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JazzTeeth

Collaboration with MisterTibbs (Preggo Dash alt end)

Mar 31st, 2012
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  1. So a little while back Wuten (http://pastebin.com/u/Wuten) was working on his pregnant Dash arc, and was taking his sweet ass time getting the baby out, constantly teasing as to whether or not it would be some hybrid monster. The general feel of the thread was summed up in one post:
  2.  
  3. WUTEN
  4. FINISH WHAT YOU GOD DAMN STARTED
  5. YOU'RE GONNA GET THAT BABY OUTTA THERE
  6.  
  7. And so at the spur of the moment, MisterTibbs (http://pastebin.com/u/MisterTibbs) and I took it upon ourselves to deliver satisfaction to our dear readers. The results have since been banned in both Koreas.
  8.  
  9. JazzTeeth -
  10.  
  11. >"But it's all squishy and stuff."
  12. "I know it's totally gross, but it IS your child," said the doctor
  13. >You look upon the twisted fruit of your seed
  14. >the wings of a pegasus, the face of a pegasus and the ass of a pegasus.
  15. >and it was all slimy.
  16. "I assure you anon, that's just the amniotic fluid and placenta, once we-"
  17. >"BULLSHIT there's a goddamn chord sticking out it's stomach, what the fuck, do I have to keep the little shit plugged in all day I can't even play vidya gaems on this shit fuck Fuck FUCK!"
  18. >Dash was in tears. the birth was hard. Her fur was glistening, her hair hung down, and her eyes were red.
  19. >She cradled her child.
  20. "Anon, please, you're scaring the baby!"
  21. >"ITS SCARING ME."
  22. "Please, just look at her, she has your eyes!"
  23. >You stare into it's soul.
  24. >"ITS TRYING TO STEAL MY FUCKING EYES!"
  25. >You grab the slimy should-be-stillborn by the leg and tear it from Dash's grasp.
  26. >I do this because I love you.
  27. >Dash is screaming, the doctors are in a panic as you run to the roof with the bawling whelp.
  28. >You stand on the edge of Ponyville General Hospital's roof.
  29. >You hold the monster in front of you.
  30. >It nips at you.
  31. >"YOU DARE CONSUME THE GREAT ANONYMOUS! ILL SHOW THEE.
  32. >You jump off the three story building with the beast, laughing madly.
  33. >When you strike at a king, you must kill him.
  34.  
  35. MisterTibbs -
  36.  
  37. >So that night, you were less preoccupied with stealing everyone's shit then you were finding a damn meal.
  38. >As you marched throughout the dark, empty streets, you found a nice, good old fashioned dumpster ready for diving at the hospital.
  39. >You opened the lid, and-
  40. JESUS H. CHRIST!
  41. >There was a dead guy and... something in his arms.
  42. >It was covered in some dried up mucus-like fluid.
  43. >it then struck you that this blob was some kind of baby, judging by the umbilical chord hanging from it.
  44. >Looking to your left, your right, and then behind you, you pull it up out of the dumpster and get a closer look at it.
  45. >Maybe it's edible.
  46. >Fuck it, you're too hungry to care.
  47. >This things is gonna be the best meal you've had in weeks.
  48. >Funny, it kinda reminds you of Rainbow Dash...
  49.  
  50. JazzTeeth -
  51.  
  52. >Celestia's damnable light seeped through one eye.
  53. >You opened it. You tried to stand up.
  54. >Many bones are broken, and you're pretty sure a beer bottle has ruined an eyeball.
  55. >The pain is unbearable, but at least you've cleansed this planet of foul muta
  56. >you see something holding your spawn, bringing it to its mouth.
  57. >"OH FUCK NO! THAT'S HOW IT SPREADS YOU FOOL!"
  58. >On bloodied stumps of legs you snatch it from the stranger's graps by the umbilical chord and run off.
  59. >You swing it around, yelling
  60. >"Woo-Woo-Woo-Woo-Woo-Woo"
  61. >This is a good death
  62. >There is no shame in this
  63. >"Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo"
  64.  
  65. MisterTibbs -
  66.  
  67. >Son of a bitch, that mangled Son of a bitch was alive!
  68. >He grabbed that little blob thing and started flailing it around while "running" away on broken legs.
