Movie Date with Twilight Sparkle (Oneshot)

May 5th, 2020
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  1. Movie Date with Twilight Sparkle
  3. >"Come on, come on! We're going to be late if you don't get a move on!"
  4. "I'm moving as fast as I can, dear. Be patient."
  5. >You are Anonymous, and according to a pink peetzer goblin, you were the soulmate of one Twilight Sparkle.
  6. >It was a sudden change from your previous life on Earth, what with all of the magic and ponies and whatnot.
  7. >Hopefully the jetlag would be put behind you now.
  8. >After all, you have a cute pony to love and cherish.
  9. >You weren't completely sure you understood the whole "matchmaker" process, but if it made ponies and humans alike happy, you weren't going to question it.
  10. >Especially not when it worked out so well for you.
  11. >As you stood up and brushed the wrinkles out of your suit, Twilight giddily pranced in place by the library entrance.
  12. >Chucking with mirth, you turned to face the little unicorn.
  13. "The movie isn't going anywhere, relax. Besides, the showing doesn't start for another forty minutes."
  14. >Twilight pouted.
  15. >"Yeah, but you haven't factored in the time it takes to get our snacks and drinks, NOR have you thought about getting the best possible seating position to watch the movie! If we were earlier, then we'd get our choice, but if someone made it before us, then we might have to settle for a less optimal viewing experience!"
  16. >You raised your eyebrow, feeling the urge to poke fun at the neurotic pony.
  17. "What? You mean to tell me that you have not already applied statistical probabilies to calculate the first several dozen viewing angles, so that even if we weren't the first ones, you'd already know the next best alternative? What have you done with my Twily, you imposter?"
  18. >She rolled her eyes and pawed at the floor impatiently.
  19. >"Hardy har har, Anon. Very funny."
  20. >You stood in silence for a moment, tapping your foot.
  21. >"...Okay, fine. It's because they've remodeled since I last went there. I haven't been on a date since... Never! Now what would you rather do: spend our date arguing over the minutia, or watch a movie?"
  22. >Pondering for a moment the possibility of arguing against the purple pony, you quickly dropped the thought.
  23. >You were quite the capable man, yet there were somethings that were simply beyond your abilities.
  24. >Like speaking over a rambling Pinkie Pie, or changing Applejack's mind once she's decided on something.
  25. >You weren't a miracle worker.
  26. "Very well, I concede. Let's be on our way."
  27. >As you opened the door, Twilight looked back over her shoulder.
  28. >"Spike! I'm heading out on my date! Stay out of the ice cream while I'm gone, or you'll be in for it!"
  29. >Spike's voice lazily echoed from the upper section of the library.
  30. >"Yeah, yeah, don't worry. I've learned my lesson from the last time. Have fun on your date."
  31. >Seemingly satisfied, the two of you walked out the door, closing and locking it behind you.
  33. --------------------------------------------
  35. "Two tickets for the 8 o'clock showing of 'Flight of Fancy', please."
  36. >The man stood behind the register looked you up and down, before righting his vest.
  37. >"Of course-- oh! Just so you know, it's couples night today. No singles allowed. Where's your mare?"
  38. >You slammed your hands down on the counter.
  39. "For fucks' sake, Robert. Why would I be here in Equestria, if not through the Initiative? It was one thing back home on Earth, but you have no reason to stop me from watching movies here!"
  40. >Robert stared at you, his smile unyielding, his cheery yet firm demeanor unrelenting.
  41. >"Company policy, sir. No mare, no admission."
  42. "She's right over there, Robert! The one arguing with the snack dude about the differences between kettlecorn and popcorn!"
  43. >Robert followed your finger as you pointed at the offending mare, who at the current moment was giving a sweating pimple-ridden teenage colt a hell of a talking to, much to the chagrin of the rest of the people in line.
  44. >Sucks to be him; if he didn't want to be given the lecture of a lifetime, he shouldn't have tried to make an off-hand comment about kettlecorn and popcorn being the same.
  45. >"This isn't the first time you've tried to swindle the movie industry of it's integrity, Anon. As the ticketmaster, I cannot allow you entry without a mare."
  46. >You pointed a shakey finger at the offending employee.
  47. "Listen here, Robert. I've had to deal with your bullshit for too long now. I have a mare. A loving, caring mare. A mare for whom there is nothing I wouldn't do for. Like throttling you for those goddamn tickets! Give me the tickets!"
