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Top Gear

a guest Feb 2nd, 2014 243 Never
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  1. 701
  2. 00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:34,790
  3. Now, George Clooney.
  4. He directed it as well, didn't he?
  5.  
  6. 702
  7. 00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:39,230
  8. George directed it, he stars in it,
  9. he produced it and he co-wrote it.
  10.  
  11. 703
  12. 00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:42,950
  13. I've been wondering, looking at
  14. what you're doing at the moment,
  15.  
  16. 704
  17. 00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:44,950
  18. is how on earth
  19. you are fitting it in,
  20.  
  21. 705
  22. 00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:47,830
  23. because you're also working on W1A.
  24.  
  25. 706
  26. 00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:51,150
  27. Yes, W1A is a spin-off of
  28. a show I did called Twenty Twelve.
  29.  
  30. 707
  31. 00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:54,510
  32. Which was fabulous. Thank you
  33. very much. I properly loved that.
  34.  
  35. 708
  36. 00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:58,030
  37. It was a mockumentary about
  38. trying to organise the Olympics.
  39.  
  40. 709
  41. 00:40:58,080 --> 00:41:01,270
  42. Obviously, my character made such a
  43. success of organising the Olympics,
  44.  
  45. 710
  46. 00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:04,190
  47. I'm the go-to man
  48. to sort out corporate issues.
  49.  
  50. 711
  51. 00:41:04,240 --> 00:41:06,990
  52. So what better place than
  53. to go into the BBC?
  54.  
  55. 712
  56. 00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:08,750
  57. When I heard that
  58. this was happening,
  59.  
  60. 713
  61. 00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:12,190
  62. and I can see all the location signs
  63. around the BBC buildings
  64.  
  65. 714
  66. 00:41:12,240 --> 00:41:14,350
  67. where you are filming it,
  68. I was thinking,
  69.  
  70. 715
  71. 00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:17,670
  72. how do you make fiction
  73. about BBC management
  74.  
  75. 716
  76. 00:41:17,720 --> 00:41:20,160
  77. funnier than what actually happens?
  78.  
  79. 717
  80. 00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:24,310
  81. Broadcasting House, the new big
  82. building on Regent Street,
  83.  
  84. 718
  85. 00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:26,870
  86. Portland Place,
  87. you're not allowed in there
  88.  
  89. 719
  90. 00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:30,870
  91. even if you're BBC staff unless
  92. you've been on a half-hour
  93.  
  94. 720
  95. 00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:34,470
  96. health and safety course on
  97. how to operate the building.
  98.  
  99. 721
  100. 00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:35,910
  101. I started the course.
  102.  
  103. 722
  104. 00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:39,630
  105. A lady with an eight-page document
  106. arrived to talk me through it.
  107.  
  108. 723
  109. 00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:43,790
  110. Page one was a picture of
  111. a fire alarm, red fire alarm box.
  112.  
  113. 724
  114. 00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:45,590
  115. It said, "This is a fire alarm."
  116.  
  117. 725
  118. 00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:50,590
  119. Page two, a graphic of a green sign
  120. with a man running like this
  121.  
  122. 726
  123. 00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:53,390
  124. with the word "exit".
  125. "That's an emergency exit."
  126.  
  127. 727
  128. 00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:55,430
  129. At that point, I was taken off
  130. to do some filming.
  131.  
  132. 728
  133. 00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:57,790
  134. I still haven't...
  135. You haven't completed the course?
  136.  
  137. 729
  138. 00:41:57,840 --> 00:42:00,910
  139. I still haven't. I still have to be
  140. escorted around Broadcasting House
  141.  
  142. 730
  143. 00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,310
  144. in case I'm confused
  145. by a light fitting!
  146.  
  147. 731
  148. 00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:06,830
  149. Or something of that nature.
  150. It is stupid.
  151.  
  152. 732
  153. 00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:09,350
  154. I'm longing to see something
  155. that satirises it,
  156.  
  157. 733
  158. 00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:13,550
  159. but again, how are you doing it?
  160. You must be the world's busiest man.
  161.  
  162. 734
  163. 00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:16,470
  164. Presumably you drove very quickly
  165. around the lap,
  166.  
  167. 735
  168. 00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:19,190
  169. so you could get home more quickly?
  170.  
  171. 736
  172. 00:42:19,240 --> 00:42:21,430
  173. No, I'm not a speed merchant.
  174.  
  175. 737
  176. 00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:23,870
  177. At the beginning,
  178. when The Stig took me around,
  179.  
  180. 738
  181. 00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:26,470
  182. I was really terrified,
  183. being in the passenger seat,
  184.  
  185. 739
  186. 00:42:26,520 --> 00:42:28,710
  187. and I thought,
  188. "I'll never be able to do this."
  189.  
  190. 740
  191. 00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:30,390
  192. By the end,
  193. as your guys will tell you,
  194.  
  195. 741
  196. 00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:32,750
  197. I refused to get out, I wanted
  198. to go again and again.
  199.  
  200. 742
  201. 00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:34,670
  202. Who here would like to see the lap?
  203.  
