Anon In Equestria - Chapter 3, "Shit goin' down."

>God fuck shit fuck damnit ass fucking bitching fuck butt shit
>You arrived at your new home.  It looked like an inflated two-story house from Ponyville.
>And your closest neighbor was the pony who had her hooves all over you earlier today.
>Why did Applejack have to live so close? You can see her fucking house from yours.
>She even has to pass your goddamn home to get into town.
>This is the worst day; the last thing you want is a party right now.
Pinkie Pie, the party will have to wait until tomorrow.
>”Um…” You unlock your front door. “Oops!”
What do you mean, “Oops?”
>You open the front door to see several ponies partying it up. Drinking punch, dancing, laughing. It was nice.
>But you weren’t going to tell Pinkie Pie that
Why, Pinkie Pie? Why?
>”Oh Anon, you can call me Pinkie!” She boops you on the nose and hops inside to join the party goers.
>Applejack brushes by, muttering something about sugarcubes.
>You don’t want to enjoy yourself.
>You don’t want a party
>You don- fuck it, you’re having fun.
>It’s not as energetic as your welcoming party but cheery enough to keep your spirits lifted.
>You spend most of the time by the punch bowl, answering questions from other party goers.
>Their curiosity doesn’t bother you; you enjoy talking about your life back home.
>They always end their questions with, “Would you like to go back if you could?”
>Your response was always vague, life wasn’t great back home. Not bad, but dull and uneventful.
>But you miss you family.
>Your friends.
>Hell, you even miss your job.
>But in the end, the best answer you can give them is,
I guess.
>Several ponies were dissatisfied with that answer.
>Afternoon turned into evening, some ponies left, others got wilder.
>At some point during the day Fluttershy snuck in and struck up conversations with other ponies.
>She was also avoiding you.
>”Uh, Anon?” Says a dreadfully familiar voice behind you.
>You spin around, confirming your fears.
Twilight.
>”Heh, yeah it’s me. Fun party here…”
>You give her your best, ‘whatthefuckdoyouthinkyouaredoing’ look.
>”Look I’m so sorry about today. There was no need for any of that to happen. It’s just that Applejack got carried away and then I got carried away and I was so curious but I was too nervous then Applejack said we should try it and we di-“
Twilight, it’s fine. Just… Ask, next time.
>”Okay, thank you.”
>You and Twilight share an awkward silence for about a minute before you speak up.
Soooo… What’s the deal with Fluttershy? Didn’t she help me get this place?
>”She did way more than that; she’s the only reason you’re not up in Canterlot being experimented on.”
Uh…
>”Sorry Anon, you are an unknown sapient species. The same thing would happen if I was teleported to your world.” Gah! She’s right. “But Fluttershy saw that you were scared and alone. She was sending a ton of letters to the Princess, asking her not to take you away.”
And in exchange, the Princess asked you to do what they were going to do to me there?
>”Not exactly, if you were taken to Canterlot they have kept you prisoner and experimented on you until your death. Fluttershy saved your life, Anon.”
>Oh god, you feel so bad.
>You weren’t mean to her or anything, you just feel bad that she did all that work to keep you from being sliced open.
>And you didn’t even thank her.
>She’s here now, what the hell are you waiting for?
>You thank Twilight, grab two cups of punch, and walk over to Fluttershy.
>She’s sitting in the far corner of the room with a very peaceful look on her face.
>As you get close that all changes and she hides behind her mane.
>Being scary kinda sucks.
Hey Fluttershy, do you mind if I sit down?
>”N-no…”
>She’s shaking so much.
>You sit down next to her and lean against the wall.
I got you some punch.
>She takes it with her… hoof. Huh, weird.
>”Thank you…” She’s still hiding behind her mane.
Fluttershy, I wanted to thank you for everything you did for me. It means a lot.
>She remains silent.
>Pinkie Pie out of fucking nowhere.
>”Hey Anon! We’re going to start some party games, join us!”
Oh, okay. Sounds like fun.
>You stand up and turn your attention back to Fluttershy.
I’ll see you around then. Right, Fluttershy?
>You reach your hand out to pat her on the head but she recoils from it.
>”Come oooonnnn, Anon!”
>Pinkie Pie drags you away, leaving Fluttershy alone once more.
>She drags you to the middle of the room, next Twilight and a Cyan Pegasus.
>Twilight speaks up, “Anon, we were thinking of doing some human party games. I remembered something you mentioned, what was it, aggressive poetry?”
Wait, do you mean a rap battle? Twilight th-
>”Yeah! And I’m your first challenger! Get ready to lose, human!” This Pegasus means business.
>And this is a stupid idea.
>Pinkie Pie starts a beat
>Shit is about to go down.
>The Pegasus begins before you can protest.
>”UHN, the name’s Rainbow DASH, oh no there ain’t nothing I can’t SMASH, somepony try to top me I toss ‘em in the lake with a SPLASH.”
>Holy shit you can barely hold in your laugh.
>”Don’t try to outspeed me you’re just gonna CHRASH, after that nasty wreck you gonna leave with a GASH, if you try goin this fast you gonna get whip LASH, no reason to try against me, you can’t beat the Rainbow DASH.”
>The dam breaks. You laugh harder than you have in years. That was fucking gold.
>Everypony else starts laughing.
>Except Rainbow Dash. She’s just mad.
>”Well let’s see YOU do better.”
>You stop laughing.
>That was bad but there’s no way you can be better.
>But you’re on the spot.
>Everyone is looking at you.
>They can’t wait to hear the human’s aggressive poetry.
>You CANNOT let them down.
>You think back to the last thing you heard before falling asleep the night before you were teleported into Equestria.
>http://youtu.be/PIJ54HCj_mY
>As you finish your solo of The Jungle by Metallica, Rainbow Dash begins to sweat.
>She knows she lost.
>All the mares are having an orgasm.
>Every stallion turns gay
>Spike falls in love with Applebloom
>Princess Celestia is sent to the moon
>Sony is finished
>Okay you might be over exaggerating.
>Still, everyone was impressed for some reason.
>You didn’t even rhyme.
> You guess you had a talent for… fuck that wasn’t even a thing but you’re good at it.
>”Anon is the winner!!” Pinkie Pie yells as she jumps on your back.
>You struggle to wrestle her off, you could try harder but it’s kind of cute.
>She covers your eyes, “Oh no!!!! Everyp0ny lookout, Anon is going coming to get you!”
>She leans forward, prompting you to move forward to keep balance.
>She starts making growling noises and steers you in other direction.
>Ponies all around you are screaming, laughing, and jumping out of the way.
>You can’t help but laugh, Pinkie’s attitude is infectious.

