Perfect Aircraft Carrier

I am the very model of a perfect aircraft carrier,
I've information rhetorical, clerical, and nautical,
I know the presidents and Teddy was the most majestical
From Washington to Obama, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
Colbert here does algebra abstract and theoretical,
Real analysis and calculus, he studied it in Syracuse
And derives taylor series while he helps my accountant who is a jew

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know my naval history, how am I so magnanimous?
IN SHORT, IN MATTERS HISTORICAL, CLERICAL, AND NAUTICAL,
I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A PERFECT AIRCRAFT CARRIER!

I know spooky history, like of my haunted bestie Salem;
I can recite As You Like it and Othello verbatim;
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Admiral Settle,
And list the compounds created by all the alkaloid metals;
I can do a perfect triple axel and pirouette en arabesque.
I don't know what I just said; Je ne parle pas français anyway!
Then I can fence so well the French stare in rage and jealousy,
And snack on gourmet crème brûlée, while I reposte breathlessly!

I look stunning as a maid or any outfit in all likelihood,
I'm so splendiferous, it's as if I were straight from Hollywood.
IN SHORT, IN MATTERS RHETORICAL, CLERICAL, AND NAUTICAL,
I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A PERFECT AIRCRAFT CARRIER!

In fact! I am the bestest and awesome sister to Willie D.
We built the greatest pillow fort while Settle was in therapy
Those otaku who creeped on Hornet, I studied their unjust ways;
Now I'll defeat them with my superior taste in annie-mays!
"People die when they are killed", I know is a tautology,
Because I am perfect, and I know it, which follows accordingly;
In short, I have a smattering of strategy in many things,
I'm THE SMARTEST and THE STRONGEST carrier in history!

For my Corsairs and my Hellcats were waiting for a century
To hunt my quarry and reclaim my glory against the enemy
IN SHORT, IN MATTERS RHETORICAL, CLERICAL, AND NAUTICAL,
I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A PERFECT AIRCRAFT CARRIER!