Lincoln's Homework

>Lincoln was sweating bullets as he stood before the door to the room of his eldest sisters.
>He stared at the paper in his hands, trying his hardest not to crinkle it.
>Lincoln didn’t like owing favors but he was at wits end with his latest homework assignment and was in dire need of help.
>*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*
>An exasperated sigh could be heard from the other side, followed by a series of stomps that grew louder and louder.
>Lincoln swallowed his breath as the door swung open.
>”What do you want twerp, I’m busy!” Lori answered bluntly and crass as ever.
>”H-Hey Lori,” Lincoln stammered. “I was wondering, if you could maybe help me out with my homework real fast?”
> “No way dork,” Lori tapped away at her phone, not even looking the lad in the face as she spoke. “If you want help go ask Lisa or someone else. I barely do my own work, what makes you think I want to do someone else’s?”
>”BUT THIS ISN’T MATH, I CAN’T ASK MY LITTLE SISTER ABOUT—”
>Lincoln wasn’t even given the time of day as the door slammed shut right in his face.
> “Dang it.” Lincoln lamented.


>”Homework?” A sickly sweet voice emerged from the bathroom. “I can like, totes help you out with that Lincoln!”
>”L-Leni?” Lincoln felt his stomach twist. “Oh you don’t have to do that! I’ll find someone else to—”
>Leni just kept on smiling as she swiped the paper from Lincoln.
>She stared at the paper for a solid minute with an intense focus, the likes of which Lincoln had never seen before. He was concerned that she was moments away from hurting herself with all that thinking.
>The anatomical diagrams printed on the paper finally clued the blonde in.
>”OH!” Leni blurted out. “This is one of those ‘spot the differences’ isn’t it? I love these!”
>Leni held the paper to her brother’s face and spoke.
>”This one right here is a boy and this one over here is a girl. I win!”
>Lincoln was speechless.
>He could do nothing but give his sweet older sister the benefit of the doubt.
>”Yeah. I see. T-Thanks Leni.”
>”Like, no problem Lincoln,” Leni bent over and whispered into her brother’s ear. “This will be our secret!”
>With those parting words the 16 year old waltzed downstairs with a sense of pride and accomplishment
>Leni wasn’t wrong but Lincoln needed specifics.
>The boy sighed and moved to the next room.


>The sound of amateur rock music poured into the hallways as Lincoln slowly opened the next door.
>As he peeked in, the music screeched to a halt and the scratchy voice of his third oldest sister greeted him.
>”What’s poppin’ little bro?” Luna enthusiastically replied from the top bunk. “You stopped by to enjoy the show?”
>”Hey Linc,” Luan spoke from below, writing down new comedic material. “If this is about your shoes I already told you, my hands are TIED! Hahaha!”
>The warmer welcome relaxed Lincoln a bit.
>”Sorry to bother the both of you but i’m struggling here and I need some help! With my homework that is.”
>Lincoln waved the paper in front of his sisters like a handkerchief
>The look of disinterest and disappointment in their eyes spoke volumes louder than the music Luna produced.
>”Homework?” Luna raised a brow. “You’re harshing my buzz here bro.”
>”PLEASE,” Lincoln was growing desperate. “It’s just a couple vocabulary questions and definitions!”
>Luna rolled her eyes and reached out for the paper.
>They bulged a bit once she caught wind of the subject matter.
>“You’re already learning this stuff little bro?” Luna chuckled. “Come on, you live with a bunch of girls, how do you NOT know these things?”
>Luan’s interest was piqued.
>The 14 year old blushed a bit upon spotting the highly detailed photos of the human body
>”Oh man I’ve been waiting for this moment,” Luan said as she flipped through her notepad of jokes. “Let me help you out dear brother.”
>Lincoln’s face lit up like the rising sun
>”Thanks Luan! Sex Ed is a lot harder than I thought!”
>”Why didn’t you just ask mom and dad for help?” Luna inquired.
>”Gross Luna, that’s my parents you're talking about!”
>Luan cleared her throat and began her informative schooling session.
>“You see Lincoln, when it comes to men and women, there’s a VAS DEFERENS between the two of them!”
>Luan snickered, Lincoln simply nodded.
> “It can be a lot of knowledge to take in but there’s no need to OVARY-act! Hahaha!”
>Luna groaned.
>Lincoln felt as if his leg was being pulled.
>The exchange continued for minutes, pun after pun only furthered the boy’s confusion.
>”Luan are you going to help me or not?” Lincoln’s irritation was setting in.
>”Settle down bro, there’s no need to get so TESTY! Get it? Hey Lincoln, where are you going? Don’t leave I got more! You’re gonna epididy-MISS the best one! HAHAHAHAHA OH MAN. I CAN’T. BREATHE.”


