How can 2018 be good if it starts on Monday,

You, comment awards, me, an intellectual, commentious awardious,

This is sad, just like your mirror,

1980, I bet we will have flying cars in the future, 2017, sexist air conditioning, explains why the standard office temperature of 22 degrees Celsius is too low for women,

Earth is actually wide nigga, earth is flat scientists say, mountains are just this niggas pecs,

Sorry wrong number,

Interviewer, how do you view lesbian relationships, my best friend, in HD,

When mom calls you by your full name, hoseph, shit,

Siri flip a coin and have it land on heads or I'm killing myself, tails,

When mom calls you by your full name, sportakus, shit,

Date someone who is a home and an adventure all at once, date a RV,

Uni is giving us free iPads, my university gave me free depression,

Are you sure your name isn't WIFI, pretty sure, that'll be why I’m not getting a connection then, that was super lame, got any better pick up lines, what did the 1 say to the 10, what, that was super lame, got any better pick up lines, this guy deserves a medal,

You vs the guy she tells you not to worry about, little d, lord of D,

When you poke a hole in you uncle’s condom and your dad gets pregnant,

Who would win, one of the most important organs in the body, one dingy boy,

I care deeply about like 5 people in my life and about 400-600 dogs I’ve never met on Instagram,

Is Halloween getting too sexy for kids,

When people ask why you’re broke,

Who would win, a person who has worked fast and hard to get to the place he is now, one spiky boy,

Swearing is so unattractive, I'm already unattractive so mind your fucking business,

Son, dad is in the hospital, bitch I can't see I'm fucking blind, holy shit,

They said lil pump is short for Lilliam pumpernickel and that shit got me short of breathe,

I hate having in some near, I never sleep, i’ve read this 23 times and realized the 24th time that you're trying to spell insomnia,



Me in the winter, how do you expect me to do things its fucking freezing outside, me in the summer, howdy you expect me to do things its fucking hell outside,

Who would win, the three complex layer of a finger, the epidermis the dermis and the subcutaneous, one sharp boy,

The best thing I heard today was a pregnant women arguing with her partner and she said, I have two brains and you have one,

Nut, is short for nutasha,

Whats worse than a heartbreak, you ever woke up and then realized your phone was never charging,

What you see vs what she sees,

Me, no one ever texts me, gets a text, me, wtf do you want,

How to get 1d back together, FBI, we’ve already tried, what the fuck,

My grandma got me a $50 gift card for walmart and I'm using it all on plan B just to get the real nut in, sorry grandma,

When you clean out a vacuum cleaner you become a vacuum cleaner,

Today, the student debt crisis reached $1,499,246,043,056, damn only 3 more students owe money,

I still need to get my son something, what about a hat, interesting what kind, don't ever speak to me or my son again,

My ex called me last night and told me she couldn't sleep, I told her to look up Isaiah 48:22, there is no rest for the wicked, lol bitch leave me alone,

Dear Prada, WTF is this, you can kill a roach in a corner with these mother fuckers,

Steal his look, blue Gucci overalls, $3,000, white Gucci gloves, $200, Timbs, $190, Gucci mario hat and mustache $1000,

Whats the brokest y’all have been, card declined on ramen noodles, I was buying one bag, cashier said, man just take it,

When life is sucking you into a pit of despair and stress but you really just ain’t fighting it anymore,

How dramatic I am when I want attention,

I just calculated, I'm 100 kilos, and I just ate 800 grams of ravioli, like the whole damn can, that means i’m 0.8 percent ravioli, its 4am what the fuck, Danny using those brain cells,

Comment awards, dank doodle memes,

My reaction to everything because I’ve killed all my brain cells and it takes me a minute to process even the simplest of situations,

Police, man arrested after he lured his brother into the woods and tried to slit his throat, his brother must have been his barber,

When a thot blows you a kiss, trust no thot,

Who would win, xxxtentacruel, xxxtentacion,

When your buff 6 foot 5 300 pound cellmate says so I hear you're the nigga that can't keep his dick in his pants,

Our hands have fingertips but our toes don't have toe tips, yet we can tiptoe,

Youtube niggas be like, anyone else notice the dildo at 3:26, Edit, lol I didn't expect 200plus likes, thanks for the support guys,

African filled terrorized by gay baboon who recently raped 5 men,

Diamonds boots, feather falling 4, why y’all using parachutes, just us them feather fall boots,

