How Are You Vibing Today: What Happens When You Call a Sex Toy Company's Customer Service

[A4A] [Script Offer] How Are You Vibing Today: What Happens When You Call a Sex Toy Company's Customer Service [Strangers to Lovers] [JOI/JOE] [Phone Sex] [Mutual Orgasms] [Adorkableness][Banter Heavy] [Corporate Mandated Bad Sex Puns] [The Inevitable Result Of Not Fully Reading The Training Manual]

Character Notes: The character works customer service for a sex toy company called Dil and Does.

Other Notes: The script is designed to be an A4A script, but you're welcome to develop the sex parts to include body parts if you so choose.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey, thanks for calling Dil and Does customer service. How are you vibing today?

Hello? Are you there?

Yeah, yeah. I have to ask you that. It's in the script that they give us. They apparently think it's important...because..ahem..(perky reading voice) We here at Dil and Does strive to give you good vibrations every single day.

And I can feel you rolling your eyes over the phone. Trust me, I'm right there with you. But they still want me to say it to everyone. It's supposed to...wait, hold on...let me find the line from the training manual...

*optional sound of pages flipping*

Ah, here we go. (reading) We here at Dil and Does believe that sex is not shameful. After all, we were the most successful sex toy company in terms of sales in the second quarter of last year. We feel the need to highlight this unique period and hope that no one will notice how highly specific it is in order to improve admiration for our personal brand.

What?

Okay, no. It doesn't actually say that last line.

But. But-it does say that (reading) In order to make our customers more comfortable discussing their most imitate (in quotation marks) problems, we ask all our customer service representatives to work the following puns into user-related calls whenever possible. At Dil and Does, we believe that humor allows the consumers to experience familiarity in an unfamiliar setting will both decrease call-times by giving customers a sense of comfort and help develop new loyalties to our company.

Um, I probably wasn't supposed to read you that. But whatever, um...honesty builds loyalty too.

(muttering) or at least that's what I'll tell my boss if he ever finds out about this...

Anyway, did it work? Do you feel more loyal or like opening up to me or something?

(pause)

Well, maybe you just need better puns.

Yeah, sometimes I get bored and come up with some of my own.

What about? Thanks for calling Dil and Does customer service. Please tell us all your latest buzz?

Get it? Because like vibrators buzz?

No? Fine.

Let's see...

Oh, this one is good! At Dil and Does, we believe that the customer always cums first.

Huh? What do you think?

Still nothing. Fine, why don't you try one if you're so picky then?

(pause)

*laughing*

Okay, I'm mad at myself for laughing that because it wasn't good. But no pun is good and I'm keeping that one.

Nope, too late. Your words are now going to become modern Dil and Does lore. Just let me write them down...

(writing) Welcome to Dil and Does. We know that things are hard, but we're here to help.

Well, there you go. Congratulations. How does it feel to be a sex pun legend? Well, sort of, at least...Who knows, maybe they'll even add a section to the training manual about you. Exciting stuff.

What?

Okay, yeah...Admittedly, I'm not great at this job. I've spent...I don't know..however long on the phone with you and I still don't even know why you called.

But, in my defense, nobody ever calls this number. I mean, who the fuck calls customer service for a sex toy company? You'd have to be pretty desperate to...

(realizing) Oh right, um sorry. It's not desperate. It's um, good that you're so sexually open. Really.

No, really. It's fine. I'm not judging.

Oh come on, it's not lame. It shows ingenuity. Most people wouldn't even think to call the number on the back of the box. But you, you're a problem solver. Or a go-getter. Or something.

Sorry, I'm kinda still in corporate slang mode after reading that training manual.

Anyway, you're at least a really nice person if you're willing to listen to me yammer on like this.

Yeah, I'm sorry that I suck at this so much. Like I said, no one ever calls. I mostly just get to sit on my ass all day and play video games. So...

Wait, fuck. I probably shouldn't have told you that either.

Ugh, I'm so glad that my boss isn't here.

Yeah..um...can we just forget that this interaction ever happened?

No, no. You don't need to hang-up. Let's just rewind a bit.

Here, I'll start from the beginning.

(perky) Hi, thanks for calling Dil and Does customer service. How can I assist you?

No, wait...it's supposed to include a pun.

Um...Hi, you've reached Dil and Does customer service. Why the fuck did you call?

Whatever that was close enough to a pun.

Yeah, I know. But please just answer before I do something else wrong.

You just need to tell me how I can be of assistance.

