Homestuck header image summary

The headers start out as a simple image of Scratch's room, including his gun and holster, candy bowl, typewriter, and models of Skaia.

As Vriska flies away from the asteroid, Scratch himself appears in the banner. He moves to the forefront, refilling his bottomless candy bowl with licorice dogs. He then moves to the left, inspecting a potted plant. As Vriska challenges Jack, Spades Slick appears, waving a blunt instrument at Scratch. He starts hitting him on the head, knocking him (Scratch) to the ground. Within a second, Scratch is on his feet, facing away from Slick and bending his iron rod into a knot. He hands the knotted rod back to Slick. Slick quickly loses interest, heading over to the candy bowl. With Scratch in the background, Slick takes many handfuls of candy. Then, this method being too slow, he settles for emptying the bowl into his hat - a quest of futility, of course. He smooshes the had back onto his head, dropping little candy dogs everywhere, while Scratch talks to past!reader.

Scratch proceeds to hang his coat on one of the Skaia models, while Rose pesters Scratch on the typewriter. While he goes to answer it, Slick moves into the foreground, apparently sitting on a chair just outside of the line of sight. Suddenly, Slick ducks out of the line of sight, seemingly vanishing. He reappears on the other side of the panel, holding the Wayward Vagabond's container of oil, twisting the lid open. Scratch preoccupied, he begins to douse the place in oil. Scratch ignores this, taking out Gamzee's massive book and sitting down with it - the same book that contains all the clippings. Within a few panels, the entire place is coated in oil. Scratch doesn't even take note as his luxurious white coat is messed up by the muck.

In the foreground of the panel, Slick takes out a lighter and begins flicking at it. In the very next panel, the entire place is on fire, Scratch is finally out of his chair and has a red ! flashing in the middle of his head, and Slick is nowhere to be seen. Scratch continues to pace his room, and at the moment of the "8^y" he has a SBAHJ-face displayed in his head. Then he vanishes too; he's off-panel, pulling a fire alarm. As per its nature, it summons Matchsticks (Felt #11), holding a fire extingisher; he begins to put out the fire with a SHOOSH sound. Clover (#4) appears in the background, for some reason. Slick reappears, looking angry that his fire is being put out. He takes his red-hot iron rod, still curled into a knot and now welded like that, and lobs it at Matchsticks' head. It BONKs on impact, knocking the fire extinguisher out of his hands.

He proceeds to brutally club Matchsticks' face in with the Felt's crowbar (I forget which member of the Felt that is). Seeing this, Clover takes out a coin, wiggling hyperactively, and flips it into the air; it lands on #14, so Clover vanishes, being replaced with Felt #14 (whose name I forgot). He proceeds to fill slick full of bullets. Blood flies everywhere, and Slick collapses, dead, on the table. The view begins to shift; the image becomes enclosed in a greenish circle, part of a neuron-like sequence, which slowly zooms out - suddenly accelerating. It's revealed to be part of a massive starscape, which keeps zooming out, suddenly showing a massive pair of eyes; it continues to zoom out until it's obvious that it's Snowman (Felt #8). She fades away, leaving a green background; a scene change takes us back to the ruined room, where she appears.

#14 moves as though to aggress Snowman, quickly getting a lance through the heart for his efforts. Slick, meanwhile, is revived and not in the least part injured. Snowman gestures to the lance before removing it and sucking on her bloodied cigarette holder. Slick holds up the crowbar again, moving into the foreground, before dropping it; Snowman drops her cigarette holder and their feet are seen, in a position that looks as though they're kissing or something. The scene zooms out a little, and the two are revealed to be in a <3< hug, while scratch looks on with a massive ! over his head. The scene fuzzies a little, and Scratch adjusts (read:hits) the fenestrated wall to change the scene.

The next thing seen is Jade, standing near the apparently-active Forge on the LoFaF. She's wearing her Four in the Morning Dress and holding an orange frog; dave comes up in the background, holding a green one and a blue one. The two exchange a look as in the main panels Slick clubs Vriska's clock. Behind Dave, Jak Noir bursts from the Forge, showering lava droplets around; he proceeds to look threateningly at Jade and Dave, each holding their respective weapons. A fancy STRIFE screen displays, with Jack vs. Dave and Jade. While Jade shoots at him, four seperate Daves Aggress him at once, with him easily parrying each one. The two try several different weapons and formations, but ultimately Jack is, of course, too powerful. He moves in to kill Dave, but Jade "auto-Harley"s, throwing herself between the two; because of his Becquerel component, he is unable to harm her, stuck unable to attack. Something bizarre called the "Adiago Redshift" happens, and then Jade shoots at him once more; it is, of course, futile. Suddenly there are two of him, one in front of Jade and one in front of Dave. He successfully kills Dave, then grins and giggles as Jade holds the corpse in despair; just before she can kiss him to revive him, the fenestrated wall switches again (notice Slick isn't fond of kisses?) and looks at the ruined room again.

While Scratch tells us to look at the clippings, he moves to the centre of his room, tidying it instantly in a flash of green light - except the clippings, which remain on the floor. He walks to the foreground and places the two halves of the scrapbook on the table, repairing it instantly and teleporting away. He grabs a non-green broom and moves to the door, which is now visible through the fenestrated wall via a quick viewpoint switch; a banging noise is coming from it. Apparently, his omnipotence is waning, since he wasn't aware of any of this beforehand. He heads to the door, which is giving out very loud banging sounds, and turns off the fenestrated wall. For the next few pages, we're shown only the fenestrated wall, cracked where Aradia's ancestor attacked it.

