Spaceballs (1987) EN

1
00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:38,094
RICCO:
Colonel Sandurz?

2
00:03:38,177 --> 00:03:40,304
What is it,
Sergeant Ricco?

3
00:03:42,306 --> 00:03:46,185
You told me to let you know the moment
Planet Druidia was in sight, sir.

4
00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:47,311
So?

5
00:03:47,395 --> 00:03:49,563
Planet Druidia
is in sight, sir.

6
00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:51,649
You're really
a Spaceball.

7
00:03:51,774 --> 00:03:53,109
You know that,
don't you?

8
00:03:53,192 --> 00:03:54,402
Thanks, sir.

9
00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:55,903
Have you notified
Lord Helmet?

10
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:58,239
Yes, sir. I took the liberty.
He's on his way.

11
00:03:58,322 --> 00:04:00,491
CORPORAL: Make way
for Dark Helmet!

12
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:03,452
All rise in the presence
of Dark Helmet.

13
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:16,507
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

14
00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:44,785
(CHOKING)

15
00:04:52,376 --> 00:04:54,587
I can't breathe
in this thing.

16
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,673
We're approaching
Planet Druidia, sir.

17
00:04:57,756 --> 00:04:58,924
Good.

18
00:04:59,008 --> 00:05:02,011
I'll call Spaceball City and notify
President Skroob immediately.

19
00:05:02,094 --> 00:05:04,847
I already called him, sir.
He knows everything.

20
00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:10,436
What? You went
over my helmet?

21
00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:14,148
Well, not exactly over, sir.
More to the side.

22
00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:17,776
I'll always call you first. It'll
never happen again. Never ever!

23
00:05:19,695 --> 00:05:21,489
Oh, shit!

24
00:05:21,572 --> 00:05:24,450
No! Please!

25
00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:26,785
Please, no, not that!

26
00:05:28,579 --> 00:05:30,414
<i>Yes, that.</i>

27
00:05:32,249 --> 00:05:33,667
(GROANING)

28
00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:41,759
(SOBBING)

29
00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:51,143
Sandurz!
Sir.

30
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,103
I don't see Planet Druidia.
Where is it?

31
00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:56,440
We don't have visual contact yet,
but we have it on the radar screen.

32
00:05:56,524 --> 00:05:57,816
Shall I punch it
up for you?

33
00:05:57,900 --> 00:05:59,318
Never mind.
I'll do it myself.

34
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:00,694
Very good, sir.

35
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:06,492
What's the matter? What's
that churning and bubbling?

36
00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:08,118
You call that
a radar screen?

37
00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:10,829
No, sir, we call it
Mr. Coffee.

38
00:06:11,247 --> 00:06:12,748
(MACHINE BEEPS)
Care for some?

39
00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:17,545
Yes. I always have coffee when
I watch radar. You know that.

40
00:06:17,628 --> 00:06:19,421
Of course I do.
Everybody knows that!

41
00:06:19,505 --> 00:06:21,298
Of course we do, sir.

42
00:06:22,841 --> 00:06:26,136
Now that I have my coffee,
I'm ready to watch radar.

43
00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:28,097
Where is it?

44
00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:29,932
Right here, sir.

45
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:31,517
Switch to teleview.

46
00:06:32,810 --> 00:06:34,687
There it is.
Planet Druidia.

47
00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:38,190
And underneath the air shield,
10,000 years of fresh air.

48
00:06:38,524 --> 00:06:39,984
We must get through
that air shield.

49
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,110
We will, sir.

50
00:06:41,193 --> 00:06:44,572
Once we kidnap the Princess, we can
force her father, King Roland,

51
00:06:44,655 --> 00:06:46,740
to give us the combination
to the air shield,

52
00:06:46,824 --> 00:06:50,661
thereby destroying Planet Druidia
and saving Planet Spaceball.

53
00:06:51,203 --> 00:06:52,955
Everybody got that?

54
00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:55,749
Good. When will the
Princess be married?

55
00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:57,334
Within the hour, sir.

56
00:06:57,501 --> 00:06:59,712
Well, I hope
it's a long ceremony,

57
00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:02,006
'cause it's gonna be
a short honeymoon.

58
00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:06,927
(GROANING)

59
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,057
<i>Hot! Too hot.</i>

60
00:07:29,033 --> 00:07:32,411
If only your mother were
alive to see this day.

61
00:07:32,536 --> 00:07:34,413
Is everyone may?
Yes, Your Majesty.

62
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,248
No! Where's my
droid of honor?

63
00:07:36,332 --> 00:07:39,376
Oh, dear, yes.
Where's Dot? Dot?

64
00:07:40,044 --> 00:07:41,670
Dot Matrix!

65
00:07:42,046 --> 00:07:43,839
Oh, thank God,
dear!

66
00:07:44,882 --> 00:07:46,133
Where've you been?

67
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:49,053
Here I am. I'm sorry. I
had to make a pit stop.

68
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:51,847
I'm so excited, I
couldn't hold my oil.

69
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,808
All right, people.
It's magic time!

70
00:07:54,892 --> 00:07:57,561
All right, everyone,
starting on the left foot.

71
00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:59,146
Daddy, that's
the right foot.

72
00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:00,898
It's too late.
Keep going.

73
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,071
(WEDDING MARCH PLAYING)

74
00:08:14,578 --> 00:08:15,663
Daddy.

75
00:08:16,372 --> 00:08:17,373
(STOPS PLAYING ORGAN)

76
00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:18,874
Must I go through
with this?

77
00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:21,335
I'm sorry, my dear.
You have to.

78
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,755
(ORGAN RESUMES PLAYING)

79
00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:32,429
But, Daddy,

80
00:08:32,513 --> 00:08:33,514
(GROANING)

81
00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:34,598
(STOPS PLAYING)

82
00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:36,016
I don't love him.

83
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:39,603
I'm sorry, Vespa. He's the last
prince left in the galaxy.

84
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,358
(SCATTERED MURMURING)

85
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,318
(ORGAN RESUMES PLAYING)

86
00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:55,327
Dearly beloved, we are gathered
here on this most joyous occasion

87
00:08:55,411 --> 00:08:59,206
to witness Princess Vespa,
daughter of King Roland,

88
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:02,793
going right past the altar,
heading down the ramp

89
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,670
and out the door!

90
00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:07,381
Stop her! Someone stop her!
Stop her!

91
00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:10,801
Hey, wait! You forgot
to get married!

92
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,469
Will you stop?

93
00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:14,596
What are you doing?

94
00:09:14,722 --> 00:09:16,765
No questions, Dot.
Get in.

95
00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:19,309
(ENGINE STARTING)

96
00:09:27,276 --> 00:09:29,987
What is she doing?
Where is she going?

97
00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:37,119
Come back!

98
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:40,622
<i>(RAISE YOUR HANDS</i>
PLAYING ON STEREO)

99
00:09:57,973 --> 00:10:00,184
<i>MAN: (SINGING)
Ooh, yeah</i>

100
00:10:06,023 --> 00:10:07,608
<i>You</i>

101
00:10:07,983 --> 00:10:11,278
<i>You got
a nasty reputation</i>

102
00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:14,948
<i>We're in
a sticky situation</i>

103
00:10:15,157 --> 00:10:18,202
<i>It's down to
me and you</i>

104
00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:21,371
<i>So tell me,
is it true?</i>

105
00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:25,250
<i>They say there ain't
nobody better</i>

106
00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:28,003
<i>Well, now
that we're together</i>

107
00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:29,630
(PHONE RINGING)

108
00:10:29,713 --> 00:10:32,049
<i>Show me
what you can do</i>

109
00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:36,261
Barf.

110
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,889
(RINGING CONTINUES)

111
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:40,891
Barf.

112
00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:42,851
(MUSIC BLARING)

113
00:10:43,060 --> 00:10:44,186
Barf.

114
00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:46,146
<i>And playin'
to win</i>

115
00:10:46,230 --> 00:10:47,523
Huh?

116
00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:49,525
<i>Raise your hands...</i>

117
00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:51,151
(REDUCES VOLUME)

118
00:10:51,235 --> 00:10:52,319
LONE STARR: Barf?

119
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,571
Always when I'm eating.

120
00:10:59,785 --> 00:11:00,911
Barf!

121
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,913
(RINGING CONTINUES)

122
00:11:03,622 --> 00:11:04,665
What can I
do you for, boss?

123
00:11:04,748 --> 00:11:05,791
Where you been?

124
00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:06,875
Grabbing myself a snack.

125
00:11:06,959 --> 00:11:08,085
You want some?
No!

126
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,419
A little hair
of the dog?

127
00:11:09,503 --> 00:11:11,630
No! Listen, answer
that thing for me.

128
00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:12,673
Will you
watch that?

129
00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:13,757
Sorry.

130
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:16,885
I'll just throw on our audio here.
That way they won't see you.

131
00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:19,263
Yello!

132
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,598
<i>Hello, Lone Starr.</i>

133
00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:23,225
Sorry, wrong switch.

134
00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:25,644
Hello, Vinnie.
What do you want?

135
00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:28,939
No, it's not what I want.

136
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,942
It's what he wants.

137
00:11:33,110 --> 00:11:34,444
(LAUGHING)

138
00:11:35,279 --> 00:11:36,697
<i>BARF AND LONE STARR:
Pizza the Hutt.</i>

139
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:37,823
(BURPING)

140
00:11:37,906 --> 00:11:40,993
Well, if it isn't
Lone Starr

141
00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:43,620
and his sidekick, Puke.

142
00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:45,581
That's Barf.

143
00:11:45,664 --> 00:11:48,083
Barf, Puke, whatever.

144
00:11:49,001 --> 00:11:50,460
Where's my money?

145
00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:53,088
Don't worry, Pizza. You'll
have it by next week.

146
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:56,133
No. I gotta have it
by tomorrow.

147
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:59,511
100,000 space bucks?
By tomorrow?

148
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:03,307
100,000? No way!

149
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:05,392
You forgot late charges

150
00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:09,646
which brings it up to
1 million space bucks!

151
00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:12,649
A million?
That's unfair!

152
00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:15,152
<i>Unfair to the payer,</i>

153
00:12:15,611 --> 00:12:17,696
but not to the payee.

154
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,197
(LAUGHING)

155
00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:23,952
But you're gonna
pay it or else...

156
00:12:24,286 --> 00:12:25,287
<i>(PIZZA LAUGHING)</i>

157
00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:26,872
Or else what?

158
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:28,624
Tell him, Vinnie.

159
00:12:31,043 --> 00:12:35,964
Or else Pizza
is gonna send out for you.

160
00:12:36,632 --> 00:12:38,759
<i>(PIZZA AND VINNIE LAUGHING)</i>

161
00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:44,598
You're delicious.

162
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:45,766
<i>Ciao,</i> boys.

163
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,684
<i>(PIZZA COUGHING)</i>

164
00:12:51,188 --> 00:12:53,231
<i>(HEARTSTRINGS</i>
PLAYING <i>ON</i> STEREO)

165
00:12:53,315 --> 00:12:55,400
<i>WOMAN: (SINGING)
I slept in your arms</i>

166
00:12:55,484 --> 00:12:59,988
<i>Content to go on dreaming</i>

167
00:13:01,198 --> 00:13:04,868
<i>A nightmare
too real to imagine</i>

168
00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:08,330
<i>Losing you</i>

169
00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:12,334
Can we talk?

170
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:15,837
Okay. We all know Prince
Valium is a pill,

171
00:13:15,921 --> 00:13:18,340
but you could've married
him for your father's sake

172
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:21,385
and then had a headache
for the next 25 years.

173
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,470
<i>I love you more each day</i>

174
00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:25,806
Will you turn
that thing off?

175
00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:28,850
<i>Play on my heartstrings...</i>

176
00:13:28,934 --> 00:13:30,060
What?

177
00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:32,396
What is it?

178
00:13:32,688 --> 00:13:36,316
I was saying, do you
realize what you've done?

179
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,694
Yes! And I'm glad.

180
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:41,655
Glad.

181
00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:45,325
I wonder
if she's glad.

182
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:55,168
Don't be ridiculous.

183
00:13:55,252 --> 00:13:57,754
As president
of Planet Spaceball,

184
00:13:57,838 --> 00:13:59,840
I can assure
both you and your viewers

185
00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:03,635
that there's absolutely no
air shortage whatsoever.

186
00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:07,055
Yes, of course. I've heard
the same rumor myself.

187
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:10,142
Yes, thanks for calling
and not reversing the charges.

188
00:14:10,225 --> 00:14:11,476
Yes, bye.

189
00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:13,812
Shithead.

190
00:14:20,444 --> 00:14:21,862
(AIR HISSING)

191
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:23,280
(INHALING)

192
00:14:30,037 --> 00:14:31,663
<i>President Skroob.</i>

193
00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:33,749
Yes?

194
00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:35,167
<i>This is Central Control.</i>

195
00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:37,544
<i>Spaceball Commanderette
Zircon speaking, sir.</i>

196
00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:39,046
Yes, what is it,
Commanderette?

197
00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:42,674
<i>Lord Helmet has just notified us
that Princess Vespa is in sight</i>

198
00:14:42,758 --> 00:14:44,760
<i>and</i> Spaceball <i>One
is closing in on her.</i>

199
00:14:44,843 --> 00:14:46,094
Good.

200
00:14:46,178 --> 00:14:50,265
We have both ships coming up on the
teledar, sir, if you wish to observe.

201
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:51,725
I'll be down immediately.

202
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:54,519
<i>Should I have Snotty
beam you down, sir?</i>

203
00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:57,814
I don't know about that beaming stuff.
Is it safe?

204
00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:01,151
Oh, yes, sir. Snotty beamed
me twice last night.

205
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,445
It was wonderful.

206
00:15:04,321 --> 00:15:05,906
All right.
I'll take a shot at it.

207
00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:08,283
What the hell,
it works on <i>Star Trek.</i>

208
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:13,997
<i>Snotty,</i>

209
00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:15,582
beam him down.

210
00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:16,792
SNOTTY: Yes, sir.
Immediately, sir.

211
00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:27,844
(ALL MURMURING)

212
00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:33,558
SNOTTY: Great beasties!
What's happened to his head?

213
00:15:33,642 --> 00:15:35,310
It's on backwards!

214
00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:37,771
This is terrible!
Do something!

215
00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:42,025
I'm sorry, sir. There must have
been a micro-converter malfunction.

216
00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:46,446
Why didn't somebody tell me
my ass was so big?

217
00:15:46,530 --> 00:15:48,323
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)

218
00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:51,868
Hold on, sir. We'll try
to reverse the beam.

219
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:54,955
SNOTTY: It could be
the interlocking system.

220
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:02,254
Lock one. Lock two.
Lock three. Loch Lomond!

221
00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:11,388
(SIGHS)

222
00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:15,642
<i>Are you all right,
Mr. President?</i>

223
00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:17,811
Fine.
No thanks to you!

224
00:16:17,936 --> 00:16:19,396
<i>We'll beam you back, sir.</i>

225
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,898
Forget it.
No more beaming.

226
00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:23,733
This time I'm gonna walk.

227
00:16:27,571 --> 00:16:29,489
President Skroob!
Salute!

228
00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:31,491
Hail, Skroob!

229
00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:36,079
Hello, President Skroob.

230
00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:38,623
Hello, Charlene.

231
00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:39,833
I'm Marlene.

232
00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:41,001
Hello, Marlene.

233
00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:42,377
I'm Charlene.

234
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,337
Chew your gum.

235
00:16:44,963 --> 00:16:46,006
Where's the Princess?

236
00:16:46,089 --> 00:16:48,633
Right there, sir, on the
left side of the screen

237
00:16:48,717 --> 00:16:52,429
approaching Spaceball One at
1,500 light leagues per minute.

238
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:55,098
Good. She's almost
in our grasp.

239
00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:58,268
Tell Dark Helmet he must
take the Princess alive.

240
00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:08,445
Princess Vespa's spaceship
within range, sir.

241
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:09,613
<i>Good.</i>

242
00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:13,116
<i>Fire a warning shot
across her nose.</i>

243
00:17:13,325 --> 00:17:15,076
(LASER SHOTS FIRING)

244
00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:16,995
What's going on?

245
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:18,788
It's either
the Fourth of July,

246
00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:20,707
or someone's
trying to kill us!

