Eng Puss in Book: Trapped in an Epic Tale (2017)

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1
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[cat purrs, meows]

2
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[fast, lively flamenco music playing]

3
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[screams]

4
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[giggles]

5
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- [Puss yowling]
- El Gato!

6
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[yowls]

7
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- [swords clanging]
- [thieves growling]

8
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[Puss grunting]

9
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Villains. You think you can beat
Puss in Boots?

10
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[grunting]

11
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Honestly? Not really... [shouts]

12
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I would've run away already
but I'm afraid you'll stab me in the butt.

13
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[chuckles, grunts]

14
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[all screaming]

15
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Now, let us see what they have.

16
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Oh.

17
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:18,370
What is this?

18
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A storybook about me?

19
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This can only be a wonderful thing
and in no way menacing.

20
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[Puss shouts]

21
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[grunting]

22
00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:38,140
Okay, maybe a little menacing.

23
00:01:38,557 --> 00:01:40,601
[male voice] Once upon a time,

24
00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:43,061
a cat was trapped in a book.

25
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Hello?

26
00:01:45,314 --> 00:01:46,148
Where are you?

27
00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:49,234
I am everywhere. [voice echoes]

28
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You may call me...

29
00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:52,904
the Storyteller.

30
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Did you say I'm trapped in a book?

31
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Yes. And in this book,
I control everything.

32
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Almost.

33
00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:04,416
For I am compelled by eldritch forces
beyond my ken

34
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to offer some choices to you.

35
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Choices that affect your destiny.

36
00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:13,467
I am not following you.

37
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[Storyteller sighs]

38
00:02:14,885 --> 00:02:19,264
It means that sometimes I'm going
to let you choose what will happen.

39
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Ah.

40
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And now your first choice.

41
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Choose now:

42
00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:31,443
Will you fight a god,
or would that be rather odd?

43
00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:36,073
If so, perhaps you'd rather be
in pitched battle with a tree?

44
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:37,740
Huh?

45
00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:41,119
Are you kidding?
Why would I choose to fight a god?

46
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You choose to fight a god? So be it.

47
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What?! Who are you, Storyteller?
I must know.

48
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- I must know your true identity.
- I'll never tell.

49
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Wait, I have to fight a god?
What if I do not want to?

50
00:02:53,548 --> 00:02:55,425
[grunting]

51
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:56,802
You have no choice.

52
00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:01,139
[grunts] Huh?

53
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[thudding]

54
00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:07,229
But, Taranis, we are friends!

55
00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:10,315
Taranis will not listen
to your lying talk-words.

56
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We fight now, little fox.

57
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Fox? I am clearly a cat.

58
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Taranis apologizes.

59
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[grunting]

60
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,577
Ha. [gasps]

61
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[Puss grunting]

62
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,712
I have your magic wheel.

63
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Whoa. [grunts]

64
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Oh, no. Without it, I am powerless.

65
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[Puss grunting]

66
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I know.

67
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[purring]

68
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[screaming]

69
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Ow! [grunting]

70
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Curse you, cat-fox.

71
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[whirring]

72
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[Puss grunting]

73
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Curse you! [echoing]

74
00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:12,043
I am calling that a victory.
I cannot be beaten.

75
00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:18,133
Oh, no? You will see, Puss in Boots,
that you are at the mercy of my whims.

76
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:21,094
And the only way to escape from this book

77
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:24,389
in which you've found yourself
so disastrously trapped...

78
00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:27,476
- Yes?
- Is...

79
00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:30,353
Yes?

80
00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:32,647
To get to...

81
00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:34,064
the end!

82
00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:35,400
The end?

83
00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:36,484
The end.

84
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,738
I accept your challenge, Storyteller.

85
00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:44,951
[Storyteller] So, Puss in Boots,
will you with a giant talk,

86
00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:47,329
or will you now be Goldilocks?

87
00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:50,916
How can I possibly
make such a difficult decision?

88
00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:52,876
I do not want to wear that wig.

89
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:55,420
But that giant, he looks somehow familiar.

90
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,923
I'm going to say this very clearly.

