Out of Patience

Sep 16th, 2015
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  1. >Day Out of Patience in Equestria.
  2. >You just finished your shift for the day.
  3. >The only remotely interesting thing that happened was a couple of colts stole candy from a filly.
  4. >You chased after them but they were too fast and disappeared into a crowd.
  5. >When you got back, the filly was gone as well.
  6. >All’s well though.
  7. >That saved you from the embarrassment of admitting that you let some perps escape from your hooves.
  8. >You’ll get them next time.
  9. >That doesn’t stop you from clenching your teeth.
  10. >You let them get away!
  11. >This is unacceptable.
  12. >You’re going to have to train even harder.
  13. >Who knows what kind of criminals ponies will become unless you stop them in their youth.
  14. >You shake your head in a poor attempt to push away those thoughts.
  15. >There will always be tomorrow…
  16. >You take a deep breath to calm yourself.
  17. >What this?
  18. >As you trot up to your locker you see a letter taped to the door.
  19. >It’s from the Royal Guard’s Academy!
  20. >You instantly snatch the sealed letter and rip it open.
  21. >The envelope falls carelessly behind you.
  22. “Dear Little Patience, thank you for your continued interest in serving with the Royal Guards.”
  23. >You can hardly believe it.
  24. >They never thanked you before!
  25. >You pull the letter closed and continue reading.
  26. “As you know, entrance into the Academy is highly competitive.”
  27. >You smirk.
  28. >Of course it is, that’s why you want to get in so badly.
  29. “Unfortunately,-“
  30. >Your heart sinks.
  31. >Good sentences never begin with that.
  32. >You steel yourself for the worst.
  33. “We regret-“
  34. >You crumple up the sheet.
  35. >Not again.
  36. >You slump down on the bench, and count the tiles.
  37. >This was your third try, and the last time the Royal Guards will consider you.
  38. >And a fourth?
  39. >You’ve heard those are always returned without even being opened.
  40. >What’s wrong with you?
  41. 1/12
  42. >Even that idiot Flash Sentry got into the guards and his arrest record isn’t even close to yours.
  43. >You’re always at the top of the leaderboard.
  44. >Maybe it’s just a delay.
  45. >They have too many applicants and need you to wait a month or two before you begin your training…
  46. >In your heart you know that’s not true.
  47. >They never have enough good ponies to protect royalty.
  48. >You sit in silence for a minute or two.
  49. >You’ve come too far to not read the rest.
  50. >A shaky hoof straightens out the letter.
  51. “We regret to inform you that your application was not accepted at this time. Thank you again for your interest. Signed… Prince Blueblood.”
  52. >You rip the letter apart.
  53. >Those jerks even went to the trouble of getting Blueblood involved.
  54. >He never reviews these things!
  55. >No.
  56. >He’s the one who has kept you from your dream.
  57. >Ever since you tried to put him away for drinking before the opening ceremony.
  58. >He knew that nopony is allowed to have a drink before Princess Celestia has the first sip.
  59. >Everypony knows that!
  60. >It’s common courtesy!
  61. >You slump over again feeling completely dejected.
  62. >It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.
  63. >You were supposed to make your family proud by following your father’s hoof prints.
  64. >”Little Patience?”
  65. “What!?” You yell a little too quickly.
  66. >The pony takes a step back in surprise.
  67. >It’s your boss, the commissioner.
  68. “Oh, sorry about that…”
  69. >He frowns but otherwise ignores your response.
  70. >”Patty, can I see you in my office?”
  71. >You roll your head annoyed at his timing.
  72. “Of course,” you say as you get up.
  73. >He waits for you for a moment before turning.
  74. >His office is only a few doors down from the lockers, so it takes no time at all.
  75. >The commissioner waits for you to pass him before slowly closing the door behind you.
  76. >”Have a seat,” he offers by waving his hoof at the couch.
  77. 2/12
  78. >He sits on the easy chair next to you, and not behind his desk as he usually does.
