僕が見えるか
I still don't understand.
9 hours ago
reply
僕が見えるか
I was so excited before this and I did all this work to make sure things went well and people would have fun and now I'm just
僕が見えるか
The morning of, still not having GM game flavor text written up, I put Izumi out but haven't played him, haven't played Shu for the intro of his newest unitmate, haven't put Hiyori out.
僕が見えるか
I did, at least, study.
僕が見えるか
Stayed up literally all night last night but I did get all my work done for class today.
僕が見えるか
it's just so hard.
僕が見えるか
I was told repeatedly that I should have given a player the benefit of the doubt but I don't understand where I didn't do that. When she was confused I explained. When the long explanation made her more confused and she didn't appear to understand in public still, I tried to clear it up, and then left because it clearly didn't help.
僕が見えるか
But I don't understand the reaction.
僕が見えるか
I don't understand the person who said they were too furious to talk to me. It's not my place to tell people if they're allowed to be mad at me. If I hurt someone, regardless of if I meant it, their feelings are real.
僕が見えるか
I tried to talk to all the players in the plurk, even if I didn't get to read it before I was locked out I did contact everyone in private to see what their concerns were
僕が見えるか
And I listened-- the concerns about AC, that it was wrong to try to clear up the matter in public.
僕が見えるか
But. I.
僕が見えるか
makes weak gestures.
僕が見えるか
I don't understand where I went so wrong that there's multiple hundred comment plurks that I can't see and I have to hear about second hand dragging me.
僕が見えるか
Have I been hated all along?
僕が見えるか
I don't understand. I thought we were friends.
僕が見えるか
I don't want to hurt anyone. If someone hurts me I always try to say what it is, even if it's not even like, a hurt? Like a thing like hey, this ship isn't interesting for me to play anymore. I don't like playing this thing, can we not. If someone says something that hurts my feelings OOC I let them know.
僕が見えるか
But have I been resented all along?
僕が見えるか
It's hard. To think you're close to people and on good terms and to have it dropped without a word. To know that this many people seethe at you, that they hate you.
僕が見えるか
I. Didn't want to say anything.
僕が見えるか
It's stupid, it's weak.
僕が見えるか
It's playing the victim.
僕が見えるか
But I keep wanting to trust people. I keep wanting to make friends. I keep wanting to run games and make places for people to have fun. Should I stop?
僕が見えるか
Should I have stopped after Rikki? I still don't even know all of what she told people about me.
僕が見えるか
It's years after the fact and there's still people who I'm just only now finding out why they stopped talking to me.
僕が見えるか
I'm glad I get to find out. I'm glad for everyone I got to be friends with again.
僕が見えるか
But it's also just. How badly am I thought of, that anything I do is thought of in the worst light? I don't even know what's being said because I can't see any of it, so I can't rebut it but I can't help but think that it's a useless endeavor. If no one trusts me at all, and the first time anything happens they're willing to assume the worst.
僕が見えるか
I don't think anyone is trying to hurt me. I think everyone's doing their bests. It's easy to want to defend someone who is hurting. It's easy to want to attack the person that did them wrong, and that's understandable.
僕が見えるか
But no benefit of the doubt is given. No one thinks, was there a misunderstanding somewhere?
僕が見えるか
Is this proportional? Is this actually the right thing to do?
僕が見えるか
I don't know what to do.
僕が見えるか
I don't... for the people in game who have nothing to do with this, it wouldn't be fair to stop. Just because I'm hurting. But it's not like I'm trying to. I'm trying to get it together.
僕が見えるか
I'm just too weak.
僕が見えるか
I'm just such a fucking coward.
僕が見えるか
I never want to defend myself publicly.
僕が見えるか
When there's a crowd against you, it feels like everyone's minds are already made up.
僕が見えるか
And that by trying to refute any of it, you just expose your weakness further.
僕が見えるか
Now they know you care. You're letting them win.
僕が見えるか
The correct course of action is to just hold your head high and keep going.
僕が見えるか
Eventually, they'll stop caring, or they'll keep talking behind your back but what does it really matter? It's not like you know them. It's not like you're close.
僕が見えるか
People still like you, even if other people, even if not that many.
僕が見えるか
I don't want to think it was a mistake to keep going.
僕が見えるか
I met a lot of friends through this, and people who are important to me. I don't want to name anyone though, ahaha, it wouldn't be nice to repay their kindness by besmirching their good names with my dirty fingerprints.
僕が見えるか
But I think that's also why this is fucking me up.
僕が見えるか
This isn't like it was with Rikki and Deco, where I knew I was hated before everything came to a head. Where I had no illusions I was liked. So it was easy to don the mantle of the villain of the story. I knew already that it was the corner I was painted into even before it ended.
僕が見えるか
But.
僕が見えるか
My brain just keeps going,, but weren't we friends? Not just with one person, but with that other person, and that one too.
僕が見えるか
anyway
僕が見えるか
time to like
僕が見えるか
get over myself.
僕が見えるか
come the fuck on and get your work done
僕が見えるか
and then get your head in the game and worry about Izumi and Shu
僕が見えるか
and then probably talk to pep! and see what opinions are on Hiyori, because with my flagging activity I feel I should touch base.
僕が見えるか
If anyone reads this and wants to talk to me, even if it's just to be like HEY DUMBASS, THIS IS WHERE YOU FUCKED UP, YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKER. honestly.
僕が見えるか
please fucking do
僕が見えるか
I am so tired of not knowing where I stand with others.
curє ☆ ѕtαr
personally, I think you were in the right. I understand why bonten felt hurt—being called out feels bad! that’s just a fact!—but I still think you were in the right.
curє ☆ ѕtαr
like, i think it is likely that it was “better,” in that hindsight is 20/20 way, to say something very brief in the plurk, and then use a DM to explain in no uncertain terms that the posting needed to stop, but like....
curє ☆ ѕtαr
i’m upset to see the reaction from certain parties
cure 💫 milky
I tend to be kind of an optimist and figure people say things that come off wrong and get into arguments all the time where no one is actually bad, so: like, I wouldn’t still be here if I didn’t want to be
cure 💫 milky
And it is also legit super upsetting to get dropped by a bunch of people very suddenly
僕が見えるか
God I wasn't even trying to call her out? She made a plurk that looked like legitimate confusion
Aloof Processor
one thing I will say is that people who are making the biggest stink about this are people who aren't in the game and-or were already having thoughts of leaving the game
僕が見えるか
I figured Youji's wall of words email was just fucking hard to read.
Aloof Processor
i honestly think people will calm down given some time to process and deal with the fall out
僕が見えるか
So I was like hey heads up you didn't technically pass, you actually failed AC. It's not even a big deal to fail ac! She just got unlucky with there being three apps for sensitIV that round
僕が見えるか
we put her straight back in queue
僕が見えるか
(well four apps but the last one was a second and not a new player first)
僕が見えるか
Yeah.
僕が見えるか
I hope it calms down. And I know a lot of it is people who aren't in the game.
cure 💫 milky
But yeah like--I don’t think it’s a mistake to keep going, but if you need extra hands right now, you know I’m here
僕が見えるか
Thanks.
僕が見えるか
I need to. Get my head in the game.
curє ☆ ѕtαr
i can certify that carly is great at having hands
僕が見えるか
Stop being uselessly sad and do game things. THANKFULLY, AT LEAST
僕が見えるか
rules are done
僕が見えるか
so it's just flavor
僕が見えるか
I'll go bug you in helper chat tho bc actually
curє ☆ ѕtαr
fuck that was just supposed to be a shitpost but it came off faintly dirty
僕が見えるか
getting up the rooms and stuff is a pain
僕が見えるか
fajidshf
forwardrelentlessly
I think Jeva is right.
forwardrelentlessly
And I'll call you "friend."
forwardrelentlessly
And mean it. I'm not super super close to you, but I do think of you as one.
僕が見えるか
Thank you. we don't talk often but I always enjoy our conversations when we do!
僕が見えるか
I also think of you as a friend. It's been cool hanging out in seattle the few times we have.
ᴛᴇɴɴ
I also do not think you were in the wrong. I never saw the plurk because I have never had Bonten friended, but I saw the second hand-wringing flame-fanning one and got furious how big of a mess and how one sided they were making the argument in it.
僕が見えるか
Yeah.
ᴛᴇɴɴ
I tried to make an angry in response aggressive plurk of my own about it but Mora hit me with a tennis racket
僕が見えるか
I don't want to like. if I hurt someone they're within rights to have feelings about it, so I haven't been arguing with people who are mad.
