30 years of celibacy

>You are Anon
>Former resident of planet Earth
>Current resident of Equestria
>A place filled with talking horses and magic
>And today you discovered an interesting rule in magic
>Back in your world there is a saying on the internet that if you remain of virgin for thirty years, you become a wizard
>Here, it is true
>"It's common fact here, Anon. Don't citizens in your world become wizards after 30 years of celibacy?"
"Well...no"
>"Then why are you still a maiden, Anon?"
"Well, I haven't had much luck and...tell me more about wizards"
>"Well...in reality, every pony can become a wizard, regardless if they are an unicorn or not. Unicorns normally use magic for trivial things, but wizards are much more powerful. Rumours say that they can move mountains and crack the sea. Miracle workers as a whole"
"I see...so, can I become a wizard?"
>"You should be able to. No reason not to. But I doubt you can succeed"
"What? Why?"
>"Sexual lust is something that eats everypony from the inside. Why do you think everybody is so friendly? Most ponies I know have a book where they rate their friends if they want to have sex with them or not"
"Huh?"

>"Platonic sex is a thing here, Anon. You can ask a close friend to have sex with you and there is a high chance they will say "yes""
"Well, I've managed to go on this long. I think I can handle a few more years"
>"I envy you humans. Sex is not as desirable to you"
"I would disagree"
>"I would disagree even more."
"Are you planning to be a wizard?"
>"Yes, definitelly. Control over space and time and all that neat stuff. I would very much like to be one, yes"
"OK, let's do it. We will become wizards together. After we achieve wizardry, we can have all the sex we want, right?"
>"Oh, yes."
"Sweet."
>And so you began your years long existence without touching that horse pussy
>Twilight continued to struggle with her urges
>To make sure neither of you have intercourse, you suggested making purity rings
>Every time you felt the want, you'd look at your rings and remind yourself of your goals
>Wizards

>To become a wizard, one must be a virgin
>That means that masturbation is A-OK
>You'd schedule circle jerk sessions with Twilight, giving each other a handy one for maximum pleasure
>You limited your social circles as much as you could
>She would only hang out with her five other friends
>You'd hang out with some of your guy friends
>Twilight has researched different anaphrodisiacs and has managed to make a certain breed of cannabis that erases all sexual needs for a couple of days
>You'd have sessions in which you'd get high, not have sex, eat junk food and talk about stuff
>Your favorite topic was the wizard clothes
>You were going to wear a black robe, either with your suit underneath or naked with just male strap socks and pointed shoes with bells on them
>You'll have a hood and a wizard's hat and you will change them according to how you felt like
>She says that she would just wear a cape with a hood
>She didn't have much of a fashion sense
>Days went on, weeks, moths, even years
>Finally the dream of being a wizard was achievable was just a week away
>It's a good thing that you shared the same birthday with Twilight
>Seven days are left

>You get up, wash up, get dressed and head to visit your soon to be wizard colleague
>You knock on the door and spike answers
>He has grown up over time
"Hello, buddy. Can I come in"
>"I don't think it's a good idea" - he answers in a cracking, teenage voice
"What? Why?"
>"You see..."
"SPIKE, BRING ME MORE KUSH!" - he is interrupted by a yell
>He goes inside and you follow him
>He get's some from Twilight's stash and you both go into her room
>What you see is a grotesque visage of your friend
>Sweaty, her hair in shambles, smoking from a hookah and furiously masturbating
"Um...Twilight?"
>"ANON! YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME! THE URGES! I CAN'T MAKE THEM STOP! I'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT MASTURBATING AND SMOKING! THEY DON'T GO AWAY"
"Twilight, stay calm, we can handle this together"
>She looks at you and throws herself towards your crotch, trying to undo your belt
>"Come on, Anon! We are friends! We are the best of friends! We've known each other for so long! Let's shag!"
>You are disgusted
"Unhand me vile temptress!"
>You give her the back of your hand and send her flying to the wall
"We have been working so hard for this and I'm not going to let you ruin it for any of us. Spike, get some ropes and fill the bath with water"