  204. 743
  205. 00:42:34,720 --> 00:42:36,590
  206. AUDIENCE: Yes!
  207.  
  208. 744
  209. 00:42:36,640 --> 00:42:38,520
  210. Play the tape, let's have a look.
  211.  
  212. 745
  213. 00:42:41,240 --> 00:42:43,830
  214. The car, fresh after its long rest.
  215.  
  216. 746
  217. 00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:45,160
  218. Come on, son!
  219.  
  220. 747
  221. 00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:49,750
  222. Look at the lines, streaming down.
  223.  
  224. 748
  225. 00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:53,830
  226. That is wet, really is pouring down,
  227. and that's odd for England(!)
  228.  
  229. 749
  230. 00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:57,430
  231. If you're watching abroad,
  232. it's never normally like that here.
  233.  
  234. 750
  235. 00:42:57,480 --> 00:42:59,470
  236. Where's the white line? Oh, there.
  237.  
  238. 751
  239. 00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:00,910
  240. LAUGHTER
  241.  
  242. 752
  243. 00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:04,230
  244. You may laugh, but it is
  245. quite tricky to see the line
  246.  
  247. 753
  248. 00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:06,590
  249. when the track is soaking wet.
  250.  
  251. 754
  252. 00:43:06,640 --> 00:43:08,080
  253. It's really steamy.
  254.  
  255. 755
  256. 00:43:10,240 --> 00:43:11,280
  257. Hmm?
  258.  
  259. 756
  260. 00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:18,310
  261. You need to get that sort of thing
  262. sorted out before you set off.
  263.  
  264. 757
  265. 00:43:18,360 --> 00:43:21,550
  266. Even though the lines are invisible
  267. from behind the wheel,
  268.  
  269. 758
  270. 00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:24,470
  271. you've done a pretty good job.
  272. That's not bad.
  273.  
  274. 759
  275. 00:43:24,520 --> 00:43:26,920
  276. Woohoo! Perfectly judged.
  277.  
  278. 760
  279. 00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:31,800
  280. Must remember to get some milk.
  281.  
  282. 761
  283. 00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:35,830
  284. Worse than Kimi Raikkonen
  285. for not paying attention,
  286.  
  287. 762
  288. 00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:38,000
  289. but no worries through there at all.
  290.  
  291. 763
  292. 00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:42,910
  293. Tyres, speedy, moving them
  294. about nicely.
  295.  
  296. 764
  297. 00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:44,790
  298. Oh, that is quick!
  299.  
  300. 765
  301. 00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:47,030
  302. On the wrong side of the road there,
  303. but never mind.
  304.  
  305. 766
  306. 00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:50,230
  307. It's nicely done,
  308. and you haven't gone off
  309. on the second to last corner.
  310.  
  311. 767
  312. 00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:53,670
  313. Gambon, a bit of understeer.
  314. That car grips well.
  315.  
  316. 768
  317. 00:43:53,720 --> 00:43:55,390
  318. And there we are. Across the line!
  319.  
  320. 769
  321. 00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:58,880
  322. APPLAUSE
  323.  
  324. 770
  325. 00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:03,600
  326. Now, ha-ha!
  327.  
  328. 771
  329. 00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:12,510
  330. Just realised that's the first ever
  331. wet lap we've had in that car.
  332.  
  333. 772
  334. 00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:15,230
  335. Nobody else has driven around
  336. in the rain.
  337.  
  338. 773
  339. 00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:18,990
  340. Bearing that in mind,
  341. where do you think you've come?
  342.  
  343. 774
  344. 00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:24,830
  345. Well, I suspect...between
  346. Ron Howard and Steven Tyler,
  347.  
  348. 775
  349. 00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:26,350
  350. bearing in mind it's wet.
  351.  
  352. 776
  353. 00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:30,870
  354. Somewhere between 1.50 and 1.51
  355. is what you think you've done.
  356.  
  357. 777
  358. 00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:32,440
  359. Well, you did it in...
  360.  
  361. 778
  362. 00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:44,550
  363. 1.50.1.
  364.  
  365. 779
  366. 00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:49,110
  367. Which means you're the first guest
  368. ever to guess correctly...
  369.  
  370. 780
  371. 00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:51,840
  372. Wait, wait, wait!
  373.  
  374. 781
  375. 00:44:54,000 --> 00:44:58,510
  376. You just put Steven Tyler...
  377. I'll cross it out, wrong.
  378.  
  379. 782
  380. 00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:00,920
  381. A very professional show.
  382. There, look, correct!
  383.  
  384. 783
  385. 00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:05,350
  386. To be brutally honest with you,
  387. The Stig did say
  388.  
  389. 784
  390. 00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:06,870
  391. that you have a natural talent
  392.  
  393. 785
  394. 00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:10,790
  395. and if it had been dry you would
  396. have been very close to the top.
  397.  
  398. 786
  399. 00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:13,030
  400. Well, that's an accolade then. It is.
  401.  
  402. 787
  403. 00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:16,790
  404. I'll go away happy, thank you.
  405. Ladies and gentlemen,
  406. thank you so much, Hugh Bonneville!
