PTSD story

>"You've been screaming in your sleep again, it's been getting louder too."
>"Something about being hurt, and telling something to get away from you."
>"I've also noticed your frequent headaches, just because you try to hide it doesn't mean I can't tell you're in pain."
>"Anon please, I'm worried about you, at least talk to me about it."

>You close your book and raise an eyebrow at the unicorn
Twilight, I don't even sleep here...
>She blushes slightly, rubbing the back of her neck with her hoof
>"There's nothing wrong with somepony checking in on their friends occasionally..."
>You sigh and set your book on the table next to you and prepare for another lecture from the bookworm
>"-nd honestly, I'm surprised your neighbors don't complain, I could hear you pretty clearly just outside your window!"
>You raise your hand and place a finger on her lips before she starts her next sentence
First off, that might be the creepiest thing I have ever had someone say to me.
>You lower your hand and lean back, both arms behind your head
Secondly, We've already discussed this, it is none of your business, and if it was, it doesn't matter. It doesn't affect me any other way and if you aren't right by my house, you can't hear it anyways, so i don't feel like we need to try and "fix" whatever it is.
>You try to play it cool
>You knew what it is, and you knew nothing good would come from trying to fix it
>The part about it not affecting you any other way was even mostly true
>Apart from the occasional migraine, life was great
>"But it DOES affect the ponies around you, we know you're suffering and it hurts us too! Not letting us help you is unfair to us too."
>Here she goes with her friendship talk again
>She had introduced you to her friends shortly after you arrived in this place
>They were great ponies and all, but if Twilight wasn't so glued to you, you doubt they would give you the time of day

>The only issues you had were with AJ and Dash
>The former was, unsurprisingly, fairly intolerant of new things.
>This translated to her being rather cold to you, something none of the other ponies seemed to pick up on
>Didn't bother you much, the opinion of some filthy mud horse didn't matter to you
>The latter was even worse, Dash was being a textbook tsundere bully
>Constant mocking, physical assaults, hatred of any mare that showed interest in you
>You had already planned to give up and give her a chance if she kept it up long enough, but you were still debating with yourself how long that might be
But i'm not suffering, Twilight, I'm FINE!
>She gives you a smug look
>"Then explain those headaches you get so often."
>Shit, you had forgotten she mentioned those
>You try to remain calm and collected as you scramble to find and answer
>Then the obvious solution hits you
Might have something to do with your bi-weekly excursions into my noggin', purplesmart.
>Her eyes widen a bit as she struggles to rebut
>"Th-theres no way the spell could hurt you, there's nothing physical about it!"
>Jackpot
We both know that pain isn't exclusively caused by a physical problem. You could be doing any number of things to my brain while you rummage around in there.
>Of course, nothing you were saying was true
>What she did during those studies didn't bother you in the least, they were actually quite pleasant
>She casted some weird spell and got to experience your memories with you, as if you were actually there
>You didn't have any control over most of it, it was mostly a dream
>Your powers extended mostly to being able to look around
>Twilight on the other hand, could move around at her discretion
>she couldn't change anything though, and there was a limit to how far she could go
>But she loved doing it, said it gave her a unique chance to see another world
>She always chose happy or neutral memories anyway, so you were happy to let her do it

>She softens her gaze, either because she knows you're right, or because she's tired of arguing
>She stands up and strides over to you, stretching herself across your body
>"I guess you could be right..."
>She closes her eyes as you run your hand through her coat
>You bring your other hand to her head and begin caressing her mane, her eyes flicking occasionally
>"Ahhh.....At least sleep here for a few days, anon....for me?"
Sure Twilight, if it'll get you off my back I'll sleep on your super soft furniture and eat your food.
>You always enjoyed staying with twilight, her treehouse felt like a second home
>Before long Twilight drifts to sleep
>Your hands don't stop their work, occasionally eliciting a small coo or a kick of her hind legs
>Ponies were the most adorable creatures you had ever seen
>Just being around them made you feel all warm and fuzzy, like a therapy dog, a BJ from a supermodel, and some antidepressants rolled into one
>No doubt you would be in worse shape if you weren't around them
>You feel your drowsiness begin to overwhelm you
>But that didn't bother you much anyways
>Even if you hadn't come here, chances are you wouldn't have suffered anyways
>You yawn
>There was no way you would have actually survived what send you here, let alone been able to fully recover
>You kick your slippers off and bring your legs onto the couch
>You carefully pull the sleeping unicorn further up your chest, eventually leaving her to rest entirely on your body
>Your arms wrap around her as you fall into a thankfully dreamless sleep