  79. >The commissioner shifts uneasily before he begins.
  80. >”How are you doing?”
  81. >You look at him stunned.
  82. >He can’t possibly just want a polite conversation.
  83. “I’m fine.”
  84. >He taps his hoof twice on the coffee table before continuing.
  85. >”I heard about your application.”
  86. >Oh, he’s just trying to make this easier.
  87. “Yeah, I didn’t get in again.”
  88. >The older pony nods to show he understands.
  89. >”Not everypony is cut out for that kind of duty, Patty.”
  90. >You look up at your superior.
  91. “What did I do wrong? I have the best arrest record. I always get my pony.”
  92. >He starts to reach over to comfort you before thinking better of it.
  93. “This was my third time. I can’t apply again.”
  94. >”Well, I’m sure-“
  95. “Which isn’t right,” you interrupt. “I deserve to be given a chance.”
  96. >He clears his throat.
  97. >”They don’t just look at your performance. I understand they also take other things into consideration.”
  98. “What else is there to think about!? I’m the best policepony in town.”
  99. >Your superior just frowns, as if he is unsure of what to say.
  100. “This is… this is…” you look for the right word, “poop! And you know it!”
  101. >The commissioner visibly cringes.
  102. >”Such language.”
  103. “It was Blueblood wasn’t it!? He’s had it in for me ever since-”
  104. >”You’re not a nice pony, Patty. There. I said it.”
  105. >You scoff.
  106. “I’m not nice?”
  107. >”I’m trying to talk to you and you just spout profanities and yell.”
  108. >He turns away from you, and you respond by crossing your forelegs.
  109. >”Ponies don’t like that,” he pouts.
  110. >You shift uncomfortably.
  111. “I only act this way because nopony listens to me unless I make a point.”
  112. 3/12
  113. >”That’s the thing. You don’t always have to make a point. Sometimes you just need to let things go.”
  114. >He lifts his head to look at you.
  115. “Look, I can be nice.”
  116. >You force a smile.
  117. >It’s the hardest smile you’ve ever made.
  118. >He looks disappointed.
  119. >”It’s too late for that, Patty. I have gotten too many complaints about you.”
  120. “What?”
  121. >Your superior gets up.
  122. >”I think you need a break from all of this.”
  123. >Oh no.
  124. “You’re firing me?”
  125. >He lets a single laugh escape.
  126. >”No. You’re not being fired… It’s just that I think you can do a lot of good in…”
  127. >Not Ponyville.
  128. >Anywhere but there.
  129. >”Ponyville.”
  130. >Poop!
  131. “But, but-”
  132. >”There’s no butts about it. You need to be in a place where you can relax a bit.”
  133. “It’s just a small town,” you protest. “What am I supposed to do there?”
  134. >He just shrugs.
  135. >”I don’t know. Just sit back and let the Elements of Hamony handle things.”
  136. >He trots over a puts a hoof on your shoulder.
  137. >”Think of it as a bit of a vacation.”
  138. >
  139. >
  140. >Two weeks later.
  141. >You’re sulking in your office.
  142. >Nothing interesting has happened since you arrived.
  143. >Well, you did think a package was stolen a couple of days ago.
  144. >The Mailmare, Ditzy Doo crashed into your office to report it.
  145. >As usual you sprung into action and tried to track down the perp.
  146. >Naturally you assumed it was one of the local colts who got dared to do it.
  147. >That’s the slippery slope they always fall down.
  148. >You rounded them all up for questioning.
  149. >Too bad for them, you only play the bad cop.
  150. >A couple cracked and admitted to stealing it.
  151. >One yelled, “I’ll tell you anything, just please stop.”
  152. >Turns out Ditzy just dropped it on a roof as she was doing her deliveries.
  153. >No wonder she has that name.
  154. >Of course you let them go, since their confessions were false, but hopefully they learned something from this.
  155. >Never go against the law.
