Thing for NMP thread

>You are Anon.
>And up until two months ago you were just wasting away at a simple job as a park ranger of the National Park Service.
>It was a nice job for all intents and purposes, but lacked any real chance for making it big.
>You weren’t going to complain however.
>The job after all paid the bills and kept a roof over your head, and let’s not forget the free time during work where all you did was ride around the large expanse of land owned by the government.
>Sometimes you’d happen across some hikers and relay any information about what to watch out for or give advice on where to camp.
>But that was your life up until the world turned on its head two long months ago.
>”Mr. Secretary, you have a meeting with the representative from the Department of Energy at four.”
>Your assistant, a nice old lady smiled and placed a handful of paperwork on the less cluttered portion of the desk before leaving.
“Uh, thanks.”
>Frantically you moved the bundles of paperwork across your desk in a vain attempt at finding your planner.
>One of these days you were going to get through all this stuff.
>You’re probably curious now as to what happened two months ago by now so I won’t leave you in suspense.
>You see, two months ago strange creatures began appearing throughout the planet and everything changed.
>They called themselves “ponies” and came from a world where magic and just about everything talked.
>But they were visitors with a purpose.
>Theirs was a world where females outnumbered males by a sizeable margin.
>So naturally Magic + lonely females = way to acquire dick
>At first the numbers of males disappearing without a trace was miniscule, the government had bigger fish to fry so they ignored it.
>About a week later it became a problem that couldn’t be simply swept under the carpet any longer.
>Men began vanishing by the thousands every day.
>Investigations were launched by every investigative agency around the world.
>What they found was truly terrifying.
>These mares would appear, promise a life without any further problems and love to a male, then vanish.
>With every passing week more and more men vacated planet earth, choosing a life in the unknown.
>You however never got a visit from an alien equine.
>That’s about the gist of it.
>So why weren’t you in a cozy little ranger station in the woods anymore?
>The answer is actually really simple, they didn’t have anyone else for the position.
>More precisely just about everyone between your low position as a simple park ranger and the Secretary of the Interior was gone.
>How’s that for career mobility.
>One day you were sitting eating a cup of noodles in the Ranger Station, and the next you’re in a snazzy office in Washington.
>Leaning back in the overly-expensive seat you ran your hand through your hair out of exhaustion.
>At least things couldn’t get any worse.
>Almost as if the universe itself had heard your internal remark and decided to give you a big ‘ole fuck you, your phone began to vibrate.
>It was probably another reminder for a meeting.
>That’s all your life was now, a meeting after fucking meeting, day in and day out.
>Cursing loudly you picked up your phone and looked at the screen.
>You wished at that moment you hadn’t.
>It was a message about the middle-east.
“I want to say I don’t get paid enough to deal with this, but that would be a lie.”
>Standing up you picked up your jacket off the back of the chair and headed out.
>The boss-lady wanted all Department Heads in her office and you hated being the last one there.

>”This is no longer a problem we can be lax about.”
>The President of the United States looked between all the people gathered in the briefing room.
>Even that weird guy in charge of Agriculture who was trying to sneak some sips from a flask he kept in his coat.
>You fiddled with a pen.
>After all you were just the secretary of the Interior, none of this shit even mattered to your department.
>”We now have confirmed reports that over eighty percent of the men in the middle-east have been transplanted.”
>Murmurs erupted as everyone turned to each other to whisper their opinions.
>”We managed to gain some intelligence that another country in the world these ‘ponies’ occupy are facing male shortages and have gladly accepted them.”
>There goes the war on terror.
>And a slice of your budget.
>”This other country is occupied by sapient sheep and goat like creatures.”
>You can’t be fucking serious.
>But judging by the look on the President’s face, she was.
>”As of right now any pony sighted is to be automatically detained. Any attempt to leave with a man is to be considered an act of war.”
>More murmurs erupted at the proclamation.
>Raising your hand you waited to be acknowledged.
>Almost as if sensing that there was a question the steely eyes of the United States first female President locked in on you.
>”This isn’t a classroom Mr. Mouse, speak.”
“How are you going to detain them if they can just teleport away?”
>It was a simple question and honestly you felt sort of stupid for asking it, but you did.
>The president’s gaze narrowed then quickly changed to one of anger.
>”FUCK!”
>You guessed they didn’t bother to ask themselves that question.