(6 Days later)
>You are twilight sparkle
>And you were going to figure out what that stubborn human was hiding from you
>You were currently preparing for your bi-weekly memory reading
>When you think about it, it sounds pretty stupid
>But the reality was anything but, you had received so many invention ideas and insight into anon's world with these "Expeditions"
>"cmoooooon sporkle, I'm falling asleep over here"
>Your eye twitches involuntarily
>You hated it when he purposefully messed up your name, it was almost worse than his vulgarity
>You place your quill and paper down onto the desk and turn around
I swear to Celestia anon, I'm going to go in there and mess around in your brain until you are physically unable to mess up my name if you keep it up.
>He gives you a smile and lays his head back on the side of the couch
>"Fineee, but hurry it up, I've got places to be, you know."
>you scoff
Like where, in a field throwing rocks at Rainbow Dash?
>He lets out a small laugh
>"How didja' know?"
>You sigh and sit down next to him
Alright, any suggestions?
>He rubs his chin thoughtfully before speaking
>"Ohh, you could check out the time i flew to Disney World, or the time i was at Disney World, OR the time I spent 9 hours at work putting boxes on shelve-"
Got it, no preference.
>He fakes a deep frown at you and lays his head on the pillow, facing the ceiling
>You charge up the spell and release it, forming a small purple bubble around anon's head
How about we just pick a random day near the middle? Maybe we'll see something interesting you don't remember.
>"Alright, but if its boring I'm just going to space out"
>You aren't listening to him, you're to focused on finding the memory you're so very curious about
>A few seconds later, you have it
>The hours before Anon arrived in Equestria

Alright Anon, got it.
>"To the stars, my steed!"
>You groan as the world around you fades, replaced with thousands of still images flashing rapidly around you
>A twisted slide-show of anon's life, flashing too rapidly to make sense of anything
>The tunnel of memories begins shrinking as you approach your destination
>A bright flash of light blinds you momentarily as you enter the desired memory
>You blink a couple of times and rub your eyes
>Looking around, you appear to be in some kind of indoor marketplace, with stores built into the walls and humans with bags milling around too and fro
>You are surrounded by tables, the smell of food fills your nostrils
>with further study, you spot anon sitting at a table
>There are two other humans with him as well, a male and a female
>You stand and make your way over to him, humans walking through you as you do so
>As you near the table, you can see Anon and his companions talking, an occasional laugh is shared between the three of them
>You focus on anon
>While his face is going through the motions of laughter and discussion, his eyes are frantically darting around, eventually focusing on you
>His eyes open wide, something you had never witnessed him do before, something he told you he couldn't do
>There is a pleading look in his eyes, begging you to end the memory and wake up
>But you can't do that
>You HAVE to find out what he's hiding from you, and this is the best place to start
>Either way he was going to be mad at you for even trying to view this memory, so you might as well go through with the whole thing
I'm sorry anon, I have to know.
>You sit down on the floor, studying everything around you and waiting
>The group of friends continue their lunches, Anon's eyes focused on you the entire time
>You look at the clock above one of the small clocks
>It reads 2:59
>You look back at anon, he gives you a pleading look
>You open your mouth to speak when a loud crack makes you jump

>A woman screams, all the humans around you stop
>"HE'S GOT A GU-"
>Another crack and the voice stops
>You look back to anon, he is no longer facing you
>His female companion looks in the same direction
>As his male companion turns his head, another loud crack rings out, a spray of red flies from the side of his head and he falls against the table
>All of the humans begin running in all directions, screams coming from every direction
>Anon shakes his friend and says something you can't make out over the screams
>Tears are now flowing from his eyes as he springs up and grabs the female and pulls her with him towards a hallway
>The cracks increase in frequency
>Dozens of humans litter the ground, now almost completely vacant of living things
>You run after anon and his companion
>When you catch up, you see anon surrounded by a few other humans, all pounding on a transparent door
>A chain is wrapped around the bars on the door, making them impossible to open
>Anon and a few other males begin pounding on the doors, trying to break the glass
>It doesn't seem to be working when more cracks ring out, a few humans near the back of the group fall
>The rest scatter, anon and his female companion racing down a dark hallway with a few others
>You run after them, trying to ignore the sickness you feel in your stomach as you step over bodies
>What you assume to be blood covers the ground, It remains solid under your hooves
>Racing down the hallway, you see anon holding a door for the last of the group
>He closes the door before you can reach him, a crack ringing out as the door closes
>Sparks fly from the outside of the door, a small indent left by whatever hit it
>You get a good look at the human causing this
>He is tall, dressed head to toe in dark clothing
>A mask obscures his face, but a few locks of brunette hair wave from the holes of the mask
>He has a large backpack filled with something that jangles around like a heavy keyring