S'M'LESS
it's a rough no-good time
僕が見えるか
but I guess that means the argument automatically becomes one-sided so I haven't helped myself either
ghost infant
this stuff isn't even touching me aside from uh... getting unfriended suddenly. but ive been told that apparently one of (or. several of i suppose.) my attempts to legitimately and genuinely communicate were taken in bad faith all this time and were brought up as a reason to drag others. and i... dont know how to feel or respond...
S'M'LESS
I will say, the fact that she was idled is about like 30% of the issue at this point
僕が見えるか
MORA WAS HELPING. HELPFUL TENNIS RACKET
S'M'LESS
so whether or not that was 'right' or 'wrong' is kind of, aside the point.
dumb bitch hrs
with dane here, yeah
僕が見えるか
Can I ask what the rest of the issue is? Like, with my behavior. Is it just that my attempt to clarify to her confusion was taken aggressively, or?
ghost infant
i havent read anything at all since im pretty much locked out of this entire discourse so maybe that wasnt the case but if it's true then i. it feels awful. and confusing. and like, holy shit i am the worst person at communication but i really tried at one point and to have that be used as fuel to the fire... if it's true then it feels like why did i try
dumb bitch hrs
ghost infant: i have literally seen zero complaint about you so idk where thats coming from, unless it was from someone's private dms
ghost infant
anyways tldr i feel you hard on the "what happened and how am i supposed to communicate" front
僕が見えるか
Yeah. I mean. Also just. gestures vaguely at my background.
dumb bitch hrs
unless this is a Different issue
僕が見えるか
good background for making me feel like it's useless to ever bother trying to explain myself.
S'M'LESS
so for me I think a lot of it is that I just don't think she was treated respectfully at all. Like... there is a level of thoughtlessness in the communication that happened that seems like it has to be intentional just based on... just how thoughtlessly it came off?
S'M'LESS
I take the both of you at your word that you didn't mean that and it wasn't intentional, just
dumb bitch hrs
i mean kicking off six hours of dragging bonten was kind of absolutely a dick move whether you guys were in the right or not, is the major issue
ghost infant
dumb bitch hrs: as it was told to me it was a very specific situation that got vagued without namedrops, and honestly i dont feel comfortable airing that out here
僕が見えるか
What
僕が見えるか
Who was dragging Bonten for six hours?
dumb bitch hrs
that plurk continued on for literally six hours dude
僕が見えるか
I left after three comments
dumb bitch hrs
yes you came in first and youji continued, is what i was referring to
僕が見えるか
But I am not Youji.
S'M'LESS
it is true that I am not entirely sure why people are equally as mad at you, given your brief appearance
ghost infant
i brought it up because from where i am sitting it looks like there's a lot of trying to communicate being taken in very bad faith
僕が見えるか
yeah, I.
S'M'LESS
there IS a level of like
ghost infant
but i got locked out of it as soon as it went down so I can only speak from what frustrations people are telling me, and now I'm beginning to think i should have just attempted to commiserate with tristan over dms instead
S'M'LESS
implied approval of actions when there are only two mods, and your arrival in the plurk in the first place seemed very... out of nowhere? Like, there was nothing in the plurk until that point except "oops, I was wrong about how my character's idling wouldn't have any ic impact because it's going to be longer than I thought"
ghost infant
so I'll duck out with apologies
僕が見えるか
it's fine Moelle
僕が見えるか
Her plurk mentioned that she technically passed AC
۞ XL
From what I have seen people actually seem to be angrier at Tristan than Youji, and as far as I can tell that's based solely on the fact that when people started actively digging for dirt, Deco is what they found
僕が見えるか
so I was like, is she still confused.
Aloof Processor
what XL said
S'M'LESS
yeah idk about deco stuff
僕が見えるか
Which, most people actually involved in Deco now know about like
僕が見えるか
Rikki
僕が見えるか
so
僕が見えるか
,,,
Aloof Processor
which i made a point to state that THAT made me uncomfortable knowing about the Rikki situation
S'M'LESS
I have no insight there
僕が見えるか
but
僕が見えるか
okay I went back and found it
۞ XL
also Deco was what, six years ago?
僕が見えるか
seven.
僕が見えるか
2012
僕が見えるか
I apologize for entering your plurk like this, but to clear the matter up as best we can, you were emailed that your AC was not acceptable and we asked for additional proofs. When you were unable to provide them, along with the pattern of previous threading that we check when players are borderline, your character failed the AC check.
۞ XL
seven years ago.
僕が見えるか
As such, Anubis was idled. We did allow you to reapp, but you should have waited until your character was out of queue, rather than just assuming he would be placed in a round with a lot of apps.

I hope that clears things up.
僕が見えるか
Because people were encouraging her to clear it up with the mods
僕が見えるか
and I was like, oh, I can just like
S'M'LESS
yeah like that part I think everyone agreed was like, yeah that wasn't a good choice
S'M'LESS
including the player
S'M'LESS
to keep posting
僕が見えるか
dissipate confusion now. And it was dumb.
僕が見えるか
but the backlash has been
僕が見えるか
a friend of literally ten years telling me she's too furious to speak with me
僕が見えるか
and ending our friendship.
僕が見えるか
so, yes, I'm pretty sad.
dumb bitch hrs
people don't need a good enough reason to end a relationship
S'M'LESS
understandably
S'M'LESS
I think everyone effected is pretty sad
Aloof Processor
dumb bitch hrs: i... don't think that was the point tristan was making there...
۞ XL
dumb bitch hrs: yeah, jesus, that is ice cold
S'M'LESS
from my admittedly limited viewpoint of having all imeeji plurks blocked for the week so that I actually remain on hiatus, I haven't seen any chatter in over a week
dumb bitch hrs
i am at work and juggling phone calls i was trying to add more
S'M'LESS
so at least, the people I know appear to just be like, well I'll sit here being sad.
僕が見えるか
yeah. I'll try to get myself together.
僕が見えるか
find a hole to throw my sorrow into.
The detective
The thing on AC for me is that "misunderstood and failed an objective AC standard" and "we decided your activity was not acceptable and you're out of the game with no opportunity to fix it" are two different things
S'M'LESS
Do you want me to explain why it looked so thoughtless as to have to be intentional, would that be helpful
僕が見えるか
Oh, no, she objectively failed?
S'M'LESS
see, this is again where it gets confused, because Youji said multiple times int he plurk that she passed it
S'M'LESS
she "technically passed" which means she passed?
S'M'LESS
is the confusion over how the word technically should be used...
僕が見えるか
She did not technically pass as far as I understand our standards?
S'M'LESS
interesting
The detective
Or like, if there were unwritten rules she failed that also doesn't count as objective
The detective
Which was definitely essentially my understanding of what happened
dumb bitch hrs
anyway what i was getting at was more or less like, this friend saw what she believed to be an injustice done by someone she trusted, presumably, not to do that sort of thing, and it Sucks but also like this is a good time to maybe reflect... on what could have been done differently
僕が見えるか
I had to type this up the other day for the AC clarification
Aloof Processor
youji also said that he was busy at work and trying to explain while people both said to wait but also demanded more answers, and so felt pressured to give answers that weren't good for the plurk format to hash out. i don't think rehashing it in plurk is a good idea
Aloof Processor
so i would suggest saving discussion of that nature for a better platform, guys
Aloof Processor
to avoid further confusion
僕が見えるか
looking at the standards we had as have been typed up, she failed.
ᴛᴇɴɴ
honestly, I dont personally see as large of an issue as some may in coming in and making a mod response in a public plurk when someone has made something an issue to the public that has garnered a response, especially when a mod response was ... asked for. as I have mentioned, I did not see the initial plurk, but it seems that -
S'M'LESS
yeah I don't need to have the AC policy explained over again
S'M'LESS
just that, as part of the six hour plurk, there was a lot of "you technically passed but then also didn't, for reasons"
僕が見えるか
they're over here in strike through
僕が見えるか
yeah. Youji... shouldn't have been fielding that at work.