When he begins to tell the ancestor her tale once more, he reactivates the fenestrated wall. Ms. Paint is visible on the other side briefly, but then absconds, allowing us to see Lord English's coat draped over the wall, where Andrew placed it earlier. Andrew himself comes into view, wearing a black hood and robe with the symbol of space on it; presumably he's now ascended to godhood or some such. The viewpoint shifts, letting us see the fenestrated wall on one side and the ancestor's bed and stool next to it. Suddenly, dramatically, Andrew leaps through it; the ancestor managed to damage it sufficiently to allow him to enter (this is what a fifth wall does in this story, allows two omniscient narrators to interact if broken). The alt text for this panel reads "BOOYEAH". Andrew inspects the bed, complete with Scratch's broom, and the alt text informs us he is saying "... the FUCK?". He picks up the broom; "Oh hell no. He's talking about ancestors, isn't he." He slowly moves to Scratch's main room, careful not to let him notice him, saying "He's keeping little girls locked up in weird rooms, and rambling about Troll ancestors. I just know it." He kicks the door open, with an AUTHORSPLODE sound effect, muttering "NOT IN MY FUCKING COMIC". Somehow, this all evades Scratch's notice.

He stands in a mazelike hallway, and addresses the readers: "Oh, damn. This place is bigger than I thought. Any idea which way he went? Come on guys, help me out." Quickly making his decision, he mutters "I bet he's behind this door. YOU HEAR ME SCRATCH, THE JIG IS UP." Bursting dramatically through the door, he delivers a dramatic speech: "Ah-ha! Caught red handed, you bastard. You stop clogging up my story with your troll fanfiction this instaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH". He has come across a stuffed wolf head, mounted on the wall and illuminated by a flickering light.

He moves on; "That was not the right door." It doesn't take him very long to find the right door, entering Scratch's room. He comments on it: "This looks like the right place. The hallway is all round and shit. Just like his big stupid head." Entering the room, he throws the broom aside in despair: "MY BEAUTIFUL PANELS WHAT HAS HE DONE. That son of a bitch. It's is going to take so many sweeps to clean this mess up. So very, very many sweeps." He moves further into the room, stopping to look at the ==> bowl: "God dammit, he's got a bowl full of these things?? He's pulling his snooty horseshit candy bowl stunts to mock my little arrows now. Excellent host my ass." He further remarks, "RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH! *flip*" and overturns the table, sending the ==>s and the scrapbook flying. He then mocks Scratch's candy-esque storage of the ==>s by eating several of them: "Oh my god how can these possibly be so delicious???" - they could be described as moreish, even. He pockets several handfuls of ==> candy, commenting "Whoa, better go easy on these. Might need some later."

Andrew grabs the broom back, sneaking behind the recently-righted clock. The ancestor notices him and tries to peer round Scratch, but he waves her away, not wishing to attract attention. Safely hidden, he mutters "There you are. Go ahead, keep talking cueball. I've got you in the crosshairs of my broombristles. I have GOT you you pompous motherfucker." The scene switches to Hussnasty Mode, with Andrew, the clock, Scratch and the ancestor from left-right; Andrew has an anger cloud above his head, the clock is tick-tocking, Scratch continues to go BLAH BLAH and the ancestor is simply thinking "FU". Andrew continues to mutter: "Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. My heartbeat falls in rhythm with the clock as I draw close to my prey. I leave nothing to chance, for you see it is the most dangerous prey of all, a four foot tall asshole in suspenders who won't shut up. Wait for it, Hussie. Wait for it..."

Suddenly, he leaps forward and raises the broom high, overturning the clock again in the process. The ancestor looks on with a simple "...", Scratch pays no notice at all, and Andrew screams "RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH! *trip*". The next panel is him clobbering Scratch with the broom; the alt-text is simply "bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap". As he shakes Scratch and the ancestor absconds, he shouts at him: "Everybody is totally fed up with your condescending, self indulgent narrative style. They all want to go back to my slightly less condescending, slightly more self indulgent style."

The view changes again. Now it's outside, no longer in Hussnasty Mode, with a bright red, glowing spaceship in the background. The ancestor is hurtling through the air with a triumphant grin on her face. The alt-text, meanwhile, is now enormous and green. "GIRL." As she leaps from rooftop to rooftop, the mystery voice continues: "YOU THERE. GIRL." She continues to run, while the voice intones "GIRL, QUIT ALL THIS SCURRYING AROUND." She comes to an abrupt halt as a something green becomes visible in the foreground, which continues speaking. "DO YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN ESCAPE ME BEFORE I ARRIVE?"

The view shifts again; it now shows two seperate, slightly different images of her in a circular image. She is looking up at something, apparently dismayed. "HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO OUTRUN ME", continues the voice. The next image is two rapidly-changing billiard balls side-by-side, and the alt text is almost twice as big as before, as well as multicolored and flashing: "WHEN I AM ALREADY HERE?"

And this is the last of the header images, since the next page is where Andrew has SNOPed the site into Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff style. The ultimate fate of the ancestor, as well as anything else concerning Lord English, remains a mystery at this point.