[Scene: A dimly lit conference room in a citadel deep in nullsec. A big cardboard sign reads "HAWs Anonymous – One Welp at a Time." Dozens of disheveled capsuleers sit on folding chairs, sipping Quafe Zero. A battered dreadnought hull hangs from the ceiling as a warning... or a trophy.]

Moderator (callsign "BigBoom69"):
"Alright, folks, welcome back to HAWs Anonymous. Remember, what’s shared here stays here — unless you welp so hard it ends up on the zKill highlights.
Tonight, we’re celebrating one very special pilot. Give it up for... CaptainSadboi — fifth dread welp this quarter!"

[Polite applause, a few chuckles.]

CaptainSadboi (sheepishly shuffling up):
"Uh... hi, everyone. I'm CaptainSadboi. And uh... I welped. Again."

Crowd (mocking chorus):
"Hiiii CaptainSadboi."

CaptainSadboi:
"So... I dropped my Phoenix in Seiside to try and dunk a Minmatar frig fleet. 85 frigs. I thought 'Hey, HAWs will shred 'em.' Right? Heh. Well..."

[Snickering in the crowd.]

BigBoom69 (grinning):
"Let me guess... no tracking enhancers, high on Sooth Sayer, blind as a bat?"

CaptainSadboi (groaning):
"Worse. I accidentally took Mindflood instead of Drop.
I had all the locking speed in the world but couldn't hit shit! I was manually clicking frigs like it was 2007."

[Roaring laughter.]

Poook:
"OH MY GOD, BRO.  You brought a high-angle WEAPON SYSTEM and you forgot the DRUGS? WHAT ARE YOU, A HIGH-ANGLE BOUNCER?! You tracking frigs or you DJ'ing their afterparty?!"