  407.  
  408. 788
  409. 00:45:16,840 --> 00:45:18,110
  410. Thank you.
  411.  
  412. 789
  413. 00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:19,800
  414. CHEERING
  415.  
  416. 790
  417. 00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:26,950
  418. Right, tonight the boys and girls
  419. who produce Top Gear
  420.  
  421. 791
  422. 00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:30,110
  423. are on a mission to prove that
  424. the hot hatchbacks of our era
  425.  
  426. 792
  427. 00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:33,950
  428. were rubbish. Yeah.
  429. Things are not going well for me,
  430.  
  431. 793
  432. 00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:36,270
  433. cos I've slightly damaged
  434. the engine... Ruined.
  435.  
  436. 794
  437. 00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:37,350
  438. LAUGHTER
  439.  
  440. 795
  441. 00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:40,590
  442. Slightly damaged. Whatever... Damaged
  443. the engine in my Nova and it's
  444.  
  445. 796
  446. 00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:43,390
  447. on the back of a tow truck.
  448. But despite this we had been told
  449.  
  450. 797
  451. 00:45:43,440 --> 00:45:46,150
  452. to report to somewhere
  453. we couldn't pronounce...
  454.  
  455. 798
  456. 00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:47,560
  457. in Wales.
  458.  
  459. 799
  460. 00:45:51,240 --> 00:45:55,240
  461. Having crossed the Severn Estuary
  462. we soon arrived at the location.
  463.  
  464. 800
  465. 00:45:56,520 --> 00:46:01,150
  466. HE STRUGGLES TO PRONOUNCE:
  467. Trefniadaeth Seilwaith Amddiffyn
  468.  
  469. 801
  470. 00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:04,910
  471. Man Hyfforddi Caerwent.
  472.  
  473. 802
  474. 00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:08,390
  475. And here on this huge, abandoned
  476. army base crisscrossed
  477.  
  478. 803
  479. 00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:12,430
  480. with more than 30 miles
  481. of deserted roads,
  482.  
  483. 804
  484. 00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:15,870
  485. we received the details
  486. of our challenge.
  487.  
  488. 805
  489. 00:46:15,920 --> 00:46:18,550
  490. Oh, hello. Why is it an envelope
  491. and not a text this time?
  492.  
  493. 806
  494. 00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:21,310
  495. That's a good point.
  496. We're in Wales - no signal.
  497.  
  498. 807
  499. 00:46:21,360 --> 00:46:24,150
  500. Ahh! Yeah!
  501. We're back to the old ways.
  502.  
  503. 808
  504. 00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:25,710
  505. Come on then, what is it?
  506.  
  507. 809
  508. 00:46:25,760 --> 00:46:28,430
  509. "Because the drivers of '80s
  510. hatchbacks were irresponsible
  511.  
  512. 810
  513. 00:46:28,480 --> 00:46:31,950
  514. "and stupid they were often chased
  515. by the 50."
  516.  
  517. 811
  518. 00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:36,110
  519. Er, James, it means the 5-0,
  520. as in Hawaii 5-0, it's the police.
  521.  
  522. 812
  523. 00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:38,070
  524. Yeah, whatever.
  525. Well, anyway. The 50!
  526.  
  527. 813
  528. 00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:40,550
  529. Anyway...
  530. "You will now go head-to-head with
  531.  
  532. 814
  533. 00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:43,710
  534. "the Top Gear Police Department.
  535. Each of you will take it in turns
  536.  
  537. 815
  538. 00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:46,550
  539. "to drive your own car
  540. while the other two will use
  541.  
  542. 816
  543. 00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:49,270
  544. "a selection of police vehicles
  545. to try and stop you."
  546.  
  547. 817
  548. 00:46:49,320 --> 00:46:51,630
  549. That sounds quite good.
  550. It does sound good.
  551.  
  552. 818
  553. 00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:53,910
  554. Tell you what, Hammond,
  555. you go first.
  556.  
  557. 819
  558. 00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:55,550
  559. Erm, good, yes.
  560.  
  561. 820
  562. 00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:57,320
  563. I might need a minute.
  564.  
  565. 821
  566. 00:46:58,400 --> 00:47:00,150
  567. While Hammond mended his car,
  568.  
  569. 822
  570. 00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:05,630
  571. James and I broke out
  572. the TGPD pursuit vehicles
  573.  
  574. 823
  575. 00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:09,040
  576. and slipped into
  577. our police uniforms.
  578.  
  579. 824
  580. 00:47:13,280 --> 00:47:15,390
  581. OK, Hammond, are you ready?
  582.  
  583. 825
  584. 00:47:15,440 --> 00:47:20,190
  585. Yes, I am. This is going to be good.
  586. In 3, 2, 1...
  587.  
  588. 826
  589. 00:47:20,240 --> 00:47:22,030
  590. start the clock.
  591.  
  592. 827
  593. 00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:23,800
  594. ENGINE FAILS TO START
  595.  
  596. 828
  597. 00:47:25,320 --> 00:47:27,630
  598. STARTS CREAKILY
  599.  
