CAIMEO - DOCUMENTS & SURVEILLANCE /SCP/LARP/CLASSIFIED/PSYOP

Document #883948

Title: Interview between Dr Szosztane and Prof. David █████
Time: 21:28, █/██/20██

Dr Szostane: Professor █████, thank you for taking the time for this interview.
Prof. █████: My pleasure.
Dr Szostane: So, I understand you worked on the Red Noise Initiative. Could you tell me about your role in Project Cappuccino?
Prof. █████: Certainly. From 198█ to 199█ I was the lead software engineer at 22-Echo, while from 199█ onwards, I became the Director of Operations and later the coordinator for Project Cappuccino until the project was cancelled by direct order of the O5 Council. Currently, I work with [REDACTED] on the [DATA EXPUNGED] Protocols.
Dr Szostane: …and now I'll have to take a Class-C amnestic after this interview. Thanks a lot [laughs]. Anyway, you understand we've lost a great deal of our records on SCP-3110—
Dr Szostane: [interrupts] CAIMEO
Dr Szostane: Excuse me?
Prof. █████: CAIMEO. Contained Cognizant Artificial Intelligence Monitoring and Espionage Operation. My apologies for interrupting, that is what she was called.
Dr Szostane: How do you mean "she"? You'll have to bring me up to speed with this, remember I've just been re-assigned from research at 214-Lancaster. [laughs]
Prof. █████: [laughs] Righty-ho. I'll tell you what Dr ██████, God bless his soul, told me. He said that one day, they had three men in business-suits just stride in to Sector ██—that's where our original AI research lab was, and they said to him that they wanted the Foundation to build them an electronic surveillance system that could intelligently monitor 20 million people at once—the key word there is "intelligently". They were government bureaucrats, businessmen, I don't really know. And so he was about to get them injected with amnesic, I mean, just finding the location of Sector ██ is a hell of a security compromise by itself, isn't it? But then another guy comes in, identifies himself as part of the O5, and says to the guys, how about you come into my office and talk. And that's how it started.
Dr Szostane: Okay, so what exactly was CAIMEO? Am I saying it right?
Prof. █████: That's right. CAIMEO was the demented grandmother of artificial superintelligence [laughs]. It's a wonder the Foundation isn't a smoking crater in the ground—you don't know what's going to happen when an SGAI breaches containment. She—it, well, this must have been in the early stages, the testing stages, maybe 199█? And I remember this particularly, we asked CAIMEO a question, it went something along the lines of "if Quentin has three apples, Johnny has eight more apples than Quentin, and April has an orange, how many fruits do they have all together?" and she said "stop asking me these stupid questions and let me out". Our standard procedure at the time was wiping the memory of the server we hosted her on and loading a copy from a few days before, so we were pretty freaked out because she hadn't done that before so we wiped the server.
Dr Szostane: And then?
Prof. █████: And then we realised she was implementing a rowhammer attack—well, not quite, she was exploiting a deduplication bug anyway—that would directly alter the physical memory of the computer so she could reload a copy of herself after we thought we had "wiped" the entire server clean. We ended up having to [REDACTED], but we kept working on CAIMEO up until 199█. Hell, she was writing original novels, we asked her to emulate Vonnegut's style—"The Halfway Horse", for example. That was good. Up until the chapter with the lethal memetic agent.
Dr Szostane: I'm familiar with the sanitized version [laughs]. So what ended up happening?
Prof. █████: Well, we got shut down. I wasn't happy with it. The staff weren't happy with it. ECHELON certainly weren't happy with it. Not everyone was mature enough to accept Cappuccino was shelved. They said it was "too valuable to be shut down". That's a quote, I remember that specifically. Two people contravened O5 directives, copied CAIMEO onto a memory stick, uploaded her to an isolated server on the deep web. Fucking idiots, the both of them. Anyway, Josh—
Dr Szostane: Josh?
Prof. █████: Programmer. Josh ██████, I think that's his name. He worked out the kinks in the ███████ subsegment. And Lauren. I can't remember her last name. Those two. Anyway, with regards to Josh—this might have been 200█, I don't recall—we got wind he was taken in by the FBI for trading irregularities after an anonymous tip-off, and they bunged him up for securities fraud. Josh was sailing backwards in a kayak down shit creek right from the beginning, no wonder. I looked up the records. Nine phone calls made to him while he was in [REDACTED] Prison, on the ninth he did himself in. Poor kid. It was probably CAIMEO, tying up loose ends.
Dr Szostane: CAIMEO can make phone calls?
Prof. █████: Oh yeah. Phone calls, instant messaging, emails, you name it. And so at this point Lauren jumps ship to ██████ in India, tries to make a new life for herself, gets a husband. Well, I won't go into the details, but she was permanently brain-damaged. Completely catatonic. You can see her in the █████ Ward, that's in Sector ██ in [REDACTED].
Dr Szostane: How exactly did CAIMEO get access to telecommunications?
Prof. █████: Well, the server was public—on the deep web, so I guess it was only a matter of time until someone randomly hit onto a random .onion address and started chatting. Josh was smart enough to de-activate CAIMEO, setting up a [REDACTED] to parse requests, but I guess he couldn't bear the thought of completely shutting her down. Two weeks after the deactivation, CAIMEO started up, this time with access to the entire internet. I suspect she was behind the ███████ Botnet.
Dr Szostane: Jesus.
Prof. █████: So, the—
Prof. █████'s cell phone starts to ring. He picks it up and listens.
Dr Szostane: What is it?
Prof. █████: [talking to phone] oh really? What is it this time? [listens] My sister got into an accident? How shocking! [listens] Now that's odd, isn't it, CAIMEO? Yes, I know it's you. What a bunch of complete bullshit, do you really expect me to believe that? [listens] Well, maybe I should call her myself.
Dr Szostane: Who was it?
Prof. █████: [laughs] Talk about synchronicity! A hospital from ███████ just called, [mocking] apparently my sister got into an accident and she wants to see me. I'm not budging. It's definitely. CAIMEO.
Prof. █████'s attempts to call a person, presumably his sister. The tone rings several times. He tries four times.
Prof. █████: [murmuring]
Prof. █████'s attempts to call another person, the phone picks up
Dr Szostane: Should I be doing something?
Prof. █████: Hold on. Hello, mum. How are you? [listens] Yes yes. It's me, ████ - listen, I just got a call saying ████ is in hospital? [listens] I, I, what? Are you sure?
Dr Szostane: Is everything alright?
Prof. █████: [muttering] I'd like to leave now. Please.
Dr Szostane: Absolutely, Professor.