>A defeated Lincoln stormed back to his room.
>He needed someone a bit more serious about the subject, someone closer to his age that would understand the situation he was in.
>”Hey Lincoln heads up!”
>The pumped up voice set Lincoln’s reflexes into motion.
>The white haired boy ducked, narrowly avoiding a speeding tennis ball to the back of the head
>”Nice duck bro. I’ve been working on my slices. Pretty cool huh? Wanna be my tennis target— I mean partner?”
>”Lynn!” Lincoln yelled out. Perhaps she was the answer to his predicament.
>”Partner? Yeah, I think I can do that!”
>”Sweet! Let’s go outside before mom finds out I was the one who broke the lamp.”
>”I’ll be your partner if you help me finish my homework first!”
>Lynn sneered at her brother’s compromise.
>Academic prowess was never her strong suit.
>”Don’t worry it’s nothing hard, just some anatomy and Sex Ed work.”
>”Sick I don’t want to talk about that stuff with my little brother! Forget I said any—”
>Lincoln spoke up once more.
>”I’ll buy you an extra large meatball sub tomorrow!”
>Lynn stopped dead in her tracks after hearing her brother’s offer which was one she just couldn't resist.
>”Fine. Let’s do this quick you hopeless dork. Don’t expect a miracle though!”
>Lincoln smirked as he and Lynn retired to his room.
>The boy showed his sister what he was working with.
>”Oh yeah this stuff isn’t that hard, I took this class last year. Granted I wasn’t paying much attention but hey, I passed it!” Lynn said with utmost confidence.
>the sporty girl pointed to a random part on the female body.
>This part of the girl was called the… uhhhh…. Vuvula?”
>Lincoln didn’t like the hesitation in her voice but it was the best answer he had received so far.
>”Hmmm, alright then. What about this one over here?”
>”Linc those are boy bits. You should know what THAT one is called!”
>”Cut me some slack these anatomical names are tough!”


>”Hold up bro, I just got an idea!”
>Lynn left the room, returning shortly with the family laptop.
>”Why rack our heads when we can just look all this stuff up on the internet!”
>Lincoln slapped himself, feeling like an absolute fool for not considering the option sooner.
>”Lynn you’re a genius!”
>”Yeah yeah I know.” Lynn patted herself on the back.
>Lincoln booted the device and opened the internet browser.
>”What should I look up exactly?” Lincoln asked.
>Lynn pondered for a moment before taking over the keyboard.
>“Well you’re trying to learn about the body right? Let’s try ‘man and woman naked bodies” and see what we get!”
>”Lynn look, there’s a video! Maybe it’s like a documentary. Click it!”
>Link after link led the brother and sister down a rabbit hole that they couldn’t crawl out of.
>They were freed from the captive spell of sin an hour later once the computer battery died.
>”And... that’s about it I guess,” Lynn sputtered out, feeling a tad unsure of herself. “Did you learn anything?”
>Lincoln didn’t say a word. His legs were tightly crossed and his paper was blank. He had accomplished nothing but watch video after video of carnal content alongside his sister.
>”Good luck with your work bro, you still owe me a round of tennis practice! I’m gonna go… take a long shower.”
>Lynn left, Lincoln composed himself.
>”Okay Lincoln Loud, it’s 9 PM and you’ve barely started your work, it’s now or never. It’s just like what Big Frankie said to that group of teens in that video.”Time to use this piece of wood in my hands to work some magic!” Here we go.”


>The sound of 10 sisters running rampant was Lincoln’s alarm the following morning.
>The boy awoke in a daze unsure of where he was.
>All he knew was that his name was Lincoln and for some reason, his underwear was somehow glued to his thighs.
>He glanced around the room and noticed the paper on his desk which brought him back to reality.
>”OH MAN MY HOMEWORK! I forgot all… about it?”
>Lincoln’s eyes perused every square inch of the handout.
>Each empty space he had left unanswered had been filled out to completion.
>”I-I did it? I finished my homework? But how? I was just—”
>The door to his room suddenly swung open and a nasally, lispy voice spoke up.
> “A simple ‘You’re Welcome’ will suffice.” Lisa answered.
>”Lisa? You were the one who—”
>”Correct. I entered your domain last night to perform some of my nightly studies I mean, to wish you good night and noticed you’re assignment was incomplete. I just couldn’t resist the temptation. Human anatomy is literal child’s play.”
>Lincoln was baffled but grateful.
>“Thanks Lisa, I probably should have came to you first for help. Ugh, that would have been so weird though! I guess I owe you one.”
>”Of course you do male sibling,” Lisa wasted no time in bending Lincoln’s arm. “You’re debt will be paid in due time.”
>Lincoln slipped the completed assignment into his backpack.
>Lisa made her way to the door but turned around to address her brother once more.
>”Bye the way Lincoln, we’ll be needing to get to the root of your surfacing night terrors. I don’t know what you were dreaming of but whatever it was, it had you convulsing and groaning like a feral, uncivilized beast. Lynn displayed similar symptoms as well. You pubescent types are a peculiar bunch!”