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- >It's FFFFFFFFRIDAY NIGHT in Ponyville
- >And you're sitting on your tuckus
- >Doing nothing
- >Again
- >Look, it's not like you're a complete social reject or anything
- >But even interacting with ponies is hard sometimes
- >Best to just put your feet up and take a break sometimes
- >Like tonight
- >It's just going to be you, a tasteful creepshot of Rainbow Dash's flank in a flight suit, and Ms. Rosie Palms
- >Her five sisters are coming along for the ride too
- >Squirming into a comfortable position, you whip out your hand and reach down your shorts when a knock comes at the door
- >You pause, hovering just above the waistband when the knock comes again, more incessant this time
- >Fucking salesponies
- >Tucking the photo away, you go to shoo off the obnoxious four-hooved asshole who's seen fit to interrupt and otherwise intimate moment
- "What do you want?"
- >When you fling open the door, you see Rainbow Dash hop back in surprise
- >"A-Anon."
- >You gulp, staring down at her, and she looks up at you with a great deal of concern
- >"Anon, bro, we need to talk."
- "Huh?"
- >Oh
- >Yeah
- >Stepping aside, you let the pegasus pony prance into your home, though she seems especially tense
- >She knows the way to your living room, so you follow along behind her
- >Finally, after settling down on your couch, she sighs
- "Anon, we need to talk."
- >Shit
- >Did she find the shower-cam?
- >Forcing a smile, you try your best to appear innocent
- "What about?"
- >"Well, lately, I've got a feeling that something's been"
- >Rainbow pauses, glancing about before continuing
- >"following me."
- >Ah, paranoia
- >You know it well
- >As you open your mouth to assure Dash that she's just crazy, the blue pony leans forward
- >"And, today? I actually saw it."
- >What?
- "What?"
- >"The thing. The thing that's been following me, I saw it and it spoke to me!"
- >Oh
- >That's weird
- >Clearing your throat, you smile
- "So, what was it like?"
- >"Like you! Long limbs and standing upright, but chalk white. And it was floating!"
- >Wait
- >"And then it moaned at me!"
- >Is...
- >Is she serious right now?
- "Dash, are you sure?"
- >Her head bobs a few times as she looks up at you.
- >"What was that thing?"
- "Well."
- >You pause for dramatic effect and Rainbow's eyes widen in anticipation
- "If I had to guess, I'd say it's an apparition."
- >Almost immediately Dash's ears fall flat as she scowls
- >"An appre-what?"
- "An apparition. A, uh, ghost."
- >Your nervous laugh does not impress
- >"Aw, c'mon Anon, everypony knows ghosts aren't real."
- "Wait, seriously?"
- >The pegasus bobs her head a few times
- "You're telling me that in a land of giant, rampaging star bears, three headed dogs, a hodge-podge monstrosity of a chaos god, and spirits that survive on bad vibes, there's no such thing as ghosts?"
- >"Uh, duh."
- >The eye roll really sells her point
- >"Look, if you don't know what it was, that's fine; just say so. But don't lie to me though and try to seem cool, especially one as lame as that."
- "But, I wasn't..."
- >"He's right."
- >A chill runs through the room that causes both of you to freeze in place
- >The voice comes from everywhere and nowhere at once, barely above a whisper but still ringing about inside your skull
- >And then, on the sofa beside Dash, a small form begins to take shape
- >The two of you watch in amazement as it grows larger and more prominent
- >First a torso, then limbs
- >Even your traditional masterbatory slouch is mimiced until, at last, the pale spirit takes form and smiles
- >"Evening, you two."
- >You scream
- >Dash screams
- >The ghost screams
- >Mockingly, of course
- >And then laughs, slapping a hand on his thigh
- >"Oh wow, you should see the looks on your faces!"
- >Rainbow squeals, hopping off the couch and rocketing behind you
- >Putting on your bravest face, you attempt to communicate with the deceased
- "G-G-G-G-G-GHOST!"
- >Excellent job there, Anonymous
- >No doubt you've blinded him with your daring diplomacy and he's ready to leave without a fight
- >The pale monster leans forward
- >"Indeed I am. Good to see you again, Anonymous."
- >Oh god, he knows who you are
- >Wait, again?
- "I, d-d-don't think we've met. I think I'd remember meeting. A ghost."
- >The spirit snorts.
- >"Well isn't this a fine homecoming. And after we've shaken hands so many times."
- >None of this makes sense
- "Who, who are you?"
