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- You see I am reading a book at the moment, called little miracles and sat right on top, is my current miracle. That medication allows me to deal with a normal day to day life. Although most days it leaves me tired, spaced out and emotionless. Crazy right? Why would anyone want to feel like that. Well this is why.
- You see I suffer from depression and mild anxiety. My anxiety is usually spurred on by a 'dark' mood. Let me start by saying, I don't have suicidal thoughts, I never have & I hopefully never will. My depression takes me to other places. Simple things like relationships and friendships become so trivial, so complicated.
- In my brain it doesn't sit right, something seems different. I notice little differences that 'normal' people wouldn't notice.
- That comment you didn't tag me in, but you tagged other people? I saw that, why didn't you tag me? What's up with me?
- You read that message, I saw you did, but you didn't reply.. why didn't you reply? Have I done something to upset you?
- You didn't say I love you on the phone.. do you not love me anymore? Do you love someone else instead?
- They just made a comment about me. Was it a joke? Was I supposed to laugh? Or do they mean it? Are they being nice? Are they talking about me? Do they talk about me? I bet they hate me.
- Am I doing this right? Is this what a mother should do? What if this is wrong. Oh god. What if someone reports me. What if they take my children. Should I hide? Should I leave. I'm a bad mum. I can't do this.
- Am I good enough? Should I just run away and hide?
- And for all those questions I will spend hours trying to answer. Let it all build up in my mind, until it sends me to tears...... it's mental that isn't it. That I see things that way. Some call it psycho but what it really is.. is a mental illness.
- It's not only mental changes, but physical changes. I eat a lot, mainly rubbish, because I need it now and I need the energy from lack of sleep. Insomnia, up all night answering questions to situations that don't even exists. My skin gets bad. My hair gets greasy.
- I still smile and I have every excuse for when you ask why.
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