Slime Genie

    So where did I find the most incredible, magical, astonishing thing I could ever have..scratch that, no way in hell I could have ever found? Was I on a mysterious archaeological or anthropoligcal expedition to the depths of some long forgotten tomb in a forbidden valley filled with monsters, tentacle rape plants, and rubber forehead alien statues? No. Did I go on vacation, ya'know like a cruze or won a trip to some exotic place, only to get lost from the tour group and stumble down into a lost chamber? No. Did I...do that exact same thing only buy a suspicious object from a shady possibly otherwordly shop keeper, again no. Did I at least find it in some weird local shop that was possibly selling stolen artifacts as if they were antiques...actually...let me get back to that because it sure as hell wasn't like that little shop from the movie (Gremlins) where you think everything is either cursed or has some ancient evil sealed inside; or alive. Okay next bit was I didn't get a mysterious delivery or inherit something weird from a reclusive relative; so yeah jumping the gun a little I found it at a store. Not even a really special one; I mean it wasn't Wal-mart or even Hobby Lobby; it was a suvenior stand but not like some weird exotic mysterious one; just a regular one while we were visiting Phoenix Arizona. The kind of place you figure the shop owner probably makes all their stuff or are just putting up a front as a distributor...I mean pretty sure I saw made in China or Taiwan stickers on some of the little statues, fridge magnets, and key chains. So I bought one of those glass jars with different colored sand inside. As well as some other stuff like this neat armadillo fridge magnet. Anyway it was a descent sized glass jar, I mean I am calling it a jar, cost me forty dollars; it was like a little sort of circular jar with a sealed on metal lid, layers of sand in different colors.

   Now to be clear, I bought this thing when visiting Phoenix Arizona when I was sixteen. It sat on my desk for years, I had packed it away and forgotten about it when I was changing themes in my room one year; just stuck it in a box in my closet; and when I moved out at 23 to get my own place I just took those boxes and chucked them in a closet in my house, stacked some other boxes ontop of them. So fast forward and I am now 32 years old. No I never married or had kids and no I don't have any weird hobbies or practice black magic; never messed with a Ouija board...actually I do own one, bought it as a Halloween prop from the Halloween Store, never opened it, couldn't get anyone to try it with me so its just a decoration; but I am getting off topic. Anyone reading this probably thinks I went off topic in the middle of my last paragraph. What is this astonishing thing I found? What was I rambling about? Monty Python's "Get on With it" is probably playing in their heads reading this right here.

   So to set up the scene I had just a new TV and didn't want to throw the old one out, it still worked; only problem with it was its connectors weren't compatible with the PS4 I bought and I couldn't find an adaptor; so I bought this new tv, not a huge expensive one, even if the weird shape of the newer tvs didn't fit in my entertainment center right. Anyway, so I was just going to put the tv away in the closet, maybe put it up at a garage sale come summer or maybe rearrange another room and set it up there as a back up tv. I did have a descent sized house, I apparently bought it a good year at a lower than expected price. Again, anyway, so there I was cleaning out this closet to make room when I come across this box of my old stuff from when I was a kid. Like alot of people trying to declutter their closet space I get distracted looked at all this junk I hadn't seen in over a decade. Which brought me to the jar of colorful sand, whose price I didn't simply remember, the price tag sticker was still on the bottom. Now after the moving the sand had been shifted around; I am certain of that but I was still thinking I had room to put it somewhere, maybe on the living room coffee table as it seemed kind of big. But as I was setting it down I noticed something weird, inside the jar, just poking out of the sand against the glass was this smaller pink bottle. Like a little bottle with the rounded bottom and stinny neck and a cork in it. This bottle wasn't super tiny but it wasn't big either, like maybe the size of a coffee mug. I knew I'd not noticed it in there before; and had no idea why it was in there. Now a few things did come to mind like maybe that Arizona souvinior stand was selling drugs and accidently sold me a jar of colorful sand smuggling some; but then...who puts any kind of drugs inside a skinny necked pink bottle; it looked more like an expensive perfume bottle had gotten thrown in there by accident.

  The sand was already messed up and all that mattered was the sand on sides so I pried the lid off and carefully dug it out. Out of the sand it looked alot nicer, had two little handles on it. I set it to the side next on a towel and put the jar of sand on the kitchen counter. I examined the bottle, no markings, which was odd. Nothing to tell me who manufactured it, no symbols of any kind. It was definetly glass though, I shook and there was a tiny bit of sloshing inside. My curiosity got the better of me and needing to use some needle nose pliars got the cork out; it was in there good.

