Operation V-Day

Operation V-Day: Cupid Corps
In a dark room with an electronic blackboard, a large group of cupid sit and wait. After a moment, another cupid enters the room and heads towards the blackboard. She plugs an MP3 player into the sound system and grabs a small remote before pushing the MP3 player’s play button.
Recording: Attention! *All of the cupid in the room get out of their chairs and salute to the cupid at the front of the room, who is also saluting out of habit.* Alright, you may sit down. *the cupids return to their seats.* This is Major Abe Abrams, retired from the Order’s Desert Branch, speaking for my wife, Captain Lois Abrams. *The cupid at the front of the rooms waves to crowd.* Alright soldiers, it should be 0400, which means Operation V-Day will begin in approximately two hours. I know you girls have been waiting for this day all year, but it’s still a mission! And that mission is to find every poor, depressed sap with no one to love this Valentine’s Day and make sure they find love! *a cupid at the back of the room raises her hand* No Private Simmons, you are not allowed to use your confession arrows on your crush. Do that on your own time. *Private Simmons is shocked that the recording scolded her, then lowers her hand and pouts* Captain, start the slideshow. *Captain Abrams pushes a button on the remote and a map shows up on the electronic blackboard* This will be our area of operations. As you can see, there are three towns so you will all be separated into three groups. Each group will go to a different town, then spread out to find suitable targets. Next slide. *Captain Abrams changes the slide to show maps of the towns with little blue triangles, green dots and red Xs on them* You will be given you own maps, so don’t worry about trying to memorize the map. The triangles are areas were you should try to focus your efforts. They are local bars, prime confession areas, and other areas single people might run into couples. The red marks show areas we are no longer allowed. These include primary schools, funeral homes, hospitals, police stations and the like. These establishments have requested that we do not go to these places out of respect for the people that need to use them. Finally, the green dots show the locations taken up by the Yeti Hugs Association. This year the YHA have set up hugging stations in various areas for people who may be feeling depressed today. There is a 50 meter perimeter around these stations that we are not allowed to enter. You may patrol outside of this perimeter, but entering will have consequences. *Captain Abrams makes various threatening gestures* Now, before you go there are a few things you should note. Firstly, be vigilant of mamono. Particularly these buggers. *The slide changes to a girtablilu dressed as Dick Dastardly* Now Eros doesn’t mind helping mamono find love, just be careful when you’re using your arrows. If you use the wrong arrows in an area with too many mamono, things can get sticky real quick. Let’s try not to send anyone to the hospital this year, isn’t that right Sargent Kleid? *Everyone looks to a cupid in the center of the room, who tries to hide behind her beret* Finally, Lady Eros wants to do something a little different to try to motivate you girls. Whoever manages to help the most people find love gets to bring someone with them on this. *The slide changes to show a luxury cruise liner* a one week romantic cruise on one of the most luxurious vessels on the sea. *Private Simmons vigorously raises her hand* Yes Private Simmons, you don’t have to be currently dating the person you bring with you. You can bring your crush. *Private Simmons does a fist pump* Any questions? Alright ladies, you are to meet at the launch pad at 0545 hours. Get whatever you need done before then. And don’t forget, shoot to kill… I mean… Whatever, you get the idea! Dismissed! *all the cupid get up and leave the room*

Operation V-Day: The Yeti Hugs Association
Its early morning in the town of Oasis and a bunch of yeti are setting up things up in the local park. As they finish getting everything ready, a yeti standing in front of a large office trailer starts clapping her paws to get everyone’s attention
Yeti Leader: Ok everyone, gather round! There’s a few things I need to go over before we start the day. *the yeti gather in front of their leader* Firstly, I’d like to thank you all for your hard work! You’ve all put a lot of time and effort to make sure that today was possible and I’m so proud of each and every one of you. *the crowd begins to clap at the compliment* As you’re well aware, the Yeti Hugs Association has helped thousands across the globe through the power of yeti hugs. We’ve helped people deal with stress, depression, anxiety, and even those who might just be a little bummed out. We’ve helped at hospitals, care homes, support groups, funeral homes and schools. *the yeti begin cheering* And now here we are, all set up and ready to go to help lonely people on Valentine’s Day! *even more yeti cheering* Getting here wasn’t easy though. Our critics accused us of doing this to get husbands, like the Oni Singles Bar Party and the Tentacle Massage Club, but we managed to convince them with the low number of molestations and rapes associated with the Yeti Hugs Association! With that said, please keep your pants on girls. *several of the yeti groan* If we want to be able to do this again next year we’ll need to be on best behavior. This means you Glenda! *everyone looks towards a particularly busty and fuzzy yeti*
Glenda: I’m not promising nothing. *the whole crowd begins to giggle*
YL: Oh Glenda, you serial rapist you. *she wipes a tear from her eye* But seriously, the only reason the town council sided with us instead of the Cupid Corps on allowing this is the fact that we’re one of the few mamono organisations that have less than 30 rape accusations levied against it per year. If we molest too many people they’ll never let us do this again. On the plus side, it’ll be easier to pull off since the Cupid Corps isn’t allowed within 50 meters of us or any of the other sites. *One of the smaller yeti raises her hand* Yes Brittany?
Brittany: Miss Katrina, why don’t the Cupid Corps want us to help out?
Katrina: Good question. The Cupid Corps sole purpose in existing is to help people fall in love. Since today is one of the most romantic days of the year, they probably don’t like us making all the sad, single people feel better without getting them hitched. That and the branch in this particular town are having issues with some of the men they shoot getting gang raped by girtablilu the last couple of years.
B: Oh…
K: Getting back on subject, if you do feel a little… amorous or someone wants to have some fun with you, you can go into the trailer behind me to deal with it.
G: I thought we weren’t allowed to have sex?
K: No, sex is fine. We can’t molest of rape the people who come to us. Remember, if we fondle them we’re in trouble, but if they fondle us than they’re fair game. It’s not rape if they want it!
G: Nice!
K: Moving on, the trailer is also there if you need to take a break. Oasis may be a little cooler than the surrounding towns, but we’re still in a desert! Take breaks often and drink plenty of fluids. You can’t help anyone if you’re sick from sun stroke. Finally, don’t forget to smile and have fun! *the group of yetis cheers again, louder than before* and with that, it’s now 5:30. Whoever’s in charge of making the pancakes go get those griddles going while everyone else finishes up! Good luck!

