moments

one moment:
a fire in my chest i struggle to think or feel anything through my emotions swallowing my head clutching my chest struggling not to scream where are you my arms rake thoughtlessly across my chest and a few unexpected streaks of blood appear. i catch my breath. i'm not sleeping tonight
another moment:
on the ground i dont have the energy to move i dont want to do this anymore i cant do this i cant do it i cant go on without you i dont know what to do i cant do anything tears squeeze through my eyes and i feel like ive melted into a pool of sadness but it doesnt matter this still doesnt make a difference and i cry even more
a third moment:
i dont want to move. i dont want to do anything. i dont have motivation anymore. i used to matter and now i do not. my hands feel heavy, i feel tired. i'll be here if you ever need me. i don't want to feel like this anymore. i don't want to feel this pain anymore, but i can't risk being gone when someone needs me. i will wait.

i hope you come back someday. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i m