Thread 6: Stories 91-105

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>Applejack
“Celestia”
‘Luna’
-42-
[Cadance]
{Twilight}
~~~~~~

>Alright, first order o' business-

'WE DEMAND A CHANGELING!'

-Not it!-

>... Luna, feel like elaboratin'?

'We simply feel it unfair that Cadence is designated THREE Changelings to assist with her Empire, and yet we have not a one! We wish for one of our own!'

>...That's not-

[You know I didn't, like, request those, right? And, in fact, two of them are only helping me so they can sleep with my husband.]

'Very well, then we too shall obtain a mate, and allow others to attempt to tempt him into carnal relations in exchange for various legal related services.'

{...That is a LOT of effort to get out of doing your paperwork.}

'Nonsense! We shall simply take the dragon as out mate, that way we do not have to fear them dying of old age and needing to be replaced.'

>...Ah' will-

{Applejack? I've got this one. A-Hem. I WILL DISSOLVE YOU INTO PASTE, MIX THAT SMEAR IT ACROSS A STEEL SHEET, COOK THAT PASTE INTO A PASTRY, EAT THAT PASTRY AND SHIT YOU OUT IF YOU TALK LIKE THAT AGAIN! UNDERSTOOD!?}

'...Unnecessary, we did not like him much anyway.'

*POP!*

>Ya' okay, Twi?

{Peachy.}

'Sister, back me up on this!'

"Eeeeehhhh, you kind of don't want them. It's pretty much a game of rush in resolute with any Changeling."

'Then at least let me have the competent one!'

[NO TOUCHY 42! She's staying right with me! Except when she's over here, doing Changeling stuff, but other than that NO TOUCHY!]

-...Huh. That was an unexpected warm fuzzy feeling.-

>Luna, Ah'll meet ya' halfway.

'Yay! Who do we get?'

>56 an' 29.

'...Thou art a cruel, cruel pony, Applejack.'

>Keep talkin' bout Spike like ya' did when Ah' have access ta' his gun, and Ah'll show you a whole new world of cruel.
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>SA
"42"
~~~~~~

>Alright, what 'fighting' are we doing today? More strength focused? Stamina related?

"Evasion."

>Huh, I guess I'm not that good at evasion. Shield stuff is more about tanking, you know? But hey, I'm willing to give it a shot. Why the changeup?

"I am in the midst of a bet, and need to work on my long range capabilities."

>Ah. More green lasers? Not a problem.

"No no, you see, I'm actually borrowing a friends weapon for this."

>Spikes gun? Eeesh, be careful with that.

"No, I'm afraid..."

*CHU-CHICK!*

"...it's a bit bigger than that."

>...I-is that a rocket launch-

"DODGE!"
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>Twilight
"Applejack"
~~~~~
Applejack enters Twilight's lab with a slightly dreamy smile while adjusting the band from Spike

"howdy, twi, you wanted ta see me? Yer not gonna try ta gimme another dragon blood infusion, are ya?"

>Oh, no! Nothing like that.

Twilight's expression darkens ominously for a moment.

>Depending...

"Pardon?"

>Look, I just wanted to have a bit of a friendly chat with one of me near and dear friends about one of my other near and dear friends...

Twilight regarded Applejack's band for a moment and smiles.

>He was walking on air after your date.

Applejack smiles.

"Sugarcube, we walked past a changelin' an' that poor fella filled up like a balloon, an' Ah'm still walkin' on air mahself."

>Yeah... I don't think I've ever seen him like this- Oh! Except I have...

Twilight's expression darkens again.

>The same thing with Rarity.

"T-Twi?"

>Applejack, I love Spike in my own way. Not like you do, but in my own way. Time and time again I've failed to show my appreciation for him or discounted him as a friend, and when he was hurting the most after his love for Rarity ended, I wasn't there for him.

Suddenly Twilight becomes depressed and Applejack moves to comfort

"Surgarcube, Ah know you woulda been there if you had known, an' Ah know Spike knew 'e had your support too. And ya can' let 'what ya didn' do' weigh on yer back so heavy."

Twilight brightens.

>Exactly! I won't make the same mistake twice. Which is why I want to give you a long-over-due tour of my lab.

"uh, okay-"

>And show you what will happen to you if you break Spike's heart.

"... eep."

Some hours later, Applejack was pale, shaking, and her constipation was cured, and bladder empty.

Twilight in contrast was chipper as ever.

>-AND I've researched resurrection spells that only work if you hate the one you're raising. So once AAALLLLL that's done, i'll wipe your memory and we'll start the whole thing over again!

Applejack was quiet and just held her thousand yard stare that would give 77 a run for his money. Right until Twilight danced into applejack's line of sight.

>And then...

Her face darkens again.

>I'll really come after you.

She brightens.

>So, are we clear on the "do's and don'ts" when in a relationship with Spike?

Applejack just nods.

>Great! I'm so glad we could have this talk! Welp, I'm sure you've got important things to do! Good luck in the salt mines! Oh, and I want grandchildren soon, so try to work on that, please!

And fast as she could, Applejack left Twilight's lab like a batpony out of hell, vowing never to intend to return.

DECLARED NON CANON BY AUTHOR
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>Applejack
"18"
~~~~~~