  48. >Robert hummed, before reaching a hand under the counter, revealing a telephone hidden underneath.
  49. >Holding the receiver up to his head, he punched a few buttons before the soft sound of ringing could be heard.
  50. >"Hello? Yes. Yes, it's me again. I have a quick question, if you wouldn't mind. Do you have anyone in your records by the name of Anonymous?"
  51. >You could hear someone familiar respond to Robert through the phone, though you couldn't quite place a face to the voice in your head.
  52. >Robert nodded along with the voice, humming as he did so.
  53. >"Yeah? Okay. Okay. Got it. Thank you. 'Till next time. Bye. Yes,... yes. Bye."
  54. >As he set the phone down, the two of you glared at each other, each refusing to back down.
  55. >Then all at once, Robert's smile returned.
  56. >"Okay, just had to check with the head honcho. You're good to go. Here's your tickets. Hope you have a wonderful viewing experience!"
  57. >With a sign of relief, you snatched the tickets out of Robert's hand, thankful to whoever was on the other end of the line, before making your way over to Twilight, who was still chewing out the poor colt.
  58. "Twilight!"
  59. >Freezing mid-rant, she turned to look at you, before a small blush spread across her face as she noticed the crowd that had formed around her.
  60. >"O-Oh, apologies. I-I'm sorry. We'll be on our way now."
  61. >And with that, Twilight bolted down the corridor towards the viewings, causing the ticket checker to yelp in alarm as she passed by.
  62. >She didn't even remember to grab the popcorn.
  64. --------------------------------------------
  66. >"I don't get it, Anon. It just doesn't make sense."
  67. "I don't think it's supposed to. 's just supposed to be a backdrop for the primary focus on the romance."
  68. >Twilight chewed on her popcorn for a moment before swallowing.
  69. >The movie played on in front of you, but of course, Twilight was a bit too much of a nitpicker to be content to simply watch the movie.
  70. >This was the third time where she had a serious issue with how convoluted of a plot the movie toted.
  71. >"...'s not right. You shouldn't just write whatever comes to mind. Good stories come from a plan. You can't just write whatever comes to mind. Not only does that bring up the issue of writing yourself into a corner, but it's a struggle to actually write past a certian point. I mean, it's one thing to write for the sake of writing, say, if you've stumbled across an idea that you really think works well. But if you aren't prepared to fully realize it, you might just find yourself stuck with a rough base and you'll find it incredibly difficult to actually realize the narrative you had initially conceptualized."
  72. >You poked her nose.
  73. "So you're saying that if you aren't prepared to devote a significant portion of time to writing, then you shouldn't write at all?"
  74. >"Well, no... not necessarily."
  75. "Because sometimes it's more important to write period, then to write quality. You can't always expect, even in the most well-laid out of circumstances, that what you write will always hit home or even be well-received. And yeah, sometimes, just writing for the sake of writing can land you in a bit of trouble, but I don't see why that should stop you from writing altogether."
  76. >"I'm not saying that you shouldn't write at all. Just that a lack of foresight can lead you into tight spaces where not only is it difficult to write, but it's difficult to enjoy."
  77. "Enjoy writing, or enjoy reading?"
  78. >"Both."
  79. "That's fair, I suppose. But I still don't think that writing by the seat of your pants is necessarily a bad thing."
  80. >Twilight harumphed.
  81. >"I mean, I get why you'd say that. But I still don't like it."
  82. >You chuckled and ran your fingers through her mane, as she sighed contentedly in appreciation.
  83. "That's just because you're too much of a planner. Sometimes good things can come from a bit of chaos."
  84. >"You say that like it's a bad thing."
  85. "I wouldn't be your soulmate if I thought that."
  86. >Moving your fingers towards the base of her ears, Twilight closed her eyes and her rear hoof quivered slightly.
  87. >"Mmm... you're really good at that."
  88. "That's why I do it."
  89. >Twilght flicked your nose with her tail.
  90. >"One of these days, your mouth is going to cash checks your wallet can't afford if you keep running your mouth off like that."
  91. "Yeah, maybe."
  92. >Scooting closer to Twilight, you wrapped your arm around her and pulled her close, with Twilight yelping in surprise.
  93. "...I'll just have to trust that you're there with me when shit hits the fan."
  94. >"...You're lucky you're cute."
  95. >You chuckled as Twilight nestled deeper into your side, grumbling as she did so.
