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- >You are the commanding general of III Corps.
- >The cordon system has worked fairly well, but another problem has arisen.
- >There are so many fluffies in the area, their shit is becoming hazardous.
- >Since nobody but their creators understand how their internals work, god only knows what comes out of their asses.
- >The EPA and CDC say they could ruin the water table and spread all sorts of hellish diseases.
- >They have literally become a living plague.
- >You have exhausted basically every option you have.
- >The microwave tanks and tear gas leave corpses to rot, which really pisses off the CDC.
- >Regular tanks are becoming unwieldy, and can't blast the ponies to vapor fast enough.
- >Helicopter gunships don't carry enough ordnance.
- >And Russia and China combined wouldn't have enough infantry to quell a herd like this.
- >Therefore, Northern Command is drawing up a new plan.
- >Since all the evacuees are long gone, you may as well let the big dogs off the chain.
- >The plan calls for a massive air bombardment, killing as many fluffies as possible.
- >They're going to turn north central Ohio into a lunar landscape.
- >To this end, every single available bomber aircraft unit has been attached to First Air Force.
- >The 2nd, 5th, and 307th Bomb Wings will be bringing their B-52Hs.
- >The 7th and 28th Bomb Wings will be bringing their B-1Bs.
- >And the 509th and 137th Bomb Wings will be bringing their B-2As.
- >Beyond this, every bomb-capable fighter will be fitted with incendiary weapons.
- >Yes, you'll have to undertake a massive clean-up later, but rebuilding an entire region is going to create a ton of jobs.
- >And sure, there will be a lot of smoke wafting around.
- >However, it is a conventional attack, and the only things stronger than this you could use are Minuteman III ICBMs or nerve gas.
- >The President is probably not going to let you nuke the city, and you can't wait for winter to thin the megaherd.
- >The call begins.
- >You, along with Northern Command's combatant commander, present the plan to the Secretary of Defense and the Joint Chiefs.
- >They balk at it at first until the CDC Director comes in, explaining that fluffy feces could be a bioweapon.
- >It's certainly ruining the rivers and lakes, if they haven't already filled up with fluffy corpses.
- >The living ponies, in fact, might prove to be less of a problem than the dead.
- >The EPA guys arrive and bring reports about how badly Lake Erie is being damaged by the runoff of dead fluffies and shit.
- >The Secretary asks how bombing them will make that better.
- >You chime in.
- “If they're burned to powder, nature can take care of the rest.”
- >He admits that this is a valid point.
- >The commanding general of First Air Force speaks next.
- >He explains that every available offensive aircraft in the United States has been put on standby to participate in this operation.
- >No planes have been recalled from overseas operations, or moved from European bases.
- >The rest of NATO, therefore, is happy with the whole idea.
- >Of course they are; it's not their land that's about to get bomb-fucked.
- >Northern Command talks about the weapons they'd like to use.
- >Factories are pumping out third generation 'napalm' as fast as they can.
- >The inventory of obsolete dumb bombs is going to be taken care of.
- >Old bomb designs are even being brought back, such as an updated version of the World War II M-69.
- >The pros and cons of such a massive attack are argued.
- >This would certainly make Cleveland uninhabitable.
- >It already is.
- >The local environment would be obliterated.
- >It's well on its way.
- >We don't know that their feces contains diseases.
- >We also don't know that it doesn't, because the company won't release the fine details of their guts.
- >The Secretary seems worried about the chance of accidents.
- >Department of Energy is brought onto the call.
- >They're talking about Perry Nuclear, choked with fluffy ponies and fast approaching a Fukushima-style disaster.
- >It's a huge cluster-fuck all around, but the Secretary still seems hesitant.
- >The Joint Chiefs Chairman finally asks the ultimate question.
- >What if the megaherd leaves Cleveland?
- >Faced with the prospect of having this discussion again, the Secretary heaves a big sigh.
- >He agrees to take the plan to the President.
- >The call ends, so you go back to monitoring the cordon.
- >It's still holding. The number of fluffy ponies inside of it are incalculable.
- >Two hours pass before you and Northern Command are summoned back to the situation room.
- >The Secretary is joined this time by two more Secretaries, Energy and Homeland Security.
- >DHS says that they can't possibly do another Cleveland-style evacuation right now.
- >DoE says that the situation at Perry is getting out of hand.
- >The fluffy ponies need to be cleared or thinned out so people can get in there and assess it.
- >Finally, the Secretary of Defense says that they have all spoken with the President.
- “What was his response, sir?”
- >”We have no choice. Perry is off limits, but level everything else.”
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