91
00:04:58,006 --> 00:05:00,884
- I choose the giant.
- Your choice is made.

92
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,344
[Puss sighs]

93
00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:06,389
- [Toby] Fee, fi, fo, fum!
- [rumbling]

94
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,975
I smell a cat and I want some gum.

95
00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,311
Toby, why are you a giant?

96
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:13,230
Who is this Toby?

97
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,357
I am a fearsome giant.

98
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:18,068
I have stepped on so many people.

99
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,861
Not always on purpose.

100
00:05:19,945 --> 00:05:22,948
Sometimes it's just, like, "oops,"
and they go "squish"!

101
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:28,578
Anyway, I want gum!

102
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,705
[grunts] Fiendish.

103
00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:35,168
This Storyteller uses my own friends
to populate his diabolical world.

104
00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:38,088
Apparently, he's too lazy
to come up with new characters.

105
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,632
[Storyteller]
It's not laziness, it's recycling.

106
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:42,717
I said I want gum! [echoing]

107
00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:44,302
[Puss grunting]

108
00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:48,473
I am afraid I have no gum, but there
may be a peppery-mint in here somewhere.

109
00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:51,101
But I must warn you,
things stored in my hat

110
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,937
tend not to remain
at the peak of freshness for...

111
00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:56,523
[grunts]

112
00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:59,651
[strained] Perhaps the other choice
would have been better.

113
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,236
Can we go back?

114
00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:04,823
[Storyteller]
Yes. I grant you a Goldilocks do-over.

115
00:06:10,745 --> 00:06:13,915
Thank you.
But this does not mean we are friends.

116
00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:15,542
Understood.

117
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:20,296
Hmm.

118
00:06:23,675 --> 00:06:24,843
Ah-ha!

119
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:28,263
This is the story of
Goldilocks and the Three Bears.

120
00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:32,225
I have but to go through the events
of this story and I will reach the end.

121
00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:34,811
Easy-peasy, ham and cheesy.

122
00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:37,647
[groans]

123
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:38,732
Too hot.

124
00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:40,984
[shudders] Too cold.

125
00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:43,361
Ah. Just right.

126
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:45,614
Too tall.

127
00:06:45,780 --> 00:06:46,948
Too wide.

128
00:06:47,032 --> 00:06:48,116
Just right.

129
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:49,951
[grunting]

130
00:06:50,035 --> 00:06:51,077
Oh, no, it broke.

131
00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:54,039
[grunting]

132
00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:55,165
Too hard.

133
00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:56,874
Too soft.

134
00:06:58,209 --> 00:06:59,419
Just right.

135
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:01,087
Then I go to sleep in this bed

136
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:03,548
and await the arrival
of the adorable family of bears:

137
00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:05,467
Papa Bear, Mama Bear and Baby Bear.

138
00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:07,510
Nothing could be more simpler.

139
00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:09,011
[door opens]

140
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:11,556
[growling]

141
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,099
- [shouts]
- [Storyteller] Hold it!

142
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:15,185
You have another choice to make.

143
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:18,730
Should these bears be friends or foes?

144
00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:21,274
Make your choice and let me know.

145
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:24,653
[Puss] This seems like a trick question.
Friends...

146
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,529
Did you say "foes"?

147
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:27,864
I said "friends."

148
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,741
I know. Just kidding.

149
00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:31,284
Your choice is made.

150
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,455
Well, hello, there!

151
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,248
We've got company!

152
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:39,584
Is that a friend for me to play with?

153
00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:42,545
Howdy there, amigo. [laughs]

154
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,172
Samuel T. Bearinger.

155
00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:46,800
- My wife, Gladys. She's a peach.
- Who's my cuddle bunny?

156
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:48,343
[exclaiming excitedly]

157
00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:51,805
- Oh, you simply must play with Sam Junior.
- [groans]

158
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:54,265
Hello, friend for me to play with.

159
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:57,352
We gonna play horsey rides.

160
00:07:58,019 --> 00:07:59,562
Do not make me the horsey.

161
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,356
You the horsey!