247
00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:25,212
Hey!

248
00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:28,131
I don't have to put up
with this. I'm rich.

249
00:17:29,674 --> 00:17:31,051
What are you doing?

250
00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:32,469
I'm calling my father.

251
00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:35,931
1-800-Druidia.

252
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,770
Careful, you idiot! I said
across her nose,not up it!

253
00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:45,232
Sorry, sir.
I'm doing my best.

254
00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,567
Who made
that man a gunner?

255
00:17:47,651 --> 00:17:49,069
I did, sir.

256
00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,654
He's my cousin.

257
00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:52,989
Who is he?
He's an Asshole, sir.

258
00:17:53,323 --> 00:17:55,116
I know that.
What's his name?

259
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,201
That is his name, sir.

260
00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:57,953
Asshole.
Major Asshole.

261
00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:59,996
And his cousin?
He's an Asshole, too, sir.

262
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,332
Gunner's Mate, First
Class, Phillip Asshole.

263
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,876
How many Assholes we got
on this ship anyhow?

264
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:05,961
ALL: Yo!

265
00:18:09,339 --> 00:18:12,008
I knew it. I'm
surrounded by assholes.

266
00:18:13,677 --> 00:18:15,595
<i>Keep firing, assholes!</i>

267
00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:19,099
Hurry, Daddy. Hurry!

268
00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:23,561
There are laser blasts
all around us! I'm scared.

269
00:18:25,188 --> 00:18:28,650
<i>ON RADIO:
King Roland to Lone Starr.</i>

270
00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:29,985
<i>Are you there?</i>

271
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,488
<i>Lone Starr, you've got to help me.
Please save my daughter.</i>

272
00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:35,740
<i>She's being attacked
by Spaceballs!</i>

273
00:18:35,824 --> 00:18:38,076
Spaceballs? Forget it.
Too dangerous.

274
00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:41,830
Besides, I'm already numero uno
on Dark Helmet's hit list.

275
00:18:41,997 --> 00:18:45,125
Look, Your Highness, it's not
that we're afraid. Far from it.

276
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:48,461
It's just that we got this thing
about death. It's not us.

277
00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:49,504
Please, you must!

278
00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:52,549
You're the only ones that can save her!
I'll give you anything!

279
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,676
Did you hear me?
Anything.

280
00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:56,303
Anything?

281
00:18:56,386 --> 00:18:57,512
Yes, anything.

282
00:18:59,014 --> 00:19:02,350
Okay. We'll do it
for a million.

283
00:19:02,434 --> 00:19:03,476
A million?

284
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,479
You're starting to fade here. We're
losing picture, Your Highness.

285
00:19:06,563 --> 00:19:09,649
All right, I'll pay it.
Only find her, save her.

286
00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:11,818
All right, King.
You just made a deal.

287
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:14,321
One princess for
1 million space bucks.

288
00:19:14,404 --> 00:19:15,488
What's she driving?

289
00:19:15,572 --> 00:19:17,324
<i>A brand-new white Mercedes</i>

290
00:19:17,407 --> 00:19:19,617
2001 SEL limited edition.

291
00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:21,494
Moon roof,
all-leather interior.

292
00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:24,039
I got it at a very good price.
I paid cash.

293
00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:26,666
My cousin, Prince Murray, has
a dealership in the valley.

294
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:27,876
He was very nice to me.

295
00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:29,002
We get the idea.

296
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,337
Where was
she last seen?

297
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:32,339
She was just passing
<i>Jupiter Two.</i>

298
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:33,506
We'll find her.

299
00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:35,842
Please bring her back safely.

300
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:39,971
And if it's at all possible,
try to save the car.

301
00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:45,352
1 million space bucks! We'll be
able to pay off Pizza the Hutt!

302
00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:46,603
Give me paw!

303
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,188
(BOTH HOWLING)

304
00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:55,028
What's happening?

305
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:58,490
What's that glow?

306
00:19:58,907 --> 00:20:00,200
We're not moving.

307
00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:02,202
We're moving,
all right.

308
00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:03,787
Backwards.

309
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:11,044
Look, there's our princess.
She's got company.

310
00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:13,046
Oh, no.
Spaceballs!

311
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:15,423
And they've already got her
in their magnetic beam.

312
00:20:15,507 --> 00:20:17,050
We're too late.
What a shame.

313
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:19,344
I'll throw her in reverse.
We'll get out of here.

314
00:20:19,427 --> 00:20:20,762
No! Bad.

315
00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:23,765
What are we doing risking our
lives for a runaway princess?

316
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,725
I know we need the money.
but... Listen.

317
00:20:25,809 --> 00:20:28,311
We're not just
doing this for money.

318
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,149
We're doing it
for a shitload of money.

319
00:20:33,483 --> 00:20:34,776
You're right.

320
00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:38,071
And when you're right, you're right.
And you, you're always right.

321
00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:39,948
Okay, we save her.
But how?

322
00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:42,742
The minute we move in there, they're
gonna spot us on their radar.

323
00:20:42,826 --> 00:20:43,868
Uh-uh.
Uh-huh.

324
00:20:43,952 --> 00:20:45,036
Uh-uh.
Uh-huh.

325
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:46,746
Not if we jam it.

326
00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:47,872
Aha!

327
00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:48,998
You're right.

328
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,917
Down scope.
Down scope.

329
00:20:57,298 --> 00:21:01,511
Radar about to be jammed.

330
00:21:09,060 --> 00:21:10,311
(BEEPS)

331
00:21:11,896 --> 00:21:13,398
(BUZZING)

332
00:21:25,869 --> 00:21:26,995
Shit.

333
00:21:28,371 --> 00:21:29,706
(CLAN KING)

334
00:21:33,376 --> 00:21:35,295
ON PA: <i>Sir.</i>
What is it?

335
00:21:35,378 --> 00:21:38,339
<i>Can I talk to you for a
minute, please, sir?</i>

336
00:21:41,885 --> 00:21:42,969
Well?

337
00:21:43,052 --> 00:21:44,053
<i>I'm having trouble
with the radar, sir.</i>

338
00:21:44,137 --> 00:21:46,973
You don't need that, Private.
We're right here. What is it?

339
00:21:47,056 --> 00:21:49,267
<i>I'm having trouble
with the radar, sir.</i>

340
00:21:49,350 --> 00:21:50,351
Now what is it?

341
00:21:50,435 --> 00:21:51,811
I'm having trouble
with the radar.

342
00:21:51,895 --> 00:21:52,854
What's wrong?

343
00:21:52,937 --> 00:21:54,981
I've lost the bleeps, the
sweeps, and the creeps.

344
00:21:55,064 --> 00:21:56,274
The what?
And the what?

345
00:21:56,357 --> 00:21:57,734
You know. The bleeps.

346
00:21:57,901 --> 00:21:59,319
(BLEEPING)

347
00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:01,988
The sweeps.

348
00:22:02,071 --> 00:22:03,448
(GURGLING)

349
00:22:04,449 --> 00:22:05,825
And the creeps.

350
00:22:05,909 --> 00:22:07,285
(SQUEAKING)

351
00:22:07,702 --> 00:22:09,412
That's not
all he's lost.

352
00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:11,789
Sir.
The radar, sir.

353
00:22:11,873 --> 00:22:13,625
It appears to be

354
00:22:14,417 --> 00:22:15,627
jammed.

355
00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:18,421
Jammed.

356
00:22:22,383 --> 00:22:23,718
Raspberry.

357
00:22:25,553 --> 00:22:30,141
Well, there's only one man who
would dare give me the raspberry.

358
00:22:31,142 --> 00:22:33,269
<i>Lone Starr!</i>

359
00:22:33,645 --> 00:22:35,104
(CLATTERING)

360
00:23:01,005 --> 00:23:02,048
What was that?

361
00:23:02,131 --> 00:23:03,132
(KNOCK AT DOOR)

362
00:23:03,216 --> 00:23:05,218
Never mind that.
What was that?

363
00:23:06,135 --> 00:23:07,136
(GASPS)

364
00:23:07,345 --> 00:23:08,346
Hi.

365
00:23:08,805 --> 00:23:10,515
Who are you?
Barf.

366
00:23:11,099 --> 00:23:13,476
Not in here, mister.
This is a Mercedes.

367
00:23:13,643 --> 00:23:15,728
No, that's
my name. Barf.

368
00:23:15,812 --> 00:23:16,896
Barf?

369
00:23:16,980 --> 00:23:18,314
What are you?

370
00:23:18,523 --> 00:23:20,858
I'm a Mawg:
half man, half dog.

371
00:23:21,317 --> 00:23:23,194
I'm my own best friend.

372
00:23:23,319 --> 00:23:24,571
What do you want?

373
00:23:24,654 --> 00:23:27,073
Your father hired Captain Lone
Starr and me to save you.

374
00:23:27,156 --> 00:23:29,033
We got to hop up
this ladder and get out.

375
00:23:29,117 --> 00:23:31,244
Good. Quick. Hurry, darling.
Follow the dog.

376
00:23:31,327 --> 00:23:32,829
Mawg. I'm a Mawg.

377
00:23:33,121 --> 00:23:35,665
Wait. What about
my matched luggage?

378
00:23:35,748 --> 00:23:37,166
(WHIMPERING)

379
00:23:41,671 --> 00:23:43,298
DOT: Stop looking
up my can.

380
00:23:43,381 --> 00:23:44,549
Sorry.

381
00:23:53,641 --> 00:23:57,478
Checking in? What the
hell is all that?

382
00:23:59,689 --> 00:24:02,233
It's Her Royal Highness's
matched luggage!

383
00:24:02,317 --> 00:24:03,359
LONE STARR: What?

384
00:24:03,985 --> 00:24:06,571
Her Royal Highness's
matched luggage.

385
00:24:07,488 --> 00:24:08,948
Matched luggage, huh?

386
00:24:09,032 --> 00:24:11,618
What's she think this is,
a Princess Cruise?

387
00:24:12,243 --> 00:24:13,995
Well, she wouldn't
go without it.

388
00:24:14,078 --> 00:24:15,371
Oh, yeah?

389
00:24:15,955 --> 00:24:17,206
(GRUNTS)

390
00:24:19,459 --> 00:24:20,585
Now hear this.

391
00:24:20,668 --> 00:24:23,463
The minute we get out of here,
the first thing we do is

392
00:24:23,546 --> 00:24:25,548
<i>dump the matched luggage.</i>

393
00:24:26,257 --> 00:24:27,717
Who is that?

394
00:24:28,885 --> 00:24:31,596
Now you hear this,
whoever you are.

395
00:24:32,055 --> 00:24:34,349
<i>You will not touch
that luggage.</i>

396
00:24:34,474 --> 00:24:37,310
And furthermore, I want
this pigsty cleaned up.

397
00:24:37,477 --> 00:24:40,021
I will not be rescued
in such filth.

398
00:24:40,647 --> 00:24:44,359
Listen. On this ship, I don't
take orders, I give them.

399
00:24:44,442 --> 00:24:46,861
<i>This is my dreamboat,
sweetheart.</i>

400
00:24:47,153 --> 00:24:48,529
Sweetheart?

401
00:24:48,613 --> 00:24:49,781
Oh-oh.

402
00:24:50,907 --> 00:24:53,159
How dare you
speak to me that way?

403
00:24:53,284 --> 00:24:56,579
<i>You will address me in the proper
manner as Your Royal Highness.</i>

404
00:24:56,663 --> 00:24:58,539
I am Princess Vespa,

405
00:24:58,748 --> 00:25:01,959
daughter of Roland,
King of the Druids.

406
00:25:04,671 --> 00:25:06,464
That's all we needed.

407
00:25:06,589 --> 00:25:09,217
A Druish princess.

408
00:25:11,803 --> 00:25:14,138
Funny.
She doesn't look Druish.

409
00:25:50,883 --> 00:25:54,303
<i>Now we will show her who is
in charge of this galaxy.</i>

410
00:25:55,555 --> 00:25:59,100
<i>Hold it. I'll handle
this personally.</i>

411
00:26:00,601 --> 00:26:02,353
<i>Jawohl,</i>
Lord Helmet!

412
00:26:05,773 --> 00:26:08,067
<i>So, Princess Vespa,</i>

413
00:26:08,151 --> 00:26:11,988
<i>you thought you could outwit the
imperious forces of Planet Spaceball.</i>

414
00:26:12,363 --> 00:26:14,031
<i>Well, you were wrong.</i>

415
00:26:14,449 --> 00:26:16,284
<i>You are now our prisoner.</i>

416
00:26:16,367 --> 00:26:19,287
<i>And you will be held
hostage until such time</i>

417
00:26:19,370 --> 00:26:22,874
<i>as all of the air is
transferred from your planet</i>

418
00:26:23,166 --> 00:26:24,917
<i>To ours.</i>

419
00:26:33,634 --> 00:26:35,094
She's not in there.

420
00:26:36,554 --> 00:26:37,764
<i>CORPORAL ON PA:
Radar repaired, sir.</i>

421
00:26:37,847 --> 00:26:40,933
<i>We're picking up the outline
of a Winnebago.</i>

422
00:26:41,601 --> 00:26:42,935
Winnebago?

423
00:26:43,519 --> 00:26:44,979
Lone Starr.

424
00:26:54,155 --> 00:26:56,032
Here comes
the Badyear blimp.

425
00:26:56,866 --> 00:26:58,409
We'd better get out
of here in a hurry.

426
00:26:58,493 --> 00:27:00,203
Switch to
secret hyper-jets.

427
00:27:00,286 --> 00:27:02,038
Switching to
secret hyper-jets.

428
00:27:02,121 --> 00:27:05,541
Buckle up back there, we're
going into hyperactive.

429
00:27:13,174 --> 00:27:14,509
We're closing in
on them, sir.

430
00:27:14,592 --> 00:27:16,886
In less than a minute,
Lone Starr will be ours.

431
00:27:16,969 --> 00:27:19,639
<i>Good.
Prepare to attack.</i>

432
00:27:19,722 --> 00:27:21,057
Prepare to attack.

433
00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:23,100
<i>On the count of three.</i>

434
00:27:23,476 --> 00:27:24,602
<i>One,</i>

435
00:27:25,228 --> 00:27:26,395
<i>two,</i>

436
00:27:27,396 --> 00:27:28,481
<i>late!</i>

437
00:27:28,564 --> 00:27:29,732
What happened?
Where are they?

438
00:27:29,816 --> 00:27:31,025
I don't know, sir.

439
00:27:31,108 --> 00:27:32,693
They must have hyper-jets
on that thing.

440
00:27:32,777 --> 00:27:34,904
And what have we got on
this thing, a Cuisinart?

441
00:27:34,987 --> 00:27:35,988
No, sir.

442
00:27:36,072 --> 00:27:37,198
Well, find them,
catch them!

443
00:27:37,281 --> 00:27:38,282
Yes, sir.

444
00:27:38,366 --> 00:27:40,076
<i>ON PA: Prepare ship
for light speed.</i>

445
00:27:40,159 --> 00:27:41,661
No, light speed
is too slow.

446
00:27:41,744 --> 00:27:42,829
Light speed too slow?

447
00:27:42,912 --> 00:27:45,748
Yes. We're gonna have to go
right to ludicrous speed.

448
00:27:45,832 --> 00:27:46,999
(ALL GASPING)

449
00:27:47,083 --> 00:27:48,209
Ludicrous speed?

450
00:27:48,292 --> 00:27:51,379
We've never gone that fast. I don't
know if this ship can take it.

451
00:27:51,462 --> 00:27:53,339
What's the matter,
Colonel Sandurz?

452
00:27:53,422 --> 00:27:54,632
Chicken?

453
00:27:56,300 --> 00:27:57,760
<i>Prepare ship.</i>

454
00:27:58,469 --> 00:28:00,930
<i>Prepare ship for
ludicrous speed.</i>

455
00:28:01,264 --> 00:28:02,849
<i>Fasten all seat belts.</i>

456
00:28:02,932 --> 00:28:04,725
<i>Seal all entrances
and exits.</i>

457
00:28:04,809 --> 00:28:06,519
<i>Close all shops
in the mall.</i>

458
00:28:06,602 --> 00:28:08,521
<i>Cancel the
three-ring circus.</i>

459
00:28:08,604 --> 00:28:10,022
<i>Secure all animals
in the zoo...</i>

460
00:28:10,106 --> 00:28:12,817
Give me that, you petty
excuse for an officer.

