Gaslighting: The Essay - A Desperate "Appeal" to www.dbzf.co.uk.
By: Yoshi "Yoshit" aka Son Kakarot

If so, I'm interested in appealing both here and DBZF...

First, I will go into my forum history...

2006-2008:

Neoseeker was my first forum. I was a mere 12-14 year old browsing the forums spamming and getting banned a lot. To start this off, I am autistic, and believe it or not, I also used to have narcissistic traits of my own eventually and I have said some pretty whacky stuff in the past myself. However, that's also because I was going through hormonal changes and I ended up having bipolar disorder and depression because of that. But enough about all that...

2009:

This is when I started posting on Dragon Ball forums for the first time. My first conversation with a DBZ user was with Mishimi. Eventually I pissed off the Staff enough to get banned due to my eccentric behavior.

2010:

Nothing too important. This is when I registered on Naruto Forums though and got into the godsend of Manga that is One Piece.

2011:

This is when I appealed on Neoseeker. Some of my narcissistic traits disappeared, but I ended up having intense episodes about my family relationships, as you saw when I presume Kenshi showed you all my post on cousin couples, I should never have told a troll like him about my love interest for my second cousin, but that's another can of worms entirely. I debated DBZ here and there and got into battle power debates. I kept coming and going from Neoseeker and Pojo. During this time I also became pretty arrogant and hot headed in High School.

2012:

This is when I got banned on Neoseeker and I registered on MNT and Original Shinden right after that, my episode had since faded. At the time I thought it was the greatest DBZ forum of all time due to the in depth knowledge debates. As such, I didn't pay attention to narcissists or possible sociopaths like Kenshi or Koshka at the time, and they both like lawless atmospheres like MNT, Original Shinden, and phpbb3 DBZeta, and were admins of Original Shinden. Because of my autism and lack of social awareness, I bonded with Koshka because I actually don't judge people for who they are or what they say... I want to see the best in people. This is probably also why I got sexually assaulted and filmed in the shower by a midget while I was 6'2. After that I got on Shinden Reborn and had a good time there too. During this year I also became a staunch liberal and another intense episode took place, and I'll go into more detail about that later...

2013:

This is when I wanked off p123. Before that, I was well respected on the forum, but at the time I truly thought he was the god of DBZ forums because I actually believed DBZ debates were the shit and DB usergroup politics were less important. After that, I received bias from other members until Frankie Shinden died. Speaking of Frankie Shinden, we moved to that forum and I ended up having IRC conversations with Kenshi and Tim. At the time, I was still a staunch liberal, and Tim and the rest of DBZF all liked that, so they gave me plenty of chances. I also grew attached to Kenshi due to his vast knowledge in Manga and we grew close. After Frankie Shinden went under, Kenshi showed me TMF, a forum he decided to troll on as a pedophile, and since I was a One Piece fan I decided to join it. Now TMF knows the real me. Plenty of people say I'm an honest poster... When I post something there I mean it, in fact one of my closest friends on there said he could hardly think of a more genuine poster than me. I think that's why Ougi and I used to get along... He's a blunt and straightforward poster like he saw me as on DBZF. Except he's not autistic and prone to terrible influences like Kenshi, who depicted me as impulsive and impatient, something he genuinely dislikes.

During this time I created Shinden Forums and Otakus United afterwards since there was nowhere else for everyone to go. Shinden Forums got no activity and Kenshi encouraged me to delete it. Before that though, my account on Neoseeker got deactivated by the Supers. Since I was a bit unstable at the time I created 40 dupes to troll them, and that led to the stigma members on Neoseeker like Clief had over me, much like Victorious did Pojo. Otakus United was short lived because I still had a lot of immaturity at the time.

The Yoshit and Kenshi Era:

2014:

This is shortly after Infinity started, and this is also when my last intense episode ended right at the end of 2013, and I stopped being a hardcore liberal. I can actually directly link my narcissism with my liberalism, because right after I stopped being liberal, I stopped being narcissistic, and several people IRL noted I had matured beyond my teenage self. However, because a great deal of my confidence came from my anger, my self esteem in IRL situations lowered considerably.

Many of you know this, but I used to have a genuine disdain for Grid, and we only squashed our beef after the Shinden VS Infinity forum war. Kenshi didn't really get in the way of our relationship there. The only reasons I probably posted on his forum were because you could get away with a lot of stuff there and act silly, and I was banned everywhere else anyway. I snapped at him and the forum plenty of times because of the clique atmosphere though. I also created a lot of forums to rival his but no one would join them because so many people followed him.

He got one thing right though... Not to let Kenshi on, and Tim feels the same way about him as Grid did. Unfortunately, Grid and the others used Skype. I added Kenshi on Skype and things got a little too personal than they should have. He would dominate the relationship we had, and because I'm autistic and my self esteem vanished, so I wouldn't pay that much attention and just accepted him for who he was. Because of his demanding personality, I was afraid if I didn't talk to him enough he'd get mad so I talked with him everyday or every other day for 3 years.

