Kurrontsuchi Wiggins says
Theron just told me the news. So you're just going to quit hm? Use me and all this pain that you supposedly care about putting me through as a scapegoat? "I act the way I do here as I do in RL" where do the lies end then Nyan? So caring about me and all your friends must have been one from the start too then. Cause if you CARED you'd be a big boy and face up to things. Not skip out and me and others. Do you realize how SELFISH that is?
*on
Nyan Kolaris says
I am being a big boy Seance. I'm looking inside of myself, seeing that there's something that's poisonous in me, and getting rid of it.
Kurrontsuchi Wiggins says
By running?
Nyan Kolaris says
By changing
Kurrontsuchi Wiggins says
By hurting me and others and running
No cut the crap
There is nothing to change, no darkness, nothing
There are facts. You messed up, so what?
There is nothing to change
Running away would make things worse anyway. If you did care about me Nyan if you cared about all the friends you made
You wouldnt quit, cause honestly you quitting is making me resent you. Im losing every little shred of hope, light, and everything else I saw about and in you over this
And that is NOT fair
Nyan Kolaris says
From how you ended our last conversation Seance, I was under the impression I had already done that. I weeped when you logged out like that. I felt like I had just commited a capital sin. But, I realized something, there was no commitments Seance. Yeah, iit was probably not my best move to pretend fuck someone I had just met, but I'm not going to beat myself up over that. In the grand scheme it, I
Kurrontsuchi Wiggins says
Problems come and you can either run or fight. I just thought you'd be too stubborn to fall out like this. No goodbye, no nothing...just Theron having to tell me "oh he's leaving"
Nyan Kolaris says
tried /really/ hard to tell you that it was a mistake I had made, but you ahd found your excuse. You're afraid of yourself Seance
you don't want to let people in because you're scared that the same thing will happen that happened with your ex
Kurrontsuchi Wiggins says
If I am afraid Nyan
Then why am I still here hm?
Talking to you
Talking to others who HURT me?
Im not the one running here
Cause as I said I got back on to talk to YOU and others
Set things  straight, put things back on the right path
Only reason I left is cause I got pissed
And me being angry as I was would do no good for no one because I know myself
Nyan Kolaris says
You could have told me that
Kurrontsuchi Wiggins says
So thats why I logged
I did
I told you about how I am
Anger issues, etc
Nyan Kolaris says
Yeah, you did, but you just logged, you never said "I can't talk to you right now, I need to calm down"
Kurrontsuchi Wiggins says
"Nyan when I get really mad I just go silent or leave because I dont want things to get out of hand and I dont want to push people away or snap on those that are undeserving"
That may not be word for word but I've told you that I will leave if I get really upset
Thats the only thing I can do to protect others and myself
2011/11/18 17:52]  Nyanners Resident: I never lied to you about my past, about who I am
[2011/11/18 17:52]  Nyanners Resident: Seance please
Thats the only thing I got
Then there was nothing. So I talked to Theron and he told me more things, which ended up making me go from...not so much sad but emotionless sorta down to disgusted, then enraged. So thats when I left, and excused myself to everyone in the room. Thats the best I could muster.
Nyan Kolaris says
so it's all my fault, then?
BBecausse I'm trying to sort out what exactly it is I am, and what made things go wrong
And, I'm not abandoning my friends
I'm telling all of my friends what's happening, and that I'm still me, just without hte masks
Kurrontsuchi Wiggins says
I didnt say everything was your fault
Im saying the quitting SL isnt fair to me or others
Nyan Kolaris says
is it fair to me to go onto SL and be reminded of all of this?
Kurrontsuchi Wiggins says
Of what?
Nyan Kolaris says
of how much pain I've caussed the last few days, of how I've become something that I look at and go "that's not me"
Kurrontsuchi Wiggins says
Nyan Im sure I have more evil dark memories of this place than you do, but Im still here. I've seen people I wish I hadnt...had situations happen that make me think of other things. But whats handy is time heals, that and when you face things it seems to have a better chance of coming out better.
Im here because I've grown to care for so many...Im here because many care about me. Im here because I've made friends and I believe in them. SL isnt just SL
And I cannot let all that work...all that sacrifice...all those hearts, minds, realtionships, memories..and on...go
Nyan Kolaris says
Seance, SL is a computer program, what matters is the people you meet on it. I've met some great people on SL, and I'll tell them what's going on with me, and leave them with contact information
Kurrontsuchi Wiggins says
Can't just focus on all the bad, especially when it can be fixed. Well most of it
Nyan Kolaris says
which is what I'm trying to doo
I'm trying to fix me
do*
If what had happened was occuring outside of the internet Seance, this would have never spiraled out of control like it has. There's something about the internet with me, I lose sight of my values. I change.
It's not healthy
You said there's facts
Kurrontsuchi Wiggins says
Think of what you're saying though
So you need to leave in order to change?
Nyan Kolaris says
I need time
Kurrontsuchi Wiggins says
Nyan people can change at the drop of a dime. It's all about will power and what not
You're changing over some dumb yiff?
Over something that meant nothing?
If there is something to change you could still do it here alongsidep eople
And honestly it'd be better anyway cause it'd be challenging, but also comforting and rewarding. Doing things alone like that...is never good
And you may say "Seance you do the same" By that I mean doing things alone...My friends do help me, but while its true some things I do alone its cause I have to.
No one is there for me...but my mother and brother and very few
No ONE has yet to fully protect me as I them.
Oh god do I wish it wasnt so, but it is what it is. Maybe just maybe someone will come along, but until that time comes I do what I can and share what I can.
But still I wont leave. Distance yourself emotionally if you want or need to, but leaving is just...teh
Nyan Kolaris says
I'm not leaving, Seance, that's just it. You have my e-mail address, hell, I'll even giive you my facebook. Me leaving would just be ignoring you, removing your address from my contact book, and hiding away. I'm not doing that.
Leaving would be just droppign contact with all of my friends, I don't want that
Kurrontsuchi Wiggins says
SL is mainly the only way to reach me in all honesty
I dont even like MSN
Its just here because I have it tied to my school address
And Facebook
I hate
Myspace and FB are one and the same and retarded in my opinion
Nyan Kolaris says
I won't quit SL then, but I'm not pretending to be Nyan anymore
Kurrontsuchi Wiggins says
If you were pretending this entire time then that was your first mistake
Nyan Kolaris says
it was never meant to be like that
at first Nyan was me, but, something happened, I don't really know what, but I stopped thinking like myself when I was using that name
I need to rework who it is I am, exactly, look at who I am, and what I've been doing.