  96. "Don't forget comfy too. And smart. And witty. And-"
  97. >With a magenta glow, Twilight's magic pulled your jaw closed with a clack.
  98. >"Just shut up and enjoy the movie."
  100. --------------------------------------------
  102. >With the movie over, and Twilight having finished ranting about the quality of writing, the two of you made your way home, content with the experience.
  103. >The two of you now lay on the couch before the fireplace, enjoying each other's company.
  104. "Twilight~"
  105. >She craned her neck back to look you in the eyes.
  106. "I love you."
  107. >Twilight buried her face into your chest, as you glimpsed a burning blush on her face.
  108. >"... love you too, you big dummy."
  109. "...I love you more."
  110. >"Not possible."
  111. "I disagree."
  112. >"I love you much more than you love me."
  113. "And that's where you're wrong, because I--"
  114. >"I've done that math, Anon. And it checks out. I love you more."
  115. "I have not seen this math, so I cast doubt on the legitimacy of it."
  116. >"No, see, look here."
  117. >Much to your disappointment, Twilight jumped off of your chest and made her way over to the side of the room, where a large chalkboard hung from the wall.
  118. >Grasping a piece of chalk with her magic, Twilight turned to face you with a smug grin on her face.
  119. >"Mine will be a proof by contradiction. We will start with the assumption that you do, in fact, love me more than I love you. Let's call the love you have for me T and the love I have for you A. According to you, T is greater than A. But my love for you is, in fact, infinitely larger. So, if A is some infinitely large integer, but T is greater than A, then that would imply that there exists an integer that is larger than an infinitely large integer. Since infinity plus 1 is just infinity, that would contradict your claim that your love for me is greater than my love for you."
  120. >As Twilight marked the last bit of her proof, you stood up and approached her, grabbing your own piece of chalk.
  121. "Ah, but you see, though you may be right in saying that your love for me is infinite, my infinite love is a larger infinity than yours. And I shall similarly prove this by contradiction. Allow me to define the set of all things that you love me more than, set M, which contains all of the natural numbers, since according to you, your love for me transcends all of them. We shall also define set N, which is the set of all the reals. The cardinality of each set represents the magnitude of our love for each other. According to you, there is a contradiction because there is no cardinality greater than the set of naturals. Let's assume this is true."
  122. "If that was true, then there exists a one to one correspondence between set N and set M. So I can label every item in set M with an item from set N. For the sake of simplicity, I shall only use the reals from 0 to 1, to make visualizing this easier. If these sets have the same cardinality, then by pairing the numbers together like this, every real has been paired with an integer. If I can prove, though, there exists a real not currently in the set, then we have a contradiction, and thus the cardinality of the reals is larger than the cardinality of the naturals. Here's how I shall construct such a real. I shall look at every real in the list, and use the following algorithm to construct a new real."
  123. "For the first real, I shall look at the first digit. If it is a 1, the first digit of the real we are constructing will be a 0, otherwise, it will be a 1. Then I shall look at the second digit of the second real, and apply the same logic. I shall do this for every real in the set, until I have exhausted them all. What I am left with is a real that, by definition, is different in at least 1 unique way from every other real in the set. This contradicts the notion that the cardinality of set M is equal to the cardinality of set N, thus, the magnitude of my love for you is greater than your love for me."
  124. >Twilight scoffed.
  125. >"Oh yeah? Do you think I was unaware of the cardinality of reals and naturals? You have done me a disservice, though, for my love for you is not simply restricted to the set of naturals. For you see--"
  127. >Spike stood looking over the balcony, disheveled and with sunken eyes.
  129. >You and Twilight stared at Spike, who tried his best to appear intimitating, though you had to admit, Robert did a better job.
  130. >Finally, you waved a hand toward Spike.
  131. "Sorry man. Got caught up in the moment. We'll quiet down."
  132. >Spike nodded, huffed loudly, then turned around and stomped off towards his bed.
  133. >Twilight, on the other hand, was once again blushing up a storm and had since curled up in a ball in an attempt to hide herself from the embarrassment.
  134. >Crouching down, you picked up the purple pony, before returning to the couch, placing her by your side.
  135. "...Now, Twilight, I hope you have learned your lesson. Next time you wish to tussle with the one and only Anonymous, make sure you pick a better battlefield-- Oof!"
  136. >And just like that, a swift hoof to the gut silenced your witty mouth.
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