162
00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:02,482
[Puss grunting]

163
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:05,568
- Horsey ride!
- So, how was traffic?

164
00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:08,863
Oh, not bad.
I picked up those acorns you wanted.

165
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:11,866
That's nice.
You know, Madeleine stopped by today.

166
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,868
Is her hip better?

167
00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:16,413
Why are you so interested in Madeleine?

168
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:17,622
Nothing.

169
00:08:17,706 --> 00:08:19,499
[Puss screaming, grunts]

170
00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:22,126
[groans]

171
00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:24,713
[yowls]

172
00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:26,631
Ah.

173
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,717
Kitty don't wanna play no more?

174
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,469
[Storyteller] I think I'd also
like to see the angry bears.

175
00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:32,553
[Puss] What?

176
00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:35,098
[roaring]

177
00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:38,685
[Puss shouts, grunts]

178
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:43,148
- [roaring]
- [yowls]

179
00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:46,151
[Puss grunting]

180
00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:48,318
[roars]

181
00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:50,613
Oh, my...

182
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:52,991
[flamenco music playing]

183
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,075
[bears] Mmm?

184
00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:57,912
[Puss groaning]

185
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,045
Ah-ha!

186
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,047
[Puss yowls]

187
00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:12,342
Huh?

188
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:14,721
Ha-ha! [gasps]

189
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:18,600
[growling]

190
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:28,860
[Storyteller] You know, I think I'd also
like to see an interpretive dance.

191
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,278
[Puss] What?

192
00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:32,572
[slow classical music playing]

193
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,620
[Puss] What is this? What are we doing?

194
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:41,122
I am not even in this.

195
00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:42,415
I kinda like that.

196
00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:45,710
[Storyteller]
Obviously I am just messing with you.

197
00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:47,879
I'm sorry, was that not clear?

198
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:49,756
[Puss] Ugh.

199
00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:54,052
Fine. I will watch
their ridiculous dancings.

200
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:57,889
But this must be just as painful
for you as it is for me.

201
00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:01,101
[Storyteller] Ugh, you're right.
I didn't think this through.

202
00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:05,647
[Puss] Oh.

203
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,732
This part is actually pretty good.

204
00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:08,983
I like that.

205
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,027
Well, surely that is it.

206
00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:13,321
You'll let me go now. Yes?

207
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:18,201
[Storyteller] What? No.
This is a book of stories, plural.

208
00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:21,121
You have to get to the end
of all the stories to get out.

209
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:22,831
- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.

210
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,083
Who are you, villain? I must know.

211
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,127
You will never find out.

212
00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:30,130
I will. And I will escape from your book.

213
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:32,173
This I swear!

214
00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:34,676
[Storyteller chuckles]
Yes, we'll see about that.

215
00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:37,178
Uh-huh. Here comes another story now.

216
00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:41,015
And whatever you choose,
this one won't be so easy.

217
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:47,188
Two tales you must choose between:
Pirate Cat or Evil Queen.

218
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:50,567
Ooh. Pirate stuff. It is just the best!

219
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:53,194
There is no way
I am going to choose the Evil Queen.

220
00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:56,114
I heard you say "choose the Evil Queen."
So be it.

221
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,490
No! I did not.

222
00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:58,867
Your choice is made.

223
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,159
[sighs]

224
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:02,704
The prince!

225
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:06,457
The prince is here to awaken Snow White.

226
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:08,126
Uh...

227
00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:10,086
I see. I am the prince.

228
00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:13,673
Thank you. Hmm...

229
00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:15,675
You are less tall than usual.

230
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:17,969
Are you dwarves?
Should there not be seven?

231
00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:22,765
Don't believe everything you hear
in the lame-stream media, man.

232
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:26,644
I know this story.

233
00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:30,148
I kiss Snow White, she awakens
and we are married. The end.

234
00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:33,735
[yowls, grunts]

235
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:37,322
No, no, no.

236
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:40,283
She despises me. I will not kiss her.

237
00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:42,535
Not even to escape this vile book.

238
00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:44,913
So you condemn her to eternal slumber?

239
00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:47,165
What a big meanie.