>You manage to tie up Twilight with the help of Spike
"Now Twilight, what we are about to do is for your own good"
>You get her to the bathroom
>The tub is filled with water
>Cold as ice
>You put her inside and she screams from the sudden change of temperature
"Now you are going to stay here until the end of the week. Spike will bring you food each day. We are gonna get through this. Don't worry"
>You close the doors, silencing her yells
>"Is this really a good idea, Anon?"
"Sure it is. What can go wrong?"
>"What if she escapes? There is a window in there"
"Well, seal it off. Do I have to explain everything to you?"
>"No, but..."
"Trust me, everything will work out just perfectly. I'm going to go explain the situation to our friends, so they'll be ready when the time comes. In the mean time, I'm trusting her in your capable claws."
>"Thanks..."
>You leave and go around town explaining to ponies how Twilight has become a sex-crazed maniac, ready to rape on sight

>Six days are left
>By now everybody who needs to know is informed of the situation
>You've talked it over with Pinkie and she agreed to throw the party in Twilight's bathroom
>All the rest are a little doubtful of the situation, but are on board
>You give a final check of the wizard notes Twilight gave you, just to make sure you haven't left anything out
>30 years of celibacy
>Super powers
>Mastering and enhancing abilities through meditation, studying yadayadayada
>Kick ass wizard attire
>Everything is good
>You just hope everything goes as planned
>You continue on your day as usual

>Five days left
>Today you decide to help out Spike
>He has barely gotten any sleep these few nights
>You tag him out
>You go into the bathroom with a bowl of cereal
>Twilight is just sitting there, a moist mess
"Say aaa"
>You feed her spoon by spoon
"How you holding up, champ?"
>"Good"-she barely answers with a gritty and quiet voice
"I know this is hard for you, but it's all for the best"
>"I know"
>You continue to feed her
>"I'm glad I have a friend like you, who'd stay by me and risk everything" - she answers as her eyes water up
>She never blinks and just stares at the water
>Poor thing
>Come to think of it, you were a little rough with her
>And putting her in a bathtub was a bit cruel and unusual
>You have to make it up to her
"Twilight, when this is all over..."
>She finally looks at you
''...I will have sex with you'
>"Really, you mean it?"
"I do. I've put you through so much, I should make it up to you"
>"Thank you, Anon. I can't believe you'd go with such a thing"
"Hey, what are friends for?"
>You continue to feed her in silence

>One day left
>The week passed right by
>You are lying in bed staring at the ceiling
>A lot of thoughts go through your mind
>It's finally here
>The day you've been waiting for so long
>Ultimate power
>Meditation, learning, yadayadayada
>Kick ass robes
>But a strange question comes up to you
>Where does she go to the bathroom?
"OH GOD!"

>You took out Twilight out of the tub so Spike can drain it
>It seems to be that Twilight has gotten a little cold because of her 6 day soak and hasn't noticed the smell
>Spike on the other hand is so sleep deprived that he barely notices anything
>It's a shame really, but he is the best man for the job
>She wouldn't have sex with her brother/pet/servant
>And it would have been too much of risk to come back again
>Spike told you how she got all restless when you left the other day
>Laughing and crying and what not
>Psychological warfare is a dangerous thing
>After Spike changed the water, you put her back in
>You give her a shower, cleaning her filthy fur
>Spike cleans the bathtub from all the soap
"Are you ready Twilight? Tomorrow is our big day"
">I am, Anon. I hope you are as well"
>You smile
"Of course"
>"You won't give yourself up too easily, I hope"
>Wow
>This girl is into some stuff
"I won't"
>"And post-sex?"
>Post-sex?
>Cuddling?
>Sure, no problem
"Won't be a problem"
>"I'm glad"
>After the conversation, you tell Spike that he can have a break
>You were going to guard Twilight until the birthday party

