FOOD

SIMPLE-ASS TOMATO SOUP RECIPE

Ingredients
 - 125g (8 tablespoons) butter¹
 - 1 large onion
 - 1600g (56oz) tomatoes²
 - 700ml (3 cups) vegetable stock or water, depending on availability
¹ Coconut oil or sunflower oil is a good vegan substitute here
² If using fresh tomatoes, 20-24 medium tomatoes (~2lbs or 1kg) will do

Tools
 - 1 big-ass saucepan or dutch oven or whatever
 - 1 blender, immersion for preference

Recipe
1) Melt the butter in the saucepan
2) Peel and chop the onion into rough chunks (1/8ths will do)
3) Dump the onion into the butter
4) Cook and baste for like five minutes
5) Dump the tomatoes and the stock into the pan
6) Bring to a simmer
7) Leave simmering for like 40-50 minutes, stirring occasionally
8) Blend into a homogenous liquid
9) Season to taste, reblending to mix if you're lazy
10) Serve as desired
11) Enjoy

KATSU SAUCE

Ingredients/Tools
 - 2 Carrot
 - 1 Red Onion (or equivalent mass of other onion)
 - 400ml Can of Coconut Milk with Can Opener
 - 1/2tsp Turmeric
 - 1tbsp Curry Powder
 - 2 Cloves of Garlic
 - 1 Thumb of Ginger
 - Blender
 - Pot with small amount of neutral oil in

Recipe
0: Dice onion and carrot, crush garlic, dice ginger. Bring oil to just below smoking hot
1: Add onion and carrot to pot with oil
2: Give it like eight minutes, stirring regularly, or until onion is just starting to brown
3: Add garlic and ginger
4: Stir for like 30 seconds
5: Add turmeric and curry powder and stir to combine
6: Add coconut milk
7: Stir to combine, and let it simmer for like 20 minutes
8: Run it through the blender until homogeneous and liquid
9: Fuck you, you now have a katsu sauce
10: Season to taste and serve however you want, I'm not your boss

CHINESE QUORN EGG FRIED RICE

Ingredients
2-4 tbsp groundnut oil
6 garlic cloves , finely chopped
Finger-length piece fresh root ginger , grated
4 tbsp Shaohsing rice wine or dry sherry*
4 tbsp light soy sauce
4 tbsp clear honey
3-4 tsp five spice powder
2 tsp chilli paste
400g Quorn
3 eggs
200g rice
100g peas
*Can be omitted if desired, as it can get expensive

Preparation (the day before)
1) Cut the Quorn into 1 inch chunks
2) Mix everything except the Quorn, eggs, rice and peas together until homogenous and incorporated
3) Place the Quorn into the mix and make sure it's fully coated
4) Place the Quorn + mix into a sealable container and place in the fridge
5) Make your rice, either to personal preference, manufacturer's instructions or in a rice cooker
6) Place the rice in the fridge

Cooking
1) Place the peas in boiling water for three minutes before draining and setting aside
2) Place the Quorn + mix in a ripping hot pan with a small amount of oil and cover
3) Place the rice in a frying pan with about twice as much oil as went in the Quorn pan
4) Fry both for ~5 minutes, stirring regularly
5) Whilst doing that, beat your eggs to a homogenous mix
6) Place your eggs and peas into the rice
7) Fry together for about three minutes, stirring regularly
8) Place the Quorn and sauce in the rice
9) Fry together for ~3 minutes
10) Serve