Generic Valentine Story

Feb 9th, 2017
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  1. >Be normal Joe.
  2. >Check date.
  3. >See that it's the 14th of February.
  4. >Don't be normal Joe anymore.
  5. >Mission_start.mp4
  6. >Come up with a good acronym for the mission.
  7. >Objective: DLLTEG
  8. >Deliver love letter to elf girl.
  9. >Find out that you're pretty shit at acronyms.
  10. >That however, will be resolved at a later date.
  11. >Now, to get started.
  12. >Look out the window.
  13. >Observe the destruction.
  14. >Poor fuckers run around, trying to escape their fate.
  15. >That's what they get for not preparing for the day of the Rapeconnin-Ehm, Valentine's day.
  16. >Seriously, for monsters, this day is what Christmas is for spoiled rich kids.
  17. >The 'this is as easy as taking candy from a baby' day.
  18. >Close the blinds and go downstairs.
  19. >Look at the pot containing your father's ashes.
  20. >Consider pouring some of it in a glass of water, then drinking it for good luck.
  21. >Decide against it. Your echidna mother would fuck your shit up if you did that.
  22. >Now that you think about it, how could she be your mother if it she's a monster girl and you're just a normal boy.
  23. >press x to doubt.
  24. >Feel your head pulsing like it was just hit by a frying pan.
  25. >Decide to leave that matter for later.
  26. >It probably isn't important.
  27. >Go to the basement, check up on your tied up succuslut.
  28. >Hold her hand while whispering things about friendship and platonic relationships in her ear.
  29. >That should do the trick for the day. Fucking sicko.
  30. >Hey, the Order Club at school has some requirements, having a private succubutt was one of them.
  31. >Hiding her from the authorities is also one of them.
  32. >...Yeah, you'd be in deep shit if the rape squad finds out about this.
  33. >After president Ushi approved of it, tying up succusluts in basements isn't exactly legal.
  34. >How did she become president again?
  35. >Ushi Oni.
  36. >Oh right, she crushed the competition.
  37. >Literally.
  38. >Those poor candidates...
  39. >Half of them were probably russian puppets, so you don't feel so bad about them.
  40. >Back on track.
  41. >Moving away from the bound daemon, go to a randomly placed chest in the corner of the basement.
  42. >Open it up.
  43. >Pick up all the shit from the chest and put it next to the chest.
  44. >Sort through it, and put the stories about brushing a imouto mershark's teeth back in.
  45. >Those things are lewd as hell.
  46. >Don't forget to pocket the number to that monster daki service. It'll be needed for tonight if your crush rejects you.
  47. >Equip your gear during an epic montage.
  48. >Stop acting like a retard and just get the gear on.
  49. >That's more like it.
  50. >Pull the succubi's tail just for good measures, and leave the basement.
  51. >Go to your room upstairs, and jump through the window into the rose bushes below.
  52. >Try to ignore the thorns.
  53. >Don't succeed in ignoring the thorns.
  54. >Cry a bit.
  55. >Regain your composure and move through the rose bushes.
  56. >Advance through it nicely, this is easier than you thought.
  57. >Feel your collar getting pulled up, and along with it, you.
  58. >It's a hellwan girl.
  59. >Youresodeadkid.png
  60. >Aren't those supposed to, I don't know, not be naked in a public space?
  61. >For real, such indecency, they have no respect for moral guidelines, they're the lowest kind of rapists.
  62. >They deserve to be locked up in a prison without bones to chew, and to be forced to suck gently on the key that locked them up.
  63. >Oh, who are you kidding. Better escape quickly.
  64. >Throw two squeaky bouncy balls in two different directions.
  65. >Watch her frustrated expression as she runs off after one of the balls. Hah, balls.
  66. >Works every time.
  67. >Run away from the scene before she can return the balls to you. And smash your actual balls into the asphalt. That would be unpleasant.