>Here ya'll are, one final little slip of the day.

"Thanks. This should make it so the university expansion is self sufficient, right? I don't need to file MORE, right?"

>Nope, last bit.

"Oh thank goodness, I am so sick of these stupid forms."

>Why do it?

"Because otherwise it won't get done."

>...And?

"What do you mean, and?"

>What's it to you if the Empire doesn't make a new university? Why not just choose to not do the paperwork?

"...Because then I don't get to come back into the castle?"

>Baloney, Chrysalis just walked in here and 29 was making regular stops for lord knows how long. They would so let ya' back in.

"I need an alibi so I can be next to Shining Armor?"

>Oh right, cause ya'll clearly can't just walk inta' his office. Like ya' did. For months. Cause Ah' seem ta' remember the paperwork thing wasn't really an issue fer' a while.

"W-well, I just need to... make sure everything is working properly so that when my Queen takes over, it's not a shamble of a kingdom?"

>An clearly the best way ta' do this is ta' make a stronger, better trained army and smarter citizens. Good job with that one.

"W-w-well-"

>Sug', former element o' Honesty here, and current Princess o' Honesty.

"You can't be princess of a concept!"

>Like love?

"...shoot."

>So be straight with me. What's really got ya' doin' all this?

"... I... I guess I just don't want to see him like that again? He was so tired when I started. He kept falling asleep at his desk at three in the morning. He was delirious, never focused... and it hurt. It hurt seeming him try so hard and nobody helping him. He deserved better than that... so I helped him, and he thanked me. And it made me happy that he thanked me, and didn't judge me, and was so nice to me..."

>...Well, shoot! Ah' can't argue with that. No need ta' look so down, jus' wanted ta' get an honest opinion, that's all. Keep up tha' good work, sug', Ah'm sure he appreciates it, even iffin' his appreciation isn't physical.

"Yeah. Thanks for the encouragement."

>Anytime! Whelp, Ah' better be off, never ends does it?

"Nope. Have a good day, Applejack."

>Ya'll too!

*She walks off*

>...Well ponyfeathers, so much fer' tellin' her ta' move on and find someone else. Ah' might as well tell 'er ta' find a new way of breathin'.

*She sighs*

>What're ya' gonna do with yer'self, 18?
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>AJ42
"SA"
~~~~~

>I'm doing it! I'm finally doing it!

"Good job, 42!"

>THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!

"Great! So do you want to get out of the knee high water now?"

>...M-maybe later.

"Okay. You want to try it without the water wings?"

>No... I need these.

"All six?"

>All six.

"Can we at least give AJ 2 her ducky inner tube back?"

>I think she learns better without it.

"Cool... cool..."

>...

"...You're clinging pretty hard."

>Just, uh, just getting my bearings. You are RIPPED, I just have to say.

"My wife appreciates the last few months, by the way."

>Glad to help... glad to help.
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>Chrysalis
"Cadence"
'AJ18'
-AJ42-
~~~~~~~

>...Well, this isn't awkward or anything.

"Get out."

>I was in the hot tub first!

"It's my hot tub!"

'Caddy, come oooon! I JUST got in! I am so sore from sitting in that stupid chair all day.'

-Agreed, I've been beating your soldiers into submission all day. Just let me relax a bit? Please?-

"I was hoping to get Shiny in here for some alone time, thank you!"