  600. 829
  601. 00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:29,590
  602. We are off.
  603.  
  604. 830
  605. 00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:34,190
  606. CREAKS AND GRINDS
  607.  
  608. 831
  609. 00:47:34,240 --> 00:47:36,790
  610. Yep, it's just warming up.
  611. SIREN WAILS
  612.  
  613. 832
  614. 00:47:36,840 --> 00:47:38,430
  615. Here we go...
  616.  
  617. 833
  618. 00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:42,630
  619. Ha-ha!
  620.  
  621. 834
  622. 00:47:42,680 --> 00:47:45,110
  623. Excuse me, sir, my moustache
  624. would like a word with you,
  625.  
  626. 835
  627. 00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:48,110
  628. if you'd like to step out of the
  629. vehicle. You're nicked, sunshine.
  630.  
  631. 836
  632. 00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:50,390
  633. What did I do? How long?
  634. Eight seconds.
  635.  
  636. 837
  637. 00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:52,030
  638. Do you know, another fault...
  639.  
  640. 838
  641. 00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:54,470
  642. Did it? Very similar. Did it?
  643.  
  644. 839
  645. 00:47:54,520 --> 00:47:58,110
  646. It manifested itself similarly to
  647. the last one that one I repaired.
  648.  
  649. 840
  650. 00:47:58,160 --> 00:48:02,190
  651. Tell that to the judge...
  652. Yes...sunshine. Right.
  653.  
  654. 841
  655. 00:48:02,240 --> 00:48:04,070
  656. Jeremy then put on the yobbo outfit
  657.  
  658. 842
  659. 00:48:04,120 --> 00:48:07,990
  660. and lined up his velvet Golf
  661. on the start line.
  662.  
  663. 843
  664. 00:48:08,040 --> 00:48:11,350
  665. 3, 2, 1...begin...
  666.  
  667. 844
  668. 00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:15,030
  669. COPS AND ROBBERS MUSIC
  670.  
  671. 845
  672. 00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:16,550
  673. SIRENS WAIL
  674.  
  675. 846
  676. 00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:19,920
  677. And there we are, eight seconds.
  678. I've already beaten Hammond.
  679.  
  680. 847
  681. 00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:28,440
  682. He's getting away, constable!
  683.  
  684. 848
  685. 00:48:29,720 --> 00:48:31,360
  686. Yes. Live with this...!
  687.  
  688. 849
  689. 00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:36,310
  690. You see, what we're learning
  691. straight away is that
  692.  
  693. 850
  694. 00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:41,840
  695. a modern police Astra is no match
  696. for a 1980s hot hatchback.
  697.  
  698. 851
  699. 00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:46,040
  700. TYRES SQUEAL
  701.  
  702. 852
  703. 00:48:47,040 --> 00:48:51,110
  704. And it wasn't just the Astras
  705. that were causing problems.
  706.  
  707. 853
  708. 00:48:51,160 --> 00:48:53,590
  709. Recent figures say that in London
  710.  
  711. 854
  712. 00:48:53,640 --> 00:48:57,550
  713. 12 police cars
  714. are crashed every day.
  715.  
  716. 855
  717. 00:48:57,600 --> 00:49:01,230
  718. And the reason is, it's because
  719. they are driving in high-energy
  720.  
  721. 856
  722. 00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:05,640
  723. difficult situations while under
  724. the influence of the moustache.
  725.  
  726. 857
  727. 00:49:07,920 --> 00:49:11,550
  728. Got a moustache, got a moustache,
  729. got a moustache.
  730.  
  731. 858
  732. 00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:14,160
  733. TYRES SQUEAL
  734.  
  735. 859
  736. 00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:18,560
  737. Oh, he's lost it!
  738.  
  739. 860
  740. 00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:23,360
  741. Totally distracted
  742. by his face decoration.
  743.  
  744. 861
  745. 00:49:24,640 --> 00:49:29,430
  746. MUSIC: "Miami Vice Theme"
  747. by Jan Hammer
  748.  
  749. 862
  750. 00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:31,910
  751. With the Astras
  752. unable to close the gap...
  753.  
  754. 863
  755. 00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:33,400
  756. Come on!
  757.  
  758. 864
  759. 00:49:34,480 --> 00:49:36,160
  760. ..the chase went on...
  761.  
  762. 865
  763. 00:49:37,520 --> 00:49:39,270
  764. ..and on...
  765.  
  766. 866
  767. 00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:40,960
  768. and on...
  769.  
  770. 867
  771. 00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:48,230
  772. MUSIC CONTINUES
  773.  
  774. 868
  775. 00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:52,510
  776. The next morning, the weather
  777. had become extremely Welsh.
  778.  
  779. 869
  780. 00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:54,840
  781. But still, the Golf was uncaught.
  782.  
  783. 870
  784. 00:49:56,000 --> 00:49:57,830
  785. This isn't working, sir.
  786.  
  787. 871
  788. 00:49:57,880 --> 00:50:00,270
  789. No, I agree, I think
  790. we're going to have to break out
  791.  
  792. 872
  793. 00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:02,960
  794. the Top Gear Police Department
  795. magnetron of justice.
