Winona ryder invented the titanic leo dicaprio look before leo dicaprio,
Titanic where everything is the same but winona ryder plays jack and we get to see her and kate winslet fall in love,

Bella was lucky she didn’t have a cell phone of any kind because you know ya boi edward would be blowing up that phone 24 7 going, saw a snail today, effervescent, or some crap equivalent,
World heritage post,

What if grass licked your feet when you stepped on it,
I would do a split,
Satan, god, jesus,

Bob’s burgers would also be an appropriate title for spongebob squarepants,
Why would you say something so controversial yet so brave,

Current mood, quentin tarantino on jimmy neutron,

Cronch,

Want a break from the ads, suck on my fat fricking dong,
Well that’s a better deal than paying monthly, sign me the frick up,

You skate and you die,
My cousin throckmorton the skateboarder could shred that,
Sorry, my cousin who,
Example 7 point 4, your cousin throckmorton,

Elephants brain react to humans the same way that humans’ brain react to puppies, they think we’re cute,
My life has had no greater joy than knowing elephants think i’m cute,

Happy 6 months,
A baby elephant at the zoo got a box of hay for her 6 month birthday and she got so happy that she fell over,

Look at him right there, oh crap, what’s your name huh, his name is get off me,
Seal jumps on duck hunters boat and wants to cuddle,
His name is get off me,
Dog mermaids oh my god, oh my god, dog mermaids have just as poor of manners as regular dogs,
Love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, hi hi hi hi hi hi hi, you’re squishy, i’m sit
How cute,

When my mental health is suffering and my friends ask if i need anything,
And i said, no, you know, like a liar,

Hey not to sound evil, but if i had the power to cast lightnin bolt on anyone i wanted, i’d use it on people who inconvenience me even slightly,
Zeus but without the horny, i simply did not mention the horny,

You’re in her d m’s i’m hiding from something following me in the paris catacombs,
Need any help there,
Get out of her d m’s and come save me,

Selfcare is wearing someone else's hoodie,

Ahh, i want what they have,

The general has a shrek shaped badge on his chest,

Yesterday i went to buy something and the store owner looked up and said something to me in chinese and i was so surprised i just said, what, in english and then we stared at each other for a full ten second like what the frick we are in spain,
My english teacher says, eh, a lot and every time i’m like, haha i bet he’s from canada, but then i remember, i’m canadian, i live in canada,
I watch so much american t v nowadays that today when i went downstairs and saw my dad drinking tea i thought to myself, what is he, british, and then i realized, my dad is british, i am british, we live in britain,
What the frick is going on,

Observation, i have never broken a bone,
Hypothesis, i am boneless,
Data, i appear to have broken at least 2 bones in my foot slipping on the ice,
Conclusion, i have at least 2 bones, strong evidence suggests the possibility of a third one,
Uneducated people are the reason why there’s so many science deniers in the world, you have 206 bones in your body, maybe you’d know that if you had more than a fourth grade education,
I’m an astrophysicist,

This is up dog, stop asking,

How dare you say, what happened, to an aging actor while your fat as is covered in butter and sour patch kids in a reclining theater seat,
Dang cole dang,
Boy is from the dark side this shade is so fierce,

At brendonboydurie, i have one dollar and 23 cents on itunes i’m literally 6 cents short from buying your song do you know how painful this is,
At f b r 4 20 rip it from youtube,
I love brendon urie,
Miles and miles away, taylor swift trembles, falls to the floor as profit, slips away from an already successful artists fingertips, how, why, but the copyright laws, the money,

It is your birthday and now you are older, here is a card, happy birthday,
Who let cas design a birthday card,

Son, why the heck do you look like that,
You don’t understand, dad, i’m just emu,
You’re a fricking ostrich,
Oh my god,

If lucifer needs someone's consent to enter their body then so do you,
This is the best rape argument i have ever heard,
If you’re worse than satan you have a problem,
Win,

George r r martin keeps procrastinating, rather than work on the latest game of thrones book, george seems to be doing literally anything else,
George r r martin is me,

About hosting s n l, are you gonna be nervous,
Am i gonna be ner i’ve been nervous for thirty five years,
John mulaney stops by the tonight show,
God what a mood,

What, i’m waiting my turn,
This is the power move immediately above pissing next to someone in an empty bathroom,

Doug, doug is the son of dopey, the most playful and silly of the seven dwarfs, he plays several instruments and is in the marching band,
I’m sorry to say this, but it has come to my attention that in disney’s descendants, dopey the dwarf has a son named doug, which means that canonically, dopey has fricked,

Reaction to disney movie songs,
Age of 8, oh my god this is so awkward i hate these parts why isn’t there just normal dialogue please stop singing,
Age of 18, prince aliii fabulous hee ali ababwaaa,

Why is concept art always 300 percent better than the final product especially in western animation,
The concept art, the film,

There’s a japanese phrase that i like, koi no yokan, it doesn’t mean love at first sight, it’s closer to love at second sight, it’s the feeling when you meet someone that you’re going to fall in love with them, maybe you don’t love them right away, but it’s inevitable that you will,
Things that make you go hmm,
This post, me,