461
00:28:12,900 --> 00:28:13,901
(ALARM BUZZING)

462
00:28:13,985 --> 00:28:15,486
DARK HELMET:
<i>Now hear this.</i>

463
00:28:15,903 --> 00:28:17,363
<i>Ludicrous speed!</i>

464
00:28:17,446 --> 00:28:18,698
Sir, hadn't you
better buckle up?

465
00:28:18,781 --> 00:28:20,366
Buckle this.

466
00:28:20,449 --> 00:28:23,077
<i>Ludicrous speed! Go!</i>

467
00:28:26,873 --> 00:28:28,291
(EXCLAIMING)

468
00:28:29,584 --> 00:28:30,960
(SCREAMING)

469
00:28:43,472 --> 00:28:45,391
(DARK HELMET SCREAMING)

470
00:28:46,017 --> 00:28:47,810
DARK HELMET:
What have I done?

471
00:28:50,021 --> 00:28:54,066
My brains are going
into my feet.

472
00:29:05,703 --> 00:29:07,788
What the hell
was that?

473
00:29:08,372 --> 00:29:09,874
<i>Spaceball One.</i>

474
00:29:11,334 --> 00:29:13,169
They've gone to plaid.

475
00:29:14,962 --> 00:29:19,175
We passed them.
Stop this thing.

476
00:29:19,258 --> 00:29:21,802
We can't stop.
It's too dangerous.

477
00:29:21,886 --> 00:29:24,221
We've got to
slow down first.

478
00:29:25,139 --> 00:29:28,476
Bullshit!
Just stop this thing!

479
00:29:28,559 --> 00:29:32,188
I order you. Stop!

480
00:29:41,447 --> 00:29:42,823
(SCREAMING)

481
00:29:47,495 --> 00:29:49,789
Here, sir. Here.
Let me help you, sir.

482
00:29:52,249 --> 00:29:53,417
Are you
all right, sir?

483
00:29:53,501 --> 00:29:55,670
Fine.
How have you been?

484
00:29:55,753 --> 00:29:56,754
Fine, sir.

485
00:29:56,837 --> 00:29:57,838
Good.

486
00:29:57,922 --> 00:29:59,298
Good thing you were
wearing that helmet.

487
00:29:59,382 --> 00:30:00,424
Yeah.

488
00:30:00,508 --> 00:30:02,093
What shall
we do now, sir?

489
00:30:02,176 --> 00:30:04,261
Well, are we stopped?

490
00:30:04,345 --> 00:30:05,471
We're stopped, sir.

491
00:30:05,554 --> 00:30:06,597
Good.

492
00:30:07,473 --> 00:30:09,642
Why don't we take
a five-minute break?

493
00:30:09,725 --> 00:30:11,268
Very good, sir.

494
00:30:11,894 --> 00:30:13,729
Smoke if
you got them.

495
00:30:16,816 --> 00:30:18,150
Take her out of
hyperactive.

496
00:30:18,234 --> 00:30:20,194
Taking her out
of hyperactive.

497
00:30:21,904 --> 00:30:22,947
(SIGHS)

498
00:30:23,030 --> 00:30:24,657
Congrats, boss.
We did it.

499
00:30:24,740 --> 00:30:26,826
They must have overshot
us by a week-and-a-half.

500
00:30:26,909 --> 00:30:28,327
Okay. Let's set
a course for Druidia.

501
00:30:28,411 --> 00:30:29,453
Setting a course
for...

502
00:30:29,537 --> 00:30:30,496
(ALARM BEEPING)

503
00:30:30,579 --> 00:30:31,664
What's that?

504
00:30:31,747 --> 00:30:33,749
I don't know.
We're losing power!

505
00:30:33,833 --> 00:30:35,376
'Cause we're out of gas!

506
00:30:35,459 --> 00:30:37,003
Must have burned it
up in hyperactive.

507
00:30:37,086 --> 00:30:39,505
We should have put more
than five bucks' worth in!

508
00:30:39,588 --> 00:30:41,382
Okay. We'll have to
set her down.

509
00:30:41,465 --> 00:30:43,342
Prepare for
an emergency landing.

510
00:30:43,426 --> 00:30:44,593
Quick, give me
a reading!

511
00:30:44,677 --> 00:30:47,013
Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name...

512
00:30:47,096 --> 00:30:48,848
Will you stop that?

513
00:30:48,931 --> 00:30:50,766
Keep your seat belts
fastened back there.

514
00:30:50,850 --> 00:30:52,018
You okay, Princess?

515
00:30:52,101 --> 00:30:53,477
(SCREAMING)

516
00:30:54,145 --> 00:30:57,356
No, you idiot! Where'd
you learn how to fly?

517
00:30:57,440 --> 00:30:59,775
Okay.
<i>Eagle 5</i> coming in.

518
00:31:06,198 --> 00:31:07,616
(WHIMPERING)

519
00:31:20,629 --> 00:31:22,840
BARF: Left! Go left!
Right! I mean right!

520
00:31:23,132 --> 00:31:24,300
Pull up!

521
00:31:26,844 --> 00:31:28,262
(WHIMPERING)

522
00:31:35,603 --> 00:31:36,812
Where're you going?

523
00:31:36,896 --> 00:31:39,815
I am going to tell him
off once and for all.

524
00:31:40,649 --> 00:31:43,903
Wait. We'll need him
to get us out of here.

525
00:31:43,986 --> 00:31:45,696
Called me an idiot?

526
00:31:45,780 --> 00:31:48,741
I'm going back there and
explain a few things to her.

527
00:31:48,824 --> 00:31:52,161
Besides, he's got a sexy voice.
He might be cute.

528
00:31:53,287 --> 00:31:54,580
You haven't seen her.

529
00:31:54,663 --> 00:31:55,831
I know what
she looks like.

530
00:31:55,915 --> 00:31:57,666
You've seen one,
you've seen them all.

531
00:31:57,750 --> 00:32:00,961
Cute? I know these space
bums, they're all alike.

532
00:32:01,253 --> 00:32:02,421
Fat, ugly...

533
00:32:02,505 --> 00:32:03,756
Buck-toothed,
knock-kneed...

534
00:32:03,839 --> 00:32:05,466
Beer-swilling pigs!

535
00:32:05,549 --> 00:32:07,009
Horse-faced space dogs!

536
00:32:07,093 --> 00:32:08,094
Yeah, well, normally...

537
00:32:08,177 --> 00:32:09,178
(RIPPING)

538
00:32:09,261 --> 00:32:10,846
That's gonna leave a mark.

539
00:32:10,971 --> 00:32:12,681
Now listen, you...

540
00:32:14,391 --> 00:32:15,392
You listen.

541
00:32:15,476 --> 00:32:19,522
On this ship, you're to refer to
me as "idiot," not "you Captain."

542
00:32:20,022 --> 00:32:21,732
I mean... You know
what I mean.

543
00:32:21,816 --> 00:32:23,818
And you will not
call me "you."

544
00:32:23,901 --> 00:32:26,070
You will never
address me as "you."

545
00:32:26,153 --> 00:32:28,864
You will call me
"Your Royal Highness"!

546
00:32:29,198 --> 00:32:31,700
You are a royal
pain in the...

547
00:32:32,201 --> 00:32:33,452
Hold it. Time!
BOTH: What?

548
00:32:33,536 --> 00:32:35,204
May I make
a small suggestion?

549
00:32:35,287 --> 00:32:37,998
Any minute now, the Spaceballs
will make a major U-turn,

550
00:32:38,082 --> 00:32:40,459
head back this way,
and make us all dead.

551
00:32:40,543 --> 00:32:42,253
He's right. Let's go.

552
00:32:42,336 --> 00:32:43,921
Wait. My things.

553
00:32:44,630 --> 00:32:46,173
Now listen,
you royal...

554
00:32:46,257 --> 00:32:47,341
(WHIMPERS)

555
00:32:47,424 --> 00:32:48,801
Highness.

556
00:32:48,884 --> 00:32:52,012
Take only what
you need to survive.

557
00:32:52,555 --> 00:32:53,806
(GROWLS)

558
00:33:12,783 --> 00:33:16,662
DOT: Please slow down. I'm
getting sand up my gears.

559
00:33:19,748 --> 00:33:22,585
Gee, I hope she didn't
forget anything.

560
00:33:27,423 --> 00:33:30,384
All right, wait a minute, Barf.
Put it down.

561
00:33:31,844 --> 00:33:34,096
What the hell's
in this thing?

562
00:33:38,767 --> 00:33:39,768
What's this?

563
00:33:40,394 --> 00:33:43,272
I said, take only what
you need to survive.

564
00:33:43,355 --> 00:33:45,733
My industrial-strength
hair dryer.

565
00:33:46,025 --> 00:33:48,277
And I can't
live without it!

566
00:33:49,737 --> 00:33:51,906
Okay, Princess,
that's it.

567
00:33:52,406 --> 00:33:54,033
The fairy tale is over.

568
00:33:54,575 --> 00:33:56,368
Welcome to real life.

569
00:33:56,744 --> 00:33:59,496
You want this hot air
machine, you carry it.

570
00:34:00,873 --> 00:34:02,583
You pick that up.

571
00:34:03,751 --> 00:34:05,461
You pick that up.

572
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:08,839
How dare you,
you insolent peasant?

573
00:34:09,215 --> 00:34:11,967
Nobody talks to me
that way. Nobody!

574
00:34:12,509 --> 00:34:13,719
(ECHOING)
Nobody!

575
00:34:14,094 --> 00:34:16,764
Well, what have we got here?
Will you look at her?

576
00:34:16,847 --> 00:34:17,848
(BARF SHUDDERING)

577
00:34:17,932 --> 00:34:21,769
Those flashing eyes, those flushed
cheeks, those trembling lips.

578
00:34:21,852 --> 00:34:23,771
You know
something, Princess?

579
00:34:23,854 --> 00:34:26,148
You are ugly
when you're angry.

580
00:34:26,273 --> 00:34:27,399
Uh-oh.

581
00:34:27,483 --> 00:34:28,817
That's it.

582
00:34:28,984 --> 00:34:30,736
You and
your dog are...

583
00:34:30,819 --> 00:34:32,029
Please.

584
00:34:32,112 --> 00:34:34,323
Total humans,
droids, if I may?

585
00:34:34,698 --> 00:34:35,950
It's going to be
very dark soon.

586
00:34:36,033 --> 00:34:37,993
I suggest we find a place
to camp for the night.

587
00:34:38,077 --> 00:34:39,578
Come, darling.

588
00:34:45,834 --> 00:34:47,628
LONE STARR:
See? It's lighter.

589
00:34:47,711 --> 00:34:50,256
Oh, yeah.
This is the best.

590
00:34:51,340 --> 00:34:54,260
I could have carried
two or three of these.

591
00:34:56,220 --> 00:34:58,347
<i>Have you
found them yet?</i>

592
00:34:58,430 --> 00:34:59,556
No, Lord Helmet.

593
00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:01,141
They're still not
on the scanner.

594
00:35:01,225 --> 00:35:03,602
<i>Well, keep looking
for them.</i>

595
00:35:06,146 --> 00:35:07,523
<i>(SLURPING)</i>

596
00:35:12,319 --> 00:35:14,613
Pardon me, sir.
I have an idea.

597
00:35:15,030 --> 00:35:18,450
Corporal, get me the video
cassette of <i>Spaceballs:</i> The Movie.

598
00:35:18,534 --> 00:35:19,827
CORPORAL: Yes, sir.

599
00:35:23,372 --> 00:35:26,625
<i>"The Producers, Twelve Chairs, Blazing
Saddles, Young Frankenstein."</i>

600
00:35:26,709 --> 00:35:29,128
<i>Colonel Sandurz, may I
speak with you, please?</i>

601
00:35:29,211 --> 00:35:30,170
Yes, sir.

602
00:35:30,254 --> 00:35:32,756
How can there be a cassette
of <i>Spaceballs:</i> The Movie?

603
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:34,133
We're still in the
middle of making it.

604
00:35:34,216 --> 00:35:35,301
True, sir.

605
00:35:35,384 --> 00:35:37,845
There's been a new breakthrough
in home video marketing.

606
00:35:37,928 --> 00:35:38,929
There has?

607
00:35:39,013 --> 00:35:40,639
Yes.
Instant cassettes.

608
00:35:40,723 --> 00:35:43,851
They're out in stores before
the movie is finished.

609
00:35:43,934 --> 00:35:44,935
No.

610
00:35:45,019 --> 00:35:48,063
Here <i>it is,</i> sir!
<i>Spaceballs.</i>

611
00:35:48,647 --> 00:35:50,816
SANDURZ: Good work, Corporal.
Punch it up.

612
00:35:54,737 --> 00:35:56,822
That's much too early.
Prepare to fast-forward.

613
00:35:56,905 --> 00:35:57,990
Preparing to
fast-forward.

614
00:35:58,073 --> 00:36:00,034
Fast-forward !
Fast-forwarding. sir.

615
00:36:05,331 --> 00:36:07,541
<i>(CHATTE RING SQUEAKILY LY)</i>

616
00:36:10,919 --> 00:36:12,338
<i>(EXPLOSION)</i>

617
00:36:18,802 --> 00:36:21,180
No, go past this.
Past this part.

618
00:36:21,263 --> 00:36:23,599
In fact, never play
this again.

619
00:36:26,477 --> 00:36:28,020
Try here. Stop.

620
00:36:39,406 --> 00:36:40,991
What the hell
am I looking at?

621
00:36:41,075 --> 00:36:42,576
When does this happen
in the movie?

622
00:36:42,659 --> 00:36:43,702
Now.

623
00:36:43,786 --> 00:36:45,037
You're looking
at now, sir.

624
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:47,414
Everything that happens now
is happening now.

625
00:36:47,498 --> 00:36:49,166
What happened to then?
We passed then.

626
00:36:49,249 --> 00:36:50,334
When?
Just now.

627
00:36:50,417 --> 00:36:51,543
We're at now, now.

628
00:36:51,627 --> 00:36:52,669
Go back to then.

629
00:36:52,753 --> 00:36:53,879
When?

630
00:36:53,962 --> 00:36:55,798
I can't. We missed it.
When?

631
00:36:55,881 --> 00:36:57,174
Just now.

632
00:36:57,341 --> 00:36:59,093
When will then
be now?

633
00:36:59,176 --> 00:37:00,302
Soon.

634
00:37:01,303 --> 00:37:02,471
How soon?

635
00:37:02,554 --> 00:37:04,390
CORPORAL: Sir! We've
identified their location!

636
00:37:04,473 --> 00:37:05,891
Where?
It's the moon of Vega.

637
00:37:05,974 --> 00:37:07,768
Set a course and prepare
for our arrival.

638
00:37:07,851 --> 00:37:09,144
When?
1900 hours, sir.

639
00:37:09,228 --> 00:37:11,522
By high noon tomorrow, they
will be our prisoners.

640
00:37:11,605 --> 00:37:12,648
Who?

641
00:37:14,149 --> 00:37:15,943
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

642
00:37:30,624 --> 00:37:32,709
No, thank you.
I'm perfectly all right.

643
00:37:32,793 --> 00:37:34,711
Take it,
it's freezing.

644
00:37:34,878 --> 00:37:36,380
If you insist.

645
00:37:44,179 --> 00:37:45,347
Won't you be cold?

646
00:37:45,431 --> 00:37:47,641
No, cold never bothers me.

647
00:37:53,105 --> 00:37:54,106
(SIGHS)

648
00:37:54,189 --> 00:37:56,066
I can't seem
to find Druidia.

649
00:37:56,150 --> 00:37:57,693
It's right there.

650
00:37:57,776 --> 00:37:58,944
Where?

651
00:37:59,027 --> 00:38:02,531
It's right there. It's that
bright blue one right there. See?

652
00:38:03,407 --> 00:38:07,536
Oh, yeah.
But it's so far away.

653
00:38:09,079 --> 00:38:11,415
Don't worry,
I'll get you there.

654
00:38:12,458 --> 00:38:13,584
Which one's yours?

655
00:38:13,667 --> 00:38:14,668
Who knows?