  68. >Jump into the bushes next to a sex shop. Yes, a sex shop. What, would you rather jump back into the rose bushes? No? I thought so.
  69. >Find some red polyethylene rope. Who would throw such a convenient item in some random bushes? People that like wasting resources, that's who.
  70. >The rope smells like ammonia though.
  71. >You dread to think why that is the case.
  72. >You then remember that you're in front of sex shop.
  73. >Realisation.jpeg
  74. >Disgusting deviants.
  75. >Now you know why they'd throw this rope in here.
  76. >To get rid of the evidence.
  77. >Quickly crawl to the other side of the rope, back into the rose bushes.
  78. >These are much better all of a sudden.
  79. >Decide to stop these puny antics, and actually progress to your crush's house.
  80. >That's more like it.
  81. >Now, hit your head against a wooden fence like an idiot, anon.
  82. >No, don't jump over it, you do not have free will in this greentext, this is not the Stanley Parableā„¢. Do what I say, anon.
  83. >...
  84. >Alrighty then, now where was I? Right.
  85. >Ignore the narrator's ramblings, and actually finish your task.
  86. >Get up.
  87. >Look around.
  88. >Locate the house of your crush.
  89. >And just walk towards it like a normal person.
  90. >Good.
  91. >Walk twenty meters to the right, and be in front of her house.
  92. >That wasn't so hard, now, was it?
  93. >Jump over the fence, because you're too lazy to ring, and knock on her front door.
  94. >Wait a minute or two in front of it, until she opens the door.
  95. >Find out that you knocked on the wrong door.
  96. >Look at the Dark Mass that is taking place inside the house.
  97. >This is really making you feel like a pedophile, does it not?
  98. >Now, pull out your fire weapons and shoot them all to death.
  99. >You must purge the heretics, yes, feel your rage surge, let them bleed.
  100. >...
  101. >Oh sorry, that was my mistake,I was reading the main focus of the 40K campaign, let's resume with the valentine story, anon.
  102. >Scroll back to before you jumped into the bushes next to the sex shop.
  103. >Yes, this scenario has been derailed right about there.
  104. >After you escaped the hellhound, run into a backstreet, and behold a demonic ritual being performed on a random civilian woman.
  105. >Back out of the street, and just go up on a ladder conveniently placed ladder, onto a building.
  106. >Ran across the roofs of the complex, above the victims of the day of love, jumping from building to building.
  107. >Upon getting onto the final ledge, jump off of into a puddle of slime.
  108. >Point at scream that a hapless cherryboi is running away, and watch as a mob of girls, including the slime you were in run in that direction.
  109. >Yet again, your escape is successful, decide to not try your luck again.
  110. >A quick sprint later, your in front of your crush's house.
  111. >Legitimately, this time.
  112. >Knock on the door, and wait.
  113. >And wait.
  114. >And wait some more.
  115. >Go to a flowershop and buy a bucket of roses while you're at it.
  116. >Return to the house, and wait some more.
  117. >Pull out your phone, and watch the trailer for the Fifth season of Ochimusha Jackie again.
  118. >That shit will be lit.
  119. >Finally, hear the door open.
  120. >Greet the surprised and totally not prudish elf girl, and give her your letter.
  121. >Receive a thanks, and see the door shutting in front of you.
  122. >Stand in silence for a few seconds, before starting to think about your life as an old man with a lot of fat cats.
  123. >Well, this is turning into a shitty Valentine quite quickly.
  124. >Mission_accomplished.mp4
  125. >Oh, shut up.
  126. >Look down, and see a pink envelope.
  127. >Pick it up, see your crush's name on it, and tear the envelope apart, to find a small piece of paper.
  128. >Read: "Meet me in the park tonight. xxx"
  129. >Mission_start.mp4
  130. >XXX
  131. >Now, that can mean two things.
  132. >You're either getting hugged three times, or you're getting laid tonight.
  133. >Both aspects seem quite appealing.
  134. >This Valentine's day doesn't seem so bad anymore.
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