(pause)

Okay, so your sex toy stopped working. Is that right?

Alright, what kind is it?

(pause)

Wait, none of our models are named 'Thor'.

Oh, Thor is just the name that you gave it. But why would you name a sex toy...

No, no. Not important. I will focus on a job.

Anyway, if you don't know the model, can you at least tell me how it runs? It is battery operated?

Oh, it has a charge cable. Got it.

Well, are you sure that you charged it correctly?

Yeah, I get that it was working last night. But how long did you use it for?

Ugh, to clarify, I need to know if it's a battery issue or not. I don't care how long it takes you to cum.

Great. Okay yeah, that's about what I would have expected.

Um, as in, that's about the average amount of time to cum. Not like for you specifically, just statistically...

Anyway, that wouldn't be enough to drain your battery from full. So, it might be that it's not holding its charge for some reason.

I don't know. Did you try turning it off and on again?

What? It works with computers.

Okay, fine. I guess that's not really an option if it won't turn on at all.

Unfortunately, that's pretty much the totality of my knowledge base for trouble-shooting sex toys. I'd offer to call reinforcements but I'm literally the only customer service representative. And, as apparent from my complete incompetency, they never actually expected anybody to call this number.

On plus side, I'm willing to bet that you're no longer horny after listening to this trainwreck. So, you shouldn't have too much of a problem waiting until we send a replacement.

(pause)

Wait? What seriously? How are you still turned on right now?

Oh well, I think that you sound cute too.

(muttering) I'm probably not supposed to say that either..but..um...it's fine.

So, um, do you require further assistance?

Oh, we don't have to do anything. It's just...well, you've got options if you still want to get-off. And, I'm happy to help if that's your type of thing.

Oh, no. I don't mind at all. My boss isn't here and this is the most interesting thing that's happened all day. Besides, I got kind of excited when you said that you liked my voice...so...

Do you want to?

(excited) Yes!

Alright, you have hands, right?

What? Some people don't. I didn't want to assume.

Okay great. Well, I think that you know where to put them.

Yeah, right there.

*moan begins*

Start slow for me, babe.

Just tease yourself for me.

While I get myself excited.

Really excited.

As I imagine you in my arms.

As I imagine myself teasing you.

Oh, and kissing you all over.

And hearing your beautiful beautiful moans.

That's it.

Let me hear it, babe.

Oh, show me how much you want me.

Oh, how much you crave me.

Yeah, just like that.

Oh, fuck. You sound so good.

Ugh, I want you so badly.

Mhmm, speed up, babe.

Oh, just a little. Just enough to remind yourself that's there is more.

And to remind you how much I want you.

Yeah, all of you. Every last inch.

Oh.

Just imagine me straddling you.

Oh, and griding against you.

Heating you up.

As I feel pleasure starting to build.

But I'll still want to give you more.

Because I'll want to push you to your very limit.

Oh, so I'll grind faster.

As you squirm in delight.

Because you want it just as much as I do.

Oh.

Say it.

Say that you want me.

Good. Because...

(whisper) I want you.

So fucking badly.

Oh, faster now, babe. No holding back anymore.

I'm so fucking close.

I'm so fucking ready.

Come on, tell me what you want.

Oh, show me.

Show now.

Come on, babe.

Cum for me.

Oh, cum for me now.

Please. Please.

I need to hear you cum.

Oh, and I want to cum with you.

I'm so close.

So fucking close.

Come on, give in for me.

Please, babe.

Please.

I need it.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

That's it, babe.

Oh, fuck.

I-

*improv to orgasm*

(panting) Wow. Thank you.

Yeah, that's definitely the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me at work.

Um, is there anything else I can assist you with?

Okay, well, send the toy back to us and we'll get you set-up with a new one.

Oh, and if you get impatient waiting for a new one, you're welcome to call again. Or hey, even after you get a new one. I, uh, love to understand our product a little better.

(pause)

Wait, you actually want to call me again?

No, no. That's great. Really great. Maybe I should give you my personal number though. In just case, it's not my shift next time.

Okay, I can email it to you with the call receipt...

Wait fuck, I'm supposed to send you a customer satisfaction survey too.

Yeah, I kinda guessed that you were satisfied. But do me a favor and don't go into too much detail on the survey, okay? There is a like a 5 percent chance that one will might actually read it and I *really* don't want to explain this to my boss.

(relieved) Thanks, you're the best.

Yeah, I'm looking forward to talking again too.

Thanks for calling Dil and Does. We hope that you have a wonderful night.