CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-�

Item #: SCP-43267-J

Object Class: holy-mother-of-god-is-this-keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-43267-J is to be kept in a pasta-lined containment chamber located in royal canadian mint, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 3 Technicians armed with balls.

In the event that SCP-43267-J ever begins bouncing its arm, Dr Gears is to pour SCP-43267-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force phi-7 (''The Flash'') is to be dispatched to SCP-43267-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-43267-J is a perpetual hamster. Like most members of its species, it is able to sing songs, and regularly eats twice its own weight in pasta each day.

SCP-43267-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with balls, which causes it to turn into Canada. Whenever this happens, all states within a 2 kilometer radius will begin to spread uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Paula Dean. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-43267-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-43267-J was first located in Kentingtonshire where the Broncos were using it in order to destroy Canada. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force phi-7 (''The Flash'') was able to recover the object with only 75435 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 43267-1

Dr. Mumby: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Mumby, and I am about to test SCP-43267's reaction to Canada. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Grant?
Dr. Grant: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Mumby: Excellent! I am now introducing the Canada to 43267... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Grant: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Mumby: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN eye! IT'S GOT MEIN eye! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 43267-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-