Basically I was feeling lonely,  don't really go out much and am pretty inexperienced in the relationship department. About 2 years ago I found a guy on Grindr and we met up to hookup but ended up really hitting it off, but I was really insecure about my sexuality and so I basically ghosted him. I did really feel something for him though, I know that sounds weird but I did, and I guess he did too. Over the past 2 years, we've attempted to contact each other off and on numerous times but we never ended up meeting again. Last night, I was feeling lonely and got to thinking about how he was the first and only guy I have ever been with, and he was so nice to me. I texted him and we got to talking, and I asked him if he wanted to meet up again. He said he can't, he's in a committed relationship and it's just bad timing. I kept pushing and pushing, telling him how much I felt for him and he reciprocated but kept saying how it's bad timing and that he didn't wanna do that to his boyfriend. After back and forth trying to justify it, I convinced him that we should just meet up to talk. This morning he texts me again saying he was having second thoughts, and once again I kept pushing and pushing, and we decided that he would pick me up, we would drive around and just talk it through. We meet up, and we park somewhere, and after talking for a bit, we ended up kissing. He seemed really torn about the situation, but I kept pushing and pushing, until I convinced him we should rent a room and go all the way. We did that and now I feel like shit for pressuring him into doing this and potentially ruining his relationship
hes a great guy and I really put him in a shitty position. I wish I could take it back
I feel even worse because he kept saying "I felt something for you but its just bad timing, we were good together" and I, in the heat of the moment, really tugged at that. I feel the same way for him but im not ready for a relationship and I think he only went through with it because he wishes for us to be something more
if he ends up telling his bf about this, it could ruin his relationship and it will be my fault
I don't know if I should text him and apologize for being so manipulative, potentially making him feel worse about what happened, or whether I should just leave him alone so he can put this behind him