This was also the time I appealed on DBZF and since Tim likes me for my past liberal behavior, he let me on plenty of times. At this time I felt sorry for Koshka's awful life so I made a post about feeling sorry for pedophiles. They suspended me for it and a month later I appealed. SSJ2 wanted to reveal Rogue's transgender lifestyle at the time so I decided to pitch in. I will come out and say this right now... Kenshi is transphobic. Far moreso than he is homophobic. You can ask Tim and Rogue this themselves, and that's why they let me back. I even cried the day I got banned. So I made transphobic posts to take the fall for SSJ2 after Mystic snitched. He would even encourage some of the offensive dupes I made about the memberbase.

During this time he insulted Mystic, calling him a bad friend to me, and during my modship on Makai he would constantly insult Mishimi for his forum and supposed instability. So I would do the same. Before the year ended, SSJ2 revealed his DBZeta forum to everyone.

2015:

During the start of 2015, I tried convincing Mishimi to join a forum war with me against Grid, and it's understandable he'd get upset after that. However, my disdain toward Grid overrode my judgement and let it take control over me. During this time, Kenshi started getting progressively aggressive in his Skype calls too, and while I was an admin on Shinden at the time, I was getting more and more unstable at the time. However, due to my low self esteem, I was unable to pinpoint exactly WHAT was driving me nuts (Kenshi, not the Shinden VS DBZF war). So I banned myself. After that, Koshka shot me an email asking how I was doing, so I came back. During this time, I texted Mishimi I was sorry and he forgave me. I told him I quit Shinden and he responded saying the clique I hung around was the cause. I didn't take this to heart however, because I was still a jobless loser much like Kenshi.

To go into further detail about this, I was supposed to get into a program that allowed me to get a job because of my autism. The person interviewing me was horrible and closed the case. Even though the timing was good because of my episodic behavior, it still influenced the coming events, as I didn't get a job until the end of 2015 and my self esteem was still shit until 2016. I was in a program in 2015 that made me socialize with adults with other disabilities and I would... Literally... Not... Speak. At all. As I socialized more and more in the program, my self esteem got better and better, but was still overall fairly low, and I felt like I no longer needed the program so I left.

Anyway, Alex signed up on TMF in 2014 because I got him into One Piece and he wanted to join a forum about it. Because of my low self esteem at the time, I allowed him to peer pressure me into coming back on Shinden. I reconnected with Kenshi who said the forum died down. He and Koshka have a rather unique relationship. They are both narcissistic and Kenshi would spoonfeed me that Koshka was psychotic (even though he is), and that I hated him. I turned on him multiple times because of this. He would also tell me what to say to him in our flame war on Skype. A month after this, Koshka emailed me the logs Kenshi made with me and him and I was seething for most of the day. I blocked him everywhere that day and I banned him on Makai. Likely because of my low self esteem at the time, I decided after coming back on Shinden to begrudgingly yet ever so foolishly give him a second chance right before DBZeta opened, and even kept them confidential up until I snapped right before I got banned here the second time.

When Zetaboards DBZeta was around, although Mishimi deleted his forum right afterwards, things finally looked promising. I developed a friendship with SSJ2 and we hit it off. I appealed on DBZF, and you can ask Tim and Rogue, those appeals came from the heart. However, I was still a jobless loser with relatively low self esteem at the time under Kenshi's influence, so we invaded DBZF. That, and I created Domainiacs because my self esteem was pretty low at the time and I felt outcasted because I was the only one out of 8 people that wouldn't talk in the DBZeta podcast. Besides those two things, nothing bad really happened around that time. My relationship with Kenshi was actually better too since there was no real drama and we were both jobless. Once I finally got a job however, I was so god damn happy, and I couldn't contain my joy, so there's that to mention. My brother got pissed at me talking to Kenshi on Skype everyday though since he finished school. Kenshi wouldn't even control the volume of his voice when we were Skyping even during the night. Unfortunately he moved out during the end of 2015 and he couldn't help me cut him off. After all this as soon as we switched to phpbb3, things got worse for me than ever before.

2016 - Early 2017: The Dark Age:

This was when things got complicated. I had finally gotten a job at the end of the year, however, and phpbb3 Zeta was more unfriendly than Zetaboards DBZeta in general due to the lower activity and Toshit (although he wasn't the only issue), and Kenshi told me after the forum awards took place that members were biased toward me because I tied with Mike as the best contributor, and Mystic and CC's fanfiction won instead of mine. This, along with some of the past things he's said about me like me being dislikeable and even asking if my mom was drunk when she was pregnant with me once made me very conflicted. I felt like I didn't belong on the forum anymore. This, along with me getting a job at the time made my energy drain even further than before, since at this point I no longer needed someone like Kenshi in my life because I was becoming increasingly more confident in my real life than online, and I wouldn't update my fanfiction as often either. Overall, I became very irritable on the forums.

I was practically a drama queen here, even if I didn't intend to be. It's probably good that some members I'm friends with like Kyo, Captain Cadaver, Fatter Dinosaur, and Alex didn't see the full extent of my drama, otherwise they'd probably be appauled. I created plenty of bad beefs here and I actually wanted the opposite.

Kenshi would also berate me for buying and selling all my items yet told me to put my foot down when it came to buying a game HE wanted me to play with him with. The relationship was more one sided than ever before and he had more influence and control over me than ever (I'll explain more about that later).