  156. 4/12
  157. >To make matters worse, your office is an offshoot from the mail depot.
  158. >Apparently nopony thought a police department was important enough for it’s own building.
  159. >Your only cell, and you use that term very loosely, is a cordoned off alcove.
  160. >You’re not sure what the point of that area is really.
  161. >It kind of looks like they were making a hallway, and then decided that they didn’t actually need more rooms.
  162. >Either way, it will have to do.
  163. >“Little Patience?”
  164. >You know that voice anywhere.
  165. >It’s the mailmare.
  166. “Patty is fine, Ditzy Doo.”
  167. >You push around a couple of menacing drawings you made to make it look like you’re working.
  168. >The fictional ponies are all wanted for murder, aggravated assault, or whatever else you decided to draw that day.
  169. >”Oh, okay, Patty,” she smiles. “Are you staying late again, or can I lock up today?”
  170. >One of your hooves moves on its own to signal your annoyance.
  171. >It doesn’t really matter does it?
  172. “No, I think I’ll just grab some cider instead.”
  173. >This perks your friend up.
  174. >”Really? Can I tag along?”
  175. >You grab your detective hat, but leave your coat on the rack.
  176. “Sure, Ditzy.”
  177. >You move to lock your office, but think better of it and just close the door instead.
  178. >”I was starting to think you didn’t like hanging out.”
  179. >This makes you chuckle.
  180. “What made you think that?”
  181. >”Well,” Ditzy thinks as she locks the front door. “You just always work late is all.”
  182. >She offers you a smile.
  183. >”That must be why you were sent to protect us. You really like your work.”
  184. >You shrug.
  185. “I don’t mind it,” you lie.
  186. >You’d rather be making a difference instead of stuck in this one fountain town.
  187. >Ditzy ignores you and stares at the distracted human holding a cardboard sign.
  188. >It reads, “Will pay 10 bits for a cuddle.”
  189. >You shake your head in disgust.
  190. >”Ten bits would buy us two drinks…”
  191. 5/12
  192. >You shoot Ditzy a stern look.
  193. >This is clearly solicitation.
  194. >If you weren't off the clock you'd take him in.
  195. “Don’t say that. He’s just hoping to trick somepony into giving him some cuddles.”
  196. >You grab your baton.
  197. >The least you can do is get him off the streets.
  198. >If he acts up you’ll give him a good wallop.
  199. >That always makes him go home.
  200. “How’s business today, Anon?”
  201. >His eyes quickly turn to meet yours.
  202. >You watch as his jaw clenches and his lips form a sneer.
  203. >”Not so good, Patty.”
  204. >The baton spins in your hoof two times before it arrives firmly pointing at him.
  205. “Alright, you’ve had your fun. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.”
  206. >He looks at the clock tower.
  207. >”It’s not even six yet.”
  208. >You poke him once with your stick and lightning flashes in his eyes.
  209. “Yeah, but I’m not staying here all night to keep an eye on you.”
  210. >He looks over at Ditzy and she smiles at him.
  211. >This seems to calm the human, and he slowly folds up his sign.
  212. >The now small display easily slips into his suit pocket.
  213. >You put your baton away and trot on without looking behind you.
  214. >Part of you wants him to continue loafing.
  215. >That way you can finally give him the wallops he deserves.
  216. >The nerve!
  217. >Asking ponies for cuddles is just sick.
  218. >”Anon is so funny.”
  219. ”Hmm?”
  220. >Ditzy skips ahead of you before floating into the air.
  221. >”He’s like,” she explains with her now free hooves. “I’ll cuddle you,” she says sweetly.
  222. >Her other hoof replies in an angry tone, “I’ll cuddle you.”
  223. >The first hoof responds in a lover’s tone, “I’ll cuddle you~.”
  224. >The two hooves start cuddling in a strangely erotic motion.
  225. >Ditzy then erupts in laughter.
  226. “What does that even mean? You’re not making any sense,” you growl.
