YOBA

It’s 2020.  Donald Trump has been impeached and Mike Pence is now the president.  However, Mike suddenly has a freak accident where he fell down and died and his will wrote that the next president would be the dankest rapper in all the land.  Therefore Baked Alaska was became president of the United States because his rap was voted the dankest in the whole country and also when Mike pence was visiting a factory he fell into a vat of acid in an american factory and baked rescued him from the vat of acid.

Baked Alaksa is overwhelmed with joy to be the most powerful man in the world.  He jumps up and down and posts about it on twitter, clapping all the way.  On his first day as president Baked Alaska said: “This is the year of Baked Alaska.”  His first law #1 is called make America high again which makes weed legal everywhere on Earth and also makes it at a discount of 30%. His second law #2 is called make america rich again and everyone gets a million dollars.  His third law #3 is called make America safe again and the law is that everyone has to respect police officers.
His fourth law is called make america based again and it says that anyone who agrees with a libtard is cringe and has to be killed or pay $300 to Baked Alaska.


Baked Alaska now decides his cabinet.  Beardson Beardly is the Secretary of State.  Patrick Casey is the new head of the CIA.  Andrew Yang is the head of the national reserve because he is based.  Ethan RalphRetort is the Supreme Judgemaster who rules all over the other judges.  The other judges cannot say no.   Shawn is the general of the military because he is strong and has big muscles and can beat a lot of people up.  Sam Hyde is the secretary of funny.  Nick Fuentes is still a diaper and cannot serve his country.  Baked Alaska found out who mister metokur is by asking people.  Mister metokur is put in jail for making fun of baked alaska.

Then, Benjamin Netanyahu, president of Israel, the jewish country is suddenly hit with a beam from a strange device.  Benjamin Shapiro cackles as Benjamin Netanyahoo is shrunken down to 2 inches tall.  Ben Shapiro taunts him saying “HA HA HA, I will now be the leader of Israel”.  “Curses, you, I do not like this, but now you have to be the bigger man for our chosen country.” said Benjamin Netanyahoo.  Ben Shapiro puts Ben Netanyahoo in a small bottle on a necklace around his neck.

One day Baked Alaska meets a black guy in a MAGA hat who is injured and heals him with his powers.  “Wow thank you” says the black guy.  Suddenly Baked Alaska’s secret service alerts him to a threat from the middle east.  “Ben Shapiro has a million Israeli Jets that are going to attack america in an unprovoked sustained assault and he conjured them with his Jewish mind.”  “oh no” said Baked Alaska and he assembles a team to take down the jets from israel.  “Each Jet is equipped with a shrink ray that can turn you into a 2 inch tall man says the secret service.  And China is involved too.

Baked Alaska assembles the team of his cabinet and everyone who  follows him on twitter and the cops and the military.  Soon the Jets appear in the american sky.  The jets soon close in on Baked Al-Aqsa and his team.  “I will become the biggest man in the world” says Ben Shapiro.  America’s aerial assault was set to take down the jets but a neocon was running the defense system and he shut it down.  Soon the Jets will unleash their shrink rays on all of america including Baked Alaska.  Suddenly the jets fire on Baked Alaska but beardson Beardly jumps in front of the beams and is hit with all the combined shrink rays at the same time.  Beardson is shrinked down to a REALLY tiny person and tries to get baked alaska’s attention.  Baked Alaska is wearing shorts and Beardson starts climbing his leg hairs to get to baked alaska’s face.  However baked alaska is very nervous and is sweating causing beardson to slip.  Beardson slips off the leg hairs and falls down.   Luckily, Newton’s law of aerodynamics would have a tiny person fall slower and it didnt kill him.  Beardson Beardly landed in a fresh steaming pile of dog poop.  Beardson landed legs first and became stuck in the poop.  Filled with despair, Beardson has no idea how to escape the poop that Beardson is now stuck in.  Suddenly, police officers arrive because of Baked Alaska’s 6th law Make America Clean Again that says that all poop must be removed from America’s streets.  *****Beardon gazes up and sees the police officers pull out batons to beat the poop with.  Beardson is enveloped in a shadow as the enormous monolith baton comes swinging down in slow motion because beardson is small.  Beardson quickly realizes he must dodge the batons by diving into the poop further.  “I’m really not going to like this but I have to do it if I want to live” Beardson says to himself.  Beardson dodges the batons by diving into the poop to avoid the batons and dramatically is almost killed.  After the poop is flattened and padded out beardson exits the poop stain on the ground.  “Everything is alright” said Beardson, as he walked away from the poop.  Then suddenly, a chicken appeared and plucked beardson up in its beak.  Bearson is inside the hot, narrow chicken mouth and is swallowed into the gizzard.  Beardson is soon entering into the gizzard where he is crushed by the pebbles inside the chicken’s gullet.  A chicken swallows pebbles on purbpose to act as teeth to crush its food inside its gizzard. AAAHHUAGHAAAHH! Screams beardson as he is crushed by the pebbles inside the chicken gizzard.  Beardson enters the stomach of the chicken and is digested by the chicken and is turned into poop and nutritious eggs. Soon the chicken poops and also lays an egg that is fed to Lauren Southern in a cheesy omelette.  “Mmm that’s a good omelette” says lauren southern.  Lauren Southern burped and said “this truly is the year of Beardson’s Ascension. (YOBA)”  Because Beardson became a burp ghost.