240
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:49,626
[all shouting] Meanie! Big meanie!

241
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:52,879
I am not going to kiss her.
No way, no how.

242
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,756
[Storyteller] We'll see about that.

243
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:56,174
It's choice time.

244
00:11:57,759 --> 00:12:02,055
Harken now, your choice is this:
Evil Queen or awkward kiss?

245
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,807
Even though Señora Zapata despises me,

246
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:07,143
I cannot leave her trapped in that coffin.

247
00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:09,354
I must kiss her and set her free.

248
00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:11,439
Your choice is made.

249
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:12,565
Let us do this!

250
00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:15,276
[Puss grumbling]

251
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:16,360
Fine.

252
00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:19,322
[grunts]

253
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:20,782
I will do the kissing.

254
00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:23,826
But that does not mean
we are getting married.

255
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:25,827
[groans]

256
00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:32,043
[heart beating rapidly]

257
00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:41,970
- [Puss yowls]
- My hero!

258
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:45,682
We are getting married! [grunts]

259
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,767
- [Puss] Whoa!
- [giggling]

260
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:49,143
Oh, darn.

261
00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:51,229
[bell tolling]

262
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:58,403
[Storyteller] And so, with that,
madame and cat were well and truly wed.

263
00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:04,909
They named their children
Marla, Milton, Blanca, Frank and Ted.

264
00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:06,494
[farts]

265
00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:11,958
A house of stone they called their own,
and there they laid their heads.

266
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:19,090
And here they'll stay for all their days
together till they're dead.

267
00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:21,383
[Puss] Wait, what?

268
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:25,221
That's right, Puss in Boots.
You will remain with her for all eternity.

269
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,432
[Storyteller laughing]

270
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:30,893
Maybe, we could go back
and try the other choice?

271
00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:32,937
Pretty please?

272
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:34,814
I will take pity on you, Puss in Boots.

273
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,316
[grunting]

274
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:42,113
Kissing Señora Zapata
was a disaster of epic proportions.

275
00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:43,322
I will find the Evil Queen

276
00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:45,867
who cursed Snow White
and make her reverse the curse.

277
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:47,952
[chuckles]

278
00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:50,288
Reverse the curse. Reverse the curse.
This is fun to say.

279
00:13:51,122 --> 00:13:53,541
But, wait.
How will I find this Evil Queen?

280
00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:56,753
[Storyteller]
Uh, leave that to me. [clears throat]

281
00:13:56,878 --> 00:13:59,630
And so, after months of searching...

282
00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:00,840
Ah, a shortcut.

283
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:04,135
Prince Puss found the Evil Queen.

284
00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:06,220
[screams, grunts]

285
00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:11,601
[The Duchess] I'm just saying maybe
we could occasionally have a conversation

286
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,853
about something
other than who's the fairest.

287
00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:19,150
Like, I don't know, art, music?

288
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:20,233
Silence!

289
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:21,276
[gasps]

290
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,279
Dulcinea is evil?

291
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,782
You have gone too far, Storyteller.

292
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:31,496
Magic mirror over there,
who's the fairest of the fair?

293
00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:34,665
Ugh! So we're doing
this routine again, are we?

294
00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:38,920
Yes, we are.
Because I am vain as well as evil!

295
00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:40,797
I know, I know.

296
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:45,009
[Dulcinea] I'm so evil. Like, really evil.

297
00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:48,179
I'm so evil I don't even have my book.

298
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,515
Yes, whatever, fine.

299
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:54,143
Of course you're the fairest of the fair.
You're always...

300
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:57,772
Ay, chihuahua. Mama like.

301
00:14:57,855 --> 00:14:58,689
What?

302
00:14:58,773 --> 00:15:01,234
[The Duchess]
Fairest art thou not, forsooth.

303
00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:04,153
Not pretty as that cat in boots.

304
00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:06,781
We say "handsome."

305
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:09,117
[giggling]

306
00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:11,701
[Dulcinea growls]

307
00:15:12,286 --> 00:15:14,705
You must be destroyed!