>He took AJ 2 ice skating, gonna be a bit.

"...FINE! Schooch over."

>Make me!

"You know I can't!"

>HAH!

"Nothing could move your fat ass!"

>It's not fat, it's sexy!

'Please stop, my head is pounding.'

>Oh, suck it up. I've swindled eight separate representatives out of resources, money and influence today, and you don't see me complaining.

'You never stop complaining.'

>IT'S HARD!

-So, Cadence, how was your day?-

'I walked around to every friggen school in the city, because SOMEONE stole my carriage!'

>I needed to look official!

'Ugh, I wish Shiny was here. Wouldn't mind a bit of 'stress release' myself right now.'

>Right?

"Oh stop!"

'What, you want him to be happy, right?'

"...Right?"

>There is currently four in this hot tub who want to jump his bones like a rabbit atop skeleton mountain. To anyone else, this is a pretty magical moment.

-N-no, my Queen, I-

>Right, sorry, three.

"Too bad for you! My Shiny!"

'So cruel.'

>Eh, don't bother getting mad at her. She's got it worse.

'How?'

{CANNON BAAAAAALLLLLL!}

*SPLASH!*

>That's how.

{C'mon in Shiny! The waters great!}
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>Spike
"AJ 42"
'Applejack'
[Cadence]
~~~~~~~~

>So you see, with just a liiiittle twitch we can-

*CRACK!*

'AHHHhhhOOHH YES! Oh mah stars...'

"Impressive! But you're slightly off from her stress pressure point, you need to do something a little like this-"

*POP!*

[OHYESOHYES That's what momma LOVES!]

>You're being too broad, you need precision like this!

*Crackle*

'HHHHHHaaaaaa! Ohhhh, ya' beautiful thing, ya' beautiful beautiful thing.'

"Oh, I see! Like this?"

*Click!*

[EEEEEEEE! Hahhh! Oh Celestia!]

>Now you've got it!

*PIP!*

'YESYESYESYESYES!'

"Hey, try doing this."

*Pap!*

[HAAAAAA! TAKE MY MONEY! MY CLOTHS! TAKE IT ALL!]

>Wow, didn't even think of that!

*SNAP!*

'OOOHHHnononoyeeeesssss! Ah'm yer's! Marry me! Do whatever ya' want ta' me! Jus' don't ever stop!'

[YES! OH SWEET MERCY YES!]

'RIGHT THERE! RIIIIGHT THERE!'

>You worried someones going to think something weird is going on in this room?

"...Naaahhhh."

On the other side of the wall, Celestia lays on her back in her bed, facing the ceiling and silently fuming. Jerks, not asking her to join in.

What, they don't think she wants a massage too?
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>Luna
"Celestia"

>Tia, dost thou have a moment?

"Is this quick? I have a meeting with the Dalai LLama."

>We wouldst like to propose a project.
She floats a scroll to Celestia

"......You want to build another castle?"

>Mhmm

"...fill it with 500 magic cannons"

>Yup

"...and put it on top of an Ursa Major."

>Correct.

Celestia facehoofs
"Luna this is incredibly...What would be the...what are the other nations going to..."

>The construction would be funded by the revenue from our dream commercials. We've made quite the killing. The Pink one shall help us acquire the number of cannons needed. We could probably use Fluttershy to gain control of the Ursa Major.

Celestia rubs her forehead
"...go ask Applejack."

Psh well we thought it was kickass idea.
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>Applejack
"AJ 29"
~~~~~~~

>Eeeeesh, ya'll look straight up ticked. What's got you in a rut?

"You ever heard of the Neighgerian princess scheme?"

>Pfft, yeah! Dumbest thing ever. Ain't nobody gonna fall fer...

She watches as Zecora walks by, giving a winning little smirk to 29, who can only grit his teeth and fume silently as she laughs to herself and walks away.

>Ah...

