Tor is hilarious:

I’ve Been A Contract Killer For 40 Years now. “In today’s fragile economy, earning a living wage is murder, so why can’t murder earn you a living wage?”
For the past 40 years, I’ve been a professional contract killer — and a damn good one at that, perhaps even one of the best alive today — and that question passes through my mind every time I perform a hit, like a bullet through a target’s skull. It’s simple, it’s elegant.
Really, I try not to intellectualize it all too much. For someone like me, death is just a job: nothing more, nothing less.
You might assume from the fact that I kill people for a living I don’t have the most ‘glowing’ perspective on humanity, and sure, I wade through plenty of human garbage on the job. I’ve dealt with jilted lovers who want me to slide blades into the brainstems of their unfaithful partners, and their whole families. Worse still are the sniveling pieces of shit who are willing to offer up their children’s lives just so they can snort coke and fuck hookers another day. They’re mostly politicians, incidentally.
I don’t feel any level of connection to my victims, they’re all just numbers on my end-of-month balance sheet.
The kind of people who hire me don’t want a cowboy, they want a tradesman: someone who they know can get the job done, and get it done right. That’s why I can take home from $60,000 to $100,000 a hit.
You’ll make the arrangements, and an associate of mine will make sure that the dossier finds its way to my dinner table. I always remain once-removed from the people I’m killing for. They don’t even need to see my face.
Last Monday, I was doing what I always do in the mornings: sipping from a cup of coffee, eating a croissant, and poring over my upcoming projects. The manila folder that was marked “Urgent” was open in front of me, and I was familiarizing myself with the details. Dates, offers, photographs, and any additional gratuities that come with the job.
If you want someone dead and you want them dead right, someone you know will contact someone like me. Everyone knows someone who knows a person like me.

WE TAKE CARE OF YOUR DIRTY JOBS SO YOU DO NOT HAVE TO GET YOUR HANDS STAINED!
All you need to know is that we are highly trained team of ex-millitary personnel. Just call us The Shadow. We can perform what you need done; we don't need to know your situation in the hit, and prefer not to.

We get the job done right the first time.

We are the ones you hire when you want to make sure that is not traced back to you.

We don't care about the gender or age.

Whether or not a pregnant woman.

We perform Torture, contract killing, Molesting, Paybacks, Track and Trace, Threats, Blackmails, Spy, Planting Evidence, Setups, Poisoning, Human Organ Trafficking (Kidneys, Livers, Lungs, Dead bodies for sale) and Virtual Kidnapping Worldwide.

If the hit is a political figure, or LEO, there will be an additional fee.

For an extra fee, we can also make the hit look like "SUICIDE or Accident or whatsoever you want it to be."

The hit will take 1 Week maximum.

Hits outside US will require 1 additional week and a $5000 in travel fees.

Once we are done and hit is has been made, we will contact you with pictures or videos of the end results.

Information Required:
Full Name
Age
Address: Street,City, State, Country, Zip Code
Work (Occupation)
Hobbies
Spouse
Photo of Target

         We make sure they pay for what they did in your life.

       Karma Is a Bitch!

                   Contact us and we will handle your business for you.

               Contract Killers, Spree Killers, Sex Killers..

            We are Drivers of the Karma Bus!

            We have more than 50 agents in  Worldwide.

        Contact via Email: gyattso@tuta.io
Price: 500
Contacts: Contact via Email: gyattso@tuta.io
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Tags: torture, contract killing, molesting, paybacks, track and trace, threats, blackmails, spy, planting evidence, setups, poisoning, human organ trafficking (kidneys, livers, lungs, dead bodies for sale),