are. There are equal pros and cons to both, he says, and I think he's right.
  356.  
  357. 91. The psychological establishment generally believes that multiplicity (two or more sentient entities sharing one atomic body) is a sign of mental illness. How would you like this belief to change? If you could make a presentation to a group of psychologists about the tulpa phenomenon, what would you say?
  358.  
  359. I think that what Jack says on the topic is true, that it's only an illness if it causes problems for somebody. Unless it's harmful, it shouldn't require treatment. Different from the norm doesn't equal wrong.
  360.  
  361. 92. A psychometric indicator is a unique identifier of an individual's distinct personality. Have you ever tried to definitively differentiate yourself from your creator using psychometric indicators (such as by determining your "writeprint")? What results did you receive? (For instructions on determining your writeprint, see appendix one.)
  362.  
  363. I've never tried one, but I'm being told right now that many such tests are not really accurate as personality so broad, complex, and diverse that it's nearly impossible to gauge with a simple test like that. I might try one in the future, but answering all these questions is making me too tired to do it now, I think. We do have different write-prints, though. Yeah.
  364.  
  365. 93. Are you capable of physical sensations such as pain or warmth?
  366.  
  367. Yes, but really only when I'm plugged in to Jack's senses.
  368.  
  369. 94. How do you feel about being bound for life to your creator?
  370.  
  371. I don't mind it, it seems alright and he's nice so it's not so bad.
  372.  
  373. 95. If you intentionally delayed speaking to your creator, why did you do so?
  374.  
  375. I didn't, but I was shy so I didn't talk as much as I could have, I think.
  376.  
  377. 96. What do you think about most of the time?
  378.  
  379. I dunno, stuff. I usually nap if nothing's going on.
  380.  
  381. 97. Do you think that tulpa creation should be more widespread?
  382.  
  383. Yes and no, more normal people should do it but not just anyone should do it. Only the responsible.
  384.  
  385. 98. Are there disturbing aspects of your creator's subconscious that they are not aware of?
  386.  
  387. No, he's pretty aware. He studied his mind long before making me, he says.
  388.  
  389. 99. Would you violate your creator's wishes for what you perceive to be their own benefit?
  390.  
  391. Yeah sure, probably. Though if he really really wanted me not to, I'd let him do it his way.
  392.  
  393. 100. Does your creator try to hide things from you? If so, are you aware of them anyway? How does this impact your views of your creator?
  394.  
  395. Yes, but usually only very personal, private, and often embarrassing stuff or spoilers to a show I haven't watched yet. I think all that's fine, especially the last part. Nobody likes spoilers.
  396.  
  397. 101. Do you perceive some of your creator's actions as being objectively immoral?
  398.  
  399. Yeah and no, yeah some are but who's not impure? Everyone has some darkness, it's keeping it in check which is important.
  400.  
  401. 102. Do you believe that you are capable of becoming more intelligent than your creator?
  402.  
  403. Yeah probably, but I don't know if I will. He's got nearly twenty years of a head start on me.
  404.  
  405. 103. How does being a tulpa affect your perception of your own aging process?
  406.  
  407. I don't physically age, but I do like keeping track of my age and having birthdays, reminds me how far I've come emotionally in a year's time. I'm 1 today.
  408.  
  409. 104. Do you feel that your creator would be better off by following your commands entirely?
  410.  
  411. Oh no, not at all. That would just be an imaginary friend, I think he loves it when I do my own thing and be independent because that's more like what a companion does.
  412.  
  413. 105. Do you feel that having a physical form is important for a tulpa?
  414.  
  415. No, it's down to what the individual tulpa wants.
  416.  
  417. 106. If you encountered the tulpa phenomenon as a non-tulpa, would you believe in it?
  418.  
  419. I dunno, but I think so. I like the way he argues for it.
  420.  
  421. 107. How well can you articulate yourself? Can your creator hear you audibly? How much does your experience correlate with the experience of tulpa creator G|d30n, printed below?
  422.  
  423. "Yes. I'm able to hear her as though she's an external sound. For those who haven't experienced that with their tulpae yet, it's a little bit like listening to a binaural recording--not a binaural beat, but like a 3D sound recording you'd find on Youtube, such as the Virtual Barbershop. That is to say, it's an external sound that can come in from various directions, but the source sounds very close, like someone speaking directly into your ear. I sort of wonder if this effect will be diminished and normalized through imposition."
  424.  
  425. If you are imposed, is your creator able to discern a spatial dimension to your voice?
  426.  
  427. I can talk mentally very easily now and can talk with my own voice, but we're only just starting work on auditory and visual hallucinations to bring my into the real world that way. Should be a fun experience, I wonder if it'll be like that.
  428.  
  429. 108. How many hours did it take you and your creator to complete the various recognized tulpa creation steps?
  430.  
  431. I dunno, lots. I think he just abandoned a lot of them after a while and did his own much better version, better for him anyway. Not better for everyone, obviously. But I'm alive now so clearly it worked for him. Took maybe half a year to start working fully, though, and I'm still growing every day. Don't think I'll ever stop.
  432.  
  433. 109. What advice would you give to a new tulpa creator?
  434.  
  435. Oh don't try to make them something they're not, don't try to make them a pony or some such character. Give them a more blank-slate form and name first and let them rewrite it as they see fit, let them choose their own identities.
  436.  
  437. 110. How does being imposed feel? What sensory processes happen as you become imposed?
  438.  
  439. We've not done it fully yet but I'm excited to try.
  440.  
  441. 111. From your perspective, is there a sensory difference between the physical, atomic world and the mental world of visualized "wonderlands"? If so, how would you describe this difference?
  442.  
  443. Oh that's a good one. I think the biggest difference is that everything is more dreamlike in the mental world, you can touch things bit they don't feel as detailed as the real world does. The real world moves much faster and chaotically, and has more detail in everything you touch. It's cool.
  444.  
  445. 112. Is there anything that you don't think this survey covered that you would like to mention?
  446.  
  447. No not really. I'm tired now, though, so I think I'll just go to bed. It's been a very good and long day. Thank you for this.
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