656
00:38:14,751 --> 00:38:16,128
You don't know
where you're from?

657
00:38:16,211 --> 00:38:19,214
Not really. I was found on
the doorstep of a monastery.

658
00:38:19,339 --> 00:38:20,966
Monastery? Where?

659
00:38:21,049 --> 00:38:23,177
Somewhere
in the Ford Galaxy.

660
00:38:23,802 --> 00:38:26,305
Well, didn't the monks tell
you who your parents were?

661
00:38:26,388 --> 00:38:29,183
They couldn't. They
took a vow of silence.

662
00:38:29,266 --> 00:38:32,060
All I got was this.
It was around my neck.

663
00:38:32,144 --> 00:38:33,479
What is it?
I don't know.

664
00:38:33,562 --> 00:38:35,856
I've taken it to every
wise man in the universe

665
00:38:35,939 --> 00:38:38,567
and nobody could tell
me what it means.

666
00:38:39,818 --> 00:38:41,361
It's beautiful.

667
00:38:42,821 --> 00:38:44,364
You know, I...

668
00:38:47,075 --> 00:38:48,619
It's beautiful.

669
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:55,918
So, how come you ran
away from your wedding?

670
00:38:56,960 --> 00:39:00,672
Well, if you must know, I
wasn't in love with the groom.

671
00:39:01,256 --> 00:39:03,258
Why were you
going to marry him?

672
00:39:03,342 --> 00:39:07,804
Because I'm a princess, and
I have to marry a prince.

673
00:39:08,347 --> 00:39:10,974
And he doesn't
do it for you, huh?

674
00:39:11,934 --> 00:39:14,728
No, he doesn't
do it for me.

675
00:39:16,438 --> 00:39:17,689
(SIGHS)

676
00:39:18,941 --> 00:39:20,776
I really must go back.

677
00:39:22,277 --> 00:39:24,279
I shouldn't have run away.

678
00:39:24,863 --> 00:39:28,116
I realize now that
love is one luxury

679
00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:30,244
a princess
cannot afford.

680
00:39:30,744 --> 00:39:32,287
You're probably right.

681
00:39:33,038 --> 00:39:36,833
I know now that I must learn
to live without love.

682
00:39:37,042 --> 00:39:38,460
I guess so.

683
00:39:38,544 --> 00:39:40,629
Besides, love isn't
that important.

684
00:39:40,712 --> 00:39:42,673
No, it never was.

685
00:39:42,756 --> 00:39:46,301
I could be perfectly happy
the rest of my life without

686
00:39:47,469 --> 00:39:48,554
love.

687
00:39:49,137 --> 00:39:50,639
Sure you could.

688
00:39:52,724 --> 00:39:55,102
Without physical contact.

689
00:39:55,852 --> 00:39:56,979
Yeah.

690
00:39:57,646 --> 00:39:59,815
Without being held.

691
00:39:59,898 --> 00:40:01,149
Yeah.

692
00:40:02,734 --> 00:40:04,069
Or kissed.

693
00:40:07,948 --> 00:40:09,491
(ALARM BLARING)

694
00:40:11,743 --> 00:40:13,954
Abandon ship!

695
00:40:14,037 --> 00:40:15,664
Women and Mawgs first!

696
00:40:16,999 --> 00:40:18,959
(BLARING STOPS) We'll have
none of that. mister.

697
00:40:19,042 --> 00:40:21,086
How far did he get?
What did he touch?

698
00:40:21,169 --> 00:40:22,629
Nothing happened!

699
00:40:22,713 --> 00:40:24,339
What the hell
was that noise?

700
00:40:24,423 --> 00:40:26,049
That was
my Virgin Alarm.

701
00:40:26,133 --> 00:40:28,635
It's programmed to go
off before you do.

702
00:40:29,011 --> 00:40:30,762
You get back
to bed, miss.

703
00:40:30,846 --> 00:40:32,264
And as for you,
sex fiend...

704
00:40:32,347 --> 00:40:34,891
All right. Let's all
just get some sleep.

705
00:40:34,975 --> 00:40:36,935
We gotta get moving
before dawn.

706
00:40:37,019 --> 00:40:38,103
Why so early?

707
00:40:38,186 --> 00:40:40,063
Because we're in
the middle of the desert

708
00:40:40,147 --> 00:40:44,192
and we aren't gonna get very far
once that blazing sun gets overhead.

709
00:40:48,822 --> 00:40:50,407
BARF: Nice dissolve.

710
00:40:56,788 --> 00:40:58,206
(PANTING)

711
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:02,294
Water.

712
00:41:03,712 --> 00:41:05,047
(PANTING)

713
00:41:08,300 --> 00:41:09,551
(GASPING)

714
00:41:12,554 --> 00:41:14,389
(PANTING) on.

715
00:41:16,475 --> 00:41:19,102
Room service.

716
00:41:24,900 --> 00:41:27,110
(GASPING)
Chief, I'm dead.

717
00:41:30,447 --> 00:41:32,366
I can't go
any further.

718
00:41:34,701 --> 00:41:36,495
Come on, Barf,
old buddy.

719
00:41:37,621 --> 00:41:38,997
Just one more
dune to go.

720
00:41:39,081 --> 00:41:40,165
No!

721
00:41:40,248 --> 00:41:43,877
You said that three dunes ago.
I got no more left.

722
00:41:45,921 --> 00:41:48,298
Oh, waiter.
Check, please.

723
00:41:50,926 --> 00:41:52,302
Must go on.

724
00:41:53,178 --> 00:41:54,554
Must go on.

725
00:41:56,098 --> 00:41:57,432
Must go on.

726
00:41:58,975 --> 00:42:00,727
Who am I kidding?

727
00:42:14,449 --> 00:42:16,451
(ALL SCATTING SQUEAKILY)

728
00:42:22,749 --> 00:42:24,334
(ALL CHATTERING)

729
00:42:37,472 --> 00:42:39,349
(CHATTERING CONTINUES)

730
00:42:50,777 --> 00:42:52,112
(GRUNTS)

731
00:43:01,955 --> 00:43:03,457
Thanks, little guy.

732
00:43:06,084 --> 00:43:07,169
Thank you.

733
00:43:09,379 --> 00:43:11,173
Did I miss something?

734
00:43:11,715 --> 00:43:13,967
When did we get
to Disneyland?

735
00:43:15,594 --> 00:43:17,304
(DINKS SCATTING)

736
00:43:31,902 --> 00:43:33,945
<i>I don't
see them. Sandurz.</i>

737
00:43:34,029 --> 00:43:36,448
I've sent the troops on
ahead to Vector 78, sir.

738
00:43:36,531 --> 00:43:37,616
<i>Let's get moving.</i>

739
00:43:37,699 --> 00:43:39,242
Yes, sir. Driver,
prepare to move out.

740
00:43:39,326 --> 00:43:41,995
What are you preparing? You're
always preparing. Just go.

741
00:43:42,078 --> 00:43:43,288
Just go.
Yes, sir.

742
00:43:43,371 --> 00:43:45,499
Sir, shouldn't
you sit down?

743
00:43:46,416 --> 00:43:47,876
(ALL CHATTERING)

744
00:44:03,725 --> 00:44:04,893
BARF: What're they saying?

745
00:44:04,976 --> 00:44:08,104
Well, it's obvious they
want us to go with them.

746
00:44:08,230 --> 00:44:09,898
(DINKS CHATTERING)

747
00:44:17,572 --> 00:44:19,324
What is
this place?

748
00:44:19,407 --> 00:44:21,701
It looks like
the Temple of Doom.

749
00:44:21,785 --> 00:44:24,412
Well, it sure ain't
Temple Beth Israel.

750
00:44:24,579 --> 00:44:27,249
Come on. I think we'd
better follow them.

751
00:44:38,468 --> 00:44:39,469
(STATUE HISSING)

752
00:44:39,553 --> 00:44:41,429
Oh-oh. I think
we woke it up.

753
00:44:42,514 --> 00:44:44,599
Goodbye, folks! Let me
know how it turns out.

754
00:44:44,683 --> 00:44:45,809
Come back
here, Dot!

755
00:44:45,892 --> 00:44:47,018
Come on. We gotta keep going.

756
00:44:47,102 --> 00:44:48,603
We need you.

757
00:44:54,860 --> 00:44:56,778
What's gonna
happen now?

758
00:44:56,862 --> 00:44:58,530
Don't ask.
Maybe it won't.

759
00:44:58,613 --> 00:44:59,865
But what if
it does?

760
00:44:59,948 --> 00:45:02,200
I don't know about you,
but I'm all for leaving.

761
00:45:02,284 --> 00:45:04,828
I say we get out of here right
now, while the going...

762
00:45:04,911 --> 00:45:05,912
(ALL SCREAMING)

763
00:45:05,996 --> 00:45:07,247
YOGURT: Silence!

764
00:45:07,914 --> 00:45:11,376
Who dares enter the sacred
and awesome presence

765
00:45:11,459 --> 00:45:14,671
of the everlasting
know-it-all, Yogurt?

766
00:45:16,256 --> 00:45:17,507
ALL: Yogurt?

767
00:45:27,642 --> 00:45:28,810
You heard of me?

768
00:45:28,894 --> 00:45:31,813
Heard of you? Who
hasn't heard of Yogurt?

769
00:45:32,355 --> 00:45:33,857
Yogurt,
the wise.

770
00:45:34,065 --> 00:45:35,817
Yogurt,
the all-powerful.

771
00:45:35,984 --> 00:45:37,694
Yogurt,
the magnificent.

772
00:45:37,819 --> 00:45:41,531
Please, don't make a fuss.
I'm just plain Yogurt.

773
00:45:42,157 --> 00:45:43,241
But you're the one...

774
00:45:43,325 --> 00:45:44,367
Yes.

775
00:45:44,451 --> 00:45:47,037
I am the keeper of
a greater magic,

776
00:45:47,454 --> 00:45:50,790
a power known throughout
the universe as the...

777
00:45:50,874 --> 00:45:51,875
The Force?

778
00:45:51,958 --> 00:45:53,960
No. The Schwartz.

779
00:45:54,669 --> 00:45:56,630
ALL: The Schwartz!

780
00:45:57,005 --> 00:46:00,508
Yes, the Schwartz.

781
00:46:04,054 --> 00:46:07,849
But, Yogurt, what is this place?
What is it that you do here?

782
00:46:08,433 --> 00:46:09,935
Merchandising.

783
00:46:10,185 --> 00:46:11,937
Merchandising?
What's that?

784
00:46:12,020 --> 00:46:13,104
Merchandising.

785
00:46:13,188 --> 00:46:15,941
Come, I'll show you.
Open up the store.

786
00:46:16,024 --> 00:46:17,692
(DINKS CHATTERING)

787
00:46:21,071 --> 00:46:23,823
Come! Walk this way.
Take a look.

788
00:46:23,907 --> 00:46:27,202
We put the picture's
name on everything!

789
00:46:27,535 --> 00:46:30,246
Merchandising,

790
00:46:30,330 --> 00:46:32,874
where the real money
from the movie is made.

791
00:46:33,166 --> 00:46:34,918
<i>Spaceballs,</i> The T-shirt.

792
00:46:35,085 --> 00:46:36,962
<i>Spaceballs,</i>
The Coloring Book.

793
00:46:37,045 --> 00:46:38,838
<i>Spaceballs,</i>
The Lunch Box.

794
00:46:39,047 --> 00:46:41,216
<i>Spaceballs,</i>
The Breakfast Cereal.

795
00:46:41,424 --> 00:46:43,802
<i>Spaceballs,</i>
The Flamethrower.

796
00:46:44,511 --> 00:46:46,471
The kids love this one.

797
00:46:46,888 --> 00:46:48,682
Last, but not least,

798
00:46:48,932 --> 00:46:51,226
<i>Spaceballs, The</i> Do”.
<i>Me.</i>

799
00:46:51,559 --> 00:46:52,560
(WINDING)

800
00:46:52,644 --> 00:46:54,896
<i>May the Schwartz
be with you.</i>

801
00:46:55,438 --> 00:46:57,065
(DINKS CHUCKLING)

802
00:46:57,148 --> 00:46:58,400
Adorable.

803
00:47:00,068 --> 00:47:02,070
<i>WOMAN: (SINGING)
Hot together</i>

804
00:47:02,779 --> 00:47:03,780
<i>Hot</i>

805
00:47:03,863 --> 00:47:05,323
<i>So hot together</i>

806
00:47:05,407 --> 00:47:06,992
<i>Baby, we could be hot...</i>

807
00:47:07,075 --> 00:47:08,702
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

808
00:47:13,999 --> 00:47:15,291
<i>President Skroob.</i>

809
00:47:15,375 --> 00:47:16,418
What is it?

810
00:47:16,793 --> 00:47:20,296
<i>I have an urgent message from Lord Helmet.
He's lost the Princess.</i>

811
00:47:20,380 --> 00:47:21,423
Where?

812
00:47:21,506 --> 00:47:22,799
<i>Somewhere in
the sands of Vega.</i>

813
00:47:22,882 --> 00:47:26,553
Tell them to comb the desert. Do
you hear me? Comb the desert!

814
00:47:26,928 --> 00:47:28,013
<i>Yes, sir.</i>

815
00:47:33,893 --> 00:47:35,437
Sir?
<i>What?</i>

816
00:47:37,522 --> 00:47:39,232
Are we being
too literal?

817
00:47:39,315 --> 00:47:41,026
<i>No, you fool.
We're following orders.</i>

818
00:47:41,109 --> 00:47:44,446
<i>We were told to comb the
desert, so we're combing it.</i>

819
00:47:44,779 --> 00:47:46,489
Found anything yet?

820
00:47:47,115 --> 00:47:48,908
Nothing yet, sir.

821
00:47:50,827 --> 00:47:52,871
DARK HELMET:
How about you?

822
00:47:53,371 --> 00:47:54,998
Not a thing, sir.

823
00:47:57,959 --> 00:47:59,794
What about
you guys?

824
00:48:00,211 --> 00:48:01,963
We ain't found shit!

825
00:48:05,383 --> 00:48:08,970
It's a big mystery. None of the wise
men could tell me what it means.

826
00:48:09,054 --> 00:48:13,224
Wise men, pshaw. Wise guys, you mean.
What do they know?

827
00:48:13,308 --> 00:48:15,310
Here, let me
take a look.

828
00:48:17,979 --> 00:48:19,314
(GIBBERING)

829
00:48:24,527 --> 00:48:25,695
You can read it!

830
00:48:25,779 --> 00:48:27,906
No, I was just
clearing my throat.

831
00:48:27,989 --> 00:48:30,325
Here, let me
take a...

832
00:48:32,535 --> 00:48:35,830
Oh, yes.
Yes, of course!

833
00:48:35,914 --> 00:48:36,998
You understand it?

834
00:48:37,082 --> 00:48:38,750
Yes.
What's it say?

835
00:48:38,833 --> 00:48:43,379
I cannot tell you that now. It shall
be revealed to you at the proper time.

836
00:48:43,671 --> 00:48:44,881
Great.

837
00:48:45,215 --> 00:48:46,800
Come on, don't be
disappointed.

838
00:48:46,883 --> 00:48:48,510
Back to your
Schwartz training.

839
00:48:48,593 --> 00:48:52,138
Here, take the ring. Point
it at that big statue.

840
00:48:52,388 --> 00:48:54,307
Okay. But I still
don't understand

841
00:48:54,390 --> 00:48:57,560
how I'm going to lift that big
statue with this little ring.

842
00:48:57,644 --> 00:49:01,856
Never underestimate the
power of the Schwartz!

843
00:49:01,940 --> 00:49:04,776
Come on, concentrate!
Here we go!

844
00:49:06,236 --> 00:49:07,695
Concentrate.

845
00:49:08,196 --> 00:49:09,531
(GRUNTING)

846
00:49:14,160 --> 00:49:15,912
(CONTINUES GRUNTING)

847
00:49:16,830 --> 00:49:18,206
(RUMBLING)

848
00:49:20,875 --> 00:49:23,378
YOGURT: Lone Starr,
you're doing it!

849
00:49:25,964 --> 00:49:28,967
I can't believe it! The
Schwartz, it's working!

850
00:49:30,260 --> 00:49:33,138
Hey, boss,
how'd you do that?