308
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,417
[grunting, panting]

309
00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:19,459
[screaming]

310
00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:27,176
I do not want to hurt you. [grunts]

311
00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:29,053
You're not going to.

312
00:15:29,387 --> 00:15:33,558
Demon wing and hangman's tree,
let there now a dragon be.

313
00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:37,520
No matter how bad a day is,
it can always get worse.

314
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:39,647
[groans]

315
00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:48,406
- [roaring]
- [grunts]

316
00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:50,157
[gasping]

317
00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:54,829
Aw, is the pretty kitty in trouble?

318
00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:55,997
Handsome!

319
00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,625
[growling]

320
00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:04,839
You're pathetic!

321
00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:07,925
You should just go live in a barn
and catch mice.

322
00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:10,219
How did you know my retirement plans?

323
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:16,851
[growling]

324
00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:21,772
You are nothing but a sad little kitten
with an adorable accent and tacky boots.

325
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:26,152
No one speaks ill of my boots!

326
00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:29,947
[grunting, shouts]

327
00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:31,866
No!

328
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:32,950
[gasps]

329
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:34,034
No!

330
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:40,540
You!

331
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:42,793
What have you done?

332
00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:45,922
That mirror was the source
of all my power.

333
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:52,845
It's not right. You're fairer than me
so you have to die!

334
00:16:52,929 --> 00:16:56,015
Pay no attention to the words
of the magic mirror, Dulcinea.

335
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:59,393
You, my dear,
are the fairest I have ever seen.

336
00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:01,771
Aww.

337
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:04,524
[Storyteller] What a lovely moment.

338
00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:06,943
[sighs] This guy. Am I right?

339
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,195
Tell me about it. Who is he, anyway?

340
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:12,782
I do not know. But I will find out.
This I swear!

341
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:15,159
Not likely, me bucko.

342
00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:18,412
And now, I think it's time
to give you a choice.

343
00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:24,001
Will you kiss the Evil Queen,
or would a handshake be more keen?

344
00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:28,381
Well, the handshake
would be more gentlemanly. Uh...

345
00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:31,509
But, no. A kiss.
A kiss would make a better story.

346
00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:32,592
Very well.

347
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,847
Before we do this,
there are some things you should know.

348
00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:37,931
Yes?

349
00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:39,934
Yes. [chuckles] Eh...

350
00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:42,603
First, I ate some blue cheese
earlier today,

351
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:44,480
so I apologize for my breath.

352
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:47,358
Second, I am real and you are not.

353
00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:49,986
What makes you think you're real?

354
00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:56,450
I think I am real, therefore I am real.

355
00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:58,286
I... think?

356
00:17:58,619 --> 00:18:01,372
Stop wasting those lips on words.

357
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:11,173
[instrumental music playing]

358
00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:19,223
♪ There's a cat
So much in love that ♪

359
00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:23,936
- ♪ A rainbow tickles his toes ♪
- [both cheering]

360
00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:27,106
- ♪ A lucky kitten ♪
- [both laughing]

361
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,483
♪ Solidly smitten ♪

362
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,613
♪ Flying and sighing ♪

363
00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:35,948
♪ He goes ♪

364
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:40,745
- ♪ La, la, la, la-la-la ♪
- [sighs]

365
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:44,582
- ♪ La-la-la ♪
- [chuckles]

366
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:48,878
This must be the end of the tale, no?
I mean, we had a romantic kiss,

367
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:51,297
and you cannot get
any more ending-y than that.

368
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,716
[Storyteller]
No, of course this isn't the end.

369
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:55,760
- What?
- [Storyteller laughing]

370
00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:56,843
"The end."

371
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,306
Why am I laughing? This isn't funny.

372
00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:02,975
That was only the end of this story.

373
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:07,438
There will be another and another
and another, forever!

374
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:08,521
[growls]

375
00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:12,068
[sputters, coughs]

376
00:19:13,944 --> 00:19:15,029
[bleating]

377
00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:18,407
No! No Little Bo Peep.
I have had enough of you, Storyteller.

378
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,826
Whoever you are, I am going to get you!