  227. >Why do you even put up with her?
  228. >”He’s just pretending, Patty. It’s all just a joke.”
  229. 6/12
  230. >She lands softly beside you.
  231. >You shake your head in disagreement.
  232. >The things he said when you confronted him were crazy.
  233. “The first time I met him, do you know what he said?”
  234. >”Mmmm, hello?” She asks.
  235. >This makes you smirk.
  236. “He said, ‘cuddling will let me go home.’ Naturally I said, ‘yeah? Where’s home?’”
  237. >Ditzy stops trotting to listen.
  238. “He gave me a confused look. After a moment he said, get this, ‘On the other side of the moon.’ And then he looked at me like I was the one who was crazy!”
  239. >Ditzy scratches her head.
  240. >”Like… from another planet?”
  241. >You nod.
  242. “Yeah, but I brought him back to earth,” you say as you swing your baton for emphasis. “Hard.”
  243. >Ditzy’s eyes open wide, but instead of answering she just moves ahead of you.
  244. >That’s all well and good anyway.
  245. >You’re tired of talking about the local nuisance.
  246. >As it were possible to travel through space with a few cuddles.
  247. >Even thinking about it for a moment is absurd.
  248. >You both enter the bar.
  249. >Well, calling it a bar is a bit of a stretch.
  250. >It’s more of a restaurant with a bar off to the side.
  251. >While the restaurant side is busy, the drinking area empty except for that lush Berry Punch.
  252. >She never bothers anypony, so you usually look the other way.
  253. >”We’ll have two lemon spritzers,” Ditzy orders. “It’s on me.”
  254. >You were more in the mood for a cider, but this should be fine.
  255. “Thanks.”
  256. >The pony quickly whips up two drinks and pours them for you.
  257. >You notice the tattoo on her foreleg.
  258. >A cloud with raindrops can only mean one thing.
  259. >She was in prison.
  260. >You watch closely trying to count the raindrops.
  261. >She was in for eight days.
  262. >You shake your head.
  263. >Still, if she was able to find a job afterward maybe she is reformed…
  264. >”Cheers.”
  265. 7/12
  266. >Ditzy holds up her glass and you awkwardly clink your glass against hers.
  267. >You both take a long sip.
  268. >It’s refreshing.
  269. >”Soooooo, hows work?”
  270. >You shrug.
  271. “It’s boring.”
  272. >Ditzy responds with a smile.
  273. >Doesn’t she know how to do anything other than that?
  274. >”My mom always told me that a day is whatever you make of it.”
  275. >You swirl your drink twice.
  276. “So, if I just pretend it’s fun then it will be?”
  277. >”Yeah,” Ditzy nods.
  278. >You look at your friend closely.
  279. >She doesn’t have a care in the world.
  280. >But she doesn’t have to keep the streets clean.
  281. >”What if you worked in the mailroom with me?”
  282. >This makes your laugh, maybe a little too hard.
  283. “Work in the mailroom? What would I do? Weigh packages?”
  284. >Ditzy’s eyes shimmer in embarrassment.
  285. >Poop.
  286. >The commissioner said you had to stop being so mean to ponies.
  287. >And here you are laughing at your friend.
  288. >Your only friend in Ponyville.
  289. “Uh… I’m sorry, Ditzy. I didn’t mean it to come out like that,” you lie.
  290. >She taps on her glass.
  291. “It’s just that I can’t see myself doing anything other than police work.”
  292. >”Oh. Why don’t you tell me about that then?”
  293. >Finally.
  294. >Something you can get excited about.
  295. >You spend the next hour telling stories about intrigue, and near misses back in Canterlot.
  296. >
  297. >
  298. >”Whoa, and they didn’t make you a Royal Guard right then and there?”
  299. “Well… They wanted me,” you lie. “But I wasn’t ready to settle down for guard duty just then.”
  300. >”That’s so cool.”