851
00:49:33,221 --> 00:49:34,514
(YELPING)

852
00:49:37,392 --> 00:49:40,186
Give me the ring, quick.

853
00:49:40,854 --> 00:49:42,188
(CHANTING)

854
00:49:43,773 --> 00:49:45,233
Upsy-daisy!

855
00:49:47,527 --> 00:49:48,862
(GROANING)

856
00:49:50,947 --> 00:49:52,407
Sorry, Barf.

857
00:49:52,907 --> 00:49:54,242
(GRUNTING)

858
00:49:54,367 --> 00:49:55,660
(GROANING)

859
00:49:58,037 --> 00:49:59,622
Keep searching.

860
00:49:59,706 --> 00:50:00,957
(SIGHING)

861
00:50:01,624 --> 00:50:03,793
It's no use, sir. We've
searched everywhere.

862
00:50:03,877 --> 00:50:04,836
Wait.

863
00:50:04,919 --> 00:50:08,089
I feel the presence
of the Schwartz.

864
00:50:08,548 --> 00:50:10,175
<i>The Samara?
Yes.</i>

865
00:50:10,675 --> 00:50:12,927
It's coming
from somewhere

866
00:50:13,261 --> 00:50:15,638
down there.

867
00:50:18,183 --> 00:50:21,519
You're right, sir. There's
a secret entrance here.

868
00:50:21,603 --> 00:50:24,439
And look at this
insignia. It's a "Y."

869
00:50:25,481 --> 00:50:29,319
Yogurt!
I hate yogurt!

870
00:50:29,777 --> 00:50:31,613
Even with strawberries!

871
00:50:31,696 --> 00:50:33,198
I'll call for
the attack squad, sir.

872
00:50:33,281 --> 00:50:36,075
No, we can't go in there.
Yogurt has the Schwartz.

873
00:50:36,159 --> 00:50:37,452
It's far too powerful.

874
00:50:37,535 --> 00:50:40,205
But, sir, your ring. Don't
you have the Schwartz, too?

875
00:50:40,288 --> 00:50:42,415
He got the upside.
I got the downside.

876
00:50:42,498 --> 00:50:44,042
There's two sides
to every Schwartz.

877
00:50:44,125 --> 00:50:47,003
Then how are we gonna
go in there and get her?

878
00:50:48,254 --> 00:50:50,256
<i>We will not
go in there.</i>

879
00:50:50,715 --> 00:50:53,509
<i>She will
come out to us.</i>

880
00:51:05,396 --> 00:51:10,818
<i>KING ROLAND: Vespa, my child.
Where are you?</i>

881
00:51:11,319 --> 00:51:12,570
Daddy?

882
00:51:12,820 --> 00:51:16,824
<i>Vespa, it's your father,
King Roland.</i>

883
00:51:17,158 --> 00:51:18,576
Come <i>to me.</i>

884
00:51:18,660 --> 00:51:19,869
Daddy?

885
00:51:20,245 --> 00:51:22,997
I hear you.
Where are you?

886
00:51:23,414 --> 00:51:25,333
<i>Follow my voice.</i>

887
00:51:26,292 --> 00:51:28,336
Come <i>to me.</i>

888
00:51:33,716 --> 00:51:35,593
Vespa, where are you going?

889
00:51:35,677 --> 00:51:38,721
Vespa, come to me.

890
00:51:42,684 --> 00:51:45,603
Daddy.
Is it really you?

891
00:51:45,687 --> 00:51:47,188
Yes, my dear.

892
00:51:47,897 --> 00:51:51,609
I guarantee it.
Would I lie?

893
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:55,363
Daddy.

894
00:51:55,446 --> 00:51:56,447
(EXCLAIMS)

895
00:51:56,531 --> 00:51:58,157
DOT: No, Vespa, don't!

896
00:51:58,283 --> 00:51:59,367
(EXCLAIMS)

897
00:51:59,450 --> 00:52:00,451
(GROANS)

898
00:52:01,828 --> 00:52:03,538
<i>Fooled you.</i>

899
00:52:04,414 --> 00:52:06,291
<i>(DARK HELMET LAUGHING)</i>

900
00:52:06,708 --> 00:52:09,627
<i>Take them both aboard and put
the Princess in my quarters.</i>

901
00:52:09,711 --> 00:52:11,212
Yes, sir.

902
00:52:11,379 --> 00:52:12,964
<i>Now she is mine.</i>

903
00:52:13,423 --> 00:52:14,924
What's the matter?
What are they saying?

904
00:52:15,008 --> 00:52:16,884
They've taken
the Princess.

905
00:52:17,135 --> 00:52:18,803
(DINKS CHATTERING)

906
00:52:22,223 --> 00:52:24,058
(SPACESHIP RUMBLING)

907
00:52:26,477 --> 00:52:28,646
Spaceballs.
Too late.

908
00:52:28,730 --> 00:52:31,357
Don't worry, boss.
We'll get her back.

909
00:52:34,986 --> 00:52:36,279
Thanks for
the gas, Yogurt.

910
00:52:36,362 --> 00:52:38,489
You're welcome.
And here!

911
00:52:39,198 --> 00:52:41,367
Just in case
you get hungry.

912
00:52:42,076 --> 00:52:43,870
A fortune cookie?
Yes!

913
00:52:44,037 --> 00:52:47,248
Remember, open it
before you eat it.

914
00:52:47,999 --> 00:52:50,126
Thanks.
We better get going.

915
00:52:50,293 --> 00:52:52,879
I wonder, will we ever
see each other again?

916
00:52:53,087 --> 00:52:56,382
Who knows? God willing,
we'll all meet again

917
00:52:56,466 --> 00:52:59,427
<i>in Spaceballs 2:
The Search for More Money.</i>

918
00:53:00,261 --> 00:53:01,971
Goodbye, Lone Starr.

919
00:53:02,055 --> 00:53:03,639
Goodbye, Yogurt.

920
00:53:04,349 --> 00:53:06,392
The ring of the Schwartz!

921
00:53:06,934 --> 00:53:09,020
No, I can't take this.

922
00:53:09,103 --> 00:53:12,648
Take it
You might need it.

923
00:53:13,149 --> 00:53:15,777
Thanks.
I'll never forget you.

924
00:53:17,236 --> 00:53:18,946
Wish me luck.

925
00:53:24,410 --> 00:53:26,079
(DINKS CHATTERING)

926
00:53:41,594 --> 00:53:43,346
<i>So, Princess Vespa,</i>

927
00:53:43,429 --> 00:53:46,641
<i>at last I have you
in my clutches</i>

928
00:53:47,183 --> 00:53:50,853
<i>to have my way with you
the way I want to.</i>

929
00:53:51,145 --> 00:53:53,856
No, please!
Leave me alone.

930
00:53:53,940 --> 00:53:55,274
<i>No, you are mine.</i>

931
00:53:55,358 --> 00:53:56,734
(MIMICKING LONE STARR)
Not so fast, Helmet.

932
00:53:56,818 --> 00:53:58,069
<i>Lone Starr.</i>

933
00:53:58,152 --> 00:54:00,780
Yes, it's me. I'm here
to save my girlfriend.

934
00:54:00,863 --> 00:54:01,989
Hi, honey.

935
00:54:02,073 --> 00:54:04,283
<i>Now you are
going to die.</i>

936
00:54:04,617 --> 00:54:06,202
(MIMICKING GROANING)

937
00:54:06,786 --> 00:54:08,621
(MIMICKING BARF) Hey,
what'd you do to my friend?

938
00:54:08,704 --> 00:54:11,749
<i>The same thing I'm going
to do to you, big boy.</i>

939
00:54:11,833 --> 00:54:13,334
<i>And you, too.</i>

940
00:54:14,127 --> 00:54:17,755
<i>Now, Princess Vespa,
at last we are alone.</i>

941
00:54:18,631 --> 00:54:21,217
No, I hate you.
Leave me alone!

942
00:54:21,300 --> 00:54:23,845
Yet I find you
strangely attractive.

943
00:54:23,928 --> 00:54:25,430
<i>Of course you do.</i>

944
00:54:25,513 --> 00:54:29,600
<i>Druish princesses are often
attracted to money and power.</i>

945
00:54:29,684 --> 00:54:32,562
<i>And I have both.
And you know it.</i>

946
00:54:33,229 --> 00:54:35,148
Leave me alone!
No. <i>kiss</i> me!

947
00:54:35,314 --> 00:54:36,774
No! Yes! No!

948
00:54:36,858 --> 00:54:38,025
No!
Yes!

949
00:54:38,484 --> 00:54:39,777
(MOANING)

950
00:54:43,197 --> 00:54:45,408
Your helmet
is so big.

951
00:54:46,033 --> 00:54:47,326
Lord Helmet.
What?

952
00:54:47,410 --> 00:54:49,287
You're needed
on the bridge, sir!

953
00:54:49,370 --> 00:54:51,664
Knock on my door.
Knock next time!

954
00:54:51,747 --> 00:54:52,790
Yes, sir.

955
00:54:52,874 --> 00:54:54,459
Did you see anything?
No, sir.

956
00:54:54,542 --> 00:54:56,127
I didn't see you playing
with your dolls.

957
00:54:56,210 --> 00:54:57,295
Good.

958
00:55:16,397 --> 00:55:17,815
(GASPS)

959
00:55:17,899 --> 00:55:21,736
I told you never to call me on this wall.
This is an unlisted wall.

960
00:55:21,819 --> 00:55:23,654
<i>Sorry, sir,
but it's very important.</i>

961
00:55:23,738 --> 00:55:26,073
<i>The Princess has just been
brought to your office</i>

962
00:55:26,157 --> 00:55:28,701
<i>and Lord Helmet and Colonel
Sandurz are awaiting you there.</i>

963
00:55:28,784 --> 00:55:31,162
All right. Tell them
I'll be right there.

964
00:55:31,245 --> 00:55:32,497
<i>Yes, sir!</i>

965
00:55:36,834 --> 00:55:37,835
(ZIPPING)

966
00:55:37,919 --> 00:55:39,128
(GROANS)

967
00:55:41,005 --> 00:55:42,340
(FLUSHING)

968
00:55:44,300 --> 00:55:46,844
<i>Helmet, you fiend!
What's going on?</i>

969
00:55:46,928 --> 00:55:48,513
<i>What are you doing
to my daughter?</i>

970
00:55:48,596 --> 00:55:50,348
<i>Permit me
to introduce</i>

971
00:55:50,431 --> 00:55:54,185
<i>the brilliant young plastic surgeon, Dr.
Phillip Schlotkin.</i>

972
00:55:54,602 --> 00:55:59,106
<i>The greatest nose job man in the
entire universe and Beverly Hills.</i>

973
00:55:59,398 --> 00:56:00,650
Your Highness.

974
00:56:00,733 --> 00:56:02,193
<i>Nose job?
I don't understand.</i>

975
00:56:02,276 --> 00:56:05,363
<i>She's already had a nose job. It
was her sweet-sixteen present.</i>

976
00:56:05,446 --> 00:56:08,783
<i>No. It's not what you think.
It's much. much worse.</i>

977
00:56:08,991 --> 00:56:12,495
<i>If you do not give me the
combination to the air shield,</i>

978
00:56:12,620 --> 00:56:16,874
<i>Dr. Schlotkin will give your
daughter back her old nose.</i>

979
00:56:16,958 --> 00:56:18,125
(EXCLAIMING)

980
00:56:18,209 --> 00:56:20,962
No!

981
00:56:22,421 --> 00:56:24,340
Where did you get that?

982
00:56:24,423 --> 00:56:26,592
<i>All right, I'll tell!</i>

983
00:56:26,884 --> 00:56:28,970
No, Daddy,
no, you mustn't!

984
00:56:29,053 --> 00:56:32,098
<i>You're right, my dear.
I'll miss your new nose.</i>

985
00:56:32,181 --> 00:56:35,393
<i>But I will not tell him the
combination, no matter what.</i>

986
00:56:35,476 --> 00:56:39,188
<i>Very well. Dr. Schlotkin,
do your worst.</i>

987
00:56:39,480 --> 00:56:41,232
My pleasure.

988
00:56:44,318 --> 00:56:46,362
<i>KING ROLAND: No! Wait!</i>

989
00:56:47,321 --> 00:56:49,657
<i>I'll tell.</i>

990
00:56:50,408 --> 00:56:54,370
DARK HELMET: <i>I knew it would work.
All right, give it to me.</i>

991
00:56:55,871 --> 00:56:57,665
<i>The combination is:</i>

992
00:56:59,917 --> 00:57:00,918
<i>One.</i>

993
00:57:01,002 --> 00:57:02,003
(BOTH REPEATING)

994
00:57:02,086 --> 00:57:03,129
<i>Two.</i>

995
00:57:03,212 --> 00:57:04,213
(BOTH REPEATING)

996
00:57:04,338 --> 00:57:05,506
<i>Three.</i>

997
00:57:06,257 --> 00:57:07,341
<i>Four.</i>

998
00:57:09,844 --> 00:57:10,970
<i>Five.</i>

999
00:57:12,555 --> 00:57:16,767
<i>So the combination is
1-2-3-4-5.</i>

1000
00:57:17,560 --> 00:57:20,646
That's the stupidest combination
I ever heard in my life!

1001
00:57:20,730 --> 00:57:23,274
That's the kind of thing an idiot
would have on his luggage!

1002
00:57:23,357 --> 00:57:24,692
Thank you,
Your Highness.

1003
00:57:25,818 --> 00:57:26,861
What did you do?

1004
00:57:26,944 --> 00:57:27,945
I turned off
the wall.

1005
00:57:28,029 --> 00:57:29,488
No, you turned off
the whole movie.

1006
00:57:29,614 --> 00:57:30,948
I must have pressed
the wrong button.

1007
00:57:31,032 --> 00:57:32,533
(INDISTINCT MOANING)
Put the movie back on!

1008
00:57:32,617 --> 00:57:33,701
Yes, sir.

1009
00:57:33,784 --> 00:57:35,119
You gotta get
that thing fixed.

1010
00:57:35,202 --> 00:57:37,788
We're back! And we
have the combination!

1011
00:57:37,872 --> 00:57:39,498
Schlotkin!
What?

1012
00:57:39,624 --> 00:57:40,875
We're done with you.

1013
00:57:40,958 --> 00:57:43,628
Go back to the golf course
and work on your putts.

1014
00:57:43,711 --> 00:57:45,504
Let's go, Arnold.
Come, Gretchen.

1015
00:57:45,588 --> 00:57:49,258
Of course, you know I'll still
have to bill you for this.

1016
00:57:52,511 --> 00:57:54,722
I bet she gives
great helmet.

1017
00:57:57,767 --> 00:57:59,310
Did it work?
Where's the King?

1018
00:57:59,393 --> 00:58:01,312
It worked, sir.
We have the combination.

1019
00:58:01,395 --> 00:58:05,858
Great. Now we can take every last breath
of fresh air from Planet Druidia.

1020
00:58:05,941 --> 00:58:07,109
What's the combination?

1021
00:58:07,193 --> 00:58:09,070
1-2-3-4-5.

1022
00:58:09,403 --> 00:58:10,655
1-2-3-4-5?

1023
00:58:10,738 --> 00:58:11,739
Yes.

1024
00:58:11,822 --> 00:58:15,368
That's amazing. I've got the
same combination on my luggage.

1025
00:58:15,451 --> 00:58:18,120
Prepare Spaceball One
for immediate departure.

1026
00:58:18,204 --> 00:58:19,246
Yes, sir.

1027
00:58:19,330 --> 00:58:22,083
And change the combination
on my luggage.

1028
00:58:23,042 --> 00:58:23,834
(GROANS)

1029
00:58:28,756 --> 00:58:31,634
There it is. Spaceball
City, straight ahead.

1030
00:58:31,717 --> 00:58:33,511
Good,
I'm taking her in.

1031
00:58:36,931 --> 00:58:39,141
GUARD: What the hell
is that thing?

1032
00:58:39,225 --> 00:58:41,435
GUARD 1: It looks like
a Winnebago with wings.

1033
00:58:42,645 --> 00:58:45,189
Hey, you can't
park here!

1034
00:58:45,272 --> 00:58:48,025
Yeah, can't you guys
read? "No parking."

1035
00:58:51,612 --> 00:58:52,822
(MIMICS KISSING)

1036
00:58:52,905 --> 00:58:54,907
That son of a...