It's important to note that before this, I was reaching out to Koshka who's also a narcissist and a sociopath. We talked shit for 30 minutes about Kenshi and that should tell you how my true relationship with Kenshi is, even though Koshka was gaining more control since I finally had a job and didn't realize that my relationship with Kenshi was no longer needed. I proceeded to block Kenshi on Skype and Koshka banned him from the IRC. However due to still being on Zeta with Kenshi, he won the influence and control over me between the two of them.

It got to the point where I raided DBZF, an innocent bystander to all this, and after that, I had to block the sites to leave because I was subconsciously sick of browsing them all day due to Kenshi's influence and control. I finally came back on a dupe just to tell everyone the person I was a right hand man to was shit talking me in the Staff Section of all things.

I was still conflicted because of my relationship with Kenshi and Alex peer pressured me into making up with SSJ2. Although deep down it was genuine, I still felt like I could mess up anytime if I was ever let back. However, SSJ2 asked me straight up to come back and I did, because I'm just a nice guy. The atmosphere here was rather enjoyable without Toshit around for a time being. I even posted in the Z Section like I wanted, even though I planned to finish it far sooner and Kenshi was just draining my energy even further since I got a job, so I didn't complete it until right after I got banned here the second time.

What led me to my second ban was being sick of being Kenshi's bitch. If you notice, even though I wasn't a drama queen, I was progressively aggressive with some of my posts, specifically toward Kenshi, and lashed out at him and revealed the logs because I got sick of dealing with his shit due to seeing the red flags at that point.

Then comes the revelation, when he blocked me, I finally realized... I may have been at the center of all the drama, but the orchestrator was in fact Kenshi. But by the time I finally realized who the true monster was, finally... No one believed me.

I tried bringing people to my side, I tried fighting back... SSJ2 logged on TMF one time to bully me, as is the end result of the narcissist's game with the victim... The discarding and smear campaign. Eventually I got impulsive again and revealed to Great Potato (a staff member on TMF), that Zaddy, a co admin on Planet Vegeta, planned on hijacking this site and wiping out everything. GP discouraged me from going through with this, and I impulsively went to you guys to leak the information, and I disappeared for two weeks and came back. After that, I decided to ignore the bullying, and here we are in this appeal. And now that my self esteem is even higher than it was when I was working last year, I can just easily come to a reasonable conclusion with him about all this.


How things got to this point?


Honestly, I just feel like for 10 long years, outside of TMF I was just an unlucky dude when it comes to forums. I mean most of my decisions for the past three years in particular were reasonable and made sense at the time. Meanwhile, real life situations influenced my decisions as well. Overall, I can and will pin most of the blame on Kenshi for my problems, and no one else, because I can't blame everyone else for blaming me. Why?

Well it's quite simple. Kenshi would end up gaslighting me. Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse that makes you question your sanity and ends with the victim being discarded and a smear campaign starting, and this is exactly the shit that's going down on Zeta right now. Gaslighting does NOT have to be deliberate, and this just means Kenshi is a narcissist and possibly a sociopath. It's also important for gaslightees (victims of gaslighting) NOT to fault themselves for their impulsive and impatient behavior, so I don't really have to take responsibility in this case. However, the one thing more important than taking responsibility is a change of behavior. I have shown that on Planet Vegeta and I will take responsibility by NEVER causing DBZeta or DBZF harm again, and you have my word... I probably won't even post that much. Gaslightees also happen to be very accepting people and take responsibility for their actions, and it's important for them NOT to change these wonderful qualities about themselves.

Two red flags of gaslighting are questioning what you're going through. For example: Kenshi used to call me dislikeable. A fairly cruel thing to tell to your best Internet friend, correct? Later I would question what other members think of me and if they liked me or not. He would say I was being too sensitive about it.

Symptoms of gaslighting include apologizing for no reason. I like to own up to my mistakes. It's why I got asked to get my job back and why my job security is fairly stable in spite of not being able to drive and my parents working full time. Hell, I probably quit in the first place because I was talking to a jobless loser like Kenshi all day.

Anyway...

What can we get from the info I just provided?

Just get rid of your stigma over me and think to yourselves for a moment. Is there's anything wrong with me? No! There wasn't, there isn't, and Kenshi's just a big, fat liar. Ask BabaGAReeb, Schnarf, or anyone from TMF who browses Zeta about this. I just open myself up to assholes like Kenshi too much. He'll probably get kicked out his brother's apartment one day and still act like an asshole. The Internet is a dark place and I should keep away from strong, controlling personalities like his. If you want proof, I did my research, I did my timeline, it all makes perfect sense and there's no refuting this.

Anyway, if DBZF and DBZeta lets me back after this, I WILL turn myself around. I don't even care about all the stuff that's been said about me. You've all been fed lies by Kenshi.

Let's bury the hatchet, y'all! I believe we can turn Zeta around if we put our minds to it! We could even affiliate this place with Planet Vegeta if we wanted to. The very fact that I haven't abandoned PV for months while managing it should tell you my recent change!

Hope to see you all on the forums!