  796.  
  797. 873
  798. 00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:08,160
  799. If anything could stop
  800. the miscreant, it was this.
  801.  
  802. 874
  803. 00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:14,400
  804. A giant crane with a seven-kilowatt
  805. magnet suspended from its arm.
  806.  
  807. 875
  808. 00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:20,920
  809. A machine that could render
  810. any vehicle immobile in moments.
  811.  
  812. 876
  813. 00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:27,160
  814. Right, let's go get him.
  815.  
  816. 877
  817. 00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:30,720
  818. Soon, the trap was set.
  819.  
  820. 878
  821. 00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:35,830
  822. Mmm, what's this...?
  823.  
  824. 879
  825. 00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:38,190
  826. Arming magnet.
  827.  
  828. 880
  829. 00:50:38,240 --> 00:50:40,800
  830. MAGNET FIZZING
  831.  
  832. 881
  833. 00:50:49,600 --> 00:50:51,520
  834. Here he comes...
  835.  
  836. 882
  837. 00:50:53,560 --> 00:50:55,120
  838. RICHARD CHUCKLES
  839.  
  840. 883
  841. 00:51:02,720 --> 00:51:06,430
  842. Blithering idiots. Do they not
  843. realise you can't use a magnet
  844.  
  845. 884
  846. 00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:08,160
  847. to pick up velvet?
  848.  
  849. 885
  850. 00:51:09,960 --> 00:51:11,990
  851. There was only one thing for it -
  852.  
  853. 886
  854. 00:51:12,040 --> 00:51:15,960
  855. unleash the TGPD
  856. remote-controlled car of death.
  857.  
  858. 887
  859. 00:51:17,320 --> 00:51:19,960
  860. Target vehicle identified
  861. and located.
  862.  
  863. 888
  864. 00:51:21,600 --> 00:51:23,440
  865. Where the hell are they?
  866.  
  867. 889
  868. 00:51:24,520 --> 00:51:29,070
  869. How can this be a police chase when
  870. they aren't chasing me any more?
  871.  
  872. 890
  873. 00:51:29,120 --> 00:51:30,790
  874. Target acquired...
  875.  
  876. 891
  877. 00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:32,960
  878. BEEPING
  879.  
  880. 892
  881. 00:51:35,840 --> 00:51:39,550
  882. Sir, you might want to
  883. put your fingers in your ears.
  884.  
  885. 893
  886. 00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:42,710
  887. I don't know where those two are
  888. or what they're plotting
  889.  
  890. 894
  891. 00:51:42,760 --> 00:51:44,990
  892. but it won't work.
  893.  
  894. 895
  895. 00:51:45,040 --> 00:51:47,310
  896. BEEPING
  897.  
  898. 896
  899. 00:51:47,360 --> 00:51:50,310
  900. This car is simply...
  901.  
  902. 897
  903. 00:51:50,360 --> 00:51:51,400
  904. invincib...
  905.  
  906. 898
  907. 00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:07,110
  908. Bigger than I was expecting,
  909. constable.
  910.  
  911. 899
  912. 00:52:07,160 --> 00:52:08,680
  913. Yes, sir, it was, sir.
  914.  
  915. 900
  916. 00:52:13,240 --> 00:52:18,030
  917. So, it turns out that velvet
  918. is impervious to magnets,
  919.  
  920. 901
  921. 00:52:18,080 --> 00:52:20,760
  922. but it IS pervious to dynamite.
  923.  
  924. 902
  925. 00:52:22,760 --> 00:52:25,950
  926. Nevertheless, I felt confident
  927. that James would not be able
  928.  
  929. 903
  930. 00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:31,150
  931. to beat my evasion time
  932. of 14 hours and 22 minutes.
  933.  
  934. 904
  935. 00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:34,710
  936. In...3, 2, 1...
  937.  
  938. 905
  939. 00:52:34,760 --> 00:52:36,320
  940. start the clock.
  941.  
  942. 906
  943. 00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:39,550
  944. SIRENS WAIL
  945.  
  946. 907
  947. 00:52:39,600 --> 00:52:42,990
  948. However, as he set off it
  949. became clear he'd come up
  950.  
  951. 908
  952. 00:52:43,040 --> 00:52:44,640
  953. with an unusual plan...
  954.  
  955. 909
  956. 00:52:46,440 --> 00:52:47,880
  957. What is he doing?
  958.  
  959. 910
  960. 00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:54,390
  961. Now, the thing is, viewers, whenever
  962. you watch Police Camera Action
  963.  
  964. 911
  965. 00:52:54,440 --> 00:52:57,190
  966. or see a real police chase, the
  967. person trying to get away is always
  968.  
  969. 912
  970. 00:52:57,240 --> 00:52:59,790
  971. going ludicrously fast,
  972. but, actually, what's the point?
  973.  
  974. 913
  975. 00:52:59,840 --> 00:53:02,670
  976. You'd just panic
  977. and have an accident
  978.  
  979. 914
  980. 00:53:02,720 --> 00:53:04,510
  981. and that's the end of that,
  982.  
