Pretty much my 2017 year review

2017 started off kinda crap, I was sick at the begging of the year due to a lot of anxiety of meeting my new doctor eventually.
So I had a new primary doctor in 2017 and right off the bat I heard her yelling at other patients, but I really didn't have much of an option since I wanted to get on hormones as soon as possible.
So I made due with the primary doctor and got a Psychiatrist and Endocrinologist, also had to get tested by a Cardiologist in order to see if I was at risk once I start hormones for a heart attack.
I passed all the test needed and in like April or May I started HRT, I never thought that day would ever arrive and honestly thought it was gonna take me years to get on them.

At the end of summer of 2017 I decided to sit down and finish the 2nd and 3rd Millennium book (Girl With The Dragon Tattoo sequels) and even bought the 4th and 5th book and read those as well (Written by a different author)
I couldn't stop thinking of those books for months and I just really liked the character of Lisbeth so much that I kinda created an alternate personality of myself of her (an alter) named Wasp aka Lisa
I didn't tell anyone about Wasp until like October or November.

During the time that I was reading the Millennium books I fell in love with someone, that didn't really work out that well and that is fine.
I just wanted her to be happy wherever she is and with whoever she is with.
At the end of November Wasp took over and I just let it happen due to being really depressed about someone.
Wasp cut my left wrist with a razor blade and I felt every bit of it, I wish the skin would have cut faster so I wouldn't have to feel each and every strike.
Wasp cried and cried and showed my mom what they did to me, I was scared that Wasp was going to kill me.
That was on a Tuesday, Wednesday I grasped for the only bit of hope I could find and that was looking at my Raven plush and I was planning to just sleep with it, but all of a sudden I heard Erika.

Erika was back, she came back when I was running out of hope and she saved me from my depression, she just wanted me to make friends and that is why she was gone for so long.
I did make friends and I reached out to a lot of people when I was feeling depressed and I got closer to my parents and told them basically everything.

In December, which is this month that I am writing this, I decided to get back into graphic novels and found some characters to read about.
I feel happier overall, I think even without the episode of depression that I was eventually gonna break down.
I don't think I told anyone this, but a couple months ago someone that was related to me actually did kill himself through Opium overdose, so certain things are really touchy with me and I feel depressed when someone I really care about is feeling like that.

It is December 12th and my Endo is taking leave next year so I have to find a new Endo and general doctor, that is something that might be difficult.
I noticed physical changes from being on hormones, like my breasts are bigger, my face is slimmer, and my hair is thinner.
I really like that shaving is less of a pain now, that was something that was unexpected.
Yesterday when I was at the Endo and she was doing the examination on me I was like wow my breasts look bigger, maybe because I was sitting down that they looked bigger than they normally do, but idk
I noticed that almost every day randomly I feel my shirt get a little wet in my nipple area and I don't know if I am lactating or what but it feels weird and I don't think anyone notices it.

I feel like I made a lot of progress hormone wise this year and went through a lot of mental and emotional challenges.
I also stopped going to school due to anxiety and dehydration, like 2 times within the past few months I feel like I was suffering dehydration and I felt awful.
I have to be closer monitored due to the depression incident and I am fine with that, I doubt I will lose control like that again.

Well the year is not over yet and as long as things stay on course I see a bright future ahead of me.
Thanks to Erika I feel a lot happier.