  301. >Ditzy looks at your with amazement.
  302. >For the first time in a while, you gave real smile.
  303. >Maybe if you just let things happen, then everything will be better.
  304. >”Don’t look now, but your friend is here.”
  305. 8/12
  306. “My friend?”
  307. >You turn your head slightly as if you were looking at the clock along the wall.
  308. >Sure enough, Anon is seated on the other end of the bar.
  309. >It’s only fits six seats, but thinking of it that way makes it sound more impressive.
  310. >Anon is one seat away from Berry Punch.
  311. >He looks around suspiciously before expertly sliding over so he is seated next to her.
  312. >”Hey, sweet thing,” he says.
  313. >Berry turns toward him and giggles.
  314. >”Hi.”
  315. >Anon makes a predatory smirk.
  316. >The kind where only half the face moves, and a jagged tooth is exposed for its prey.
  317. >Your ears perk up.
  318. >”Is it true what they say?”
  319. >She giggles and sways from side to side.
  320. >”What do they say?”
  321. >He leans in closer and asks in a low tone, “that Berries always taste sweet?”
  322. >Ugh.
  323. >What a tasteless way to hit on a mare.
  324. >She covers her face to hide her blush.
  325. >It’s clear that she doesn’t want this, but she’s too far gone to argue with the alcohol.
  326. >”Maybe~”
  327. >Anon holds his menacing pose over her, ready to strike at any moment.
  328. >He glances up, and his eyes meet yours.
  329. >Instantly his demeanor changes.
  330. >Your eyes exchange a thousand taunts and arguments.
  331. >>’Let her go.’
  332. >>’Make me.’
  333. >>’There’s only one way this is going to end, yeah?’
  334. >>’Why don’t you come over here, and we’ll find out.’
  335. >He breaks contact and looks back at his quarry.
  336. >”Want to get out of here?”
  337. >Berry rocks a bit before nodding in agreement.
  338. >You watch as they both get up to walk out the door.
  339. >He wouldn’t do anything, right?
  340. >As the door closes, you see him reach over to hold her.
  341. >Not tonight.
  342. >You get up, before jerkily stopping yourself.
  343. >A few bits get tossed carelessly on the bar.
  344. >You probably gave too much, but there isn’t time to count.
  345. 9/12
  346. >”Something wrong?”
  347. >You glare at your ditzy friend.
  348. “Everything.”
  349. >In a flash you’re out the door, and Anon has his arm over Berry.
  350. >She laughs in fear to relieve the tension.
  351. “Let her go.”
  352. >The beast stops in his tracks.
  353. >Berry takes a few steps forward, no longer in his clutches.
  354. >He doesn’t look at you, as if that would intimidate you.
  355. >A stiff breeze blows and his coat slightly billows.
  356. >”What do you want, Patty?”
  357. >You glance at the confused mare.
  358. >>’Get out of here. Run!’
  359. >”Can we help you, officer?”
  360. >You wet your dry lips.
  361. ”Get out of here while you still can, Berry.”
  362. >Anon turns slowly to face you.
  363. >His head is turned downward slightly, so the bright light behind him casts a shadow over his face.
  364. >”I don’t understand.”
  365. >You flex your muscles so you will be limber when you have to wallop the creature.
  366. >”I was just trying to walk Berry home,” he says through his teeth.
  367. >You ignore him.
  368. “All he wants are cuddles, Berry. He doesn’t care about you. He never has.”
  369. >She looks up at the one she thought was her protector.
  370. >”Is that true, Anon?”
  371. >He shifts uneasily.
  372. >You see his teeth flash for just a moment before being obscured again.
  373. >”I guess you could say that about any guy,” he counters.
  374. >Berry puts a hoof to her muzzle, now fully aware of the truth.
  375. >”But, we’ve known each other for what, a year now? Have I ever tried to cuddle you?”
  376. >She thinks it over, no doubt remembering many traumatic moments.