  983. 915
  984. 00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:06,830
  985. but if you just do normal speed,
  986.  
  987. 916
  988. 00:53:06,880 --> 00:53:09,000
  989. they still can't get you
  990. out of the car, can they?
  991.  
  992. 917
  993. 00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:14,110
  994. Keen to prove him wrong,
  995.  
  996. 918
  997. 00:53:14,160 --> 00:53:17,510
  998. I initiated the TGPD
  999. anti-terrorism move.
  1000.  
  1001. 919
  1002. 00:53:17,560 --> 00:53:19,120
  1003. Here we go.
  1004.  
  1005. 920
  1006. 00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:22,640
  1007. Pushing, pushing.
  1008.  
  1009. 921
  1010. 00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:26,640
  1011. Got him.
  1012.  
  1013. 922
  1014. 00:53:32,680 --> 00:53:34,400
  1015. He's just driven off!
  1016.  
  1017. 923
  1018. 00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:39,710
  1019. 'As the hours crawled by,
  1020. we tried many things.'
  1021.  
  1022. 924
  1023. 00:53:39,760 --> 00:53:41,680
  1024. Stop him, Constable!
  1025.  
  1026. 925
  1027. 00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:43,750
  1028. How's that going to help?
  1029.  
  1030. 926
  1031. 00:53:43,800 --> 00:53:45,270
  1032. I've fallen off the bonnet!
  1033.  
  1034. 927
  1035. 00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:47,990
  1036. What are you going to do
  1037. if the doors are locked?
  1038.  
  1039. 928
  1040. 00:53:48,040 --> 00:53:49,880
  1041. You can't pull a man
  1042. out of a car.
  1043.  
  1044. 929
  1045. 00:53:54,200 --> 00:53:55,560
  1046. This is an arrest.
  1047.  
  1048. 930
  1049. 00:53:58,680 --> 00:54:02,830
  1050. 'Happily, though, after many hours of
  1051. tedious pursuit...'
  1052.  
  1053. 931
  1054. 00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:06,190
  1055. Weaving, weaving...
  1056.  
  1057. 932
  1058. 00:54:06,240 --> 00:54:11,950
  1059. '..James finally made a mistake.'
  1060. Oh, crikey, this is a dead end.
  1061.  
  1062. 933
  1063. 00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:16,030
  1064. Yes, his sense of direction
  1065. has let him down. A-ha!
  1066.  
  1067. 934
  1068. 00:54:16,080 --> 00:54:17,910
  1069. In we go, yes.
  1070.  
  1071. 935
  1072. 00:54:17,960 --> 00:54:20,150
  1073. LOUD BANG
  1074. Bollocks!
  1075.  
  1076. 936
  1077. 00:54:20,200 --> 00:54:22,560
  1078. We've got him! We finally have him.
  1079.  
  1080. 937
  1081. 00:54:23,720 --> 00:54:26,360
  1082. We don't have him,
  1083. he's closed my door.
  1084.  
  1085. 938
  1086. 00:54:30,520 --> 00:54:31,910
  1087. He's done it again.
  1088.  
  1089. 939
  1090. 00:54:31,960 --> 00:54:36,190
  1091. And now look.
  1092. I've damaged a police car.
  1093.  
  1094. 940
  1095. 00:54:36,240 --> 00:54:40,910
  1096. 'This meant I was now delayed
  1097. with police paperwork.'
  1098.  
  1099. 941
  1100. 00:54:40,960 --> 00:54:46,110
  1101. "I were in pursuit of a pleb...
  1102.  
  1103. 942
  1104. 00:54:46,160 --> 00:54:49,750
  1105. "IC1, male.
  1106.  
  1107. 943
  1108. 00:54:49,800 --> 00:54:56,320
  1109. "He did crash into me at speed."
  1110.  
  1111. 944
  1112. 00:54:57,440 --> 00:54:59,760
  1113. I'm going to get that bastard!
  1114.  
  1115. 945
  1116. 00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:10,110
  1117. While Jeremy had been
  1118. finessing his statement, I decided
  1119.  
  1120. 946
  1121. 00:55:10,160 --> 00:55:16,750
  1122. it was time to skewer May
  1123. with the TGPD prongs of doom.
  1124.  
  1125. 947
  1126. 00:55:16,800 --> 00:55:18,760
  1127. SIREN BLARES
  1128.  
  1129. 948
  1130. 00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:27,270
  1131. It's a heavy, high-mobility
  1132. engineer excavator,
  1133.  
  1134. 949
  1135. 00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:29,920
  1136. built by JCB for the military.
  1137.  
  1138. 950
  1139. 00:55:31,880 --> 00:55:38,350
  1140. It weighs 13.5 tonnes, but it's got
  1141. a 6.7 litre straight-six turbo-diesel
  1142.  
  1143. 951
  1144. 00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:40,680
  1145. and it can do 63mph.
  1146.  
  1147. 952
  1148. 00:55:42,520 --> 00:55:45,150
  1149. James May, you've had it!
  1150.  
  1151. 953
  1152. 00:55:45,200 --> 00:55:47,160
  1153. Wherever you are.
  1154.  