1037
00:58:57,910 --> 00:59:02,373
All right, hands up. You're under
arrest for illegal parking.

1038
00:59:02,456 --> 00:59:03,457
Yeah!

1039
00:59:06,877 --> 00:59:08,462
(GUARDS YELLING)

1040
00:59:26,522 --> 00:59:30,609
<i>MAN ON PA: Warden Miller,
you're wanted in V-17.</i>

1041
00:59:31,193 --> 00:59:35,656
<i>Attention.
Section C scanners, report.</i>

1042
00:59:36,949 --> 00:59:37,992
Nah.

1043
00:59:42,329 --> 00:59:43,831
She's gotta be in
one of these cells.

1044
00:59:43,914 --> 00:59:45,833
(WHISPERING)
Yeah, but which one?

1045
00:59:47,668 --> 00:59:49,044
No.
No.

1046
00:59:49,128 --> 00:59:52,256
VESPA: (SINGING)
<i>Nobody knows</i>

1047
00:59:52,339 --> 00:59:53,632
It's coming
from here.

1048
00:59:53,716 --> 00:59:54,925
<i>That can't
be her.</i>

1049
00:59:55,009 --> 00:59:57,344
<i>The trouble
I've seen</i>

1050
00:59:58,137 --> 01:00:03,350
<i>Nobody knows
but Jesus</i>

1051
01:00:05,144 --> 01:00:06,395
It's her.

1052
01:00:07,438 --> 01:00:11,025
<i>Nobody knows</i>

1053
01:00:11,609 --> 01:00:14,069
<i>The trouble I've seen</i>

1054
01:00:14,445 --> 01:00:15,613
She's a bass.

1055
01:00:15,696 --> 01:00:19,867
VESPA: (SINGING)
<i>Glory hallelujah</i>

1056
01:00:23,537 --> 01:00:24,789
(GROANS)

1057
01:00:25,456 --> 01:00:27,124
What do you want?

1058
01:00:27,208 --> 01:00:28,417
It's me.

1059
01:00:29,043 --> 01:00:30,294
It's us.

1060
01:00:30,377 --> 01:00:32,922
Lone Starr.
How did you find us?

1061
01:00:33,005 --> 01:00:34,965
No time to talk.
Come on.

1062
01:00:35,049 --> 01:00:36,175
We gotta move.

1063
01:00:36,258 --> 01:00:37,802
Barf! How'd you do it?

1064
01:00:40,513 --> 01:00:41,889
(WHISPERING)

1065
01:00:59,240 --> 01:01:01,826
Those are the guys that
stole our uniforms!

1066
01:01:01,909 --> 01:01:04,245
And beat the shit
out of us, too!

1067
01:01:05,120 --> 01:01:06,539
(SHUDDERING)

1068
01:01:08,541 --> 01:01:10,084
We got company.

1069
01:01:15,256 --> 01:01:16,507
Watch out!

1070
01:01:19,677 --> 01:01:21,679
Damn it! That's
our only way out.

1071
01:01:21,762 --> 01:01:22,805
We're trapped.

1072
01:01:22,888 --> 01:01:24,056
I hate
these movies.

1073
01:01:26,767 --> 01:01:27,810
(GROANING)

1074
01:01:27,893 --> 01:01:28,894
I'm out of ammo!

1075
01:01:28,978 --> 01:01:30,896
Get back!
I'll hold them off.

1076
01:01:32,106 --> 01:01:33,649
I got an idea!

1077
01:01:35,442 --> 01:01:36,861
DOT:
What's he doing?

1078
01:01:36,944 --> 01:01:38,487
(BARF GRUNTING)

1079
01:01:44,994 --> 01:01:46,370
(GROANING)

1080
01:01:49,623 --> 01:01:50,791
Good work.

1081
01:01:50,875 --> 01:01:52,835
More ping-pongs.
Run for it.

1082
01:01:52,918 --> 01:01:54,169
Let's go!

1083
01:01:57,715 --> 01:01:59,800
It's closing!

1084
01:02:01,260 --> 01:02:02,970
The door's closing!

1085
01:02:03,053 --> 01:02:04,513
Go for broke!

1086
01:02:06,015 --> 01:02:07,558
(ALL SCREAMING)

1087
01:02:13,063 --> 01:02:15,649
Don't move or you're dead.
Stand up!

1088
01:02:15,774 --> 01:02:17,776
Captain,
we've got them.

1089
01:02:21,530 --> 01:02:25,576
Spectacular stunt, my friends,
but all for naught.

1090
01:02:26,577 --> 01:02:28,329
Turn around, please.

1091
01:02:29,830 --> 01:02:32,917
What a pity.

1092
01:02:33,667 --> 01:02:37,421
So, Princess, you thought you could
outwit the imperious force of...

1093
01:02:37,504 --> 01:02:38,672
(GASPS)

1094
01:02:41,383 --> 01:02:42,801
You idiots!

1095
01:02:43,344 --> 01:02:46,931
These are not them. You've
captured their stunt doubles.

1096
01:02:47,848 --> 01:02:50,643
Search the area.
Find them!

1097
01:02:53,395 --> 01:02:56,148
LONE STARR: Hurry up. Get aboard.
I'll hold them off.

1098
01:02:59,318 --> 01:03:00,778
Open the door!

1099
01:03:00,986 --> 01:03:02,279
I can't,
it's fused.

1100
01:03:02,363 --> 01:03:04,114
What about this one?
It's locked.

1101
01:03:04,198 --> 01:03:05,950
Where are the keys?
Inside.

1102
01:03:06,033 --> 01:03:07,701
Oh, great!
Duck!

1103
01:03:10,871 --> 01:03:13,207
Here, you hold them off.
I'll get the door.

1104
01:03:13,290 --> 01:03:15,751
I ain't shooting this thing.
I hate guns.

1105
01:03:18,379 --> 01:03:21,131
My hair.
He shot my hair!

1106
01:03:22,132 --> 01:03:24,218
You son of a bitch!

1107
01:03:35,062 --> 01:03:36,897
Holy shit!

1108
01:03:41,735 --> 01:03:43,153
How was that?

1109
01:03:43,237 --> 01:03:44,697
Not bad.

1110
01:03:44,780 --> 01:03:46,240
Not bad
for a girl.

1111
01:03:46,323 --> 01:03:48,659
That was pretty good
for Rambo!

1112
01:03:48,784 --> 01:03:50,661
Let's blow this joint.

1113
01:03:54,123 --> 01:03:55,916
(FOOTSTEPS POUNDING)

1114
01:04:02,297 --> 01:04:05,718
SANDURZ: President Skroob!
Salute!

1115
01:04:05,801 --> 01:04:07,344
ALL: Hail, Skroob.

1116
01:04:08,846 --> 01:04:11,765
The ship is too big. If I
walk, the movie will be over.

1117
01:04:11,849 --> 01:04:13,017
Sir.
Yes?

1118
01:04:13,100 --> 01:04:14,143
(GASPS)

1119
01:04:14,226 --> 01:04:17,187
Never have that damn thing
down in front of me.

1120
01:04:17,271 --> 01:04:20,024
How do I know you're not making
faces at me under that thing?

1121
01:04:20,107 --> 01:04:21,567
SANDURZ: President Skroob.
Yes?

1122
01:04:21,650 --> 01:04:23,819
There it is,
Planet Druidia.

1123
01:04:24,611 --> 01:04:28,615
(EXCLAIMING) Planet Druidia.
And 10,000 years of fresh air.

1124
01:04:28,949 --> 01:04:31,118
The way he runs things,
it won't last 100.

1125
01:04:31,201 --> 01:04:32,202
What?

1126
01:04:32,286 --> 01:04:34,455
Preparing ship for
metamorphosis, sir.

1127
01:04:34,538 --> 01:04:36,040
Good.
Get on with it.

1128
01:04:36,123 --> 01:04:37,583
Ready, Kafka?

1129
01:04:44,214 --> 01:04:45,466
Look, it's
<i>Spaceball One.</i>

1130
01:04:47,634 --> 01:04:49,053
<i>They've reached
the air shield.</i>

1131
01:04:49,136 --> 01:04:50,929
<i>DOT: And it's opening.</i>

1132
01:04:54,641 --> 01:04:56,810
<i>The ship's too big. They'll
never get through.</i>

1133
01:04:56,894 --> 01:04:59,897
How will they get the air out? I
don't see any hoses or anything.

1134
01:05:05,152 --> 01:05:06,820
What's happening?

1135
01:05:09,740 --> 01:05:12,201
The ship. Changing.

1136
01:05:26,256 --> 01:05:29,885
Oh, my gosh. It's not
just a spaceship.

1137
01:05:30,719 --> 01:05:32,513
It's a transformer.

1138
01:05:43,232 --> 01:05:44,983
<i>DOT: It's changing into...</i>

1139
01:05:45,067 --> 01:05:46,860
<i>BARF: A gigantic...</i>

1140
01:05:46,944 --> 01:05:48,362
<i>VESPA: Maid!</i>

1141
01:05:48,695 --> 01:05:50,531
<i>LONE STARR:
With a vacuum cleaner.</i>

1142
01:05:52,074 --> 01:05:55,035
<i>So that's how they're
gonna get the air out.</i>

1143
01:06:16,390 --> 01:06:20,686
Metamorphosis completed, sir.
<i>Spaceball</i> One has now become

1144
01:06:25,232 --> 01:06:26,525
Megamaid.

1145
01:06:26,942 --> 01:06:28,193
Good!

1146
01:06:28,277 --> 01:06:29,361
Remarkable.

1147
01:06:29,444 --> 01:06:33,699
Now, commence
Operation Vacu-Suck.

1148
01:06:35,576 --> 01:06:37,327
(MEGAMAID WHIRRING)

1149
01:06:40,205 --> 01:06:43,292
TOGETHER: Suck.

1150
01:06:57,097 --> 01:06:59,641
(GASPING)
Goodbye, little Vespa.

1151
01:07:01,476 --> 01:07:06,064
My little baby Vespa.

1152
01:07:06,648 --> 01:07:07,941
(GASPING)

1153
01:07:13,447 --> 01:07:15,240
The air bag,
it's almost full.

1154
01:07:15,324 --> 01:07:16,366
DOT: What do we do?

1155
01:07:20,287 --> 01:07:21,538
We've gotta act fast.

1156
01:07:21,622 --> 01:07:25,500
Step one: We reverse the vacuum and
blow the air back onto the planet.

1157
01:07:25,584 --> 01:07:28,879
Step two: We destroy that thing.

1158
01:07:29,129 --> 01:07:30,881
But isn't that
dangerous?

1159
01:07:30,964 --> 01:07:32,174
Extremely.

1160
01:07:32,257 --> 01:07:36,136
Plus, I don't know how the
hell we're gonna do it.

1161
01:07:36,803 --> 01:07:38,555
What about that ring
Yogurt gave you?

1162
01:07:38,639 --> 01:07:39,932
Oh, yeah.

1163
01:07:41,058 --> 01:07:43,227
Come on, boss.
Give it a shot!

1164
01:07:43,310 --> 01:07:45,312
Okay.
Here goes nothing.

1165
01:07:55,280 --> 01:07:56,657
VESPA: Look at that.

1166
01:07:56,740 --> 01:07:57,908
Wow!

1167
01:07:58,992 --> 01:08:00,494
BARF: It's working.

1168
01:08:01,662 --> 01:08:03,622
VESPA: Come on, Schwartz!

1169
01:08:03,872 --> 01:08:05,415
(ALL CHEERING)

1170
01:08:12,673 --> 01:08:14,216
Helmet,
what's going on?

1171
01:08:14,299 --> 01:08:15,926
Sandurz,
what's going on?

1172
01:08:16,009 --> 01:08:19,763
It's Megamaid. She's
gone from suck to blow.

1173
01:08:20,222 --> 01:08:23,183
What? They're getting all their air back.
Do something.

1174
01:08:23,267 --> 01:08:24,810
Do something!

1175
01:08:24,893 --> 01:08:26,144
<i>ON PA: Do something!</i>

1176
01:08:35,946 --> 01:08:37,489
(WIND BLOWING)

1177
01:08:42,202 --> 01:08:43,745
I'm breathing.

1178
01:08:44,997 --> 01:08:46,081
Air.

1179
01:08:48,292 --> 01:08:49,626
Air!

1180
01:08:58,135 --> 01:08:59,386
Dim the lights.

1181
01:08:59,469 --> 01:09:00,929
Dimming the lights.

1182
01:09:01,221 --> 01:09:02,306
LONE STARR:
Go to infrared.

1183
01:09:02,389 --> 01:09:03,682
Going to infrared.

1184
01:09:03,765 --> 01:09:04,766
Pray to God.

1185
01:09:04,850 --> 01:09:06,393
Praying to God.

1186
01:09:08,186 --> 01:09:09,438
(BEEPING)

1187
01:09:15,193 --> 01:09:17,321
DOT: (PANICKING) Careful.

1188
01:09:24,911 --> 01:09:26,663
What are you doing?

1189
01:09:26,747 --> 01:09:27,998
Scanning.

1190
01:09:32,669 --> 01:09:34,046
(WHIRRING)

1191
01:09:35,297 --> 01:09:37,007
There's gotta be
a self-destruct mechanism

1192
01:09:37,090 --> 01:09:39,092
somewhere in
the central brain area.

1193
01:09:43,722 --> 01:09:45,432
I think
we just found it.

1194
01:09:45,515 --> 01:09:47,267
Where?
Watch .

1195
01:09:47,434 --> 01:09:49,061
(FLIPPING SWITCH)

1196
01:09:52,564 --> 01:09:54,649
Bingo!
There it is.

1197
01:09:56,068 --> 01:09:57,861
It's right below us.

1198
01:09:58,570 --> 01:10:00,113
Put her in hover, Barf.

1199
01:10:00,197 --> 01:10:01,656
Putting her in hover.

1200
01:10:02,491 --> 01:10:03,533
I'm going
down there.

1201
01:10:03,617 --> 01:10:05,577
He's going
down there.

1202
01:10:06,119 --> 01:10:07,537
I wouldn't.

1203
01:10:49,287 --> 01:10:51,456
What the hell
are you doing?

1204
01:10:52,541 --> 01:10:54,418
The Vulcan
neck pinch?

1205
01:10:55,001 --> 01:10:57,963
No, stupid. You got
it much too high.

1206
01:10:58,046 --> 01:11:00,757
It's down here where the
shoulder meets the neck.

1207
01:11:00,841 --> 01:11:02,175
Like this?

1208
01:11:02,259 --> 01:11:03,343
Yeah.

1209
01:11:06,054 --> 01:11:07,305
Thanks.

1210
01:11:12,853 --> 01:11:16,106
<i>AUTOMATED VOICE: Hand print
identification, please.</i>

1211
01:11:22,362 --> 01:11:23,655
(BEEPING)

1212
01:11:26,199 --> 01:11:27,659
Thanks again.

1213
01:11:35,584 --> 01:11:37,043
Is that you, Mylar?

1214
01:11:48,263 --> 01:11:50,432
Who are you? What are
you doing with that?

1215
01:11:50,515 --> 01:11:51,725
This!

1216
01:11:52,184 --> 01:11:53,185
(SCREAMS)

1217
01:11:55,437 --> 01:11:56,771
(GROANING)

1218
01:11:56,938 --> 01:11:58,815
Sweet dreams.

1219
01:12:16,082 --> 01:12:18,293
<i>Not so fast,
Lone Starr.</i>

1220
01:12:18,835 --> 01:12:20,086
Helmet.

1221
01:12:20,504 --> 01:12:24,799
80. At last we meet for the
first time for the last time.

1222
01:12:25,258 --> 01:12:26,593
(INAUDIBLE)

1223
01:12:27,594 --> 01:12:32,057
<i>Before you die, there is something you
should know about us, Lone Starr.</i>

1224
01:12:33,058 --> 01:12:34,184
What?

1225
01:12:34,601 --> 01:12:39,981
<i>I am your father's brother's
nephew's cousin's former roommate.</i>

1226
01:12:42,943 --> 01:12:44,653
What's that make us?