Therapist, i want you to say something positive about yourself,
Me, i have eyes,

I love goalie fights, it’s like you guys have been standing 200 feet apart this entire time how could you possibly have beef,
Different color shirt bad,

Stardew valley creator would like everyone to please calm down,
Stardew valley creator is working on two new games,
I’m losing my mind over these headlines,

Imagine if you got ready to assault an enemy base and walked into this guy,

Why was shrek’s soundtrack so incredible like who sat down and decided that a movie about an ogre would have a beautiful rufus wainwright ballad followed by a smash mouth/eddie murphy cover of i’m a believer and how can i thank them,

Raise your hand if you have so many ideas that you’re not talented enough for,
It torments me,

Me when i’m an italian bully, just like taking spaghetti from a baby,

Honey beaches of oats l o l,
So fricked up, why would you post this,
I’m insane,

Doctors hate her, local woman is, just really mean to doctors, says one,

Hahahahahahahahahah it’s tiny fricking legs hahahahahahaha,

Being on tumblr is like being on a website,
It’s like a website in here,

Thanks again for watching over me while i get my act together, paul, kisses you on the cheek, it’s not gay i’m italian,

Kinda wanna be kissed kinda wanna be stabbed,
While he’s having a smoke, and she’s taking a drag,

My shoulder is a little sunburnt,
Is he flying naked,

Sure, i don’t get a, healthy, amount of sleep like some people do but can they do this, stands up, blacks out for a second,
This should not make me laugh as much as it does,

If you get a computer virus just download another one and they’ll kill each other or maybe they’ll kiss or something,

Would you care for some refreshments,
Oh that’s cool they made the bottles look melted into the gr,

Chris pratt interrupts interview to french braid intern's hair,
Shut the heck up,
This man has gone too far,
Dang,
Where does marvel find these people,
Imagine, chris pratt and jeremy renner show up to your door the night of prom and your parents are like, why do you have two dates and why are they so big and beefy and intimidating but chris is just like, nah i’m hair, and jeremy raises his hand and says, and i’m makeup,
Surprisingly well done,

Come on, timon, you guys gotta create a diversion,
What do you want me to do, dress in drag and do the hula,
Luau,
One of the best transitions i’ve ever seen in a movie,

Blue flavored candy is always the best flavor of candy like what the frick, blue raspberries aren’t even a thing, we’re literally eating the color blue as a flavor and it’s fricking magical,

How did we get here when i used to know you so well,
Decode, paramore,
I wish i could say this wasn’t me in 2008 but,
This was me literally yesterday in my car,

When caroline walter of freiburg, germany died at the age of 16, her sister, selma, had a sculptor cast a life size sculpture for the gravestone, every morning since caroline’s funeral, a fresh flower was found tucked in the crook of the arm, and still is to this day, nobody knows who leaves it, every single morning, caroline died in 1867, for 146 years, someone has been leaving flowers,
Caroline totes had a vampire lover,

C’mon boys, crack this beach,
The face of a man realizing that he, honest to god, is going to have to fight a bunch of grown as men in diapers,

Dude, you should get a doctor to do this, oh, look at me, the millionaire who goes to see doctors,
This is what being in your twenties is like,

Me at disneyland, taps mickeys shoulder, yo ricky rat where the fast passes for mickeys dong smasher,
Mickey, muffled sobbing as he shows me a hidden door under the walt statue,

People be scared of pitbulls like these demonic craps don’t exist,
Accurate as crap, also, have this from an old vet nursing book,
If i see a young lout pull up in a 4 w d with a pig dog on the back, i know i can trust his strength to restrain that brutish mutt,
If i see a security officer with a bristling shepherd in tow, i put my faith in his experienced hand to curb it’s slavering growl,
But if i see an elderly lady with a frothing chihuahua, i tremble before almighty god,

Murby, a moss covered furby found on an old farms property during cleanup,
What a pleasant looking fellow, so peaceful and happy,
Elder being,

What does an orgasm feel like,
An orgasm is like a build up of energy that is finally released,
My old sex ed textbook,
Why are they having orgasms from holding hands,
Need me a freak like that,

Wet dog meets semi wet dog,
I’m you, but with legs,

Appreciation post for these random fisherman in moana,
Cute,
Perfectly convey the exact emotion you feel when two people you know well but don’t know, well, get into a family argument in front of you,

Warhammer 40 k,
Was gonna question that but, yeah, that’s pretty much it,

No, how can i delete somebody else’s post,

Because, because you’re under arrest matt, objection,
Matt you can’t just objection yourself out of getting arrested,
He’s a lawyer he knows what he’s doing,

Mantises are the closest living thing to centaurs,
It checks out but don’t ever say it again,

Do not touch me again, then don’t take my stuff,
Actual five year olds,

Just curious but why did this g b a harry potter video game put so much detail into snapes as,
How else would you tell it’s snape,

You telling me americans don’t have these tasty little morsels,
I didn’t mean to add the argonian pic,

How to sound hip for the unhip,
Elon musk about to tweet something embarrassing,
Defeating traffic is the ultimate boss battle,