Pick a Card? - Goofy Girl Gives you a Terrible Tarot Reading (Script) [F4A]

[F4A] Pick a Card? - Goofy Girl Gives you a Terrible Tarot Reading [Meet Cute] [Conversational] [Kinda Awkward] [Cute] [Bad Tarot Reading] [Playing Cards]

At some university festival, you (the speaker) went along with your friends' idea and dressed like a witch, not knowing that they would use that against you! They drag you into their club's booth, leaving you to fill in for their tarot reader. The listener shows up, you provide a brilliantly pathetic attempt at a reading before coming clean. You and the listener then chill and get to know each other a bit better.

[square brackets] for tone/actions, SFX where noted (optional)
*asterisks* for emphasis
double spaces for longer pauses
/slashes/ used for explanations of sounds or actions or any contextual events
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

[fretting] Oh god, why am I here? I shouldn't be here.

I *seriously* shouldn't be here.

How did this even happen? It's all this stupid costume's fault!

[mocking] "You'll be fine" they said! "You already have the look" they said!

Fine with what? Look like *what*?

Wait, here's a book...and some...oh no.

Tarot card readings? I can't- I don't even-

I'm dressed like a witch! Witches don't even *do* those! [angry sigh]

[nervous laugh] Umm, can I bail? Nobody's actually checking on me. They just left me here-

[SFX: tent flaps open] Annnnd here we go. [sigh]

Uh, hi! Welcome to...my tent? [with a bit more confidence] Yeah...welcome!

No no, I'm fine. I'm, uh...I'm good.

What sign?

Ohh, it says "reading in progress".

Let me put that outside. Nobody will disturb us now, I guess.


So I assume you're here for a tarot reading? I mean, obviously you are...yeah

Um, ok...Do you know how these work?

[under your breath] [relieved] Oh thank god.

Hm? I didn't say anything~

Don't worry about it! Come on, take a seat.

Just so you know, I'm not showing you the future or anything like that. This will just...give you a bit of clarity. [under your breath] I think?

Anyway, um, let's begin. [SFX: card shuffling]

Wow, these cards are pretty big, aren't they? Makes them pretty difficult to- [SFX: cards fluttering]

[sigh]

Let me try this again. [SFX: card shuffling]

Yes? Oh, of course, a question!

Yeah, think of something that you'd like some insight into.

[very unsure] So...now that I've shuffled these...I think...pick...a card?

Oh, it doesn't work like that? Ok...so maybe...oh, I got it. *I'm* supposed to deal them out.

Let's go with that.

So...how many cards do you want? You look like someone who'll like five. Is five a good number?

Ok...then I think I set them up in like a "plus" shape.

Now I turn them overrr...

Ah, what question did you have in mind?


I see.

Mhm.


Now...turning over this first card, we have the...[whisper] the what? [normal volume] Oh, the Hermit. This is like...it's someone that stays indoors a lot, right? And they don't talk to anybody from the outside. Sounds a little bit like me. [nervous laugh]

[clears throat] Ok, so in your case, I guess it means...you should stop staying in and playing all those dang videogames! You gotta get out there!

[nervous laugh] Who am I to say that, heh. Maybe I should take my own advice.

It was upside down? Does that- does that mean something?

Umm...moving on...*can* we move on?

Ok, yes! Moving on!

What? I can look at this book?

Oh. Hmm. [changing the subject] Uh, no- no interruptions!

So your next card is the Hee? High? Row...fant?

The *Hierophant*, yes!

Wow, the guy on this card looks like...quite the guy...what even is this?

I'm going to use the book. It's fine to use it during a reading. Probably.

You're right, it must be here for a reason. Very logical, aren't you?


So, in relation to your question, the story I'm telling you is...[SFX: flipping through book] let me see here...

Ah! So this guy means...mhmm...something-something...tradition!

Now, for this next part, I'll need to...

I...[sigh] [defeated] You know what? I'm gonna drop this act now.

I'm pretty sure you could see by my absolutely *terrible* performance that I can't actually read these things.

What? Then why didn't you say anything?

Oh my god this is embarrassing. [groan]

I don't know why I'm here either! Some of my friends are in this club and they just dragged me into this!

I guess they needed help or something? I know I look like a witch but come on!

Thank you! Witches *don't* do these things! [laugh]

Well, maybe they do, but not those that look like me!

Oh, is there a way to make this place a bit brighter? I'm not doing the whole reading thing anymore so we can get rid of this atmosphere.

Good idea! Grab all these candles and we can put them together on this table.