"Hook. Line. And a very deep sinker."
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>Braeburn
"Applejack"
'Bears'
~~~~~
>Cousin, you don' know how honored Ah am to know that you want me ta become tha head of tha department o' agriculture!

"Well don' go thankin' me yet, yer gonna be doin' more paperwork than any farmin', an' ya'll are gonna hafta to work twice as hard here in Canterlot. Most ponies hear tha way we speak an' just assume we're illiterate, country bumpkins!"

Applejack slams her hoof on her desk, hitting a button to reveal a band of animatronic bears with country instruments

'We're tha bears that sing fer Jack!'
'Do-dah! Do-dah!'

'Drinkin' cider 'til we go splat!'
'Oh! Tha do-dah-HYUCK!'

"Heheheh... Big, dumb, belchin' bear!"

Applejack just merrily hits the switch again to restart the song.
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>AJ10
"Rainbow Dash"
*Spitfire*
~~~~~
>Okay, so for my final question, some of your friends have told me it was your dream to become a Wonderbolt since you were a filly, how does it feel to have not just become a member, but instantly going up to Captain?

"Honestly, it's been a bit of a headache. Not really the job's fault though. And for all the stress, and paperwork, and flying I haven't been doing, I wouldn't trade this job for the world. Well, okay, if it would save the world sure I'd give it up."

*Ahah! I now know how to get my job back! Alright, Rainbow Dyke, give me back captaincy of the Wonderbolts or I set off these bombs I've planted throughout Equestria!*

>Oh, no! ... Wait, isn't that?...

"... That's a pen, Spits, not a detonator."

*Shut up! I'm at the end of my rope! I got nothing to lose anymore! Do you wanna test me?!*

Rainbow Dash buries her face into her desk

"I didn't want to sling name names, but this is what makes my job so damn hard."
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>AJ12
"77"

>Ok, so firefighters are quite knowledgeable about how to SET things on fire too, that's some great info to have.

"Hold still, one of your spikey bits is still smoking."

77 drops a bucket of water over his compatriot.

>Ahhh~ Much better.

"What would you do without me?"

>Survive, but with far more damage.

"Eh, true. Shall I make good on my promise to continue my story?"

>Sure, I'm definitely going back out there any time soon.

"After we paid our respects to 68, we ventured further on into the mountain. As we did I grew closer to 88 and 32, and 50's enmity with our faction grew deeper. It was in these days I learned more of 32's history and fascination with pony society-as well as some of his shanties-, and 88's past as one of the Queen's chosen assassins."

>Sounds like you had quite a colorful group.

"Oh yeah, if it weren't for them, I may have given up long before. 88 once looked me in the eyes and told me 'We will survive, and the Queen will give us the highest commendation.' Guess she was half right, all I have is your word that the Queen is still alive."

>You'd think we'd have seen her in the Empire...

"I certainly hope she's alive, we might be screwed without her..."

>She's totally alive, I swear, and even if she does kick the bucket we got a few female drones around that might help...I think, maybe.

"Yeah, the females..."

>Hm?

"Sorry, lost my train of thought. It seemed as though we had wandered forever, just us and the musty tunnels. It was almost a relief when I began to feel it again."

>Feel what?

"The feeling of being watched, that special intermingling of dread and anticipation. If it weren't for the very real possibility of death, I might have just laughed when the first bone spear whooshed past my head!"

>The Morlocks?

"Seems they had navigated their way around the Spiders and were on us again. The chase was on again, and when we weren't running we were fighting. 50 kept blasting the way behind us to block off tunnels, I don't think he even remembered the part about us having to retrace our steps once Canterlot had been found. To be honest, I don't think any of us did at the time."

>I wouldn't have.

"We kept going and going, I began to think we had made our into the very roots of the mountain, nestled deep within the bowels of the earth. Then...then we found the river."

>The river you floated down to get here?

"The very same. We were mystified when we saw it, flowing along like the Maressissippi underground. We might have stopped to drink from it if we didn't hear them behind us, shouting their maddened language. We couldn't find any exit other than the way we came."

>Except the river.

"It was 32, clever old 32, that came to the realization. 88 and I supported this option, 44 told him it was insane, we'd be assaulted by the Morlocks before we could escape, even if we managed to seal off the tunnel. 50, stonefaced, walked away from us. We shouted at him to come back, but he simply walked to the mouth of the tunnel, looked back at us, and said 'Finish your mission', then he walked into the tunnel, blasted the entrance behind him...and went to meet the enemy."

>Shit...

"He gave his life to ensure our escape, he may have been a stubborn and antagonistic, but he was loyal to our cause all the way to the end."

>So what did you do?