S'M'LESS
so that is definitely part of "how can you keep saying she both passed and didn't pass AC"
The detective
Yeah I read the clarification post
ᴛᴇɴɴ
- she said "oh, technically I failed due to some shenanigans, I'll be back later i guess", which made people say "mods WTF", so mods came in to explain, and then it was inappropriate to discuss it in public when it was not the mods who made it public
僕が見えるか
But she actually had it explained over email
僕が見えるか
previously
The detective
The strike out things were not written out or clear previous to her being idled, is the issue
僕が見えるか
They were
僕が見えるか
In the email chain
The detective
Yes I understand that
dumb bitch hrs
they weren't in the ac form
dumb bitch hrs
is what vector is saying
僕が見えるか
Oh, yeah, def that's why we changed AC so it's clearer now for everyone
dumb bitch hrs
which is generally what people were going off of so i understand the anxiety over it
The detective
The email chain in which she was asked to provide retroactive proof of having met standards she didn't understand or be idled immediately.
Is my understanding?
僕が見えるか
? We check everyone's AC off the same standards? If people fail, youji emails them just to check if he missed a thread
僕が見えるか
So we don't idle people accidentally.
ᴛᴇɴɴ
they'd been clarified in the announcements section of the discord before, I believe, and I think it's not ... unacceptable to ask someone 'do you have more than one thread' and idle someone if they do not if their ac in the past has been an issue
The detective
Yeah see this is my only real problem
dumb bitch hrs
ᴛᴇɴɴ: no, nobody exclaimed "mods wtf" before tristan and youji came into the plurk. before that it was bonten effectively going "hey i made a mistake/didn't get placed", ash saying something like "maybe email the mods about it maybe a 9th slot can happen" and then tristan came in with ^what he pasted above
Aloof Processor
honestly, if there are continued issues with how the AC thing was handled, maybe NOT addressing it in Tristan's plurk about how he feels about the situation is better?
dumb bitch hrs
so there was no like, outrage or anything, before the issue itself Started
S'M'LESS
Jeva, my feeling here is Tristan expressed confusion over why people are mad at him
S'M'LESS
which is why this conversation is happening
僕が見えるか
Yeah.
僕が見えるか
I'm wondering if I should show the whole email chain
Nishi
Yeah, I think it comes down to like, people can not like how something plays out and still be friends with you. They can even vent with other friends that they didn't like how it played out. Sometimes that's the most important function of a friend to go, hey, WTF MAN
ᴛᴇɴɴ
this is also a private plurk where he expressly is talking about the situation, how it's effected him, and is asking for people's opinions as to why what happened did
Nishi
Like, man, I have some sympathy. I know the depression, anxiety, and rage cycles that come from a firestorm, it took me like a month to calm my titties and start really analyzing and correcting what I'd done wrong
Aloof Processor
ok, fair
Nishi
So yeah, it's a lot, take time to settle and sift through it. We're all here cuz we are your friends, and we do feel the game is important
Nishi
I'm not in it, but some of my best bros get a LOT of joy out of it
۞ XL
focusing on the AC confusion isn't really fair when that's not the actual reason (most) people are mad
Nishi
And I like you a lot
僕が見えるか
thank you, Nishi
dumb bitch hrs
personally though like
۞ XL
and the mods have acknowledged they messed up in terms of communicating AC and taken steps to rectify it
dumb bitch hrs
like i said in our dm? i'm not the person most affected by this
The detective
The issue for me is just this, that "the standards were not defined and we idled someone with no chance to fix their activity to meet them" seems unfair and there doesn't seem to be like... understanding or agreement on that
The detective
I guess
dumb bitch hrs
so ultimately my feelings on You don't really matter here
ᴛᴇɴɴ
he's opened this conversation, and honestly, I would like this conversation opened from the other side as currently every huge plurk waxing about this has been 200 comments of fire fanning from people already displeased with the game in spaces he cannot respond
Nishi
I will say I feel shit was mishandled, but I'm saying that as a friend. that's a lot to work through, and objectively, it's a process and your conclusion may not be mine
僕が見えるか
But AC has always said a thread of substance. It's... startling to me that a player who was in fact giving a thread that was not up to standard decided the correct thing to do was argue the way AC standards were
dumb bitch hrs
i am just disappointed, like-- basically what nishi said yeah
Nishi
But there's a lot of feelings, yours, bontens, those who support and those who detract
Nishi
It's all valid
僕が見えるか
And decide the reason was bias
Nishi
And needs to be approached with respect to find what needs to get better
僕が見えるか
we... literally idled someone else that round
S'M'LESS
Well, a large part of that is that Bonten has been hassled in her plurks for like, a year. Over things that were misinterpreted.
S'M'LESS
so again having bonten's words interpreted in the worst possible way was like, "why does this keep happening. Is bonten allowed to say any words at all"
僕が見えるか
...there's no way to say this without sounding obtuse, but I wasn't aware of that?
The detective
"A thread of substance" is a subjective standard, you can't say "in fact was not up to standard"
S'M'LESS
for example, being told off both for arguing about whether or not she passed AC AND for not pushing back and asking if there was any way she could not be idled.
S'M'LESS
seems like an unfair standard of "any way you approach this will be wrong"
S'M'LESS
WHICH I will say again, is not on you
S'M'LESS
that was Youji
ᴛᴇɴɴ
imeeji_backstage | weekly announcements! the ac requirements to have unitmate threads changed in may, by the way, and clearly says two threads with two different ones. one top level is ... one thread, in just about every AC standard in every game.
S'M'LESS
it's really not the specifics of the AC policy at this point
Nishi
Yeah, but it's not about AC that anyone's flustered
ᴛᴇɴɴ
it's about that it wasn't defined, though, and it was
S'M'LESS
it's [there was a misunderstanding] [and apparently there is no wiggle room on misunderstanding] [for this person in specific because exceptions have definitely been made for people in the past]
Nishi
The frustration that's pouring over is how it was handled, rather than the exact policy
S'M'LESS
yeah
S'M'LESS
the actual AC policy part is minor, as far as I'm concerned
Nishi
But again, this doesn't reflect on how people feel about Tristan himself... which is the hardest part
S'M'LESS
Yeah
The detective
Yeah like the actual details of whether it was a pass or fail aren't the issue here, I think everyone can agree it was not clear
Nishi
It may have some ripples, because emotions are complicated
The detective
Or we wouldn't be arguing about it this much
Nishi
And being a mod of a game is being the face of it (for better or worse, sometimes really worse, man)
S'M'LESS
indeed
S'M'LESS
but yeah I don't say any of this like, in accusation
僕が見えるか
I can't actually answer for how Bonten was treated regarding AC because
Ash!!1
Tristan I can pm you later if you prefer, because I want to clear some stuff up and I think we can all agree that plurk isn't exactly the best platform for it. I do think a large part of it is like,,, some flying over your head and tbh most if us DO want to continue playing despite things (if that hasn't been obvious by me starting shit with my characters)
S'M'LESS
for either tristan or youji
僕が見えるか
I don't handle AC.
S'M'LESS
just explaining my perspective on why what happened was Upsetting
僕が見えるか
But it's also really hard when AC policy was the way it was to give people the benefit of the doubt
僕が見えるか
and no player previously
僕が見えるか
had when they failed
僕が見えるか
decided actually the mods are biased in the way they look at AC
S'M'LESS
well
S'M'LESS
Youji said you are tho
僕が見えるか
and that her AC should count
Ash!!1
The ultimate issue isn't this isn't who was right vs wrong rather than ker yikes that went horribly and I can't speak for others obv but I already told you I was ticked about going into plurk in the first place
僕が見えるか
I am not Youji! Youji does AC!
S'M'LESS
right you are not!
Ash!!1
But anyway!! Plurk while at doctor bad!!
dumb bitch hrs
i think you should in fact talk to ash about this since ash definitely has a better grasp overall i think
dumb bitch hrs
on the two sides
S'M'LESS
but that doesn't... help the case when you're like "no one else claimed we were biased" when your other mod told people in public you don't look at everyone every month.
S'M'LESS
so it's like, you either speak for both of you or you don't, but at very least you should probably both be saying the same thing when it comes to your policies.
僕が見えるか
fuck it I guess I'm explaining AC now
S'M'LESS
nah please don't
dumb bitch hrs
no this isn't about ac
僕が見えるか
Except when it's about AC?
S'M'LESS
I don't actually want to hear about the ac policy
僕が見えるか
I am talking about
僕が見えるか
why he doesn't read
dumb bitch hrs
ah
S'M'LESS
well I mean
僕が見えるか
every individual thread each month
S'M'LESS
again AS A MOD I ALSO GET THAT
僕が見えるか
is because some of them meet obvious objective
僕が見えるか
this is a long thread
僕が見えるか
so it doesn't have to be checked for emotional content
S'M'LESS
we didn't either if we had no reason to think a person would. Like I ain't checkin' Ash's AC every month
僕が見えるか
Furthermore, only when someone turns in a thread that is
S'M'LESS
but it's like, you cannot publicly say both "we are objective and fair regarding checking AC" and "we aren't tho"
僕が見えるか
all three of these came from the same post
僕が見えるか
which we ask people not to do
僕が見えるか
Okay, but this is a difference in definition of the term bias.