[sigh] Much better. Now we can see something.

Let me get this hat off, too. Pretty sure it's ruining my hair.

[SFX: hair shaking] How does it look? On a scale from old Disney hag to hot anime witch?

[laugh] I'll take it!

Wait a minute, now that I can see a bit better, you look familiar...

[gasp] That's right! I've seen you in my English classes! Oh my goodness hiii~

I'm surprised we haven't talked before. You sit at the back of the class too, don't you?

[giggle] Nice to meet a fellow slacker~


So what are you doing getting one of these readings? Do you have some juicy gossip to share~?

Just wanted to check it out, huh? A pity you got me. [chuckle]

Well, I know a tiny bit. And by "a tiny bit" I mean I read some random page in a magazine. Definitely not enough for an actual reading.

Yeah, you *saw* how I was winging it earlier! [laugh]

Maybe you can come back when someone that knows how to do this shows up? Then you can still get a reading today.

Me? I'll probably chill out in here until my friends get back.

It's kind of annoying, but they did need me, so I'll at least *try* and help out. Maybe the next person that comes here will be super gullible, who knows.

What about you? You can go enjoy the rest of this festival, you know.

Oh, if you give me your number, I can message you when someone gets back.

I promise I won't use it for anything else.

[sly] Maybe~ [giggle]

What? You want to hang out here? I don't mind, but why?

You think so? [smug] I guess I *am* pretty cool~

We can even leave that sign out so nobody will bother us.

I mean, not like *that*. It's not like I'm saying we need some privacy, It's-

[exasperated sigh] It's so no-one will come in and ask me to flub out another pathetic attempt at a reading.

Yeah, so leave it out there!


So...do you maybe wanna play cards or something?

Mhm. I have a regular deck here. And I can actually shuffle this one.

[SFX: card shuffling]

Any particular game in mind?

Hmm...what about Go Fish? But...I get to ask you something about yourself if you don't get any cards from me.

Yes, I'll tell you about myself, too. But I might end up talking a lot. I am *not* good at this game.

True. It's Go Fish, how can someone be bad at it?

But, uh...you'll see.

Here you go. Your cards~

Ah, you can go first.


Ok, starting off winning, huh? Here.

Do you...have any threes?

[sigh] [chuckle] And it looks like I'm starting off losing. What do you wanna know?

Yeah, only the English class. For me, it's an extra class for my Art major. What about you?

"Wait my turn?" [scoff] [smug] Ok, but I bet it's coming up right now~


[pause] [sigh]

[whiny] Did you seriously just get more of my cards? Whatever. What about kings?

Rigged. *Rigged*, I say! Ask me your question.

I, uh, I'm pretty lazy. [nervous chuckle] I told you earlier that I don't go out much.

[matter-of-factly] I like taking it easy, what can I say?

Ah-ha! Great minds think alike, hm?

It's probably not the best attitude to have when it comes to work, though.

[chuckle] Yeah. Your turn, by the way.


Oh my god how? HOW.

[like an "I can't even deal" tone] No no no. It's fine [deep breath] It's fine. Take my card.

Maybe *now* do you have any threes?

[angry deep breaths] Now I'm convinced you did something to this deck. [whiny] Three in a row?

Right? How can I be *so* bad at this freaking baby game!

[whiny] Don't laugh at me! [laugh]

Yeah, ask away.


The costume? Well, I'm dressed like a witch because...why did I do this again?

Ah, I kinda just followed my friends. They were all dressing up, so I thought "why not". I didn't expect all of *this* to happen, if I'm being honest.

If I had known, I might have skipped out on this get-up.

Well...actually, no. I got to meet you properly, so that's a plus in my books.

Yep, it's been great~

Oh, thanks. It is a pretty cute outfit, huh?

Mhm. Your move.


[evil cackle] (a normal laugh is fine, too) Finally! Go fish!

Um...let me think...are you in any clubs?

Ooh! Is it fun?

Maybe I should join. I'll get to see more of you~

[teasing] Well, apart from your *rampant* cheating in Go Fish, you're pretty nice company~

[SFX: muffled crowd ambience]

Oh, I think my friends are coming back. I hope they don't figure out I only had one person in here the entire day. [laugh]

Yeah! Act like our reading just finished! Hopefully we can trick them.

Hm? Oh for sure. We'll see each other in class.

You meant outside of that?

[coy] Smooth~

[giggle] I'd love to. We could play cards again. [teasing] Maybe you won't cheat so much next time~

Mhmm. I'll see you then~

[SFX: tent flaps open/closed whatever]