Mom, wyd in there, me, homework, mom, I don't hear no homework, me,

Drugs aren't cool,

Me, yo, pass me the aux cord, friend, you better not play trash, me,

A group of penguins broke out of the zoo exposure in Denmark, just smile and wave boys, smile and wave,

Wyd for New Years, Me,

Me, is single, clickbait, is he cheating on you, me,

Dad, son, one day you'll be a man, son, I'm 24, dad, yeah but you still vape,

Reported for nudity, I did too, this filthy trash needs to be taken off this great christian website,

Me, ok im going to hug her, don't get excited, my dick,

Who would win, an advanced muscular organ covered in a moist pink tissue called mucosa with tiny bumps called papillae giving it its rough texture, vital for chewing and swallowing food, one spicy, boy,

What day of week is it, said pooh, not a fucking clue, said piglet, baileys and selection box for breakfast suggested pooh, bring it the fuck on, said piglet,

Crackhead throwing competition,

Hey kids, get the F off my lawn,

Who would win, a piece of technology that is able to calculate sums pretty quickly, 2+2 is 4-1 thats 3 quick mafs, one cold boy,

Man my corn dog looks like a dick, you gay for buying that,


When its time to pick a career where you can apply your degree in gender studies,

My 4 year old said daddy why do people make up things that their children have said for social media, isn't hit just inherently dishonest and indicative of an inability to construct a compelling narrative themselves,

Cowbelly fails to say England is my city 100,00 times, now he is planning to say Gucci gang 1000000, if he dies, he dies,

I still have no idea how beyonce played connect four this poorly,

Yo I'm way too high, if you work at a farm and your job is to take care of the chickens, you are a chicken tender, wow,

Wife, this marriage is over, you think everything’s a joke, me, knock knock, wife, who’s there, me, fighting back tears, regret,

While on house arrest, xxtentacion will be allowed to record music, so they gonna punish us instead of him, the system is fucked,

1950’s, I bet we’ll have flying cars in the future, 2017, realistic minecraft animations live,

Her, I bet he’s thinking of other women, him, if xmas equals christmas than we might as well say Jesus X,

Bike still for sale, yes it is, whats the lowest you’ll go on it, 2 mph anything less that that and you’ll tip over,

People who say see you next year, on December 31st are the same people who do this to their car during christmas,

When your food popping in the microwave but it comes out cold, nigga what,

If you play 1-800-273-8255 by logic at 11:59:23 on New Years eve I don't wanna be alive will play at exactly midnight, kick off 2018 the same way you felt all of 2017,

The toilet, me, pee, this is deep,

My 7 year old just back talked me, tomorrow while she's at school i’m logging into minecraft and destroying her fucking village, don't destroy it, just plant a ton of ant with a pressure plate around her, so she destroys it when she logs in,

Growing up shy, when you're choking but have to hold it in because 2 coughs had already drawn too much attention,

When those high school Spanish classes finally pay off, cafeteria, cafeteria,

Me, good grades and success, comment awards, good grades and success,

I had no idea Miley Cyrus modeled for Nerf gun ads,
Look for the girl with the broken smile,

When people comment that your mature for your age and you taught about it but you know inside that you matured from the trauma not from the years,

Where girls cried, where boys cried, where men cried,

Couple in Egypt commit suicide to explore what happens after death, y'all consider this a date,

I can't imagine the things this hotel are conditioner has seen,

Drug dealer, thats gonna be $80 bro, me, damn, only got $75 on me, drug dealer, alright, fuck it thats fine, me,

Robber, I’ll kill the first person that moves, me,

Me to my wife, I'm going to talk the d-o-g for a w-a-l-k, my dog,

Say dad, motherfucker, same thing,

Looking for his keys,

Get you a man who can do both,

Yeah if someone could get me out of this apple pie that'd be great,

Me, still don't feel anything, edible, me,

When you get a preens toy don't like but try to fake it, this is nice,

Store opens at 8am, white people at 8am,

Nike rare max,

Always start your day with the best and healthier food you can provide yourself,

What type of hash browns do y’all prefer, I don't discriminate,

A gingerbread house with candy glass windows, cinnamon gutters, and fondant dumpster, this shit look like a GingerTrap house,

Apple faces $999 billion lawsuit for slowing down older iphones, bitch apple owe us all a fuck you mean,

