No Twilight, Femanon Will Not Make Out With You

>Day Feminine Urges in Equestria
>This morning begins in much the same way as the past several mornings before it.
>You open your eyes to greet the day, only to find your hand had done a little wandering during the night.
>Sneering, you slip your hand out of your panties and roll out of bed.
>You are Femanon, and you need to get laid.
>It's been a few months since you landed in Equestria, but according Twilight Sparkle the time lapse between your worlds could be drastically different.
>It could have been years since you had some dick.
>..Or a day and a half.
>Either way, the life of a displaced debutante is suffering.
>You stumble out of the basement and into the kitchen of Golden Oaks Library.
>Spike, Twilight's assistant-dragon-thing, is already hard at work cooking something.
>It smells like burnt hay.
>Not that that's unusual.
>Rubbing at your face in a most unladylike manner, you bump your foot against the base of his tail.
"Morning, little guy."
>Spike shoots you a death glare over his shoulder before huffing and going back to, whatever that mess of greens was in the skillet.
>"Hey Anon. Wake up in an awkward position again this morning?"
>Color rushes to your cheeks as you remember the first time Spike walked in on you attending to your more primal needs.
"Sh-shut up you scaly little monster!"
>The baby dragon gives a throaty laugh, but stays quiet.
>You cross your arms under your chest and stalk over to the pantry to fix yourself something.
>It would be easier if you could eat the weeds and grasses ponies eat, but you can't.
>All these starches are killing you though...
>Still, you manage to put something together that doesn't make you feel like you're going to become a human blimp afterwards.
>After a few minutes of eating in silence, you call out to Spike.
"Sparks have a late night last night?"

>"You know Twilight," he sighs and you hold back a smile as you imagine him rolling his eyes, "if she's not up half the night studying something, then she feels awful when she wakes up."
>Picking a bit of breakfast out from between your teeth, you grin.
"But she feels worse after those binge study sessions."
>Spike does a quarter turn with his head, and you can see the dead look in his eyes.
>"Tell me about it."
>You don't bother to cover your laughter as Spike sighs and goes back to the pan.
>"You two, up already?"
>Speak of the devil.
>Turning your eyes towards the stairs, you see a still groggy unicorn wobbling at the landing.
>From the bags under her eyes, she was probably only out for a couple of hours.
>You give her a small wave.
"Morning, Twilight."
>"Hng."
>Ah, the Morning Grunt.
>So much for sustained communication.
>The purple mare stumbles downstairs, nearly falling horn over tail several times before stepping onto solid ground.
>She staggers over to the pot of coffee Spike had set aside for her and pours a cup.
>After a lengthy sip, she smacks her lips and turns her tired eyes to you.
>"Morning."
>So it is almost every morning in the library
>Spike is grouchy
>Twilight is completely useless until her third cup.
>So that makes you... what?
>The horny one?
>Probably.
>You let your head thud against the table.
>Surprisingly, it seems to shake Twilight out of her stupor.
>"Anon? What's wrong?"
>You groan and roll your head from side to side in an attempt to defuse the situation without saying anything.
>Talking about feeling like getting laid was bad enough back home.
>The idea of bringing it up with a species that you're not even sure reproduces the same way just seems like a problem waiting to happen.
>But Twilight, as you should have known, wasn't in the mood to relent when she saw a problem.
>Stumbling over to your side, she frowns and places a hoof on your arm.
>"Anon, please..."

>Don't look.
>Don't look.
>DON'T YOU FUCKIN-
>You turn your head and see those big purple eyes staring at you.
>Aw...
>Sighing, you lean back in your chair and try to keep from making eye contact with the master manipulator.
>"I don't know Twilight, it's not something I really feel comfortable talking about."
>She places a hoof on your leg.
>You have to bite back the coo of how adorable she is.
>Like a friendly puppy.
>"Anonymous, please. We're friends, you can tell me anything."
>Oh Twilight.
>Rolling your eyes, you sigh and shrug.
"Well, the short version of it is that I think I need to get laid."
>A lengthy silence fills the air.
>You glance down at purple pony and see she's cocked her head to the side.
>"You, need to take a nap?"
>Oh gosh she's so innocent how can you corrupt this sweet little thing?
>You feel your face go flush as you turn away.
"No, uh, I need to get plowed."
>"Humans are part vegetable?"
>Twilight practically squeaks in delight.
>"This is amazing! We have to go see Applejack and get you potted straight away!"
>She tugs on your leg, trying to get you to stand.
>Why is this so difficult?
>Sighing, you give Twilight a strained smile and try your best to be direct.
"Twilight, I need to have sex."
>There's a clatter from the sink as Spike drops three or four dishes back into the bin and stares at you.
>Mauve Magic blinks and then furrows her brow.
>"By sex, you mean intercourse?"
>Jeez.
>You avert your eyes and bob your head twice.
>Twilight looks thoughtful for a moment, then smiles.
>"Well, I'm not sure how things work back on Earth, but here in Equestria two ponies who are interested in one another in... in 'that way', tend to go on a date."
>Ugh.
>Dating.
>Exactly what you were hoping to avoid.
>With a huff, you roll your eyes and lean back in your chair.
"Super..."