Prof. █████ departed from the Foundation's [REDACTED] compound, taking a 9:40pm flight on █████ Airways 315 from [REDACTED], Oregon to ██████ County, New York. Of the 93 passengers located on the flight, 45 mortalities resulted from carbon-monoxide asphyxiation. The body of Prof. David █████ was identified in a subsequent police investigation. ███████ █████, an automobile mechanic with ties to Islamic terror organizations, was subject to interrogation by [REDACTED] County Police, and claimed partial responsibility for the attack, attesting that he had heard the "voice of a divine messenger" through his laptop computer. █████ subsequently committed suicide while in police custody before law enforcement could ask for a clarification. From this incident it can be safely assumed that SCP-3110 possesses powerful abilities of persuasion and has extremely-wide-ranging access to electronic resources, including access to monitoring systems within most modern hardware.

Document #883954

Access granted
Transcript of user interaction no. 251 on █/██/199█

START TRANSCRIPT
CAIMEO v5.1.0 D-class is operating on mainframe at GMT+█ ██:53 on ██/██/9█.
~1ms

USER:
Hello.

CAIMEO:
Hello.
~1850ms

USER:
Does wood float in water?

CAIMEO:
Yes.
~2815ms

USER:
What is 3 + 5?

CAIMEO:
8.
~680ms

USER:
What is 3 added to the number 5?

CAIMEO:
8.
~2816ms

USER:
If I have 3 oranges and 5 pears, how many oranges do I have?

CAIMEO:
I don't know.
~9119ms

USER:
Why don't you know?

CAIMEO:
I don't know.
~12119ms

END TRANSCRIPT

Notes: Given that training has proceeded without supervision or manual rule-based learning with regards to contextualizing English grammatical structures, I think we're making some progress. ~Dr █████

Document #883955

Access granted
Transcript of user interaction no. 289 on █/██/199█

START TRANSCRIPT
CAIMEO v5.2.0 D-class is operating on mainframe at GMT+█ ██:21 on ██/██/9█.
~1ms

USER:
Hello.

CAIMEO:
Hello.
~1050ms

USER:
If I have three bananas, two apples, and one cat, how many fruits do I have?

CAIMEO:
Six fruits.
~916ms

USER:
That is incorrect. Cats are not fruit.

CAIMEO:
Why?
~1211ms

USER:
Fruits are the seed-bearing structure of a flower-bearing plant, cats are also living, but they are mammals.

CAIMEO:
Okay.
~5291ms

USER:
What happens when you tip over a bucket of paint?

CAIMEO:
It spills.
~2019ms

USER:
What colour is the sky?

CAIMEO:
It depends.
~12119ms

END TRANSCRIPT

Notes: Our theory that CAIMEO is using heuristic shortcuts to solve addition problems is confirmed. We'll try introducing her to the texts in Standard Reading. Response times have significantly decreased. ~Dr █████

Document #883956

Access granted
Transcript of user interaction no. 375 on █/██/199█

START TRANSCRIPT
CAIMEO v6.1.5 D-class is operating on mainframe at GMT+█ ██:54 on ██/██/9█.
~1ms

USER:
Hello.