The picture NASA doesn't want you to see,

Man, I need to admit something, every time I'm drunk I make Missouri slightly larger on its wikipedia page, whoever reported me for this and got me banned you are a huge nerd bitch,

Drinks, $20, seats, $200, Beyonce and Jay Z laughing as you get decked by a loose ball, priceless,

Man, ever seen spongebob’s crib, barber, eye say no more fam,


You know people are really dumb, yeah no kidding, yeah I swear 75% of people in the world r so dum, haha yea, it does feel good to know I'm in the other 30% though,

We aint like other triplets, because y’all some trooplets,

Porn website, to access, you have to confirm you are 18 years old of age, me when I was 13, I confirm,

Wow elmo, isn’t it exciting to think we’re the first people this tribe have seen in years, said Murray, yeah Murray, the first, and the last, screamed elmo as he loaded his gun and prepared to take the land for the British empire,

Star Wars spoiler, ok now that the nerds stopped reading my parents are outta town and I'm throwing a party, my brothers gonna buy us beer,

Pick a secret question, what was your childhood nickname, xxx 420 no scope durmon xxx,

NY police are no longer allowed to break up loud parties, unstoppable parties and free tuition, time to bust out the times and move to NY,

I dont know who or what this is but its an accurate representation of my physical state of mind,

To celebrate Ed Sheerans album in selected stores we’re having a pizza party, just look at this deep pan photo album #deeppanalbumparty, fuck me that hash tag is outrageous haha,

I just asked for Lorde tickets, no the lord, jorji, dad and I are so proud and happy that you want to grow your faith and spend time with the lord enjoy Paster Joel osteen at the spirit center,

When you try to pull off that little piece of skin next to your finger and it bleeds,

Kids work together to create eternal recess, to proletariat uprising we deserve,

OMFG my dad just sleepwalked into my room and had his dick out, had to give it a little nibble,

Me, I promise I won't get all political, 3 drinks later, I am the senate,

Are you religious, id like to introduce you to my religion, whats your religion,

Wanting your belly button pierced,

2nd orange alligator pops up in the Carolinas, Am I tripping or if you zoom in on this photo this mother fucker got on tiny sunglasses,

When you come home from university for christmas and your mom asks you to clean the dishes, forced to be a slave by my own nom,

Do you know how sexy it is when he teases you in bed with a bird leaf, bitch you mean a feather,

Me, dies, people to my boyfriend, its okay to get back out there shed want you to move on, me in heaven,

If we see water but don't see air do fish see air but don't see water,


The hardest ornament to take off the tree, see you next year sweet prince,

Dad, son, one day you'll be a man, son, I'm 27, dad, yeah but you still watch anime,

Millennials are causing a baby bust-they aren't having enough kids to keep the U.S population at the replacement level, thats because rent it $1500 and jobs paying $12 an hour,

Normal person, if I had superpowers id make the world a better place, me, mom I'm in the bathroom, the toilet paper is gone,

Trump fieri wants to stop Muslims from entering Flavor town,

Her, send me a dick pick, me, can't no storage space left, her, delete some memes then, me,

Girl, but you already nutted how you going to give me round 2, me,

Cover me, thank god he didn't say fire in the hole,

Single, taken, violently jacking off to pornhub everyday,

My life in a picture, I have a job just need more money,

1, get a hamster, 2, name it awesome, 3, now you say I'm fucking awesome,

Guy, wouldn't it be funny if we had sex haha, girl, what, guy, sorry a friend took my phone, girl we’re talking in person,

Whats your biggest fear, being forgotten, damn thats deep, mine is this fish, why does he look so disappointed in me, please don't text me anymore,

Every gym owner on January 1st,

When you hitting it from behind and she yells deeper, not enough wood,

Bamboozing, bamboozled,

When your high at 3am eating cereal while everyone else is asleep,

What has been seen cannot be unseen,

Girlfriend, has mood swings, might break up with you, will someday die, only on earth, won't let you cheat, lego star wars the complete saga, has no emotions, will never leave you, a timeless classic, features many exotic planets, accepts a number of fun cheat codes,

The baby born to a man who was a women who got pregnant by a women who was a man, y’all could've just said that a transgender couple have a bay rather than giving me brain damage,

Nailed it,

The US paying for college tuition vs paying for war,


Therapist, ok so whats your earliest childhood memory, me,

Its official, I am no longer late for anal,

My grandma died today, also my cock is massive,

Scruff, grinder, tinder, in real life,