1227
01:12:44,736 --> 01:12:46,613
<i>Absolutely nothing!</i>

1228
01:12:46,947 --> 01:12:49,616
<i>Which is What
you are about to become.</i>

1229
01:12:50,909 --> 01:12:52,786
<i>Prepare to die.</i>

1230
01:13:00,168 --> 01:13:05,048
<i>You have the ring, and I see
your Schwartz is as big as mine.</i>

1231
01:13:07,300 --> 01:13:10,303
<i>Now let's see
how well you handle it.</i>

1232
01:13:13,306 --> 01:13:14,849
(BOTH GRUNTING)

1233
01:13:30,240 --> 01:13:31,616
(SCREAMING)

1234
01:13:33,159 --> 01:13:34,494
<i>(STUTTERS)</i>

1235
01:13:34,744 --> 01:13:35,870
<i>He did it.</i>

1236
01:13:35,954 --> 01:13:37,038
What?

1237
01:13:53,805 --> 01:13:57,183
<i>Shit! I hate it when I
get my Schwartz twisted.</i>

1238
01:13:57,892 --> 01:14:02,606
<i>Maybe if I put my leg up on yours,
we could scoot apart, like...</i>

1239
01:14:03,189 --> 01:14:06,067
<i>Good. Yeah, on three.
One, two, three, go!</i>

1240
01:14:17,454 --> 01:14:18,830
(CRACKLING)

1241
01:14:29,215 --> 01:14:30,550
(LAUGHING)

1242
01:14:36,389 --> 01:14:37,932
(BOTH GRUNTING)

1243
01:14:43,313 --> 01:14:44,689
<i>(GROANING)</i>

1244
01:14:48,485 --> 01:14:52,447
<i>So, Lone Starr,
Yogurt has taught you well.</i>

1245
01:14:53,573 --> 01:14:56,868
<i>If there's one thing I
despise, it is a fair fight.</i>

1246
01:14:57,243 --> 01:14:59,412
<i>But if I must,
then I must.</i>

1247
01:14:59,579 --> 01:15:01,414
<i>May the best man win.</i>

1248
01:15:02,415 --> 01:15:03,917
<i>Put her there.</i>

1249
01:15:07,671 --> 01:15:11,800
<i>The ring! I can't believe you fell
for the oldest trick in the book.</i>

1250
01:15:12,258 --> 01:15:16,429
<i>What a goof! What's with you, man?
Come on.</i>

1251
01:15:16,805 --> 01:15:19,182
<i>You know what? Here, let
me give it back to you.</i>

1252
01:15:19,265 --> 01:15:21,685
<i>Look at that!
You fell for that, too.</i>

1253
01:15:21,768 --> 01:15:23,728
<i>I can't believe it, man.</i>

1254
01:15:25,689 --> 01:15:30,402
<i>So, Lone Starr, now you see
that evil will always triumph</i>

1255
01:15:30,902 --> 01:15:32,904
<i>because good is dumb.</i>

1256
01:15:42,539 --> 01:15:44,708
<i>Very impressive,
Lone Starr.</i>

1257
01:15:45,166 --> 01:15:48,128
Too bad <i>this isn't</i>
the Wide World of Sports.

1258
01:15:49,003 --> 01:15:52,340
<i>YOGURT: Use the Schwartz, Lone Starr.
Use the Schwartz.</i>

1259
01:15:52,424 --> 01:15:54,676
I can't.
I lost the ring.

1260
01:15:54,759 --> 01:15:57,595
<i>Forget the ring.
The ring is bupkis.</i>

1261
01:15:57,679 --> 01:16:00,014
<i>I found it
in a Cracker Jack box.</i>

1262
01:16:00,432 --> 01:16:04,227
<i>The Schwartz is in you,
Lone Starr. It's in you.</i>

1263
01:16:04,310 --> 01:16:06,438
All right. I'll try.

1264
01:16:06,813 --> 01:16:09,357
<i>Say goodbye to
your two best friends.</i>

1265
01:16:09,733 --> 01:16:12,652
<i>And I don't mean your pals
in the Winnebago.</i>

1266
01:16:18,074 --> 01:16:19,492
(SCREAMING)

1267
01:16:21,327 --> 01:16:24,164
<i>AUTOMATED VOICE: Thank you for
pressing the self-destruct button.</i>

1268
01:16:24,247 --> 01:16:27,333
<i>This ship will self-destruct
in three minutes.</i>

1269
01:16:27,459 --> 01:16:29,002
(ALARM BLARING)

1270
01:16:32,005 --> 01:16:35,592
What's going on? Where
the hell are we? Paris?

1271
01:16:35,675 --> 01:16:37,969
<i>Thank you for pressing
the self-destruct button.</i>

1272
01:16:38,052 --> 01:16:42,515
<i>This ship will self-destruct in
exactly two minutes and 45 seconds.</i>

1273
01:16:42,599 --> 01:16:45,101
You've got to stop it. Is
there any way to stop it?

1274
01:16:45,185 --> 01:16:47,270
I can't.
It's irreversible.

1275
01:16:47,353 --> 01:16:48,938
Like my raincoat.

1276
01:16:49,022 --> 01:16:52,066
<i>Attention, this is Colonel
Sandurz in forward command.</i>

1277
01:16:52,150 --> 01:16:53,610
<i>Abandon ship!</i>

1278
01:16:53,735 --> 01:16:56,321
<i>All personnel proceed
to escape pods.</i>

1279
01:16:56,404 --> 01:16:59,282
<i>Close down the circus.
Evacuate the zoo.</i>

1280
01:16:59,365 --> 01:17:03,203
<i>The self-destruct mechanism has
been activated. Abandon ship.</i>

1281
01:17:04,037 --> 01:17:07,624
Sandurz, you gotta help me.
I don't know what to do.

1282
01:17:07,707 --> 01:17:10,418
I can't make decisions.
I'm a president!

1283
01:17:10,627 --> 01:17:12,587
<i>AUTOMATED VOICE: This is
your two-minute warning.</i>

1284
01:17:12,670 --> 01:17:15,673
<i>This ship will self-destruct
in exactly two minutes.</i>

1285
01:17:15,757 --> 01:17:18,843
<i>SANDURZ ON PA: Launch all escape
pods as soon as they are filled.</i>

1286
01:17:19,177 --> 01:17:20,887
What's happening?
Where is he?

1287
01:17:21,221 --> 01:17:23,097
<i>CHORUS: (SINGING)
Spaceballs</i>

1288
01:17:23,598 --> 01:17:25,016
<i>Watch out!</i>

1289
01:17:27,852 --> 01:17:29,521
Where is he?
LONE STARR: Here.

1290
01:17:29,604 --> 01:17:31,898
We've got a minute and 40 before
the end of the world. Hang on.

1291
01:17:32,398 --> 01:17:34,275
<i>Spaceballs</i>

1292
01:17:36,736 --> 01:17:38,029
Full throttle.
Full throttle.

1293
01:17:38,112 --> 01:17:39,781
Go to hyper-jets!
Going to hyper-jets.

1294
01:17:41,616 --> 01:17:45,745
<i>MAN: (SINGING) If you're livin' in a
bubble and you haven't got a care</i>

1295
01:17:45,829 --> 01:17:47,872
Get out of there. Where do
you think you're going?

1296
01:17:47,956 --> 01:17:49,123
Pizza to go!

1297
01:17:49,249 --> 01:17:51,000
<i>Well, you're gonna
be in trouble</i>

1298
01:17:51,084 --> 01:17:53,002
<i>'Cause we're gonna
steal your air</i>

1299
01:17:56,464 --> 01:17:58,424
<i>'Cause what you got
is what we need</i>

1300
01:17:58,508 --> 01:18:00,510
<i>And all we do
is dirty deeds</i>

1301
01:18:00,593 --> 01:18:02,887
<i>We're the Spaceballs</i>

1302
01:18:03,096 --> 01:18:04,055
<i>Watch out!</i>

1303
01:18:04,138 --> 01:18:06,975
<i>'Cause we're
the Spaceballs</i>

1304
01:18:07,058 --> 01:18:08,434
(GROWLING)

1305
01:18:11,229 --> 01:18:13,439
That's my escape pod.
Who are you?

1306
01:18:13,523 --> 01:18:16,943
I'm the bearded lady. What
are you, one of the freaks?

1307
01:18:17,443 --> 01:18:18,778
(LAUGHING)

1308
01:18:19,279 --> 01:18:22,532
Come back!
That's my pod! No!

1309
01:18:26,035 --> 01:18:28,788
Come back, you fat,
bearded bitch!

1310
01:18:29,956 --> 01:18:34,085
One pod left. And three of us.
And I'm the president.

1311
01:18:34,335 --> 01:18:36,671
Well, boys,
it's a very lovely ship.

1312
01:18:36,754 --> 01:18:38,756
I think you should
go down with it.

1313
01:18:39,132 --> 01:18:40,425
Goodbye!

1314
01:18:43,887 --> 01:18:46,180
What the hell's the matter
with this seat belt?

1315
01:18:46,264 --> 01:18:47,599
(SCREAMING)

1316
01:18:47,682 --> 01:18:48,975
(GROWLS)

1317
01:18:50,143 --> 01:18:51,519
(LAUGHING)

1318
01:18:53,771 --> 01:18:55,231
<i>Spaceballs</i>

1319
01:18:55,315 --> 01:18:58,276
<i>AUTOMATED VOICE: This ship will
self-destruct in 20 seconds.</i>

1320
01:18:58,359 --> 01:19:01,279
<i>This is your last chance to
push the cancellation button.</i>

1321
01:19:01,362 --> 01:19:03,823
Cancellation button?
Hurry!

1322
01:19:05,325 --> 01:19:07,577
<i>CHORUS: (SINGING)
Spaceballs</i>

1323
01:19:07,660 --> 01:19:09,245
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

1324
01:19:11,372 --> 01:19:12,874
Where is it?

1325
01:19:12,957 --> 01:19:14,250
It's gotta be here.

1326
01:19:14,334 --> 01:19:15,293
SKROOB:
Out of order?

1327
01:19:15,376 --> 01:19:17,795
Fuck! Even in the
future nothing works.

1328
01:19:17,879 --> 01:19:21,174
<i>AUTOMATED VOICE: This ship will
self-destruct in exactly 10 seconds.</i>

1329
01:19:21,257 --> 01:19:22,425
(ALL SHUDDERING)

1330
01:19:22,508 --> 01:19:23,927
<i>Counting down.</i>

1331
01:19:24,010 --> 01:19:25,678
<i>Ten. Nine.</i>

1332
01:19:26,304 --> 01:19:27,263
<i>Eight.</i>

1333
01:19:27,347 --> 01:19:28,348
<i>Six.</i>

1334
01:19:28,431 --> 01:19:30,433
Six? What happened
to seven?

1335
01:19:30,516 --> 01:19:32,018
<i>Just kidding.</i>

1336
01:19:32,518 --> 01:19:33,561
There's the other end. Faster!

1337
01:19:33,645 --> 01:19:34,646
<i>Seven.</i>

1338
01:19:34,729 --> 01:19:37,732
<i>Six. Five. Four.</i>

1339
01:19:37,815 --> 01:19:40,610
<i>Three. Two. One.</i>

1340
01:19:41,194 --> 01:19:42,737
<i>Have a nice day.</i>

1341
01:19:42,820 --> 01:19:44,364
ALL: Thank you.

1342
01:19:54,874 --> 01:19:56,209
VESPA: We did it!

1343
01:19:56,292 --> 01:19:57,794
(ALL CHEERING)

1344
01:19:59,212 --> 01:20:00,505
(HOWLING)

1345
01:20:03,383 --> 01:20:04,968
We all did it.

1346
01:20:07,220 --> 01:20:09,055
(SPACEBALLS SCREAMING)

1347
01:20:24,070 --> 01:20:28,491
<i>So, I guess you might call that
a case of man bites droid?</i>

1348
01:20:31,452 --> 01:20:34,122
<i>On a sadder note,
Pizza the Hutt,</i>

1349
01:20:34,205 --> 01:20:38,793
<i>famed half man, half pizza,
was found dead earlier today</i>

1350
01:20:38,876 --> 01:20:41,671
<i>in the back seat
of his stretched limo.</i>

1351
01:20:41,754 --> 01:20:43,798
<i>Evidently,
the notorious gangster</i>

1352
01:20:43,881 --> 01:20:47,760
<i>became locked in his car
and ate himself to death.</i>

1353
01:20:48,469 --> 01:20:52,682
<i>Coming up, Pongo's review
of</i> Rocky 5,000.

1354
01:20:53,975 --> 01:20:54,976
<i>Pongo.</i>

1355
01:20:55,059 --> 01:20:56,185
<i>PONGO: Whoever said
when you've seen...</i>

1356
01:20:56,269 --> 01:20:58,771
Did you hear that?
Pizza kicked the bucket.

1357
01:20:58,855 --> 01:21:03,109
Now we don't have to pay him the million.
We can keep it for ourselves.

1358
01:21:03,276 --> 01:21:04,527
(SIGHING)

1359
01:21:22,628 --> 01:21:23,838
Daddy!

1360
01:21:24,589 --> 01:21:27,884
Vespa, my darling. I thought
I'd never see you again.

1361
01:21:27,967 --> 01:21:32,513
My sweet little daughter. I'm so
happy that you're home and safe.

1362
01:21:32,764 --> 01:21:36,642
And, little Vespa, here's someone
else who's happy to see you.

1363
01:21:39,729 --> 01:21:42,774
Hello.
Where have you been?

1364
01:21:48,863 --> 01:21:50,865
(MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

1365
01:21:58,623 --> 01:21:59,999
Thanks,hon.

1366
01:22:05,338 --> 01:22:07,173
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

1367
01:22:12,637 --> 01:22:15,807
Hiya, big stuff.
Hi, dream.

1368
01:22:16,182 --> 01:22:17,266
What will you have?

1369
01:22:17,350 --> 01:22:20,103
We just got a couple minutes while
we're gassing up. What's ready?

1370
01:22:20,186 --> 01:22:22,563
I can give you the space
soup, or the space special.

1371
01:22:22,647 --> 01:22:24,482
LONE STARR:
I'll have the soup.

1372
01:22:24,565 --> 01:22:25,733
Okay.

1373
01:22:25,817 --> 01:22:28,528
I'll have the cleavage.
Special.

1374
01:22:29,612 --> 01:22:32,615
Okay, one special
and one soup.

1375
01:22:35,993 --> 01:22:36,953
Ready to order?

1376
01:22:37,036 --> 01:22:38,079
Hi, yes.

1377
01:22:38,162 --> 01:22:39,497
We'll both have
the lunafish.

1378
01:22:39,580 --> 01:22:40,581
Anything to drink?

1379
01:22:40,665 --> 01:22:43,584
Hey, watch where you're
sticking that thing.

1380
01:22:43,668 --> 01:22:44,669
(EXCLAIMS)

1381
01:22:44,752 --> 01:22:46,629
Look, it's got a mind
of its own, sweetheart.

1382
01:22:46,712 --> 01:22:48,714
I can't do
a thing with it.

1383
01:22:49,048 --> 01:22:50,341
(HOWLING)

1384
01:22:54,971 --> 01:22:58,391
So, we were lost. None of
us knew where we were.

1385
01:22:58,474 --> 01:23:02,520
And then Harry began feeling
around on all the trees.

1386
01:23:02,603 --> 01:23:06,357
Then he said, "I got it.
We on Pluto."

1387
01:23:06,816 --> 01:23:08,901
And we say, "Harry,
how can you tell?"

1388
01:23:08,985 --> 01:23:11,612
He said, "From the
bark, you dummies."

1389
01:23:16,409 --> 01:23:17,618
(GROANING)

1390
01:23:17,702 --> 01:23:18,703
Is he all right?

1391
01:23:18,786 --> 01:23:21,122
MAN 1: Yeah,
the guy digs me.

1392
01:23:21,205 --> 01:23:22,748
Hey, what's wrong
with this guy?

1393
01:23:22,832 --> 01:23:24,292
I don't know.

1394
01:23:24,417 --> 01:23:25,918
(JOHN GROANING)

1395
01:23:27,044 --> 01:23:28,504
Bring him
some water!

1396
01:23:28,588 --> 01:23:32,049
Water, my ass! Bring this
guy some Pepto-Bismol!

1397
01:23:32,925 --> 01:23:36,012
Waitress!
What did he order?