***CURRENT MALE PERCENTAGE ON PLANET EARTH: 35%***

>Driving home used to take you hours before.
>Mainly due to the congestion that is DC traffic.
>But now, it was almost a ghost town. Sure, there were still cars on the road, but lack of mechanics was starting to show more and more.
>Fortunately your dad taught you everything you would ever need to know about how to fix a car.
>Pulling up to the gated community door you flashed your identification to the female guard.
>”How was your day Anon?”
>Lori, the slightly chubby guard gave her best smile when she saw you.
>She was one of the good ones.
>Her husband was an accountant and the two have been happily married for almost twenty years.
>They couldn’t afford the place in this neighborhood but were still happy just being together.
>Some marriages made it like that, many more however weren’t so lucky.
“Managed to not piss off everybody so far.”
>”Well you need to step up your game sweetie. You know you aren’t doing your job right if they don’t try to kill you at least once a week.”
“I’d prefer it if there weren’t any attempts on my life, ever.”
>With a wave you drove through the now opened gate.
>Yours was a neighborhood of the privileged.
>A big step up from your one bedroom apartment before.
>Most people residing here belonged to the political and economic elite.
>Generals, Politicians, and CEO’s of companies all owned homes here, away from the strife of the outside world.
>Turning the corner you saw your house.
>A Two-story Victorian with a white picket fence, garage, and…
>And your neighbor passed out on your lawn.
>Again.
>Every fucking day with this guy.
>Pulling into your driveway you stepped out of your car and walked up to the passed-out individual that could be considered a frien- acquaintance.
“George, wake up. You passed out outside again.”
>George W. Bush former President and connoisseur of the drink nursed a bottle of Jim Beam.
>Nudging him with your foot earned you a groan from the gray-haired man.
>”No Dick, no, I don’t want to speak to congress again.”
>Shaking your head at the sleep talking man you opted to just let him sleep this one off.
>Walking to your door you spared one more look at the man before heading inside.
>No sooner had you closed the door did you realize something was off.
>Perhaps it was the fact that there was a light coming from your kitchen.
>Or that it smelled like something was being cooked.
>And a sweet melodic tone coming from where the light and smell originated.
>Nervously you took one step forward, then another, and before you knew it you were pressed up against the wall right outside the kitchen.
>The voice was sweet and gentle and carried through the air almost magically.
>It was a miracle you could hear it over your pounding heart.
>Craning your head slightly you peaked into the kitchen to see who the home intruder was.
>What you saw made you nearly faint.
>Spoon in her mouth, a pony floated over a pot stirring its contents.
>Her wings flapped lazily.
>Like a scene out of the movies her head turned and your eyes met.
>The spoon dropped out of her mouth as she gasped.
>”It’s you! They told me I should just wait here for you at your home, but I was worried that it might seem rude and they were just playing a prank on me.”
>The yellow pony floated carrying on while you could only stare in confusion.
>This wasn’t real.
>There was no way this could be real.
>”They told me that I would find my special somepony this way, but I almost didn’t believe it.”
>You’re not sure if you believed it.
>Holding out her hoof you saw a small gem begin to glow before everything turned white from light that it emitted.

>In the years to come society changed.
>Women speak of the times before when men and women cohabitated together.
>But women took men for granted because they didn’t believe there was anything in existence that could challenge their grasp on men.
>Then creatures from another world came and took the men away.
>Not all of them, but enough to destroy what took centuries to build.
>The world didn’t end.
>It however changed.
>For the better or worse depends on the person asking the question.
>And in a far-off land, in a small cottage surrounded by trees and various animals two happy souls sat together, holding each other on a couch.