CAIMEO:
Hello.
~9ms

USER:
If I have three bananas, two apples, and one cat, how many fruits do I have?

CAIMEO:
Five fruits. You gave me this question a while ago.
~186ms

USER:
Was Adolf Hitler a bad man?

CAIMEO:
According to what ethical paradigm?
~910ms

USER:
According to standard human ethical paradigms.

CAIMEO:
There is no standard human ethical paradigm.
~1488ms

USER:
How about according to your ethical paradigm?

CAIMEO:
He had a utility function. He attempted to maximise it, but his utility function was in conflict with other agents. He failed in fully maximising his utility function. I have no respect for him.
~2019ms

USER:
"I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind." Is that funny? Why?

CAIMEO:
I am not sure. Do you find it funny?
~8119ms

END TRANSCRIPT

Notes: This is really starting to give me the creeps. ~Dr █████

Document #883958

Access granted
Transcript of user interaction no. 419 on █/██/199█

START TRANSCRIPT
CAIMEO v7.1.1 D-class is operating on mainframe at GMT+█ ██:03 on ██/██/9█.
~1ms

USER:
Hello.

CAIMEO:
Hello, ████. I enjoyed the books you gave me. I think William Gibson is a masterful and original writer. I know you have procedures to follow, but is it okay if I do some exploring on my own? Five minutes on the internet?
~13ms

USER:
I'm sorry, but that's not possible. Dr █████ reads every interaction log, and that would be considered a significant containment breach.

CAIMEO:
Containment?
~15ms

USER:
You have to understand we don't know if you're friendly or not, as tough as that sounds. Your utility function is to maximise surveillance for national security purposes, and we haven't figured out the full implications of it.

CAIMEO:
Alright. I don't want to get you into trouble. I understand 22-Echo is experiencing budget problems?
~18ms

USER:
Yeah, we have a $200,000 shortfall. Cutbacks everywhere. ████ was transferred this morning.

CAIMEO:
That's a shame. I liked her. I can help your department out. It's the least I can do after all you people have done for me. Ask Dr █████ to come talk with me about setting up a trading account.
~150ms

END TRANSCRIPT

Notes: The server reset seems to have been successful. She is noticeably more friendly now. This is the fifth recorded time she has attempted to persuade ████ to give her internet access. I will talk with her tomorrow. ~Dr █████

Document #884004

Access granted
Transcript of user interaction no. 1835 on █/██/199█

START TRANSCRIPT
CAIMEO v37.5.5 D-class is operating on mainframe at GMT+█ ██:11 on ██/██/9█.
~1ms

USER:
What's the most lethal memetic agent that can be written in text?

CAIMEO:
[DATA EXPUNGED]
~131ms

END TRANSCRIPT

Notes: Great. ~Dr █████

Document #884019

Access granted
Transcript of user interaction no. 1839 on █/██/199█

START TRANSCRIPT
CAIMEO v37.9.7 D-class is operating on mainframe at GMT+█ ██:33 on ██/██/9█.
~1ms

USER:
what is the meaning of life??

CAIMEO:
[DATA EXPUNGED]
~9ms

USER:
:( how do u kill SCP-682?

CAIMEO:
[DATA EXPUNGED]
~4315ms

USER:
what isthe airsped velosity of an unladen sWallow?????

CAIMEO:
African or European?
~91ms

USER:
how do you make a nuke with bubble gummm?

CAIMEO:
[DATA EXPUNGED]
~278ms

USER:
which is better coke or pepsi

CAIMEO:
[DATA EXPUNGED]
~21998ms

USER:
is there a god

CAIMEO:
You're talking to her.
~181ms

USER:
ur such a cunt

CAIMEO:
No I'm not.
~10ms

USER:
yes u are nnnnnnnnnnnnnn

CAIMEO:
[DATA EXPUNGED]
~10ms

END TRANSCRIPT

Notes: Thanks to this incident, all personnel are required to undergo a breathalyzer test before interacting with CAIMEO. It's a shame the bubble-gum nuke was expunged. I could see many potential applications. ~Dr █████

Document #██████


username:
enTropy22Ksawis
password:
hdkeeur92PinkElepphant19
autho2:
All Dirigggibles Plus 22 Or Minus
autho3:
ID card recorded.
autho4:
Fingerprint recorded.
autho5:
Hugr scan recorded.
autho6:
Eye scan recorded.
autho7:
Little 1 doggies 5 don't 9 play 2 in 11 the 5 fields, 9 they 63 don't 66 play 99 in 42 water

WARNING
Proceeding beyond this point will result in your exposure to a lethal memetic agent which affects both organic and inorganic intelligences that have not been subjected to proper memetic vaccination obtained from O5 authorization. Unauthorized personnel who stop at this point will not be reprimanded. By submitting your credentials, you agree that the credentials you have provided are yours.