Operation V-Day: On the Hunt
Private Simmons is prowling the alleyways of Oasis for single people. She spots a couple police officers leaving a coffee shop and takes aim at one of them with one of her golden arrows.
???: Diana? Is that you? *Private Simmons freaks out as she fires her arrow. The arrow misses both cops and hits a dog instead. The dog then sees another one and proceeds to mate with it. Suddenly the police radio crackles to life*
Radio: All units come in! Repeat all units! There is a gang rape by girtablilu in progress at Sandback and 15th. Proceed there immediately. Repeat, proceed to Sandback and 15th immediately!
Cop: Every fucking year… *the cops rush to their cruiser and drive off with their sirens blazing*
Private Simmons: … *Private Simmons turns around to glare at whoever interrupted her work, only to find Rick, her crush carrying some plastic bags.*
Rick: I thought it was you. What are you up to? *Private Simmons holds out her bow* OH! That’s today? *Private Simmons nods* Man, it sure snuck up on me this year! So you busy? *Private Simmons stares at Rick blankly.* Oh right… Do you have enough time for me to give you something? *Private Simmons eyes begin to shine and she gets uncomfortably close to Rick* Whoa there tiger! Let me get it out first! *Rick rifles through one of his bags and pulls out a grumpy cat t-shirt and hands it to Private Simmons* Here you go Diana. I thought of you the moment I saw it! *Private Simmons’ eyes dull and her face loses all expression* I knew you’d love it! *Private Simmons tries to sheepishly give him back the t-shirt* Oh don’t worry about it! What are friends for, right? Well anyway, I’ll let you get back to work. Make lots of happy couples! *Rick starts to walk away. Private Simmons pulls out a confession arrow and takes aim at Rick. She holds it for a bit, but remembers Major Abrams’ words and put it away before resuming her search.

Operation V-Day: Hug Treatment
It’s midday at the park and the Yeti Hug Association are busy helping anyone who come to see them for a hug or cheap food. Katrina the yeti is currently hugging a teenaged girl.
Katrina: You feeling better now sweetie?
Teenager: A lot better actually.
K: That’s wonderful! Now about this boy you like, you should go confess your feelings to him.
T: B-but what if he doesn’t like me? What if he rejects me?
K: Well… That could happen. Sometimes our hearts yearn for those who don’t share those feelings, but we can’t let that stop us. We have to take that risk, because how would we ever learn how they truly feel about us? And I think that’s better than never knowing at all.
T: Y-you’re right!
K: Then one last little squeeze for luck! *Katrina snuggles against the teen before letting her go* And you’re ready to go. Good luck!
T: Thanks! Happy Valentine’s Day!
K: Bye bye! *Katrina waves goodbye to the teen as she runs off* Ahh young love~. Now who’s next? *She scans the crowd and spot a dishevelled looking man. He’s stumbling about a little bit and seems to have been drinking. Katrina approaches him* Hello sir! Can I help you?
Man: No, I’m here for a burger.
K: Are you sure about that?
M: Yes…
K: *sniff* You smell like you’ve been drinking. Is there a reason you’d be drinking on Valentine’s Day? *the man looks away*
M: It… It was her favorite holiday… *Katrina approaches and hugs the man*
K: There, there.
M: I-I miss her so much… Why? *the man begins to cry* Why couldn’t I help her?! She was my wife and I couldn’t help her! *Katrina starts to rub his back*
K: There, there. Let it out.
M: I-I was going to be a father… *they both stand there until the man stops crying* I-I’m sorry.
K: No need to feel sorry, it’s always ok to cry when you’re sad. Trying to drown your sorrows on the other hand… What would your wife think?
M: She never did like my drinking… She got me to quit in fact.
K: Then you know how to honor her memory. You’ve had a little slip, but I know you can pick yourself up again. I can even help if you want. I know some people who are good at helping with this kind of thing.
M: Thanks. I’ll think about it.
K: Good.
M: … Are you going to let go now?
K: Depends. How are you feeling?
M: A little bit better.
K: Then I’m going to hold onto you for a few more minutes.
M: … Thanks…
K: Anytime!

