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Aug 15th, 2017
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  1. Furries
  3. Gather around, children, it’s story time. Several years back, I worked a summer job at a hotel in a city that was a major regional convention hub. Business conventions, sci-fi, politics, arts and crafts, whatever; it all came to my town. Including the furries. We were warned in advance that the furries were going to cause all sorts of problems–that every year their convention seemed to consist entirely of people who thought that they were so magical and special that the rules couldn’t possibly apply to them. Every year, at least a dozen of them got kicked out of the hotel, and the staff pleaded with management to stop hosting their convention. And every year, management looked at the cost to clean up after them and compared it to the profits from having a hotel completely full of the dipshits and ignored our cries.
  4. So I was chasing a family who’d snuck over from the smaller hotel next door out of our pool when I spotted it. Well, I saw about a dozen people pointing upward, first. A woman who appeared to be getting fucked by a dog, pressed up against the balcony door, clearly visible to the swimming pool full of children. So, I counted over to that balcony from the side of the building so that I could figure out which room is hers. Then I headed inside, shouting on the radio for someone to call the police. I spotted it first; I had to be the goddamn hero. I knocked so hard I thought the door was going to come off, then I just went in. And what did I find?
  5. The dog wasn’t alive. It was a dead fucking dog that she’d had stuffed and to which she’d mounted a strap-on dildo. And then brought to the hotel in, I don’t know, a duffle bag. Because we were watching really close up at the front desk for furries trying to sneak pets in, which was always a problem (one of the big “rules that don’t apply to us because were so goddamn special”). This sad, skinny, middle-aged woman with crazy body hair and pictures of wolves tattooed on her ass, wearing fake wolf ears and a tail on a belt was masturbating herself with a dead goddamn taxidermied dog wearing a strap-on dildo in front of a window where she could not possibly pretend she didn’t know dozens of children could see her.
  6. Fucking a dead dog in front of children. Fucking a DEAD DOG in front of CHILDREN. So the cops came and dragged her off. I would have been content to call her one isolated nutcase representing an abhorrent extreme and not indicative of an overall trend in her community. Except that of the ~450 furries attending the convention in our hotel, MORE THAN TWO-THIRDS OF THEM LODGED COMPLAINTS WITH US FOR HAVING A WOMAN ARRESTED FOR FUCKING A DEAD DOG IN FRONT OF CHILDREN.
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