BlondeNonny

Anon and the Shrine of the Savior [FiA 1/6]

Oct 6th, 2015
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  1. Friendship is Anonymous - Part 1/6
  2. Anonymous and the Shrine of the Savior
  3. ft. Anonymous, Fluttershy, and Applejack
  4.  
  5. 1. #bnph
  6. 2. ???
  7. 3. ???
  8.  
  9. Chapter 1 - Ringtone to >Rape (#bnph)
  10. >-Bzzzt bzzt bzzt-
  11. >Day phone call in Equestria
  12. >You are Anon.
  13. >And your phone is vibrating loudly in your pocket, at ass-thirty in the morning.
  14. >Fug.
  15. >You groggily open your eyes and grab your phone to answer it.
  16. "Hullo?"
  17. >No answer.
  18. >-Bzzt bzzt bzzt-
  19. >You realize that you don't have your phone in your hand.
  20. >THEN you realize that your phone is on the other side of the room.
  21. >A chill comes over you as you realize that you're in Equestria, meaning your phone would not be receiving a call to begin with.
  22. >-Bzzt bzzt bzzt-
  23. >There can be no doubt about it.
  24. >Your butt is vibrating.
  25. >God damn it.
  26. >Not even five minutes into the day and already something weird happens to you.
  27. >Fucking Equestria sometimes.
  28. >What you wouldn't give for a cuppa joe right now.
  29. >You get up and put your hand on your butt to confirm that it is indeed vibrating.
  30. >-Bzzt bzzt bzzt-
  31. >Yep.
  32. >Talk about a booty call.
  33. >carlos.png
  34. >Welp, this'll be interesting.
  35. >You decide the best course of action would be to visit your friendly neighborhood Twilight Sparkle.
  36. >Obviously Princess Starbutt would know something about butt vibrating.
  37. >KNOCK KNOCK MOTHERFUCKER IT'S THE TAX COLLECTORS ON YOUR PHONE BILL
  38. >(running out of witty one-liners for door knocking)
  39. >Ah, that must be her.
  40. >You walk up to the door to open it for Twilight Sparkle...only to find that it's not Twilight Sparkle and that it's Top Cunt.
  41. >ohboy.png
  42. "Uhhhhh...mornin', Dashie."
  43. >"Don't you 'Dashie' me, Anon. What in Tartarus did you do?!"
  44. >Uh oh
  45. "Nothin'."
  46. >"Don't lie to me, monkey! You obviously did something last night."
  47. >Jesus CHRIST she's being cuntier than usual.
  48. >You try to remember what you did last night that would piss off Rainbow Dash.
  49. >...
  50. "Nope, I got nothing. Hung out with Ponk, helped Rarity make dresses, tried to avoid Fluttershy...the usual."
  51. >She glared at you.
  52. "Well excuuuuuuse me for not knowing what you're mad at me about, but-"
  53. >"Then were you sleepwalking?!"
  54. >Oh SHIT.
  55. >Sleepwalking?
  56. >Fuuuuuuck, that means you could've been doing anythi-
  57. >Wait a minute.
  58. >You don't sleepwalk.
  59. >Staying up all night fapping to your porn collection made that impossible.
  60. >...
  61. >Of course you're not gonna tell her that.
  62. "I don't think so, no."
  63. >You groan.
  64. "Listen, Dash. I kinda need to head over to the castle. I'm tired as fuck right now, and my butt's vibrating and Twilight might help with that. Could you, y'know, lay off for now?"
  65. >She didn't verbally respond for a few seconds.
  66. >In those few seconds her face contorted into shock, the kind of shock that was reserved for seeing ghosts.
  67. >It took that long for you to realize just why that was.
  68. "...fuck, that came out wrong, didn't it?"
  69. >She didn't respond.
  70. "Uhhh, Earth to Dashie-poo?"
  71. >She snapped out of her shock-induced trance to blush.
  72. >"First of all, d-don't call me Dashie-poo!"
  73. >...
  74. >Kek, you're saving that one for later.
  75. >"Second of all. You. Castle. NOW."
  76. >Great!
  77. "Great, thanks, I was headed over there anyway, this makes it much more conve-"
  78. >Waiiiit a minute.
  79. "Wait, hold up. What you think I did...did that involve Twilight or her castle?"
  80. >"Anon, if you seriously don't know what you did...trust me, it's big. Now let's go!"
  81. >Uh oh.
  82. >Alright, you start to walk down the path that led to Ponyville Plaza.
  83. >Then all of a sudden, Rainbow Dash picked you up and flew you as fast as humanely possible towards the castle.
  84. >Jesus fucking Christ she's fast.
  85. >Once you were there, she dropped you right onto the ground.
  86. >Owwwww...
  87. "Y'know, Rainbow Dash, maybe you could've gone a -little- sl-"
  88. >"Anon! There you are!" called Twilight.
  89. >You looked up, and saw that her, Applejack, and Fluttershy were gathered at the castle.
  90. >Oh boy.
  91. >This'll be interesting.
  92. >At least Flutterrape can't, well, rape you right now.
  93. >Thank GOD Starbutt's here for once.
  94. "Hey there, Twilight. And everyone else. Look...well, I was gonna come see you at some point, but Rainbow Dash yelled at me and brought me here anyway. Point is, I'm having a problem. And...lemme say this now, do not take this out of context-"
  95. >"Is your butt vibrating?" she asked.