1398
01:23:36,095 --> 01:23:37,805
He had the special.

1399
01:23:37,889 --> 01:23:40,641
That's what I ordered.
Change my order to the soup.

1400
01:23:40,725 --> 01:23:41,809
Good move.

1401
01:23:41,934 --> 01:23:43,269
(GROANING)

1402
01:23:46,814 --> 01:23:48,149
(SNARLING)

1403
01:23:50,610 --> 01:23:53,738
Oh, no. Not again!

1404
01:23:55,823 --> 01:23:57,200
(EXCLAIMING)

1405
01:23:57,283 --> 01:23:58,618
(GROWLING)

1406
01:24:05,917 --> 01:24:08,252
(SINGING) <i>Hello, my
baby Hello, my honey</i>

1407
01:24:08,336 --> 01:24:10,630
<i>Hello, my ragtime gal</i>

1408
01:24:10,713 --> 01:24:15,301
<i>Send me a kiss by wire
Baby, my heart's on fire</i>

1409
01:24:15,384 --> 01:24:17,762
<i>If you refuse me,
Honey, you'll lose me</i>

1410
01:24:17,845 --> 01:24:19,138
<i>Then you'll be
left alone</i>

1411
01:24:19,222 --> 01:24:24,185
<i>Oh. baby. telephone and
tell me I'm your own</i>

1412
01:24:26,979 --> 01:24:28,481
BOTH: Check, please.

1413
01:24:39,158 --> 01:24:41,577
Five minutes
to magic time.

1414
01:24:41,661 --> 01:24:45,039
Are you all right, my dear?
You look a little flighty.

1415
01:24:45,122 --> 01:24:48,542
Don't worry about me, Father.
I'm completely over him.

1416
01:24:48,668 --> 01:24:49,710
(SCOFFS)

1417
01:24:49,794 --> 01:24:51,587
Didn't even stay
for the wedding.

1418
01:24:51,671 --> 01:24:54,590
Just grabbed his million
space bucks and ran.

1419
01:24:54,674 --> 01:24:56,759
He didn't
take the million.

1420
01:24:56,842 --> 01:24:58,094
He didn't?

1421
01:24:58,177 --> 01:25:03,057
No. He just took 248 space bucks
for lunch, gas and tolls.

1422
01:25:13,442 --> 01:25:15,778
I still can't believe
you turned down the money.

1423
01:25:15,861 --> 01:25:19,282
At least we could have stayed for
the wedding feast. I'm starving.

1424
01:25:19,365 --> 01:25:21,575
Have you got
anything to eat?

1425
01:25:22,535 --> 01:25:25,746
Wait a minute. Yogurt gave
me that fortune cookie.

1426
01:25:26,122 --> 01:25:27,373
Here, chow down.

1427
01:25:27,456 --> 01:25:29,292
Wow, thanks. I'll
split it with you.

1428
01:25:29,375 --> 01:25:30,710
Okay.

1429
01:25:35,089 --> 01:25:36,173
BOTH: Yogurt!

1430
01:25:36,257 --> 01:25:37,591
<i>Hello, boys.</i>

1431
01:25:37,842 --> 01:25:41,304
<i>Well, you opened your fortune
cookie, so here's your fortune.</i>

1432
01:25:41,387 --> 01:25:45,308
<i>Lone Starr, you know that medallion
that you wear around your neck</i>

1433
01:25:45,391 --> 01:25:47,476
<i>but you don't know
what it means?</i>

1434
01:25:47,560 --> 01:25:50,896
<i>Here's what it means. It's
a royal birth certificate.</i>

1435
01:25:50,980 --> 01:25:55,443
<i>Yes! Your father was a king.
Your mother was a queen.</i>

1436
01:25:55,526 --> 01:25:59,155
<i>Which makes you
a certified prince.</i>

1437
01:25:59,238 --> 01:26:01,824
Hey, I'm a prince!

1438
01:26:01,907 --> 01:26:04,118
I'm a prince.
Which means...

1439
01:26:04,201 --> 01:26:08,331
<i>Which means, if you hurry, there
could be a princess in your future.</i>

1440
01:26:08,414 --> 01:26:11,334
<i>If you want to get back there
before she marries Sleeping Beauty,</i>

1441
01:26:11,417 --> 01:26:14,670
<i>there's a special can of fuel
in your glove compartment.</i>

1442
01:26:14,754 --> 01:26:15,755
<i>Good luck, boys.</i>

1443
01:26:15,838 --> 01:26:16,881
Bye, Yogurt.

1444
01:26:16,964 --> 01:26:19,675
And, Yogurt, thanks.

1445
01:26:19,759 --> 01:26:21,177
<i>You're welcome.</i>

1446
01:26:21,260 --> 01:26:25,473
<i>And may the Schwartz
be with you!</i>

1447
01:26:25,556 --> 01:26:27,308
<i>(SCATTING GIBBERISH)</i>

1448
01:26:30,478 --> 01:26:32,313
Barf, open that
glove compartment.

1449
01:26:32,396 --> 01:26:34,440
You got it,
Your Highness.

1450
01:26:37,818 --> 01:26:40,529
Wow! Liquid Schwartz!

1451
01:26:40,613 --> 01:26:42,531
Quick, pour it
in the emergency tank.

1452
01:26:42,615 --> 01:26:43,824
Right.

1453
01:26:47,078 --> 01:26:48,537
Look at that.

1454
01:26:50,164 --> 01:26:51,248
Done!

1455
01:26:51,332 --> 01:26:54,293
Hang on, Barf, we're
gonna make spacetracks.

1456
01:26:54,377 --> 01:26:56,045
(ENGINES REVVING)

1457
01:27:04,428 --> 01:27:06,806
(SPACEBALLS SCREAMING)

1458
01:27:33,624 --> 01:27:35,126
(GULLS CAWING)

1459
01:27:47,179 --> 01:27:50,641
Dear me, what are those things
coming out of her nose?

1460
01:27:52,184 --> 01:27:53,936
Hey, watch my helmet.

1461
01:27:54,019 --> 01:27:55,354
(GRUNTING)

1462
01:27:57,356 --> 01:27:59,316
Spaceballs?

1463
01:27:59,567 --> 01:28:02,278
Oh, shit.
There goes the planet.

1464
01:28:05,531 --> 01:28:09,410
Dearly beloved, we are
gathered here together

1465
01:28:10,911 --> 01:28:12,121
again.

1466
01:28:12,204 --> 01:28:14,123
Why didn't you tell me
he didn't take the money?

1467
01:28:14,206 --> 01:28:16,125
I didn't think
it was important.

1468
01:28:16,208 --> 01:28:17,835
May I continue,
please?

1469
01:28:17,918 --> 01:28:20,546
Besides, he asked me
not to tell you.

1470
01:28:21,213 --> 01:28:22,548
Thank you.

1471
01:28:23,048 --> 01:28:27,845
To join Princess Vespa
and Princess Valium...

1472
01:28:29,096 --> 01:28:31,098
I'm sorry,
it's the hair.

1473
01:28:31,724 --> 01:28:36,020
Prince Valium in the
bonds of holy matrimony.

1474
01:28:36,103 --> 01:28:39,648
I see it all now. Don't you see?
He loves me!

1475
01:28:39,732 --> 01:28:41,609
I'm trying to conduct
a wedding here,

1476
01:28:41,692 --> 01:28:42,943
which has nothing
to do with love.

1477
01:28:43,027 --> 01:28:44,570
Please be quiet.
I'm sorry.

1478
01:28:44,653 --> 01:28:45,654
I'm sorry.

1479
01:28:45,738 --> 01:28:46,739
I'm sorry, too.

1480
01:28:46,822 --> 01:28:48,073
Don't be sorry.
Be quiet!

1481
01:28:48,157 --> 01:28:49,950
ALL THREE: I'm sorry!

1482
01:28:52,703 --> 01:28:56,749
To join Princess Vespa
and Prince Valium

1483
01:28:56,832 --> 01:28:59,084
in the bonds of holy

1484
01:28:59,251 --> 01:29:00,753
(RUMBLING)
moly!

1485
01:29:01,337 --> 01:29:02,963
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

1486
01:29:06,175 --> 01:29:07,259
Matrimony.

1487
01:29:07,343 --> 01:29:09,970
That's him! I know it's him.
He's come back.

1488
01:29:10,054 --> 01:29:13,516
That's it! I'm gonna take no more chances.
We're doing the short version.

1489
01:29:13,599 --> 01:29:17,353
Prince Valium, do you take Princess
Vespa to be your lawfully wedded wife?

1490
01:29:17,436 --> 01:29:21,148
Princess Vespa, do you take Prince Valium
to be your lawfully wedded husband?

1491
01:29:21,232 --> 01:29:23,567
(STUTTERING)
Well,I suppose.

1492
01:29:23,776 --> 01:29:25,653
Well...
Oh. I don't know.

1493
01:29:25,736 --> 01:29:27,071
LONE STARR:
No! She doesn't!

1494
01:29:27,154 --> 01:29:28,280
What?

1495
01:29:28,364 --> 01:29:29,865
(ALL GASPING)

1496
01:29:33,285 --> 01:29:35,120
Who the hell are you?

1497
01:29:35,287 --> 01:29:37,122
Prince Lone Starr.

1498
01:29:37,206 --> 01:29:38,457
Prince?

1499
01:29:38,541 --> 01:29:40,960
I just found out.
That's what this says.

1500
01:29:41,043 --> 01:29:43,170
I'm an honest to God prince.

1501
01:29:43,796 --> 01:29:45,464
Will you marry me?

1502
01:29:45,798 --> 01:29:47,925
Well, let me
think about it.

1503
01:29:49,051 --> 01:29:50,177
Yes.

1504
01:29:50,261 --> 01:29:51,428
I'm sick of this.

1505
01:29:51,512 --> 01:29:54,723
I don't give a damn who it is, but
I'm gonna marry somebody today!

1506
01:29:54,807 --> 01:29:56,559
Who are you?
I'm the best man.

1507
01:29:56,642 --> 01:29:58,060
What's your name?
Barf.

1508
01:29:58,143 --> 01:29:59,311
Your full name.

1509
01:29:59,395 --> 01:30:00,646
Barfolomew.

1510
01:30:00,729 --> 01:30:02,064
Are you the one
that's getting married?

1511
01:30:02,147 --> 01:30:03,148
No.

1512
01:30:03,232 --> 01:30:04,733
Then get over there!

1513
01:30:04,817 --> 01:30:07,903
Okay, here we go.
The short, short version.

1514
01:30:08,320 --> 01:30:10,281
Do you?

1515
01:30:10,489 --> 01:30:11,699
Do you?
Yes!

1516
01:30:11,782 --> 01:30:14,076
Good. You're married.
Kiss her.

1517
01:30:14,535 --> 01:30:15,869
I love you.

1518
01:30:15,953 --> 01:30:17,329
I love you.

1519
01:30:28,340 --> 01:30:30,551
(SNIFFLING)
Well, goodbye, Virgin Alarm.

1520
01:32:27,459 --> 01:32:29,211
(SPACEBALLS PLAYING)

1521
01:32:48,147 --> 01:32:52,484
<i>MAN: (SINGING) If you're livin' in a
bubble and you haven't got a care</i>

1522
01:32:55,738 --> 01:32:57,573
<i>Well, you're gonna
be in trouble</i>

1523
01:32:57,656 --> 01:33:00,200
<i>'Cause we're gonna
steal your air</i>

1524
01:33:03,036 --> 01:33:05,038
<i>'Cause what you got
is what we need</i>

1525
01:33:05,122 --> 01:33:07,040
<i>And all we do
is dirty deeds</i>

1526
01:33:07,124 --> 01:33:09,501
<i>We're the Spaceballs</i>

1527
01:33:09,918 --> 01:33:10,919
<i>CHORUS: Watch out!</i>

1528
01:33:11,003 --> 01:33:13,672
<i>'Cause we're
the Spaceballs</i>

1529
01:33:14,673 --> 01:33:16,592
<i>We're the masters of space</i>

1530
01:33:16,675 --> 01:33:18,427
<i>MAN: Hey,
don't mess around</i>

1531
01:33:18,510 --> 01:33:20,679
<i>With the Spaceballs</i>

1532
01:33:29,813 --> 01:33:31,607
<i>Going cruising
in a spaceship</i>

1533
01:33:31,690 --> 01:33:34,026
<i>We're so good at being bad</i>

1534
01:33:37,362 --> 01:33:41,658
<i>We'll destroy your little
planet if you ever get us mad</i>

1535
01:33:44,703 --> 01:33:46,622
<i>We're mothers of the galaxy</i>

1536
01:33:46,705 --> 01:33:48,957
<i>You better scatter
when you see</i>

1537
01:33:49,041 --> 01:33:51,335
<i>The Spaceballs!</i>

1538
01:33:51,502 --> 01:33:52,586
<i>Watch out!</i>

1539
01:33:52,669 --> 01:33:55,130
<i>We're the Spaceballs</i>

1540
01:33:56,006 --> 01:33:58,050
<i>We're the masters of space</i>

1541
01:33:58,133 --> 01:33:59,968
<i>Say What?
Don't mess around</i>

1542
01:34:00,052 --> 01:34:02,429
<i>With the Spaceballs</i>

1543
01:34:02,888 --> 01:34:04,556
<i>Watch out!</i>

1544
01:34:33,126 --> 01:34:35,712
<i>We're mothers of the galaxy</i>

1545
01:34:35,796 --> 01:34:40,259
<i>We're gonna take
the air you breathe</i>

1546
01:34:40,717 --> 01:34:44,054
<i>Oh, Spaceballs!</i>

1547
01:34:44,513 --> 01:34:45,597
<i>Watch out!</i>

1548
01:34:45,681 --> 01:34:48,559
<i>We're the Spaceballs</i>

1549
01:34:48,767 --> 01:34:51,436
<i>We're the masters of space</i>

1550
01:34:51,812 --> 01:34:55,315
<i>Don't mess around
with the Spaceballs</i>

1551
01:34:55,399 --> 01:34:56,733
<i>Duck!
Watch out!</i>

1552
01:34:56,817 --> 01:34:59,611
<i>We're the Spaceballs</i>

1553
01:35:00,612 --> 01:35:03,115
<i>We're the masters of space</i>

1554
01:35:03,198 --> 01:35:06,994
<i>Don't mess around
with the Spaceballs</i>

1555
01:35:07,119 --> 01:35:08,120
<i>Watch out!</i>

1556
01:35:08,203 --> 01:35:10,622
<i>We've got
a bossin' little ship</i>

1557
01:35:11,707 --> 01:35:14,001
<i>So you better
watch your lip</i>

1558
01:35:15,502 --> 01:35:18,422
<i>'Cause we're the Spaceballs</i>

1559
01:35:18,505 --> 01:35:19,548
<i>Watch out!</i>

1560
01:35:19,631 --> 01:35:21,884
<i>You may think
that you are bad</i>

1561
01:35:23,302 --> 01:35:26,054
<i>But believe you can be had</i>

1562
01:35:26,889 --> 01:35:29,850
<i>By the Spaceballs</i>

1563
01:35:29,933 --> 01:35:30,934
<i>Watch out!</i>

1564
01:35:31,018 --> 01:35:33,437
<i>We're the Spaceballs</i>

1565
01:35:33,604 --> 01:35:34,563
<i>Watch out!</i>

1566
01:35:34,646 --> 01:35:37,399
<i>We're the Spaceballs</i>

1567
01:35:37,983 --> 01:35:40,944
<i>We're the masters of space</i>

1568
01:35:41,028 --> 01:35:45,073
<i>Don't mess around
with the Spaceballs</i>

1569
01:35:46,491 --> 01:35:48,243
<i>We're so bad and mean</i>

1570
01:35:49,745 --> 01:35:52,623
<i>We make nightmares
out of dreams</i>

1571
01:35:53,540 --> 01:35:56,668
<i>We're the Spaceballs</i>

1572
01:35:57,294 --> 01:36:00,088
<i>We're the Spaceballs</i>

1573
01:36:01,548 --> 01:36:02,591
<i>You better</i>

1574
01:36:02,674 --> 01:36:03,842
<i>Watch out!</i>

1575
01:36:03,926 --> 01:36:05,427
<i>(MAN LAUGHING)</i>