Operation V-Day-United Front
It’s mid-afternoon Private Simmons is still on the prowl, this time dangerously close to the Yeti Hugs Association’s park base. She spots a grouchy looking man heading towards the park and decides to shoot him with a lead arrow. He stops as the arrow dissolves into silvery dust and engulfs him. He begins to look worried before he continues his way towards the park, faster than before. Private Simmons does a fist pump since that was the 25th person she’s helped today. She resumes her hunt as the man reaches the YHA base. He begins to look through the crowd before a particularly busty and fuzzy yeti spots him.
Glenda: Hey Frank! Want a hug?
Frank: N-no, that’s fine.
G: You sure? Why would you come here if you didn’t want a hug?
F: I-I need to see Katrina. It’s urgent.
G: Alright. She’s over there. *Glenda points towards Katrina, who’s hugging a couple of toddlers while their mother takes some photos*
F: Th-thanks! *Frank walks towards Katrina. When he’s out of earshot, Glenda smiles*
G: Go get her tiger. *Glenda then spots a couple of handsome men whom she decides might like feeling her hug them and heads towards them. Frank reaches Katrina as she says her goodbyes to the kids*
F: K-katrina?
K: Oh? Hi Frank! How’s it go- *Katrina is interrupted as Frank walks up and hugs her* Wha-wha-wha-what? You’re touching me?
F: I’m sorry Katrina, I’ve been such an idiot. How could I not have realized your feelings for me?
K: B-b-b-b-but you’re afraid of people touching you! The whole reason I never told you anything because I didn’t want to scare you away!
F: W-well, I’m not going to run away now. This is where I want to be, in your arms.
K: Oh Frank! *Katrina hugs Frank back* I’m so happy!
F: So am I!
K: … Wait a minute… Frank, how long have you felt this way?
F: Well, I’ve liked you ever since we met.
K: No, I mean how long has it been since you felt the need to proclaim your love for me?
F: W-well, I was on my way here to see how things were going and everything just came into focus. *Katrina lets go of Frank and looks into his eyes* What are you doing?
K: I just need to check something… Hearts?! I knew it! I need to go take of some business Frank, could you wait here for me?
F: What kind of business?
K: The kind that shoots arrows and flies! *Katrina leaves the hugging area and heads in the direction Frank came from. Eventually she finds Private Simmons hiding behind a lamppost, taking aim at someone leaving the YHA area.* Found you! *Private Simmons freezes before nervously turning to face the yeti. Katrina grabs her and pulls her into a nearby alleyway.* Private Diana Simmons I presume? *Private Simmons looks shocked.* Don’t look so surprised, we’ve managed to sneak a few of our members into the Cupid Corps.
Meanwhile, back at the Cupid Corps desert base, a yeti tries to put on her cupid uniform in a locker room surrounded by cupid. She manages to contain her breasts in the top, which promptly bursts causing the little heart clasp to fly off and hit one cupid in the head, knocking her out. Another cupid sees this and gives the yeti a thumbs up.
Back in the alleyway.
K: So Diana, I’m sure you’re aware that you’re not supposed to be anywhere near here, correct? *Private Simmons slowly nods.* Don’t worry Diana, I’m not mad. I actually want to thank you. If it weren’t for you, the man that I’ve been crushing on for the last few years wouldn’t have come and confessed his feelings for me! So I’ve got a proposition for you. *Private Simmons nods her head and listens intently.* I’m sure you’re aware that some people come to see us because they’re lonely. Now, we can’t tell you exactly who’s looking for love, but we can possibly give them something like a balloon or a box of chocolates that somebody could use to figure out if they’re wanting some romance. *Private Simmons begins to smile mischievously as she works out what Katrina is telling her.* It seems you get where I’m coming from. Before you agree to anything, I just have to warn you about something. To be able to do what we’re doing in the park, we had to promise the town that we weren’t going to try to hook people up or find ourselves husbands. Nobody can find out that we’re helping each other. That being said, if we do this, you’ll be able to go on that cruise with that guy you like for sure! *Private Simmons’ eyes gleam cheerfully as she vigorously shakes Katrina’s hand.* So you agree then? Alright, good luck Diana! *Private Simmons salutes before flying off.*