𝒜𝒻𝒻𝓁𝒶𝓉𝓊𝓈 𝒮𝑜𝓁𝓊𝓈
I think everyone should just give this Plurk some space and let them vent. I feel like I’m watching people gang up and I don’t know what any of this is about but there is clearly some hurt/anxiety going around so just let them vent
S'M'LESS
ask people not to do and tell them they definitely cannot are two different things
S'M'LESS
I'm sorry it comes off that way?
僕が見えるか
BIAS sounds like
僕が見えるか
biased against
僕が見えるか
Not as in, the AC is not biased entirely off hard numbrs
S'M'LESS
I am honestly not trying to gang up on someone I am trying to answer tristan's question on why people be mad
僕が見えるか
so sometimes we have to make calls on
僕が見えるか
If a thread has enough emotional content to count
𝒜𝒻𝒻𝓁𝒶𝓉𝓊𝓈 𝒮𝑜𝓁𝓊𝓈
Mhmm
curє ☆ ѕtαr
so like
i wasn’t in that plurk (don’t even have bonten friended), but... if the plurk went on for 6 hours, and mods were only in it at the beginning, i don’t think it’s 6 hours of “dragging” bonten?
S'M'LESS
youji was in it for all six hours
僕が見えるか
In Bonten's particular case though, the issue was that she actually gave all three of her proofs from the same post
The detective
I mean Youji also said that in the plurk that people can be worked with if they ask but that Bonten's tone was bad so you didn't, essentially
dumb bitch hrs
yes what dane said
僕が見えるか
And then when asked to provide more
僕が見えるか
provided ones that did not meet the emotional threshhold
Ash!!1
ᴛᴇɴɴ: just as a note, this isn't about ac but bonten did have that ac with three unitmates threads, just not from diff posts (which wasn't clarified til recently)
僕が見えるか
while also lacking numbers.
僕が見えるか
Ash!!1: That's been AC the whole time
dumb bitch hrs
also to be fair i am like 99% sure bonten is NOT the one who implied bias might be showing and that was like 2-4 other people in the plurk going "hey uhhh this seems... not great"
僕が見えるか
Bonten just thought it was a soft suggestion
۞ XL
we can get into the weeds of AC all day
Ash!!1
A positive to this s is that ac got cleared up but that's not the issue nah
۞ XL
but actually let's not though
僕が見えるか
Yeah. But a lot of why I'm hurting is
S'M'LESS
let's not
僕が見えるか
People who have known me for years
僕が見えるか
Decided I did something hateful and biased (I assume)
僕が見えるか
because a player failed AC check, I clarified for three comments, and then left.
僕が見えるか
So from where I'm standing, while I shouldn't have gone into the plurk and doing so was a mistake
ᴛᴇɴɴ
I don't really like at all that in the first plurk to come up with someone from the mod side trying to explain things people are saying "maybe we shouldn't do this you guys u_u" when no one went into floors 300 comment gasoline plurk to do anything but spread the word
僕が見えるか
The backlash was over the top and
僕が見えるか
that's
僕が見えるか
what I don't understand
僕が見えるか
That people got this furious, that people who know me
僕が見えるか
would decide that this wasn't just AC being unfair
僕が見えるか
but that this was a case of
僕が見えるか
I'm too furious to speak with you
Ash!!1
The difference is floor made that plurk. She invited discourse
僕が見えるか
of multiple hundred of comments on plurk of hatred
۞ XL
frankly the person I am angriest at is Floor, who 1) is not even in the game and 2) really, REALLY cannot talk about RP bullying from a zillion years ago
S'M'LESS
Well, keep in mind the person in question also has known Bonten for that long
S'M'LESS
if not longer
ᴛᴇɴɴ
but Tristan made this plurk?????
Aloof Processor
ᴛᴇɴɴ: i actually did try to tell floor to not drag up old Deco dirt but basically got told it was somehow relevant to spread...
Ash!!1
Bonten did not.
僕が見えるか
I know but how can anyone
僕が見えるか
think
僕が見えるか
that I would go out of my way to hurt someone
僕が見えるか
if they knew me
僕が見えるか
if I trusted them
僕が見えるか
that's all. It hurts.
S'M'LESS
and for them specifically I believe it's "I cannot stand that my friend was treated this way and it's not being profusely apologized for"
H.P. RIFLE
1) personally i don't think i was dragging bonten for 6 hours so much as i made approximately two inappropriate comments that were misconstrued wildly while also spending 6 hours trying to clarify AC policy in such a way that people would understand
僕が見えるか
It was apologized for
S'M'LESS
(I say believe because I don't actually want to speak for them)
ᴛᴇɴɴ
Tristan made this plurk to question and explain his side and when the discussion is moving people keep coming in and saying it should be dropped, in here
H.P. RIFLE
like by all means i really shouldn't have been in there at all, much less for 6 hours
僕が見えるか
It's also hard because
僕が見えるか
It's hard not to get to explain
僕が見えるか
to try and explain and be told, no that's not the right explanation
僕が見えるか
that part isn't relevant
僕が見えるか
you should suffer the slings and arrows
僕が見えるか
they don't mean it
僕が見えるか
they're mad because it's easy to want to be on the side of their hurt friend
僕が見えるか
and I know that!
僕が見えるか
I understand that!
H.P. RIFLE
but very little of that was me directly talking to bonten and instead talking to every other person who was asking me questions and "dragging" very much implies some sort of insult
僕が見えるか
When someone's hurting, of course you want to go to their side! Of course no one is trying to hurt me!
Ash!!1
ᴛᴇɴɴ: oh I thought you meant bontens plurk, my bad
S'M'LESS
well no more like, again, assuming that you honestly did not mean to be disrespectful and thoughtless - it did deeply come off that way
僕が見えるか
But I'm still in pain. I still can't talk and be listened to. I still don't understand why I am receiving this level of hatred.
Ash!!1
No one should tell him not to make his own plurk no
S'M'LESS
Like, you know how I feel since I wrote you a letter to the editor
Ash!!1
Anyway I will come back to this cuz again phone bad
僕が見えるか
Yes.
H.P. RIFLE
regardless of which shouldn't be put on tristan anyway, since, that was all my bad. 2) on AC though, just on a note of clarification, since i don't remember exactly what happened in that plurk - "we don't go back through everyone's tags every month" is what was meant by "we don't do that every month". i read through every single thread.
僕が見えるか
^
ᴛᴇɴɴ
no, sorry, I mean people coming into this plurk right now to say 'we should take this somewhere else' or 'maybe we shouldn't do this' when this is, literally, the first time someone On The Mod Side has had a chance to explain anything in their own space
ᴛᴇɴɴ
and am mad that people keep trying to put sand on this when they put gasoline on floor's
Nishi
Like, I'm just here to say people don't hate you
H.P. RIFLE
(*that is submitted)
curє ☆ ѕtαr
+1 to what tenn said
Nishi
They're frustrated, and scared, and confused and emotional
S'M'LESS
but it is no fun to watch someone I like be spoken to in that manner, and no fun to be like, am I in a game where the mods speak to people in that manner in public over a miscommunication
僕が見えるか
But I didn't do that!
H.P. RIFLE
it looks inconsistent because i only look back on the tags when someone has questionable activity because otherwise what's the point of even having a player-submitted AC system if i'm going to be looking through every single character's tag every month
BIO REBAR
Eeey, Tristan I think I can clear the feelings involved kinda succinctly, without needing to touch on the nature of AC at all. would you rather I drop it here or save it for PM later?
僕が見えるか
BIO REBAR: PM, like I asked in this plurk earlier
S'M'LESS
oh sorry did I actually miss a part where you wanted all this in PM
S'M'LESS
I also, very good at reading
僕が見えるか
Yes.
S'M'LESS
gah, I'm sorry
dumb bitch hrs
... oh... shit i'm sorry
BIO REBAR
o//
Aloof Processor
reasons i was... pointing that out...
Aloof Processor
not trying to stop the plurk, but just..