---


>The afternoon turns into evening.
>The evening turns to night.
>Ponies begin to leave. The music dies down. It was a good party.
>Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, Applejack (  ), Pinkie Pie, and some other white unicorn are kind enough to stay and help clean.
>You all split into groups of two to clean different rooms. You got stuck with the white unicorn.
>”Ugh, Pinkie Pie can throw a great party but the clean ups are dreadful.”
>The white unicorn is kind of snooty.
You’re welcome to leave, if you’d like. I can take care of this by myself.
>”Nonsense, you look like you can hardly stay awake. I’m delighted to help our newest resident cleanup a party he didn’t even ask for. ”
Ha, Pinkie never gave me much of a choice.
>”She never does, and that’s why we love our Pinkie Pie.”
I suppose it would be nice to have a friend like that on a rainy day.
>Pinkie Pie teleports or something into the room, “But, Anon, I’m already your friend!”
>Yeah. Yeah she is. Nop0ny would go through all that just to be an acquaintance.
>Pinkie Pie skips back into the next room, leaving you alone with Snooty Ms. Marshmallow again.
>The white unicorn immediately strikes up another conversation with herself. You dare not interrupt.
>You clean, she talks.
>”Did I know I met Sapphire Shores once? I couldn’t believe it when she walked in the boutique but there she was!”
>Ugh, who threw all these cups here? There’s a trashcan, like, two feet away.
>”She saw my design and she loved it!”
>Barf in a cup. Neat. You don’t remember alcohol being served. Maybe somep0ny was sick or somethin’.
>”But then she asked me to make more. A lot more! I couldn’t say no! It was my best chance to finally get my work into Canterlot!”
>It’s amazing how many things can end up under a couch in one night. Is that a broken vase? You didn’t even know you had one. It would have looked nice.
>”…”
>Silence. Silence was nice. But it was wrong.
>Ms. Marshmallow has snuck up on you; she has an apologetic look on her face.
Is there something wrong?
>”Darling, I’m truly sorry. It was improper of me not to introduce myself earlier. My name is Rarity, I own the Carousel Boutique in Ponyville.”
>She extends a hoof.
>Rarity seriously prided herself on being… fancy? No, ladylike? That’ll do.
>You meet her hoof with your hand, gently grasping the bottom of it. Momma taught ya how ta treat ladies real nice-like.
It’s a pleasure to meet you Rarity, I’m Anon.
>”Oh my, it’s nice to see your manners don’t match your barbaric looks.”
>Wow what the fuck.
>You withdraw your hand. You expect these ponies to be nervous around you but there’s no need to say that shit to your face.
>”Wait that… I didn’t mean. I,um, oh dear. I have to go.”
Whatever, I need to keep cleaning.
>She trots out the room looking a little heartbroken.
>Great, now you feel bad again. Today is such a feel day.
>She messed up; she said the wrong thing on accident.
>You said the wrong thing to a girl once; she kicked you in the dick for it.
>Same thing right?
>Hell no it isn’t.
>You called that girl, ‘sexy’
>Rarity called you a barbarian.
>Why should you waste any time with her?
>And why did it matter so much?
>You’ve been insulted before. Big deal.
>So why did it hurt so much?
>Why are you asking these questions?
>You know the answer, it’s because you used that word.
>Ladylike.
>You knew so many women who were, ‘Ladylike.’
>They were all attractive. If not their looks, it was the aura of importance around them.
>Rarity reminded you of the women you pined for.
>Rarity reminded you of home.
>You want to go home.