>The day has come
>Today you will be a wizard
>And today you will get laid
>Twilight didn't give you any trouble during the night
>You fed her breakfast in the morning
>Cleaned her mane a bit a left her
>You went down to Sugar Cube Corner to help Pinkie Pie with the cake
>You went to Rarity to take your measures for your robe and wizard hat
>You went down to Applejack to pick up the cider
>Today was going to be a good day
>Everypony on guest list was coming
>Not a big guest list, so it wasn't that much of a problem
>You finally decided that a party in the bathroom won't be such a good idea so you changed the location to the main hall and waited until you both clocked 30
>Which was at the exact same time!
>What a coincidence!
>You helped Rainbow Dash and Big Mac to set the table in the room
>You helped Fluttershy with the the dishes and utensils
>Everything was going according to plan
>Five minutes to wizardring!
>It's time to let the succubus out
>You go into the bathroom
>Twilight is just sitting there, staring into the water
"Hey, there Twili. You ready for your big day?"
>She doesn't move
"Time for you to master the arcane arts and have to equal"
>No answer
>You go in a bit closer
"Is everything fine?"
>"Everything is fine, Anon. I'm just glad that I have a friend like you and I wouldn't want to lose you"
"Hey now, I am right he..."
>You couldn't finish your sentence
>You were knocked back by a wave of magic
>Twilight is free
>And she is staring at you with a lustful smile
>You look at your watch
>2 minutes until wizard
>"You know, Anon, this whole time in the bathtub did a number on me. I was practically in shambles. I even forgot I was Celestia's pupil! I couldn't be held back by ropes!"
"Now Twilight, think about what you are doing. We've worked to hard on this. You can let it just go toy waste"
>No answer
>She just takes small steps towards you
>1 minute until wizard
>No reasoning with her
>You get up and exit the door

>You run as fast as you can
>This castle is enormous
>You didn't go back to the party
>There were too many stallions there
>If it wasn't you, it would have been someone else
>At least now she has only you as a target
>You enter a room and hide under a bed
>30 seconds until wizard
>Twilight enters
>You hold your breath
>You hear the hoofsteps go right past you
>Silence
>These are the longest 20 seconds of your life
>
>
>
>The bed flew right through the window
>Twilight is engulfed in a purple aura of lusting madness
>Tentacles spew out of it and grab your arms and legs, while others rip off your shirt and start undoing your belt buckle
>She takes off your pants
>Because of Murphy's law your member is at full power
>She's on top of you
"Twilight! Don't do this!"
>She doesn't answer
>5 seconds until wizard
>She's over you
>4 seconds until wizard
>She's aligning herself
>3 seconds until wizard
>She licks her lips
>2 seconds until wizard
>She's about to come down
>1 second until wizard
>You feel the touch of flesh

>She freezes
>You can't move either
>The both of you are engulfed in a yellow light
>You feel new found power coursing through your veins
>You feel able to lift mountains, split seas
>You are a wizard
>You look at Twilight
"Did...did it just happen"
>"I-I think so"
>You look at your watch
>You are thirty years old
>Thirty years of celibacy finally paid off
>Just in the nick of time
>And now it's time
>You take Twilight and pin her to the ground to ravage her
>She offers no resistance
>It's all very grotesque and biological
>This was sex
>You've never felt anything like it
>It was incredible
>After you do the deed a couple of times with your wizard colleague, she light's up a cigarette
"So Twilight. Ready to go to the party?"
>"Yeah, just need to do the first thing in my wizardring life"
"What's that?"
>"Increase my strenght"
"Ah, meditation"
>"Sure, that too"
>"And eat your heart"
>What?
"What?"
>"What? It's the easiest and most effective thing on the list. Din't you read it? Meditation, studying, eating an assortment of herbs, drinking milk and honey every day, eating the hearts of other wizards...I thought you read my notes?"
"Well I did but..."
>"Why do you think I was so willing to waste the opportunity of wizardry? Sure, I did go a little sex-mad but you are also my friend, Anon"
"Can't you just...not do it?"
>"Sorry, the wizard world is a very hostile place. Wizards don't have a lot of empathy and I risk you trying to eat my heart one day"
"You're messed up!"
>"Hey! It's not my fault you have a bad reading comprehension"
>And so
>You finally became a wizard
>You finally had sex
>Unfortunately you died in the process
>After eating your heart, Twilight flew away and began to master her newfound skills, challenging other wizards
>With time, after Celestia's rule, she rose to power bringing a new age of prosperity in a bloody wake of cardiac gauges
>She honors you to this day by wearing a suit underneath her wizard cape

>Everything turned out for the best, excluding your current status

Duh Ent