  69. You stupid motherfucker get back here with my breakfast!
  70. >Running behind him you pounce forward and tackle him.
  71. >Bringing your man-purse up way over your head, you bash him repeatedly over the head, screaming,
  72. YOU! WILL! NOT! RUIN! MY! MEAL!
  73. >Normally you'd feel bad about beating a guy who was injured this badly, but fuck it, he stole your food.
  74. Give it to me, asswipe!
  75. >You then realize your stolen purse has done nothing to stop him.
  76. >The moment you let up, he darts off yet again with damnable mutant, leaving you to chase him yet again.
  77.  
  78. JazzTeeth -
  79.  
  80. >A heretic tried to murder you with a purse.
  81. >"I DONT KNOW YOU!" You yell as you kicked him off.
  82. >But you manage to escape, running on what seems like legs made of knives and broken glass.
  83. >He chases after you yelling sacrilege, wanting to consume the fetus's dark powers and quite possibly your soul as well.
  84. >You spin the umbilical chord faster, gradually achieving airlift.
  85. >"WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO"
  86. >Just then a blue and yellow blur crash into your stomach and send you hurtling to the ground.
  87. >You land on the horrid corpse of your genetic span.
  88. >Ew gross it's all chunky and stuff, you try to say
  89. >But it just comes out as regular screaming.
  90. >The maniac with the purse pushes you aside and begins to feast on the mutant salsa.
  91. >"No...you fool" you cough blood. "You contaminate your very essence..
  92. >He cares not. The Wonderbolts land around you and form a perimeter.
  93. "Is this the sick bastard?"
  94. "Well, he's the only human in Equestria, you're damn right it's him.
  95. >Blood is rushing over your remaining good eye.
  96. >You wish Dash was here.
  97. "Call her in."
  98. >Were they calling Dash? You hope they were.
  99. >Your vision started to blur
  100. >You felt thirsty.
  101. >Dash was going to have her baby soon...Sonic Boom.
  102. >She's going to be so beautiful.
  103.  
  104.  
  105. >There is...the brightest...light.
  106. >Even through one bloodied eye, it's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.
  107. "Anonymous."
  108. >Da....Das...
  109. "No, she's gone. In your madness and cruelty she has lost the will to live. You've taken her child, her heart, and her life. She entrusted upon you the gift of friendship and you've...
  110. >she looks at the madman eating the baby.
  111. "Ew."
  112. >No....I...sorr....can't be...
  113. "You are a human. You are flawed. From the moment I've met you I could sense that, but I've never imagined the ruinous extent."
  114. >Tell...tell Dash...I'm...
  115. >Please.
  116. >tears are coming out of your one eye.
  117. >You're so thirsty. Why isn't Dash here? You want to see here before you...you...
  118. "I know you are. And so am I. You're going to receive peace in your last moments, but for your atrocities, you are going to die alone.
  119. >But...b...
  120. "Goodbye my friend."
  121. >and it was so.
  122. >you stare at a black sky riddled with so many stars.
  123. >you turn your head, feebly, and see an endless expanse of white rock and craters.
  124. >you're on the moon.
  125. >you cough up the last few precious bits of blood you have and watch them float away into space.
  126. >"no...no no no no no...."
  127. >you wish dash was here
  128. >she was going to have a baby.
  129. >
  130.  
  131. MisterTibbs -
  132.  
  133. >Finally, a nice quiet, peaceful meal.
  134. >Relatively speaking. The po-po showed up and seem to be hassling the guy with the mutant babby.
  135. >God damn, this thing is delicious.
  136. >Who would have ever thought raw mutant babies were this tasty?
  137. >Funny, with each bite you swallow, you feel a bit... funny.
  138. >Okay, what the Hell is going on with these fuck-heads now?
  139. >Something about "Hurr durr humans are evil you will die alone"
  140. >You're somehow not a human even though the psycho who tried to kill what they said was his kid is...
  141. >Wait, is that his kid you just ate?
  142. Good God, what did this guy fuck to make this?!
  143. >You see him vanish in flash of light, probably zapped into some kind of ironic Hell as you continue to eat his disgusting child.
  144. Sucks to be you, asshole!
  145. >As you chuckle, bits of chewed food fly out and land on the pegasi and unicorn-pegasus royal lady staring at you in shock, horror, disgust, and all other related adjectives
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