>He is carrying a long tube, made partially of plastic and metal
>Anon had showed you a memory where he handled a similar object, he told you it was called a "gun"
>This gun looked different from the one anon had handled, it had no wooden parts and looked more complex
>The attacker pounds on the door a few times
>He presses something on the side of his gun, and a piece falls off
>He grabs an identical part from his coat pocket and attaches it, pulling a lever on the side immediately afterwards
>His yelling startles you
>"YOU'RE ALL GOING TO FUCKING DIE ANYWAY, WHY DOES IT MATTER WHERE YOU DO IT?"
>A mocking tone permeates his voice
>He points the gun at the door and pulls a lever
>Instead of loud cracks, what sound like small explosions ring out
>Small holes appear in the door rapidly
>You hear anon yelp out in pain
>The attacker laughs and starts kicking the door
>You rush through the door and study the room
>A small window near the ceiling is open, a few of the humans are helping each-other climb through it
>Anon is bracing himself against the door, a large red stain visible on the left side of his stomach
>Your eyes meet, a look of defeat visible upon them
>"Anon come on!"
>Both of you turn towards the window
>The female anon was with earlier is leaning through the window, holding out her hand
>Anon shakes his head and turns around
>"If I'm not holding the door he's going to get through, just go, I'll be fine!"
>The female doesn't look convinced
>"We're not leaving you, hurr-"
>She is cut off as someone grabs her legs and pulls her out the other side of the window

>A voice on the other side can be heard
>"Getting yourself killed isn't going to help anyone, stop fighting!"
>A scream of protest is heard, slowly growing distant as the humans run to safety
>Anon relaxes against the door, unable to hold it any longer
>The door flies open, throwing anon to the floor
>The gunman steps into the room, scanning it before focusing on the open window
>It's too high for him to climb out of
>"You piece of shit...."
>He walks over and kicks anon in his injured stomach
>Anon exhales, splattering the floor with blood
>The gunman drops another part from his gun, and quickly attaches another
>"You think letting a few people out is going to change anything?"
>Anon sits up and begins pushing himself away from the gunman
>The gunman slowly walks forward, easily keeping pace with Anon
>"I'm going to kill everyone in this fucking mall, you think i care if a few bitches get out?"
>Anon just coughs and stares at you, pleading with his eyes
>"I should actually thank you for this, because what's better than killing a bunch of civilians?"
>The gunman punctuates his sentence by pulling the lever on the side of his weapon
>He points the end of the weapon at anon
>"Killing a wanna-be hero"
>A loud bang rings out
>The wall behind anon is covered in blood and small white bits as he falls against it
>The back of his head leaks onto the wall, almost nothing left to keep the blood and viscera inside
>A small hole above his left eye leaks a small amount of blood as his lifeless body slumps
>His right eye stares blankly into the distance
>The gunman laughs and turns around, leaving the room
>You dry heave a couple of times before regaining your senses and re-charging the memory spell
>The first tear barely leaves your face as the world around you goes black

>You gasp as you awake from the faux slumber
>You look around, anon is no longer on the couch beside you
>You start to panic, frantically looking around the room
>As you stand up, you feel a bump against the leg of the couch
>You look over the side, gasping at what you see
>Anon is on the ground, shaking violently
>You had seen this before in his memory, on one of the "TV shows" anon has watched
>He was having a seizure
Anon!
>You jump off the couch, landing just on the other side of anon
>As you charge up your magic, you remember what anon had told you
>"Seizures are pretty dangerous, the best thing to do if you see someone having one is to not touch them, maybe put something soft in their mouth if you can so they don't bite off their tongue or something"
>You grab a pillow from the couch and use your magic to gently hold anon while you place the side in his mouth
>You hold the pillow in place while you sit with anon, tears dripping onto his chest
I'm sorry! I'm so sorry anon!
>Your words fall on deaf ears as anon continues convulsing underneath you
>Four minutes pass before the shaking stops
>You gently remove the pillow and speak
Anon? Anon? Are you okay?
>You softly nuzzle his cheek
>He doesn't reply
>You begin getting desperate, you give him a few gentle shakes
>His left eye slowly flutters shut
Anon please! Wake up!
>Still no reply
>You gently shake anon, fruitlessly trying to wake him from unconsciousness
>Falling against his chest, you begin sobbing
I'm sorry, anon.....please.....