- >"Me? Why, I'm the Ghost of Semen's Past."
- >What?
- "What? You mean, you're..."
- >"Ectoplasmic Ejaculate?"
- >The ghastly figure raises an eyebrow as your jaw drops
- >"A Spunk Specter? Discharge Demon? The Creature from Cum Canyon?"
- "I-I get it!"
- >As you wave it off, the ghost leans back on the couch and chuckles
- >"In short, I'm a physical manifestation of the number of times you've beat off solo since arriving in Equestria."
- >A quiet, laughing snort comes from behind your back as Rainbow giggle.
- >"Jeez Anon, I think you might have a problem."
- "This is not the time for an intervention."
- >"Yeah, exactly."
- >The ghost glares at the pony
- >"Anyway, this is partially your fault too."
- >"My fault?!"
- >At once, the blue pegasus seems to find her nerve and hops onto the floor in front of the couch
- >She snarls
- >"How am I to blame for this? He's the one you came from, right? So why don't you stick around with him until he cleans up his act!"
- >"Look."
- >With a sigh, the spirit waves his hand lazily in the air
- >"All I know is that I'm supposed to follow you around because I'm unrealized potential. That means that I'm a manifestation of Anonymous' desires to fug you."
- >A pause, long enough for the specter's words to sink in
- >"Rrrrrright in da pussy. Or ponut. Whichever."
- >"WHAT!?"
- "Wh-what?"
- >As you choke on your tongue, Rainbow turns to you.
- >"Anonymous, is that- do you?"
- >Before you can answer, the asshole apparition chimes in for you
- >"Want to cum inside Rainbow Dash? Why else would I be here?"
- >"UGH! That's so gross!"
- >Fucking cum-ghost
- >As you scramble for the right words, the spirit leans forward again.
- >"So, like I was saying, I can't leave you alone because I was made on account of his desire for you. And, the more he beats off to you, the bigger I'll get."
- >"This can't be happening..."
- >This is awful...
- >But as you catch your breath, an idea strikes you
- "Hey, spirit."
- >"Sup brah?"
- "You're, unrealized potential, right?"
- >A nod
- "And you'll stay around, even if I stop bea- p-pleasuring myself to Rainbow, right?"
- >Another nod, and a shudder from Dash
- >"Spot on so far."
- "Well"
- >The word hangs in the air, causing the spirit to lean forward in curiosity
- "What if I did realize my potential?"
- >A pause
- >And the ghost smiles
- >"If you cum inside Rainbow Dash? Well, I imagine that I'd disappear."
- >Ah ha
- >So that IS how it works
- >Grabbing the blue pegasus, you put on your most serious expression
- "Rainbow."
- >"NO!"
- >She slaps you with a hoof
- >It very nearly floors you
- >Nearly
- >Shaking off the stars, you frown again
- "No, Rainbow, we have to-"
- >"Anon, that's gross! I don't want to!"
- >Ouch, way to boost your ego
- >Placing your hands on either side of her face, you scowl
- "Well either we do this now, or this guy is going to keep following you around."
- >Rainbow shoots a glance to the ghost who waves at her and blows a kiss
- >"...I don't want that."
- "Me either! So let's do this!"
- >The room goes quiet before Dash finally sighs
- >"Fine. Whatever. But we're doing anal, okay?"
- "Great."
- >"And you have to finish outside."
- >"Ah, actually."
- >The ghost chimes in
- >"I thought I had made this clear, but I'm more of a 'cum inside' ghost th-"
- >"UGH! Just meet me upstairs!"
- >Rainbow storms off to your bedroom
- >The lounging apparition shoots you a smirk
- >"Go get'er, boss."
- "Yeah... okay..."
- >Hello performance anxiety
- >As you go to leave the room, you notice a few spots on the couch
- "Are, those going to disappear too?"
- >"These?"
- >The ghost points to the stains
- >"No dude, those are all you. Also, keep more tissues on hand, seriously. I'm semen, but I feel like I'm swimming in spunk just sitting here."
- >Gross
- >You trot upstairs to have your way with Dash
- >But as you pass the door, there's a knock
- >Pulling it open, you see a rather perturbed looking Applejack on the other side of the door
- >"Pardner, I think you and me need to have a little chat."
- >Behind the irritated farm pony, another chalky figure waves at you.
- >"Hey boss, I'm back!"
- [spoiler]>Fucking Semen Demons...[/spoiler]
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