  And now is when everything went from mild curiosity to did I just step into the fucking twilight zone. I was struck by such a strong perfume smell, it was litterally blowing out of the bottle like a hairdryer, the cork either burst into flames or exploded, I ended up dropping the needle nosed pliars as it was just this flash of light and loud popping sound but it was out of my peripheral vision so not sure what it did other than make a flash of light and then not exist anymore. Next though this pink bubbling foam just oozed out of the bottle, and I mean ALOT of pink bubbling foam, not just way more than that bottle should have held but like more than the jar. I remember my first thought was whatever had been in that bottle hadn't been exposed to the air in over a decade at least if not long since it was lost in some sand that got used for a tourist souvenior. I hadn't really processed the amount of foam or the cork being strange yet as I was searching for paper towels but after the foam came the pink slime, just gallons of it oozing out, rushing out of the bottle with a purpose and slithering and sloshing off the coffee table to the floor a bathtub's worth of slime moving about under its own power. I stood there, I know it sounds weird but what I was seeing made no sense and I guess my mind went all deer in the headlights on me; I didn't run, I didn't scream out in horror, I just...froze up. It didn't feel like fear but like...I don't know just like I guess 404 error cannot process. The slime reaching out a claw that grabbed and smashed the glass bottle however that snapped me out of that and I know I screamed; and it was and I will admit to this a high pitched primal shriek, the kind of sound you hear things like monkies make when they see a lion. But I went right back to stupified when a voice came out of the slime, this soothing, pleasent, woman's voice speaking English with an unexpected British accent telling me to calm down as the slime formed into a woman. Mostly, she had this woman's torso wearing a purple vest barely covering where nipples would be on a human woman, but she seemed to just have the orbs but no nipples; she had purple hair that just..appeared as her head formed  that was up in a high ponytail, long pointed ears wearing golden hoop earrings. She had wide hips but below that was like a slime snake, or like a gummy, she wasn't oozing or anthing but she was propped up on a coiled up smooth around tail. Her eyes were purple and her lips a slightly deeper shade of pink than her body. She said to me that she was a genie and for freeing her I would have wishes for life or until I wished to no longer have wishes which she was obligated to do for freeing her. There were these rules, mostly just stuff like not trying to harm or humiliate her and oddly specifically a rule against making wishes to try and trick her...like when you'd do that wishing game online and some smart ass tried to make a wish specifcially to mess you up but there isn't anything they'd get out of it. Makes sense, its not really a wish. Apparently my whole life I'd only get five strikes on those and then she'd leave; simple enough. I was still stupified, thinking maybe I was hallucinating and whatever was in that bottle really was drugs and I was tripping out, I opened up some windows and walked around. But I've tripped out before (don't ask) and I know it is not this specific you don't just see ONE thing.

   I did eventually calm down, although I think she might have done something to me to make me calm down as that perfume smell got stronger. So yes, I tested the wishes. got a loaf of bread, a blank diary as tests; by big surprise was when with a blast of inspiration thinking of one of my favorite anime of all time (Ranma 1/2) the power to transform into a pretty girl but I added and able to transform back to my current form. How she granted this was weird to say the least, in a blinding motion she reared up and extended her jaw insanely wide and swallowed me, no sooner could I think to react than I was upside down and sliding into an expanded balloon sack of a pink gut seeing my living room through the walls of her body just before she patted her gut three time and I was overcome by a pink smoke. The way it feels I was the smoke, like floating in a dream with no body as she expelled me back out. I swirled about and took form. I was a girl, but like a more human version of her with the purple high up pontail, purple vest, pointed ears, but I was also wearing purple paracute pants. She told me as my wish was surprisingly fun she gave me something extra, she turned ME into a genie as well. However that being a genie would come with one catch, I had to grant someone one wish before I could turn back. Not that granting the wish automatically turned me back, and I'd have all the genie powers while transformed only that each time I'd turn into this form before I was allowed to become the mortal manly me again to live my life I'd have to find any random person and grant a wish for them. Then like a locked menu option the, "become powerless guy again" option is up. But being a genie I realized something other than my needs being met, I could be a superhero. Although that said the omniscient thing allowing wish granted is connected to the wish granting, I can't just KNOW things about people, locations, and events beyond regular learning unless it ties in to a wish someone is asking, intent unlocks that. So that means every story of genies screwing up wishes really is intentionally; which yeah gig has some odd rules but they arn't as strict on things like that as one would think.

  As for the Pink Slime Genie, she got herself out of having to grant wishes when I think about it. Now its more like a roommate situation and she has taken on a more humanoid shape and come with me; she's basically giving me genie training and we've gotten pretty close. Although she clearly prefers my genie girl side, I mean who wouldn't, with that cute form, magic power, and immortal body, we can do all sorts of freaky impossible stuff together.

  And there, I have granted your wish to know my origin story, good bye.

  *poof*

  *the Paranormal Control Agency guards who thought the room was magically sealed are left dumbfound as the genie girl vanishes from sight on the video after writing out what they wished her to write out. Realizing after reading the paper while she told them her origin, she left out any actual personal identifying details.