>Twilight taps her hooves together a few times before continuing.
>"I-I know it's a little unorthodox, but perhaps you would like... to go out, with me?"
>You let the front legs of your chair clatter to the ground, causing Twilight to nearly jump out of her skin in the process.
>Rubbing your chin, you consider her offer.
"Yeah, that makes a lot of sense."
>The purple pony perks up at that suggestion.
>"It, it does?"
"Yeah... I mean, two girls are bound to draw more attention than one, and I could use a wing, uh, mare."
>Twilight gives you a quizzical look, but you wave her off and grin.
"Forget about it, just be ready to go at eight and I'll take care of everything."
>Huh, you don't think you've ever seen Twilight jump that high.
>"YES! Oh my gosh, I have to get ready!"
>And just like that, she's off.
>Girl must have an itch as bad as you do.
>As you let your eyes linger around the room, they settle again on Spike.
>He's giving you a suspicious look.
>Clicking your tongue behind your teeth, you sneer at him.
"Don't you have broken dishes to clean up?"
>"Don't you have broken dishes to clean up?"
>He sneers right back and then goes back to work.
>Smartass...
>The day passes without incident, and by the time night comes you're more than ready to get got.
>You even broke out some of the more high end make-up Rarity gave you that she said would make you look 'simply ravishing, dear'.
>Well, she wasn't wrong.
>You purse your lips a few times in the mirror and then wink at your reflection.
"Give me the D."
>Perfect.
>Twilight takes a little longer to get ready, but you aren't going to leave your winggal out to dry.
>Eventually, she makes it down and, to your pleasant surprise, decided to forgo the 'shut-in nerd' look.
>Mane washed, coat cleaned, hooves polished; the mare looks downright dashing!
>Grinning, you give her butt a playful swat.
"We are going to blow them away tonight, Twilight!"

>A delighted giggle bubbles up from your wingmare as you say goodbye to Spike and stroll out into the town.
>Twilight’s attitude is amazing, you would think she spent all her nights out on the town just by looking at her.
>But after arriving at the bar, she begins to deflate.
>And with each passing hour, she sinks lower and lower in her seat.
>Not that you can really blame her; it’s difficult to compete with an alien who wears her tits on her chest instead of between her legs.
>Still, you can’t help but feel bad that the stallions are falling all over you and ignoring her.
>So, after a lengthy conversation with a certain fancy male, you excuse yourself to the bathroom.
>As you cross the room, you catch sight of one of the stallions who had been staring at you for most of the night.
>Motioning him over, you smile as he trots up.
“Hey there.”
>“H-hey.”
>Ah, a pastamancer.
>And you thought they were only on Earth.
>He’ll be perfect for Twily.
>Placing a finger under his muzzle, you gently turn his head towards the slouching purple mare.
“You see that girl over there? I’d like for you to go and chat her up for a while.”
>The stallion looks confused and looks back up at you.
>“Twilight? But she’s…”
“Shh.”
>You place your forefinger against his lips before turning his attention back to her.
“…has been shooting glances at you all night. It’s a sure thing.”
>Squirming a little, the stallion seems to weigh his options before nodding and making his way over to the bar.
“Heh, too easy…”
>With a happy swing in your step, you continue towards the bathroom.
>But a sight gives you pause.
>There he is, the guy who looks like the wildest ride in the bar.
>Big.
>Red.
>Muscular.
>A good ol’boy if you ever saw one.
>And probably hung like a horse to boot.
>Wait, aren’t all of them?
>Squirreling that thought away for later, you saunter over to the eldest Apple.

“Hey Mac.”
>Those big green eyes meet yours.
>He doesn’t say a word as he takes another sip of his drink.
>You aren’t deterred in the least.
“How about you show me how good you are at plowing fields?”
>A lengthy pause stretches between the two of you.
>But at last, Mac bobs his head and drinks the rest of his drink.
“Eeyup.”
>Biting your lip, you follow him out of the building.
>Twilight will understand.
>Tonight’s going to be great…
>
>Back at the bar, Twilight turns down yet another anxious stallion.
>This is really getting out of hoof.
>But Femanon will be back soon and then may be they can leave.
>It can’t come soon enough.
>As she turns to drown her frustrations in drink yet again, a small voice calls out to her.
>“Hey, Twilight.”
>The purple mare glances around a few times before the voice says again.
>“Twilight.”
>At last, her eyes settle on a pair of cranberry colored irises peeking up from behind the bar; tufts of a chromatic mane clearly visible as well.
>“Twi, you look really hot tonight.”
>Rolling her eyes, Twilight waves her hoof.
>“Rainbow please, just go.”
>The blue pegasus pops up and puffs out her cheeks, scowling for several seconds before flapping off to find easier pickings.
>Once again, Twilight returns to her drink.
>Femanon better get back soon…
>
>It’s well after two by the time you stagger back into the library.
>Spike, ever faithful and obnoxious, is waiting up for you with a smug look on his face.
>“So did you have a good time?”
>You bring your fingers to your temple and shake your head.
“Not in the least. I spent the last four hours trying to get away from Big Mac. That boy loves to talk about topsoil.”

>Crossing your arms under your chest, you roll your eyes.
“And he said he wouldn’t plow me unless we got hitched first. Stupid values make me waste a whole night… how’d Twilight make out?”
>Spike jerks a thumb towards the second floor.
>“She cried herself to sleep.”
>Ouch, rejection must really hurt.
>Waving your hand, you try to seem nonchalant about the whole thing.
“I’ll make it up to her tomorrow.”
>“Mhmm…”
>Oh, unconvinced, huh?
>Whatever.
>You resist the urge to flip Spike off, and make your way down into the basement.
>Taking a little while to wash your face off, you quickly turn your attention to your bed.
>Sleep comes easy as you collapse onto the soft mattress.
>Such is life as the only (female) human in Equestria.
>
>It’s five in the morning when Spike sneaks down the stairs without a sound.
>The creaks and groans of the steps, he knows them all by this point.
>Spotting his target, he crawls up into Femanon’s bed.
>A few gentle touches and prods has the human girl reaching down to pleasure herself.
>The young reptile watches in a mixture of curiosity, amusement, and arousal as he continues his almost nightly ritual.
>It’s good to be the dragon.