H.P. RIFLE
which is specifically said in full here. i again don't remember exactly what happened in that plurk and i'm not commenting on whether it was wrong to take it that way one way or the other, and again, it was my fault in the first place for spending even a second of time in it
僕が見えるか
I also play too many enstars and I am largely typing and deleting lines that say things like
BIO REBAR
lemme know when you're at a good time/place for it.
S'M'LESS
H.P. RIFLE: Just wanted to let you know that like, I DON'T LOVE ANY OF THAT but I also don't like, not-understand how or why it happened
僕が見えるか
I'm tired of bleeding and having people discuss how deeply I lodged it there! How I stabbed it there myself!
僕が見えるか
so
僕が見えるか
now is technically fine but you'll have to deal with
僕が見えるか
bad metaphors
僕が見えるか
I only speak one language and it's bad metaphors
S'M'LESS
yeah sorry about that. I read confusion and was like WELL, I AM WILLING TO EXPLAIN because I also agree that like
dumb bitch hrs
H.P. RIFLE: also apparently it never entered ??? maybe i backspaced it away by accident anyway i meant to say sorry for describing it as dragging, it just. very much felt that way when it came to insulting someone
S'M'LESS
not knowing why people are mad at me, from the specific people who have had issues, is the worst
僕が見えるか
Yes. but you have already spoken to me
僕が見えるか
I am clear with you and ash and pepper
僕が見えるか
I talked with you all the morning after it happened
S'M'LESS
and having been one of the people both with issues and who does think of you as a friend it felt more honest to actually try to participate here instead of like, ignore your sad plurk like I can't see it
僕が見えるか
I did, personally, contact every player in the game affected and int here.
dumb bitch hrs
yeah like obviously i don't Hate you otherwise. i would not be here talking about this again, at all
僕が見えるか
But I had a lot of people take me off without talking to me
僕が見えるか
and again
僕が見えるか
I can't
僕が見えるか
even see
S'M'LESS
but yeah sorry to completely miss the part where you didn't want a public discussion.
僕が見えるか
who are in those 300+ comment plurks
僕が見えるか
hating me
S'M'LESS
that also sucks yeah
僕が見えるか
So I am left largely bereft and confused
僕が見えるか
In which I know the people who are unhappy but also trust me and understand that despite good intentions
僕が見えるか
things went wrong
僕が見えるか
But there's so many more people
僕が見えるか
who didn't extend to me any of that
ᴛᴇɴɴ
I agree with you about what you said earlier, Tristan, about everyone already having their minds made up, especially a lot of people who know absolutely nothing about the side of you and Youji due to Floor's plurk.
BIO REBAR
look last night I told my therapist that my despair was the monster at the center of the labyrinth that is me,
僕が見えるか
people I don't even know if I met
僕が見えるか
Yeah
僕が見えるか
And that's also why I didn't want to discuss it publicly because
僕が見えるか
it's useless
僕が見えるか
BIO REBAR: do I secretly speak therapist
S'M'LESS
definitely I would not have been nearly as upset if I didn't like everyone involved.
dumb bitch hrs
^ yeah
ᴛᴇɴɴ
There was a LOT of, sorry for the fire metaphor again, gasoline being poured by people who did not want to even try to understand why the decision was made as they fanned the flames toward people who are not in the game with no intention of being in the game.
H.P. RIFLE
( S'M'LESS dumb bitch hrs insert note here about how i have read and understood your comments but i have nothing of value to add)
Ash!!1
Ok I will say one more thing; it's hard but you can NOT get hung up on private stuff, since some (not all) of the people who were talking just had bad memories dragged up. So you can't dwell on it.
僕が見えるか
Feelings... don
僕が見えるか
't work like that?
僕が見えるか
I can't
僕が見えるか
turn off being sad about losing like [checks plurk numbers] 15 friends, 3 of which were close
僕が見えるか
in one go
Ash!!1
Yea I know man. You can't just shut it off
僕が見えるか
to learn that people are publicly dragging me and hating me for things that I don't even know
僕が見えるか
what they're about
Ash!!1
I'm just saying it as a springboard cuz it's gonna happen
僕が見えるか
Because in this plurk I see people brought up deco which is also
ᴛᴇɴɴ
I'll say again that I was not friends with Bonten so I do have bias towards the side of Youji and Tristan, just as those who are very close to Bonten are biased towards her side, and while the situation was bad and stressful for all involved and I am much madder at people like Floor and Tanz who were """fanning the flames""", I myself would be less
Ash!!1
I love everyone on my tl but damn if grudges aren't held forever with some folk
僕が見えるか
[ah yes the infinite abyss of the hurt that I still have there and just try not to talk about except when I'm like fucking rikki]
ᴛᴇɴɴ
aggro about this if anyone tried to do anything like understand
ᴛᴇɴɴ
and not just rebel against authority mods bad can't believe this kill the beast
ᴛᴇɴɴ
I probably just need to be hit with a tennis racket again because I know youji doesn't want anyone fighting for him and I don't want Tristan to feel weaker for having to have someone fight for him either
curє ☆ ѕtαr
ᴛᴇɴɴ: you and me, No Fighting pact
ᴛᴇɴɴ
But No One Is Fighting For Them So I Must,
dumb bitch hrs
people... are allowed to be mad and upset about their friends getting hurt
dumb bitch hrs
this goes both ways
🦇BRAT BAT🦇
Yeah I am just gonna pop in to say I did see ᴛᴇɴɴ's plurk right after which got deleted pretty quick since uh. people came in to be aggro like "you aren't helping don't do this you can't talk about the other side" (paraphrasing since it's gone now and obvs I can't direct quote), but.
🦇BRAT BAT🦇
Important context for how much some people (who I don't think are in this plurk) have definitely behaved
Aloof Processor
they already stated they have a bias...
Nishi
Ayyy, yeah, this is also gasoline, my dude. It's easier to come to a middle ground if everyone can be allowed to be upset and work through it
Aloof Processor
but yeah what Nishi said
🦇BRAT BAT🦇
There was factually people coming in to say "don't talk about [the mods] side" right after so it is coming out now, and should be allowed cuz--yeah what Nishi said
🦇BRAT BAT🦇
just. let this vent happen
ᴛᴇɴɴ
I got hit by 3 tennis rackets so I deleted the plurk
Ash!!1
I am still just gonna pm later but!! I think it's safe to say anyone in this plurk does not hate Tristan? Or youji. It's more a case of /this is the logic going down for most folks/
🦇BRAT BAT🦇
yeah I don't hate anyone
ᴛᴇɴɴ
but was not Not Mad that the mod side couldn't be spoken for
dumb bitch hrs
i continue to be disappointed over the situation in general but i do not hate anyone, obviously
🦇BRAT BAT🦇
I'm real fussed, but like. I'm not explicitly angry with anyone at all
Nishi
ANd like, people ARE going to come to decisions, but they are making it on a situation, and not about youji and not about tristan. And it's okay, no matter what happens.
Nishi
It's okay, like, honestly
僕が見えるか
I don't care if Tenn talks
Ash!!1
Like I can get being mad at floor cuz I also do not want to see imeeji burn down, but I can also see her points and logic
Nishi
Tomorrow's gonna be mostly like today, really
dumb bitch hrs
i am mostly in ash's camp there
僕が見えるか
I'm going to continue to be hurt by people not in this plurk and the fact that
S'M'LESS
yeah legit
Nishi
Like, Floor's plurk was angry, and we're a small community who have all known each other for a really long time
Nishi
So even if not in the game, we all have a stake when big things happen
Ash!!1
She was also in the game a good while and was waiting on a reapp so it's not like she had a hate boner before this
僕が見えるか
apparently a decent number of my friends just think yeah, Tristan deserves to be hated and dropped me the second
Celizabeth Hood
I LIKE YOU!! I do not think you are being weak or cowardly, it is human to be upset because of something happening because it was completely out of your control esp since you bowed out of it
S'M'LESS
absolutely in no way was my explaining meant to be "here is the logic by which other people are mad so therefore you can no longer be hurt, now that you know what it is"
僕が見えるか
that something could be misconstrued
dumb bitch hrs
floor and youji have both been, for me, people i can go to when i'm on dumb bitch hours and get smacked in the face with a baseball bat if i'm being ESPECIALLY stupid so like
dumb bitch hrs
i love them both dearly
dumb bitch hrs
and i have heard and understand and talked about both sides with most people involved so, like
dumb bitch hrs
shrugs
Celizabeth Hood
Not being given even a chance hurts
Ash!!1
Yea what Dane said
dumb bitch hrs
also yes what dane said im sorry work calls continue to be. bad
Celizabeth Hood
Cuz it hits you in the kneecaps and you cant get up and chase after ppl
Nishi
Also, sometimes, pulling away from someone on a friends list is just because THEY need to protect themselves. Not because of anything you are going, but because they need distance. But... I think if I can make any plea to you is that people disagreeing with the the situation, regardless of whenever they are here or not, is not necessarily hating you
Nishi
And I don't say this to defend them
Nishi
But to defend you... since that's the kind of thing that can really hurt
Nishi
If you think that everyone around you is an enemy
Nishi
Like, that's a bleak world, and a really easy one to see right now
Nishi
Because everything really hurts
Nishi
And it's legit
僕が見えるか
I don't... think the people around me are enemies. But
僕が見えるか
when someone literally does a
僕が見えるか
what floor did.