  377. “That’s enough, Anon. You’re coming with me.”
  378. >Berry staggers back.
  379. >”But who’s going to walk me home?”
  380. >Anon clears his throat.
  381. >”It’s alright, Berry. I’ll handle this, and then walk you home tomorrow.”
  382. >She looks annoyed, but quickly relents.
  383. >”Okay.”
  384. >You wait a few moments so she doesn’t have to see what happens next.
  385. 10/12
  386. “Are you going to go quietly, Anon, or are you going to make this interesting?”
  387. >He chuckles.
  388. >”You don’t have anything on me. I was just being helpful to a friend.”
  389. >You exhale sharply.
  390. “So that’s what you call it? Being helpful?”
  391. >You knew he was twisted, but it’s clear now that somehow his mental gymnastics make him out to be a good guy.
  392. >”What’s your problem with me anyway?”
  393. >You take a step closer.
  394. “I don’t have a problem with you. I have a problem with what you want.”
  395. >He presses his lips together.
  396. >”It’s the only way I’ll get home.”
  397. >You let out a single laugh.
  398. “On the other side of the moon? Don’t be ridiculous. No are you coming, or do I need to get the tickle stick?”
  399. >You flash your tazer to show him you mean business.
  400. >”That’s my line.”
  401. >You lunge forward with the tickle stick.
  402. >He somehow dodges you by side stepping and you hit the dirt beside him.
  403. >Your training kicks in and you cover your face to protect from his stomps.
  404. >Instead he steps back to let you get up.
  405. >He likes playing with his enemies.
  406. >His arrogance will be his downfall.
  407. >Again you swing twice and he jumps back.
  408. >The light pole behind him keeps him from retreating again, and you get him squarely in the gut.
  409. >”Aaagh,” he cries out.
  410. >He falls to his knees and clutches his chest.
  411. >You quickly holster your taser and get out your baton.
  412. >Giving a perp a wallop always makes you feel better.
  413. >You whack him twice before he shouts out.
  414. >”Alight! I’ll go!”
  415. >Bullies are always easy to cow.
  416. “You’re under arrest for resisting arrest!”
  417. >”For resisting? Those charges will never stick.”
  418. >Against your will your teeth clench.
  419. >You’re running out of patience.
  420. >There’s only one way to deal with trash.
  421. >Get in and start shoveling.
  422. “You’re, you’re a poophead, Anon!”
  423. >A few gasps erupt behind you.
  424. >You look up and a few ponies are poking their heads out of windows to watch.
  425. 11/12
  426. “Get up!”
  427. >Anon bare his teeth again, but he follows your instructions.
  428. “Go on.”
  429. >Now that you have an audience, you make a show of putting on his restraints.
  430. >He tests them, and you see his muscles under his suit jacket.
  431. >”I can break these cuffs.”
  432. >You take a deep breath.
  433. >In your heart you know that’s the truth.
  434. >With his freakish strength nearly anything is possible.
  435. “You can’t break those cuffs.”
  436. >You give him another wallop for good measure.
  437. >”Aaagh!”
  438. “Now get moving.”
  439. >You nudge him forward to show the other ponies you mean business.
  440. >
  441. >
  442. >A few minutes later you arrive at the station.
  443. >You walk him to his cell and remove the restraints.
  444. >He massages his wrists twice before facing the now closed velvet rope separating him from freedom.
  445. >As you walk to the front door he calls out to you.
  446. >”I’ll be out of here tomorrow you know. You can’t hold me for more than a day.”
  447. >You instantly stop.
  448. >He's right.
  449. >Resisting arrest in this case is flimsy at best.
  450. >Any judge would ask why he was being arrested in the first place.
  451. >”And I’m going to get cuddles to go home, one way or another,” he threatens.
  452. >He shakes the velvet rope violently.
  453. >You take a deep breath.
  454. “Yeah? But not tonight.”
  455. >Then you close the door.
  456. End part 1
  457. 12/12
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