  1155. 954
  1156. 00:55:49,440 --> 00:55:55,040
  1157. 'James had vanished. But we had
  1158. just the thing to find him again.'
  1159.  
  1160. 955
  1161. 00:55:56,920 --> 00:56:03,560
  1162. The time has come, I think,
  1163. to deploy the Top Gear Police
  1164. Department drone of intrusiveness.
  1165.  
  1166. 956
  1167. 00:56:05,560 --> 00:56:13,270
  1168. 'With its military-spec nose-mounted
  1169. reconnaissance camera, it would
  1170. track down May in a heartbeat.'
  1171.  
  1172. 957
  1173. 00:56:13,320 --> 00:56:14,880
  1174. Here we go.
  1175.  
  1176. 958
  1177. 00:56:18,480 --> 00:56:21,680
  1178. The drone of intrusiveness
  1179. has crashed.
  1180.  
  1181. 959
  1182. 00:56:24,400 --> 00:56:29,280
  1183. 'Eventually I got the drone airborne
  1184. and begun the hunt for OJ May.'
  1185.  
  1186. 960
  1187. 00:56:37,720 --> 00:56:40,270
  1188. Wait a minute.
  1189.  
  1190. 961
  1191. 00:56:40,320 --> 00:56:43,080
  1192. You sneaky little...
  1193.  
  1194. 962
  1195. 00:56:44,640 --> 00:56:48,030
  1196. James was hiding
  1197. in an abandoned garage bay,
  1198.  
  1199. 963
  1200. 00:56:48,080 --> 00:56:50,750
  1201. but if he thought he was safe there,
  1202.  
  1203. 964
  1204. 00:56:50,800 --> 00:56:53,120
  1205. he had another think coming.
  1206.  
  1207. 965
  1208. 00:56:57,480 --> 00:57:00,470
  1209. Welcome, everyone,
  1210. to the Top Gear Police Department
  1211.  
  1212. 966
  1213. 00:57:00,520 --> 00:57:02,800
  1214. eaty thing of devastation.
  1215.  
  1216. 967
  1217. 00:57:05,040 --> 00:57:08,190
  1218. This was designed primarily
  1219. for mine clearance, but in the TGPD,
  1220.  
  1221. 968
  1222. 00:57:08,240 --> 00:57:14,040
  1223. we use it in
  1224. a rather different way.
  1225.  
  1226. 969
  1227. 00:57:17,960 --> 00:57:20,350
  1228. There is Constable Hammond.
  1229.  
  1230. 970
  1231. 00:57:20,400 --> 00:57:24,840
  1232. The enemy, behind that wall,
  1233. no idea what is coming.
  1234.  
  1235. 971
  1236. 00:57:29,160 --> 00:57:31,470
  1237. Engaging flails!
  1238.  
  1239. 972
  1240. 00:57:31,520 --> 00:57:34,360
  1241. Flails engaged!
  1242.  
  1243. 973
  1244. 00:57:36,840 --> 00:57:40,840
  1245. I'm not sure he should be
  1246. operating that thing.
  1247.  
  1248. 974
  1249. 00:57:45,520 --> 00:57:48,080
  1250. DRILLING
  1251.  
  1252. 975
  1253. 00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:53,080
  1254. Yes, look at that!
  1255.  
  1256. 976
  1257. 00:58:14,120 --> 00:58:16,230
  1258. He's not where...
  1259.  
  1260. 977
  1261. 00:58:16,280 --> 00:58:18,880
  1262. What he isn't, sir, is there.
  1263.  
  1264. 978
  1265. 00:58:22,080 --> 00:58:24,470
  1266. Situation update:
  1267. in three minutes' time,
  1268.  
  1269. 979
  1270. 00:58:24,520 --> 00:58:29,320
  1271. I will have beaten Jeremy's record
  1272. on the run at a reasonable speed.
  1273.  
  1274. 980
  1275. 00:58:30,520 --> 00:58:33,600
  1276. But the TGPD toy box
  1277. wasn't empty yet.
  1278.  
  1279. 981
  1280. 00:58:37,440 --> 00:58:40,840
  1281. Whoa! Ha-ha-ha!
  1282.  
  1283. 982
  1284. 00:58:46,560 --> 00:58:49,710
  1285. Hello, it looks like
  1286. Constable Hammond
  1287.  
  1288. 983
  1289. 00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:52,350
  1290. has got the hang of tank driving.
  1291.  
  1292. 984
  1293. 00:58:52,400 --> 00:58:55,480
  1294. The first thing you need to know is,
  1295. I have an erection!
  1296.  
  1297. 985
  1298. 00:58:58,040 --> 00:59:00,470
  1299. Coming at you, James May!
  1300.  
  1301. 986
  1302. 00:59:00,520 --> 00:59:04,950
  1303. Oh, no, the Top Gear Police
  1304. Department tank of righteousness
  1305. is right on my tail.
  1306.  
  1307. 987
  1308. 00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:06,950
  1309. What am I going to do?
  1310.  
  1311. 988
  1312. 00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:09,160
  1313. I know.
  1314.  
