A Man's Regret

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December 12th, 197X

  A curious thing, Ambition. Bringer of miracles and calamity alike. A powerful tool when wielded properly, but without the wisdom to keep it in check, disaster is sure to strike. This log I've recorded is a testament to one such disaster. Once, many months ago, I was just a man. Not a regular man, mind you, but a prodigy. A genius in my field. Intellect such as mine however, came with a steep price: Solitude. When I was a boy, I was always shunned. Never included, never wanted. Even my own family would ignore me. They seemed to resent me, and no matter what I did to try and please them, it went unnoticed. At most, they would think I was just trying to show off or be a know-it-all. The more I achieved, the more their resentment grew. As such, I had always strove to do better. I figured that one day, I would make something great. So great, that even they couldn't ignore it. That was my ambition.

  As I continued my ascent in academia, people took notice. Interested parties, who wanted to use my gifts to their own ends. This resulted in accolades, talks, scholarships, and eventually, a free ride at an acclaimed university. At each junction, my family grew further apart from me. They hated me more, saying that since I was getting a free ride, it clearly meant I hadn't earned it. Any argument from me on the matter was shut down of course. I soon moved out, to live on campus. But even as they cursed my departure, I promised them the same promise I made to myself. Someday I'd make something great. During my schooling at the university, the same interested people would check in on my progress. When graduation neared, each one would attempt to recruit me into one program or another. However, none of them were in the field I was most interested in, so I turned them all down one after another. Finally, I would graduate with honours, but with my future a bit in doubt due to a lack of prospects in my field. It was at this point that (to both my luck, and my curse) I would meet Tom. The man who would become my only friend.

  Roughly my age, Tom was a fellow prodigy from another state. It was the happiest day of my life to finally meet someone who could see the world the way I did. Not only that, but he had similar interests, including majoring in the same field I had. After I had gotten to know him, he had told me of how he had been recruited by a big technology firm. A firm of which, was a major player in the field of robotics. It was at this point that he then told me that he'd like to recruit me if possible. Easily the shortest made decision I've ever made, I told him with gusto that I'd love to join him. I was sure that, with robotics, I could truly make something great. At the time I thought that with this company, I was sure to get that chance. It wouldn't be too long before I'd find out just how right I was.

  Upon arriving at the company headquarters, Tom and I were given our own division. I say division, but it really was just the two of us in there. Not much for manpower, but we were given quite a lab to work with. We were then given an important task by our employers. It turned out that they too, had an ambition. To be the first to create fully functional humanoid robots. They wanted to prove that it was possible, and to show possible applications that a fully functioning AI with a body could have. They figured that, to keep the media from trying to demonize the project, the first one should be a child entertainer. Due to the popularity of human-like animal characters, it was decided that an "Animal Automaton" or an "Animatron" would be an ideal start. Although they wanted to go through with this, Tom expressed concerns over possible dangers such an endeavour could possess. To him, AI hadn't advanced far enough to try it yet. So our director decided to split the load. Tom would work on the hardware, and I would work on the software. The main robotics of the animatronic unit was his job, while mine would be to develop the AI and other integrating systems. I always felt that our strengths were better suited to the opposite roles, but due to Tom's misgivings, he was considered ill-suited for the job. Still, with our tasks known, we set to work.

  Much of my life would be spent in that laboratory with Tom. As we worked so closely together, I would learn much about him. Unfortunately this would soon cause me to harbor resentment towards him. You see, it turned out that his childhood was much different from mine. Unlike me, he was accepted everywhere he went. Nobody thought he was a show off. Nobody disliked his intellect. I could never understand why this difference existed between us. And though I was his friend, I could not help but bear this envy. I soon began to drift apart from him. To focus more closely on my own work, and not share what I was doing with him. This of course, would be my first mistake. As the prototype's hardware neared completion, I began to struggle to keep pace. I would hit one snag after another with the AI. This would be where I made my second mistake, which was to not ask Tom for help. Despite all that has happened now, I am still loathe to admit that he was better at it than I, and perhaps, if I had only asked, this could have been prevented. But I had wanted to prove myself.

  Things eventually came to a head after the hardware was finished. Tom had looked over my code while I was out, and confronted me over some concerns he had. At that point, tensions were already high, so I went off on him. I called him so many terrible things, things I wish I could take back. I also refused to listen to him at all. My final mistake. Tom would eventually go over me and appeal to our director. He was so adamant in the problems he saw with my software that he threatened to quit if his concerns weren't acknowledged. At the time, I was too angry to appreciate how sad a parting it was. After he was gone, I withdrew back into the lab and worked tirelessly on the software. Again and again, I would run into more problems with the program. It wasn't long before I was given a deadline. I had to complete the project or get fired. Wanting perfection, I strove to get extensions, but was met with denial each time. The deadline would inch ever closer, and I would dig deeper into this pit of depression I found myself in. I began drinking heavily, and my work would suffer as a result. In my despair, I found myself going to a dark place. A little voice spoke to me in my desperation, and told me what had to be done. The project must be completed at any cost. It was my ambition, telling me to forgo everything else in lieu of getting it done. I began to cut corners. I haphazardly strung lines of code together without bothering to optimize them. Hell, I didn't even bother commenting anymore, opting instead to just overwrite sections if necessary. It was a grisly programming task, but I had taken to it with an unyielding fervor. The deadline would be met, with the AI being completed and installed on time.

  It came as no surprise that there was a deadly flaw. The logic and reasoning circuits did not have safeguards in place when it came to potentially harming a human. As well, the prototype was unable to use any logic outside the context of its entertainment program. Our test subject to be entertained by the prototype was instead killed by it. I can still remember it so vividly. It had all started with a simple handshake. But the robot caused a degloving injury to the poor man's hand. It then proceeded to attempt to fix the man's hearing and eyesight, by trying to remove his ears and eyes so it could replace them. It took around half a dozen of our staff to get the unit away from the test subject and shut it down. A number of which got pinched in numerous places by the animatron's joints. I will never forget the screaming. Or the voice of the animatronic unit saying that the test subject must have had faulty sensory peripherals, which is why the subject wasn't being entertained by the robot's actions. Truly, it seemed to believe that the human subject was just another robot malfunctioning. It's confused queries as to why it had to stop repairing the subject has haunted me to this day. Just something about the way it said it. As though there were some hidden malevolence within. Either way, I know not.

  Everything that happened has been on me, so I took the fall for this. The animatronic has been discontinued, and was scrapped. At my trial, my director was the only one called to witness, and he stated everything I had done in my moment of weakness. All the corners I cut. He said that I knew fully well that this would happen and simply let it, labeling me a monster. I knew I couldn't let things end as they were just now, so I escaped before they could put me away. I had to go back to the lab to leave this recording first. Along with this recording is all the data compiled regarding the robot, including the AI software. I know that what happened was terrible, but I still think this could be something great. I beg you, please continue my work. Fix the problems with the code, and realize what could possibly be the next step in robotics history. But do not make the same mistakes I made. Don't let ambition cloud your judgment like it did mine. And don't let this get back to the company I used to work for. I fully take the blame for what happened, but they still fostered the environment, pushing for anything happening (even something terrible) over nothing at all. Let what happened here serve as a warning.

  I will be an old man when I finally get out of prison. Perhaps I will be able to reconcile with Tom, and make a robot with him that we both can be proud of. But perhaps fate will have something else in store. I hope it has something better for you than it did me. And I truly hope you heeded my advice.

~ Albert
[END OF LOG]

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