僕が見えるか
it's really hard not to just be
僕が見えるか
very hurt.
僕が見えるか
I guess this is where I'm coming from. I'm not hurt by like
僕が見えるか
Dane, Pepper, Ash
僕が見えるか
Vector, I understand
僕が見えるか
where they're coming from, what they think was mishandled
Nishi
Yeah, it's valid to be hurt by that. Like, that's fucking human
僕が見えるか
there's still trust there, we're still cool
僕が見えるか
but the problem is just
僕が見えるか
the outpouring
僕が見えるか
the swell
僕が見えるか
of hatred. of resentment.
僕が見えるか
of thinking, how long has this been here.
僕が見えるか
how many people have this poison locked away behind them
S'M'LESS
okay but the sweel of hatred is a good mental image, because I imagine that it makes that noise specifically
S'M'LESS
sweeeeeeel
僕が見えるか
DAMN I HOPED NO ONE HAD SEEN THE TYPO
Nishi
TOO LATE
Nishi
I HAVE LAUGHED
Nishi
Not gonna lie
Nishi
But nah, nah, like, I don't think most of the anxiety and upwelling has a lot personal behind it
Aloof Processor
people have their own poison to leech from their systems. and it may not have anything to do with you personally. it still sucks that this is how it finds an outlet but people will address the issues they have about what's going on in their own way, and you just gotta do your own thing to repair what you can with people who are willing to still trust
Nishi
Some? Probably. But that's just the mixed back of people
僕が見えるか
I'm just tired of
Nishi
BAG
僕が見えるか
always being the villain.
僕が見えるか
That it's the role I'm cast in, in any story.
僕が見えるか
It feels like.
僕が見えるか
Like I guess this is way fucking tmi but
僕が見えるか
gestures at my childhood, also, the fucking abuse I faced and the fact the abuse was also always my fucking fault.
🦇BRAT BAT🦇
man I am tired of talking about this whole mess due to how much it's been talked about already so instead I will say--I was real into threads we've had in the past and continue to look forward to chances to play with you in the future and i think there is evidence here that I'm not the only one who feels like that even if there's hurt feelings around
僕が見えるか
Literally indefensible. And I had a sister who would bite herself when she wanted me beaten. So I learned very young that
僕が見えるか
it's useless to explain
🦇BRAT BAT🦇
Which is also important to remember. That and also the think Aloof Processor said which is real good
僕が見えるか
to explain she bit herself
僕が見えるか
why would you cast aspersions on your sister
僕が見えるか
and then
僕が見えるか
fucking rikki
僕が見えるか
in deco
僕が見えるか
SO LIKE
僕が見えるか
THIS IS NOT SAYING THESE ARE EQUIVALENT
僕が見えるか
BUT ALSO I AM TIRED OF being the person TEARING THE HOUSEHOLD APART. THE PERSON WHO RUINED DECO.
僕が見えるか
the person who IS THE VILLAIN OF WHATEVER STORY YOU'RE TELLING.
僕が見えるか
So this is IN PARTICULAR
僕が見えるか
fucking painful
僕が見えるか
as I try to not just LOSE MY MIND CONSTANTLY OVER HOW NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY TO DO THINGS CORRECTLY
Aloof Processor
yeah, like. buddy. I know you and I have personalities that can rub up against each other sometimes but overall, I do not think you are a villain. you're just very hurt and confused. i think it's important to remember that people who do understand where you're coming from see you as the person you are, rather than some villainous character.
僕が見えるか
do things well, be likable,
僕が見えるか
it feels like it won't matter
僕が見えるか
the second it's convienent
僕が見えるか
I'll be hated again
僕が見えるか
that it's not worth it to try and trust people and make friends
僕が見えるか
though I know that's not true
僕が見えるか
it's obviously not!
Aloof Processor
people who do view you as a villain need to take some time for themselves to figure out why they're taking things so strongly to work to paint it like that
僕が見えるか
here's people who did disagree but still want to be friends
僕が見えるか
but it's hard and I'm sad.
僕が見えるか
🦇BRAT BAT🦇: I hope we can play again sometime
僕が見えるか
need to get my shit together, but
Celizabeth Hood
“Its not true” but feelings alwas come from a place so its not irrational!
Celizabeth Hood
Always*
Aloof Processor
and yes, I do enjoy playing off of your characters. i love little shit characters okok (hiyori and dazai were hilarious in the nope murdergame okok)
僕が見えるか
Aloof Processor: <3
Celizabeth Hood
Like I just dont want you thinking like ur being ridic or whatever for feelings (as I tend to do lol) but as u said, looking at childhood and then the whole Rikki shit also
僕が見えるか
yeah. I'll try to remember.
🦇BRAT BAT🦇
yessss. I'm not sure Talon is a good match for anyone of yours outside of plot-related stuff, but I think Yayoi will make for some interesting CR when she gets placed
🦇BRAT BAT🦇
she's just here to judge boys
Aloof Processor
feelings happen. unfortunately. it's a terminal human condition. but also i like humans, so
The detective
I guess what I would say is, there's unfortunately never going to be doing things "correctly," there are always going to be misunderstandings and people who clash with each other
The detective
That doesn't mean it's not still worthwhile to try to be kind and understanding and communicate to try to minimize that, and it doesn't mean that there aren't still people who DO like and get along with you who are trying to do the same
The detective
None of which means this isn't still rough
Nishi
That's a good take
僕が見えるか
I might swap out Hiyori for Izumi or idk Nahri so maybe at some point!! but all my boys are worthy of judgement
ghost infant
sena
僕が見えるか
The detective: Aloof Processor: Nishi:
NUMBER ☂ FIVE
everyone is already saying very important things that are super wise so i'll just say that I am definitely very much stocked to get the chance to play and just chill with you again. And if nothing else people coming here to support you regardless is something you can look at as an objective proof that no, not everyone hates you, even if they disagree
S'M'LESS
Nahri!
S'M'LESS
my bias
僕が見えるか
yes
ghost infant
ive been in the depths of depression actually so dont listen to my opinions but i couldnt help it
僕が見えるか
NAHRI ALSO GOOD
僕が見えるか
ghost infant: well, it's not like I've responded yet either,
ghost infant
sobs I've been seriously thinking of temp dropping tho
ghost infant
out of sheer exhaustion more than anything
ghost infant
but touches tristan regardless
✧ Mote
May you find a good pit to bury feelings in for a while after they've been shaken out
僕が見えるか
brain says go back to putting enstars in chronological order for friends
僕が見えるか
but I should be doing my mod work
僕が見えるか
or playing my characters,
ghost infant
stress makes focusing on anything that doesnt immediately press the happy buttons extremely difficult
dumb bitch hrs
speaking from the not at all unique experience of having been hurt from different directions and also hurting other people by being a big dumb asshole, a big part of it is like... even if you don't think you/they were wrong, it's important to look at what you did that hurt someone(or what hurt you), identify it, and both embrace it and move on/grow from it
dumb bitch hrs
WHICH CAN BE EXTREMELY HARD IN THE MOMENT i know
dumb bitch hrs
it takes... lots of time
dumb bitch hrs
but if i didnt think you were capable of that/i was capable of that/that we hadn't both grown as people since Years Ago i wouldn't be talking to you now,
dumb bitch hrs
tl;dr i believe in you
ᕼᗩḰᘮß◎◎
I feel that it's not the most fair for me to jump into here now after everything, especially since I've largely been locked out of the discourse ^^;;;

But I just wanna let you know that mistakes happen. Crappy things happen sometimes in RP and miscommunication will always be a thing. It happens outside in the real world and in our RP lives
ᕼᗩḰᘮß◎◎
But I think you are doing your best. I think you mean well. And I definitely love playing with you. And I am sorry that you are hurting.