379
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:23,079
[Storyteller laughing]

380
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:28,459
Oh! Oh, no. Oh, no. I hope you don't hit
my disembodied voice with your stick.

381
00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:31,504
Show yourself. [grunts] I demand it!

382
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:32,922
Whoa! [groans]

383
00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:36,884
[grunting, shouts]

384
00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:39,969
What?

385
00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:46,352
[Storyteller]
Oh, uh... Don't bother looking in there.

386
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:48,187
It's nothing. You...

387
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,606
Wait a minute, this is just a painting.

388
00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:56,696
What is this place?

389
00:19:57,154 --> 00:20:00,574
Well, well, so you've found me,
Puss in Boots.

390
00:20:00,658 --> 00:20:03,536
And now you know that I am...

391
00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:06,706
Fartholomew Fishflinger!

392
00:20:06,789 --> 00:20:07,832
[laughing]

393
00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:11,877
It has been you this whole time?
But you sounded so different.

394
00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:15,339
Mm-hmm. I can sound like anyone.
[giggles]

395
00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:19,927
[as Puss] I am a fancy-pants cat
and I think I am better than everyone.

396
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,010
[Puss growls]

397
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:24,557
[as Dulcinea] I'm a goody-two-shoes
and I don't know my book is dumb.

398
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,559
[giggles, clears throat]

399
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:29,770
[mimics male voice] Uh, I'm Steve
and I smell like old dumplings.

400
00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:30,938
Uh...

401
00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:36,068
Okay, if you knew Steve,
that was so totally him. [giggles]

402
00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:37,528
Wait, when we last fought,

403
00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:40,614
you had turned from a mouse
into a disembodied soul.

404
00:20:40,698 --> 00:20:44,702
- Why are you back in mouse form?
- Oh, I'm so glad you asked. [giggles]

405
00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:47,288
It all began months ago.

406
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:51,917
As my soul floated up from San Lorenzo,

407
00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:53,711
I saw before me a...

408
00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:54,837
Hey, wait.

409
00:20:55,546 --> 00:20:58,549
Do you really care,
or are you asking out of politeness?

410
00:20:58,632 --> 00:21:01,135
- Politeness. En garde!
- [yells]

411
00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:06,515
[grunting]

412
00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:15,149
Oh, you should have stayed in the story.
Think of what fun it would have been.

413
00:21:15,232 --> 00:21:16,567
It was no fun at all.

414
00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:19,612
I was maimed and beaten
in every way imaginable.

415
00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:21,572
Oh, I didn't say fun for you.

416
00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:22,865
[laughing]

417
00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:28,286
[grunting]

418
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:32,333
[groaning]

419
00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:34,751
[laughing]

420
00:21:37,004 --> 00:21:38,004
[Puss] Ah-ha!

421
00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:41,091
Just as Dulcinea's power
came from her mirror,

422
00:21:41,175 --> 00:21:43,719
your power comes from your pen.

423
00:21:43,803 --> 00:21:45,429
What? Uh, no, it doesn't.

424
00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:48,682
This story is over!

425
00:21:48,766 --> 00:21:49,809
[screaming]

426
00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:54,063
Hmm? Hmm? Uh-oh.

427
00:21:55,356 --> 00:21:58,150
No!

428
00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:00,444
[squeaking]

429
00:22:00,528 --> 00:22:02,613
- [Puss grunting]
- [screams]

430
00:22:03,864 --> 00:22:07,910
We will meet again, Puss in Boots.
[laughs] You can count on it.

431
00:22:07,993 --> 00:22:09,995
[grunts, growls]

432
00:22:10,079 --> 00:22:11,163
Huh?

433
00:22:12,665 --> 00:22:14,583
[Puss screams]

434
00:22:18,295 --> 00:22:21,131
Some stories are best left unread.

435
00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:24,718
[whistles]

436
00:22:25,469 --> 00:22:26,595
Ooh!

437
00:22:27,429 --> 00:22:30,266
The Adventures of Puss in Boots.
Hmm.

438
00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:33,269
Never heard of him,
but this could be interesting.

439
00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:35,563
[screaming]

440
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:43,362
[fast, lively flamenco music playing]