  96. >How the fuck did she-
  97. "A-Actually, yes. It woke me up at I don't even know what time in the morning-"
  98. >"At 8:30?"
  99. >What?
  100. "Uhhh, maybe. What time is it right now?"
  101. >"Eight fourty."
  102. >Holy shit, she's right.
  103. >HOW?!
  104. "Okay, this is getting weird. Like, bat-shit not-coincidence weird. What's going on, Twilight?"
  105. >She gestured to 'The Map'.
  106. >Because this was 'Friendship Council' duty, you rarely, if ever, had a good chance of looking at the table in all its magical glory.
  107. >Which was fine. One of the past times they used it, filthy communism happened.
  108. >Or at least that's how you interpreted what they said.
  109. >Point is, you weren't touching it in case it gave you communism.
  110. >You take a good long look at it.
  111. >Sure enough, it had shifted into a full three-dimensional map of Equestria like it usually does when friendship problems occur.
  112. >Then why was this-
  113. >You blinked as the realization hit you.
  114. "You're not saying that..."
  115. >She pointed to a desert-like area far east of Equestrian shores.
  116. >Sure enough, floating alongside two other cutie marks was your trademark question-mark sign.
  117. >No wonder Rainbow Dash was so pissy this morning.
  118. "You have got to be kidding me."
  119. >"We were wondering if you knew why this was going on," Twilight explained. "To my knowledge, the Map usually calls upon the former Element-bearers, and only very rarely does it interact with Princess Celestia and Luna. Since you're not affiliated with the Elements beyond being in a relationship with one, and arrived quite a while after Tirek was defeated, it's impossible for you to have any interaction with it. Which is why I want to ask - did you do something to it?"
  120. >You try to think of what you had done to Friendship Castle.
  121. >But the only thing that you remember doing with the Map was playing a much larger-scale game of Risk.
  122. >That game of Risk was fucking insane.
  123. >How the fuck did Pinkie Pie get so good at it?!
  124. "Beyond Risk? Nope, can't think of anything."
  125. >Applejack scowled. "So there's nothing y'all coulda done fer the Map to act this way."
  126. >You shrugged.
  127. "Not that I know of, anyway."
  128. >They gave you unbelieving stares.
  129. >Wow, does no one believe Anons anymore?
  130. "I mean I don't -think- I stuck my dick in it," you joke, inciting a groan from everyone in the room.
  131. >Rainbow Dash took this as her cue to leave.
  132. >Fucking prude.
  133. >At least you weren't holding her hooves.
  134. >Twilight sighed.
  135. >"Well, then at this point we're just treading unknown waters. I've sent a letter to Princess Celestia to see if she knows something, but I have a gut feeling this is out of her realm."
  136. >Welp.
  137. "Now what do?"
  138. >"Well, if you'll check the map, it should tell you where you and the others need to go."
  139. >Oh.
  140. >Right.
  141. "Wait, so I'm seriously going to go on one of these adventures?"
  142. >"There's no one else it could mean, Anon. The map is definitely calling you along as well!"
  143. "Wow...that's pretty cool."
  144. >Wow, this is incredible.
  145. >You look at the map once more.
  146. >Your question-mark's circling around a relatively unknown spot in the middle of the desert.
  147. >To the west of that desert is a town at the gates of Saddle Arabia.
  148. "The desert? Not so cool. So...who am I going with now?"
  149. >Fluttershy coughed.
  150. >"T-that's..." she stammered, "well...that is..."
  151. >You decide to look at the other cutie marks. A triplet of apples and-
  152. >No.
  153. >"...that's why Applejack and I are here."
  154. >No!
  155. "...what if I decide to stay behind?"
  156. >-bzzt bzzt bzzt-
  157. >NOOOOOOOOO!
  158. "God dammit."
  159. >"Well," Applejack sighed, "ah dunno about y'all, but ah'm gonna get packing. This'll be a three-day trip at th' least. See y'all tomorrow!"
  160. >With that, Applejack walked off to do said packing.
  161. >So there was no way out of it.
  162. >A three-day adventure to the middle of the desert with >Flutterrape.
  163. >And nothing to protect you from her except whatever condoms you pack and Apple horse.
  164. >This was gonna suck. Literally.
  165. -----------------
  166. >Day phone call plus one in Equestria.
  167. >Still be Anon.
  168. >You're currently on the boat to Saddle Arabia.
  169. >"Passengers, this is your captain speaking. We are preparing to dock at Port de Chevaux. Please make sure to grab all of your personal belongings before disembarking, and do take care to obtain a guidebook on your way into Saddle Arabia proper. Thank you, merci, and I hope you had a croisiere bon!"
  170. >Correction: you're currently getting off the boat to Saddle Arabia.
  171. >You yawned.
  172. >As far as you know jetlag isn't a thing with no airplanes.
  173. >But you'll be damned if you didn't feel the effects of it anyway.
  174. >"Alright, 'Non! Alright, Fluttershy! Y'all got everythin'?"
  175. "Yeah."
  176. >"Y-Yes."
  177. >You're actually surprised that Fluttershy hadn't tried to rape you in the middle of your nap.
  178. >You wagered that it might've been Applejack keeping her from doing that.
  179. >Best not to press your luck, though.
  180. >With all your bags packed and with all your belongings that you might need immediately, you go with Applejack and Fluttershy off the boat and off the Port de Chevaux into the hot, hot land of Saddle Arabia.
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