ᕼᗩḰᘮß◎◎
A lot of us love the game, and the people inside the game don't want it to burn to the ground. And from what I see here, I think everyone in this plurk DOES care about you Tristan (and Youji).
ᕼᗩḰᘮß◎◎
And I can't speak for everyone here, but if you needed another day to get things together and just mentally prepare for game things, I don't think anyone would be mad. Mods have feels too and like... sometimes you need a bit of extra time. Can't always have your head in the game, and you're clearly dealing with a lot atm
✧ Mote
Consider it more time for 4th wallers to casually run around
Aloof Processor
^^
curє ☆ ѕtαr
Heatchi has good words.
curє ☆ ѕtαr
I do also think that the “I hurt people, and I need to acknowledge that” thing should go both ways here. There’s been some really cruel things said (like whoever tf posted on wg), and acting like it’s just Tristan and Youji who need to make amends really rubs me the wrong way.
curє ☆ ѕtαr
that’s just me; no one told me to say that; please take it up with me directly if you think i’m being a jerk here!
S'M'LESS
...of course it made it to wg
S'M'LESS
I keep hoping if I don't look at wg for years it will just stop existing and yet every time I'm disappointed
curє ☆ ѕtαr
it’s a thankfully short thread and i recommend no one post there because it’s basically already dead
curє ☆ ѕtαr
but yeah. BAD LOOK, whoever did that.
S'M'LESS
yeah nah, no plans to look or anything. Just ppbtth
S'M'LESS
MUST we.
ᴛᴇɴɴ
I don't think it was really needed to draw attention to that if Tristan is already anxious and upset
僕が見えるか
I was informed about it already
S'M'LESS
the thing about that that is especially MUST WE is that I know Bonten also hates... WG... so it's like, whoever posted there, who do you think you're helping rn
僕が見えるか
which is part of why it was like, nice to know people have hated me for years, I guess
curє ☆ ѕtαr
tenn still has a good point, and i apologize for blurting it out in my anger like it didn’t have the potential to just make things feel Additionally Shit.
僕が見えるか
it's fine
curє ☆ ѕtαr
it’s... it could be More Fine, is all
curє ☆ ѕtαr
i’d like the level of fine-ness to improve
curє ☆ ѕtαr
i don’t know any history here but i think you do great mod work, and if i weren’t currently dying of law school i’d be champing at the bit to be more involved since i love this game so much
ᕼᗩḰᘮß◎◎
wg is a cesspit and I feel the only reason people post to it at all is to try and stir stuff up. It's not a productive area for people to vent if they feel like they need to, and just-- yeah, if there is stuff on it, I feel it's best that people just avoid it in general.
dragillionaire
I had... so many visceral flashbacks to making an ill-advised statement that was seen as something more malicious than it was and being absolutely pilloried for it when this all went down
dragillionaire
like. I won't say that it was great, reading things myself I could see exactly where everyone else's hurt was coming from on the other side
ᕼᗩḰᘮß◎◎
If people are gonna hate, there's nothing to be done for it. But I think in the end it's just best to focus on the present and future, regardless of whatever might be there because those are the only things we can control anyway
dragillionaire
but especially as things spiraled... I knew the kind of hurt you all were going to be in. and I should and could have reached out more to ask if you were okay, and to let you know you weren't hated, and I'm sorry I didn't
dragillionaire
what you're going through is hard and it hurts. I do hope that by talking about it it can be made clear what went wrong where. I'm definitely not a good example to help lead you there because I wasnt in the various plurks, just... heard about everything second hand
僕が見えるか
Honestly
僕が見えるか
Everyone going THINK ABOUT WHERE YOU WENT WRONG
僕が見えるか
is also
僕が見えるか
not helpful because in this case, my sin was
僕が見えるか
going into someone's plurk
僕が見えるか
for three comments
僕が見えるか
Lesson learned, don't go into people's plurks when they act confused, maybe they'll pillory you for it
dragillionaire
but I do believe that neither of you intended for any of that to go down the way it did, and that neither you nor youji intended to hurt anyone.
𝒜𝒻𝒻𝓁𝒶𝓉𝓊𝓈 𝒮𝑜𝓁𝓊𝓈
How about every one not dog pile tristan and let him vent in their own plurk. Jesus this is a mess
僕が見えるか
But when people explain beyond that it seems like the sin was AC but also no one wants to hear about AC which is also, still not my responsibility as a mod
僕が見えるか
so
僕が見えるか
yeah whatever I guess
僕が見えるか
I am sympathetic to people who are mad and understand why they are mad
dumb bitch hrs
which is why i specifically mentioned it from both sides and not just "damn u fucked up heres 95 reasons why".
僕が見えるか
But telling me to reflect on it is like
僕が見えるか
shrugs
僕が見えるか
Yeah I said I won't do the thing
僕が見えるか
I think that's all the reflection it requires
𝒜𝒻𝒻𝓁𝒶𝓉𝓊𝓈 𝒮𝑜𝓁𝓊𝓈
I’m not. It’s your plurk they can back off
dragillionaire
𝒜𝒻𝒻𝓁𝒶𝓉𝓊𝓈 𝒮𝑜𝓁𝓊𝓈: I could be wrong because this plurk has become massive, but i don't think anyone is trying to dog pile Tristan anymore. if that's how my responses were taken, I do sincerely apologize, mostly to Tristan, because that's not what I was intending
僕が見えるか
Yeah, I know Gil didn't mean any harm
僕が見えるか
esp bc Gil went through something similar
僕が見えるか
as she said
dumb bitch hrs
yeah gil and heatchi were being genuinely sympathetic
僕が見えるか
I was just expressing I understand people are trying to help
dumb bitch hrs
and i was trying to empathize but that didn't really come across so
僕が見えるか
I just specifically don't know what to do with this one well-wish because I think we're pretty down pat on the thing of place that could have been done better
dumb bitch hrs
i'll step out
𝒜𝒻𝒻𝓁𝒶𝓉𝓊𝓈 𝒮𝑜𝓁𝓊𝓈
Okay and maybe I need to scroll up but damn
僕が見えるか
But my hurt is largely that the backlash was way outsized and a lot of it unconnected to anything I actually did
僕が見えるか
which makes it hurtful
dragillionaire
yeah
S'M'LESS
I do think "let's just never do mod business in plurk again" is a fine take away
𝒜𝒻𝒻𝓁𝒶𝓉𝓊𝓈 𝒮𝑜𝓁𝓊𝓈
S'M'LESS
has that ever once worked out for any party
S'M'LESS
unsure.
𝒜𝒻𝒻𝓁𝒶𝓉𝓊𝓈 𝒮𝑜𝓁𝓊𝓈
I mean it’s tristans plurk it could have been muted and left alone and any grievances could be aired through proper channels like the mod contact. As someone who has modded a game years ago like where the hell is he allowed to vent?
僕が見えるか
It's alright. They just missed the part where I asked for private contact.
𝒜𝒻𝒻𝓁𝒶𝓉𝓊𝓈 𝒮𝑜𝓁𝓊𝓈
Idk just seeing this blow up is rubbing me wrong
S'M'LESS
I meant the original bonten plurk, not this one
𝒜𝒻𝒻𝓁𝒶𝓉𝓊𝓈 𝒮𝑜𝓁𝓊𝓈
Ah
僕が見えるか
Like I said, I did contact every person I saw involved privately to make sure I understood their grievances
僕が見えるか
Thank you for understanding my feelings though
僕が見えるか
because
𝒜𝒻𝒻𝓁𝒶𝓉𝓊𝓈 𝒮𝑜𝓁𝓊𝓈
Sorry sorry ugh I just hate these sorts of things
僕が見えるか
it is hard to be like
僕が見えるか
where can I put my sorrow
僕が見えるか
WHERE DOES SORROW
僕が見えるか
GO, NOT ON PLURK SURELY?
dragillionaire
being a mod is a terribly hard job. like... even if you are seemingly well liked or thought of, you have to be nigh on perfect at all times and venting about game related things is... well. it gets very complicated and become heated very quickly even when it doesnt need to, gestures
S'M'LESS
I REALLY DO APOLOGIZE IF IT IS COMING OFF HERE LIKE I AM BEING NEGATIVE?? OR dog pile-y. Deeply not the intent. I feel like those comments have to be aimed at me because l'm like, 80% of the words in this plurk
S'M'LESS
100% just trying to explain and yes, missed the part where you requested DM's. Like a champ.
dragillionaire
it often feels like one slip up and that's it, and then you have no where you can take the bad feelings. I, personally, found that the best/only way to deal with mine was to find a small group of people I could trust to vent to
BIO REBAR
being mod is Suffering
𝒜𝒻𝒻𝓁𝒶𝓉𝓊𝓈 𝒮𝑜𝓁𝓊𝓈
Reasons I’ll never mod again 😂
S'M'LESS
it's true, being a mod is suffering.