  1315. 989
  1316. 00:59:12,840 --> 00:59:15,270
  1317. Easy.
  1318.  
  1319. 990
  1320. 00:59:15,320 --> 00:59:16,840
  1321. Right!
  1322.  
  1323. 991
  1324. 00:59:20,200 --> 00:59:21,640
  1325. Oh, hang on a minute.
  1326.  
  1327. 992
  1328. 00:59:23,640 --> 00:59:26,190
  1329. He's stopped, he's given up!
  1330.  
  1331. 993
  1332. 00:59:26,240 --> 00:59:27,760
  1333. LOUD EXPLOSION
  1334.  
  1335. 994
  1336. 00:59:46,360 --> 00:59:50,480
  1337. And on that bombshell...
  1338. back to the studio.
  1339.  
  1340. 995
  1341. 00:59:52,720 --> 00:59:54,760
  1342. APPLAUSE
  1343.  
  1344. 996
  1345. 00:59:58,600 --> 01:00:04,350
  1346. It's interesting, an important
  1347. question was raised in that film.
  1348.  
  1349. 997
  1350. 01:00:04,400 --> 01:00:08,590
  1351. Because if you have a moustache,
  1352. how do you concentrate
  1353.  
  1354. 998
  1355. 01:00:08,640 --> 01:00:11,110
  1356. on doing anything other than
  1357. having a moustache?
  1358.  
  1359. 999
  1360. 01:00:11,160 --> 01:00:14,790
  1361. I know, I felt like I was the
  1362. life-support machine for a moustache.
  1363.  
  1364. 1000
  1365. 01:00:14,840 --> 01:00:18,590
  1366. If you're a bomb disposal man,
  1367. and you have to defuse a bomb,
  1368.  
  1369. 1001
  1370. 01:00:18,640 --> 01:00:21,190
  1371. you are thinking,
  1372. "I have a moustache."
  1373.  
  1374. 1002
  1375. 01:00:21,240 --> 01:00:26,470
  1376. How did Nigel Mansell win a Formula
  1377. One world championship? I know!
  1378.  
  1379. 1003
  1380. 01:00:26,520 --> 01:00:28,470
  1381. You don't have a moustache, sir,
  1382.  
  1383. 1004
  1384. 01:00:28,520 --> 01:00:31,270
  1385. but let me show you
  1386. what it's like to have one.
  1387.  
  1388. 1005
  1389. 01:00:31,320 --> 01:00:35,870
  1390. It's like that. What do you do
  1391. for a living? Transport manager.
  1392.  
  1393. 1006
  1394. 01:00:35,920 --> 01:00:38,750
  1395. You couldn't be a transport manager
  1396. if I was doing that to you.
  1397.  
  1398. 1007
  1399. 01:00:38,800 --> 01:00:40,400
  1400. LAUGHTER
  1401.  
  1402. 1008
  1403. 01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:47,750
  1404. Anyway, we must get on
  1405. because I have received a text -
  1406.  
  1407. 1009
  1408. 01:00:47,800 --> 01:00:51,230
  1409. the results of
  1410. the car evasion challenge.
  1411.  
  1412. 1010
  1413. 01:00:51,280 --> 01:00:55,430
  1414. Jeremy Clarkson, 14 hours
  1415. 22 minutes. Richard Hammock...
  1416.  
  1417. 1011
  1418. 01:00:55,480 --> 01:00:57,190
  1419. Autocorrect again?
  1420.  
  1421. 1012
  1422. 01:00:57,240 --> 01:00:59,830
  1423. Yes. Eight seconds. Thank you.
  1424.  
  1425. 1013
  1426. 01:00:59,880 --> 01:01:03,590
  1427. James May, 14 hours, 21 minutes.
  1428.  
  1429. 1014
  1430. 01:01:03,640 --> 01:01:06,070
  1431. Oh, blast! There you are.
  1432.  
  1433. 1015
  1434. 01:01:06,120 --> 01:01:08,870
  1435. Hang on, so the Fiesta
  1436. won the supermarket sweep,
  1437.  
  1438. 1016
  1439. 01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:10,950
  1440. the Golf won the police chase
  1441.  
  1442. 1017
  1443. 01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:13,070
  1444. and the Nova won the hill climb.
  1445.  
  1446. 1018
  1447. 01:01:13,120 --> 01:01:16,790
  1448. That means that each of the cars
  1449. is a winner. Precisely.
  1450.  
  1451. 1019
  1452. 01:01:16,840 --> 01:01:19,710
  1453. Which means that the older
  1454. hot hatchback
  1455.  
  1456. 1020
  1457. 01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:21,870
  1458. is better than the modern one.
  1459.  
  1460. 1021
  1461. 01:01:21,920 --> 01:01:26,630
  1462. Which means we were right, and on
  1463. that bombshell, it's time to end.
  1464.  
  1465. 1022
  1466. 01:01:26,680 --> 01:01:29,430
  1467. Thank you very much for watching.
  1468. Good night!
  1469.  
  1470. 1023
  1471. 01:01:29,480 --> 01:01:31,120
  1472. APPLAUSE
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