"The only thing left to do, we jumped into the river and swam for our lives."

>...was dousing me in the water symbolic?

"No, just a happy coincidence. Now I'm afraid is where I stop, there is word the Orange Princess has need of me. I cannot say why, but I will not refuse our host...also it gives me a chance to look at her confidant's weapons, I've seen such strange things...maybe he'll let me touch them."

77 trots off, leaving his friend to recover.
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>Applejack
“Twilight”
______

Twilight trots into the room, taking a second to jokingly throw a hoof to her eyes as if blinded.

“Whoa there! Applejack, please, put a cover on that bracelet or something! You’ll blind us all!”

>Oh hardy har har, jus’ git over here, will ya? Ah think Ah’m seein’ things….

“Okay, okay, what is it? What am I looking at?”

Not even daring to point out the window with the hoof carrying her gift, Applejack used the other, indicating to what looked like a Changeling with a jet-propulsion system tied to its thighs as it shot out wires that latched onto Canterlot buildings to pull itself forward at a breakneck pace.

>See that Changeling there? The one speedin’ off towards the Everfree Forest?

“Yup!”

>It’s got one of yer’ jetpacks on.

“Why yes, yes it does! And actually, it’s a state-of-the-art Changeling-mounted wire transportation unit. First in it’s class.”

>Ya don't say. Do Ah even want to know why…?

“Because it just asked me one day and I agreed.”

>Ah see… and is that a potato in its mouth?

“Indeed it is. It loves potatoes.”

>…

“Yeah, best not to question this one. It’s off to fight some monsters. Said something about the back of the neck being a weak-point or something, I don’t know, the potato made it hard to catch a word.”

>...so anyway, yeah, this band is jus’ the prettiest thing, isn’t it?

“Are you kidding? It's gorgeous. Rarity would have a cow if she found out.”

And just like that, the two mares left the windowsill with idle chatter, wordlessly agreeing to leave that strange potato Changeling to its own devices.
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
'42'
~~~~~~~~

>Get off the ceiling.

"NO! You can't make me!"

'My Queen, really, it's not that bad!'

"BETRAYAL!"

>She just wanted you to get better at it, she didn't mean to lie.

"I can't hear you over the TERROR IN MY HEART!"

'My Queen... do you want the water wings? I'll let you borrow one.'

>Wouldn't she need at least two?

'Don't push it.'

"HISSSS!"

>....*Sigh* get the broom.
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>SA
"AJ2"
'Chrysalis'
-AJ18-
[Cadence]
{42}
~~~~~

>Two, NO!

*Wibble*

>Okay, no. This time wibble isn't going to work. You are not going to eat the centerpiece. It is not edible. Denied.

"...Fine!"

>*silently* thank god, heart was stopping there.

'Wassat?'

>I said- CADENCE NO!

[I don't even know why I'm here!]

>DINNER!

[Oh, right.]

>Oh thank goodness the appetizer is here. Okay, we're having a light sala-18 I WILL END YOU!

-I was just going to get a little bit!-

>WAIT!

-Fine!-

>Okay, salad is normally eaten with- 42!

{ACK! WHAT!?}

>Good job, that is the correct fork to use.

{YAY!}

'...'

-...-

[...]

{I uh, I mean, good. Glad I uh, got lucky. Shows my... warrior instincts. A-hem.}

>Right, anyway I- oh hey watch out, server guy. That board isn't safe to walk on.

'What?'

>I said that board isn't safe to walk-

[Walk on what?]

>The board!

'Board what?'

>Walking! He shouldn't walk on it, he'll land on-

"He'll land on Boardwalk?"

Simultaneously, in perfect harmonization, the hooves of Chrysalis, 18, Cadence and AJ 2 hooked under the table, and rage-flipped it.

>...

'...If it makes you feel any better, I didn't actually mean to do that.'

[Yeah, that kind of just... happened.]

-Like mind control.-

"Whoops?"

>...New rule. Monopony is banned from the house.

{Yeah, that sounds smart.}

>...You can put the fork down now, 42.

{On what?}

>...Point taken. I'm going to go watch one of your sappy movies, I need to disguise some liquid pride. Who's with me?

They all agreed, and silently, they left.

Shame the left so soon, too. They missed the server pony tripping on a loose board and faceplanting right in the middle of the floor.
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