(8 months later)
>The sun shines through the window opposite your bed
>You don't want to get up, covering your face with a pillow and rolling over to hide from the sun
>After a short time lying like that, you groan and throw the pillow to the floor
>Normally you would be able to sleep in a few hours, but today was set to be a busy day
>You had to send the results of your most recent studies to Celestia, pick up the week's groceries, pick spike up from Rarity's place, check up on anon
>After you caused him to have a seizure, he hadn't been the same
>Nothing seemed to be physically wrong with him, but mentally....
>It was all your fault
>Your stupid idea had ruined anon's life
>He couldn't stay awake more than a few hours at a time, he would randomly lose consciousness, he even had trouble speaking
>Physical therapy was helping, but it was still going to be a very long time until he had any chance of going back to his normal self, and even then the fatigue and narcolepsy were most likely permanent
>If it weren't for Fluttershy and Dash, anon probably wouldn't even be able to live in his own home
>Though you wouldn't really call it living, surviving fit better
>You wished they would blame you for it, say that it was all your fault and you deserved to be punished
>But instead they just said things like "You must have had a good reason" or "We could never blame you for this"
>Standard comforting fare
>The only one of your friends who was still angry with you was Dash
>You had assumed she was just mad that you had essentially stripped her of her only training partner, but after seeing how gentle and tender she was with anon the first few weeks, you realized what you had actually taken from her
>She would never admit it, but she would probably give up anything to be with anon
>That comforted you, even if fluttershy grew tired of playing the nurse routine, anon would still be cared for by a pony that loved him

>It may sound strange, but it relieved you that at least one of your friends was still willing to be on your bad side
>Your friends always saw you as the universal, unquestionable leader
>Being treated like a normal pony felt...good...
>As you lose yourself in thought, you begin walking towards anon's home
>It was fairly close to your own, just a 3 minute walk if you moved at a lazy pace
>You had initially offered to house him yourself, but almost all of your friends were universally against it
>Anon probably would have been too, if he hadn't been sleeping 19 hours a day and barely lucid the rest
>The current state of affairs was the result of a general consensus that anon probably wouldn't be comfortable with it
>The upside to this was that your studies were never interrupted, something you felt terrible even thinking about
>That was about it as far as pros, among the cons there was never being able to speak to him, not being able to help his rehabilitation, and not being able to spend time around him
>As you round the corner, you see the human's house
>The lawn and front planters were well maintained, carefully maintained by kind neighbors
>Another wave of guilt washes over you
>Ponies that barely knew anon were even helping out, aside from helping with bits you had almost no involvement in his life
>You approach the front window, careful not to make any noise as you peek through the glass
>After giving your eyes a few seconds to adjust, you look around the room
>His living room is spotless, everything in its place and orderly
>You like it, it helps you try to forget that the owner of the house is borderline comatose because of you
>You glance at the couch, a large comfortable number that anon had spent an entire weeks worth of pay on
>He was getting a lot of use out of it though, apparently it was his preferred place to sleep
>He lies sprawled across the cushions, Dash lying across him with her wings unfolded
>Almost like a blanket

>A bit of movement snaps you back to attention
>Anon is fidgeting, sweat dripping down his face and soft whines escaping his mouth
>Even this small amount of activity is enough to rouse Dash from her sleep
>She moves her front hooves up to anon's shoulders, carefully pulling herself towards his head
>She softly presses her face to his neck, gently nuzzling him
>The sounds and movement stop, a peaceful look spreads across anon's face as his arm rises and wraps itself around the Pegasi's midsection
>Dash says something you can't quite make out and plants a soft kiss on the humans lips
>She lowers her head to his chest and joins anon in slumber
>Normally you wouldn't believe what you were seeing
>Dash was never someone you would never describe as "gentle" or "discrete"
>But a lot of things have changed over the course of this year, most for the worse
>You were glad one thing had changed for the better, even if it meant you had no excuse to keep yourself in anon's life
>The best thing you could do is just let them live the rest of their lives together in peace
>No matter how short his may be
>You turn around and start the walk to carousel boutique
>By the time you leave anon's street, you've already dismissed your previous frame of mind
>As much as you knew it was right, you just couldn't let him go
>Things may get worse before they get better, but they're sure to get better
>You know you're only thinking of yourself at this point
>But letting go of a friend, no matter how much you may have hurt them, was not something you could do
>You start trotting lightly as you begin thinking of ways you can help anon recover
>Guilt may be able to cripple you, make you think there is no way things can get better
>But there is always hope for the future
>especially when it was the future of your friend