僕が見えるか
FOURTH TIME
dragillionaire
yeah. being a mod is like. when you're at your highs it's fantastic, and when it crashes you've never been so low, or more exposed to everyone when you're low
僕が見えるか
But honestly
僕が見えるか
If I could keep doing it after Rikki
僕が見えるか
With Rikki as my first experience
僕が見えるか
I'll live
dragillionaire
I have no doubt. You've made it through an extraordinary amount of shit in your life to be here now.
dragillionaire
But, that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, or that you don't deserve a place or way to try to make sense of it and deal with that hurt.
僕が見えるか
dragillionaire
ghost infant
i will say i love imeeji and im glad that you made it
ghost infant
if you ever make princedom ill be the first to app
ghost infant
ghost infant
(this is a lie bc it will take me until the last minute to even write my app but you get the idea)
XM8❤RUSTSPOON
nak
僕が見えるか
ghost infant: someday, princedom
僕が見えるか
I just snuck Semiramis into imeeji
僕が見えるか
by calling them Dance Macabre
僕が見えるか
XM8❤RUSTSPOON: is that supposed to be the dumb dave strider quest animal noise
ᕼᗩḰᘮß◎◎
princedom??? What is this!
Also omg I love Semi. I want to touch
僕が見えるか
ᕼᗩḰᘮß◎◎: princedom was the game I was going to run before imeeji but then I lost my mind and wrote up imeeji instead because I needed to be mean to youji with idols
white lily
I miss you and want to see you and wish I could rub your head right now
僕が見えるか
however, it literally had a test drive and was a complete game
僕が見えるか
and is ready to run at any time, hypothetically,
僕が見えるか
however it was far more niche than imeeji, so
僕が見えるか
no regrets about doing imeeji instead
ᕼᗩḰᘮß◎◎
Hahaha sudden 180 at the last minute
僕が見えるか
but someday I'll run princedom
ᕼᗩḰᘮß◎◎
Well I do love Imeeji =3
HIDEO KOJIMA
anyway my only weigh-in on this is to say even tho i dropped the game i don't think you're a megasatan or even like, a bad person and i hope u feel better soon
僕が見えるか
imeeji quite literally happened bc enstars
僕が見えるか
which is why people make fun of me for it in chat
僕が見えるか
white lily: reaches for. you can pet my hair in spring.
僕が見えるか
HIDEO KOJIMA: thank you <3
ᕼᗩḰᘮß◎◎
Why am I not surprised XD
僕が見えるか
僕が見えるか
I'm predictable
white lily
THAT’S SO FAR AWAY!!! WHY CAN’T JAPAN MERGE WITH CALIFORNIA
white lily
JUST FLIP ONE OVER AND PUT IT ON TOP OF THE OTHER ONE
🌸 laila
Way late on this but my instinct on jumping into ᴛᴇɴɴ's plurk was not to say 'you're wrong for feeling like this'.
XM8❤RUSTSPOON
it's the sound of fifteen hours of condensed Mora yelling
XM8❤RUSTSPOON
coincidentally, it sounds like the dumb dave strider quest animal noise
XM8❤RUSTSPOON
arent we all just dumb dave strider quest animals in our hearts?
Aloof Processor
save strider rofl
🌸 laila
The issue I personally was having was more... not wanting any more of this. Not wanting to see another plurk blow up. Not wanting more side-taking and he-said she-said possibly making things worse than they already were.
XM8❤RUSTSPOON
KINDNESS
XM8❤RUSTSPOON
Aloof Processor
i dont even homestuck and for some reason this typo makes me laugh
HIDEO KOJIMA
we are all nakkodiles
XM8❤RUSTSPOON
my phone thinks dave isnt a word for some reason
僕が見えるか
nak
🌸 laila
it had got to a point where I didn't feel like anything could possibly be productive - everyone already thought they knew everything they needed to at this stage and I just... instinctively felt like 'this can't end well because at this point literally everything is just going to be fuel to the fire, can we just not let it happen this time'.
僕が見えるか
white lily: I'm fine with japanifornia
僕が見えるか
it works in Ace Attorney
XM8❤RUSTSPOON
oh yeah I guess my single actual comment will be re: drea's plurk I went in to say don't do bc youji himself in my physical space didn't want people fighting over it and that was what was gonna happen there (it still happened anyway but lol)
僕が見えるか
loving tennis racket
XM8❤RUSTSPOON
no it was hateful just like everything I say out of not wanting bad things to happen to people anymore when they said bad things are happening
white lily
nak.
ghost infant
i want to say while i 100% understand and even logically agree with youji's wishes i also cannot shake the frustration and pain that i feel for the mods side of things not having as much of a voice against the gasoline
ghost infant
i understand........ but i hate it.
ghost infant
nak
XM8❤RUSTSPOON
oh actually I guess I'll talk about that for ten seconds: love to have genuine concern for a person talked about in retrospect as concern trolling and harassment, very happy to never express sympathy again
XM8❤RUSTSPOON
nak.
ghost infant
nak.
ghost infant
I'll just never attempt to communicate ever again.
white lily
nak!
僕が見えるか
I. Guess it's a good thing I can't see any of those plurks, because that's shitty and sucks.
僕が見えるか
sorry that. that happened.
🌸 laila
The whole thing was really getting on top of me too, even though I had no personal stake in it... I'd never normally tell someone what they can and can't say about a situation.
H.P. RIFLE
wheezes
H.P. RIFLE
i'm just [flashback to when i was being abused by my roommate and being shittalked both privately and publicly] and it wigs me out to speak poorly of or hear people speak poorly of people involved in an altercation that i was also involved in
僕が見えるか
defending yourself being something that you lock up against due to [trauma response] is, to steal mora's parlance,
僕が見えるか
fun video game
H.P. RIFLE
fun video game
XM8❤RUSTSPOON
most exciting video game I've ever played tbh 10/10 goty every year needs fishing minigame
ghost infant
it doesn't have a fishing minigame so it's only like 9.5/10 at best
僕が見えるか
trying not to lose your mind and just agree YOU'RE RIGHT, I AM THE VILLAIN, MUWAHAHA because then you don't have to reveal weakness or explain yourself
僕が見えるか
especially not show weakness like your human emotions when some of your number have just revealed they're people you shouldn't have been trusting to begin with,
僕が見えるか
resisting the urge and then being villainized anyway,
僕が見えるか
cursed
dragillionaire
honestly the hardest part in that sort of situation is that like. you can't win for defending yourself. it can also feel like... even if you offer a genuine apology, it can seem insincere to those who don't want to believe it or feel that more is necessary (whether it is or isn't) or want people to say they're sorry for things they aren't. and if people
ᴛᴇɴɴ
🎾🎾🎾
dragillionaire
stick up for you then they're "white knights" or whatever and things get more heated.
dragillionaire
so there becomes this state in which... nothing you do is right or okay, or it feels that way, even if some people do accept it. and it just... sucks.
XM8❤RUSTSPOON
🏏🏏🏏
luxury bones
without rehashing anything, i just want to say that i still think of you as a friend and i am glad we met and i enjoy rping with you and i hope we continue to do so for a long time. i hope you are able to move forward from this and heal
僕が見えるか
luxury bones: me too. thank you.
luxury bones
take care of yourself. take time to heal if you need.
white lily
“once people arbitrarily decide you are bad then everything you do and say will be bad and also people will just make up even more bad things about you and that’s kind of fucked up” is also the moral of mdzs. [drugs owl voice] read mdzs
僕が見えるか
is this just the reason we like media
僕が見えるか
enstars and mdzs can sit in the corner
★☆★☆
I'm 100% uninvolved in and unaware of like, all of this, but I just want to say that I'm really glad to know you as a friend, and I really enjoy this game you guys run. I just met you like, last year, but to me you're a ~cool, elegant hero~ who's easy to talk to and who I trust.
white lily
very mysterious how that could happen, why would we have similar tastes like that I wonder
僕が見えるか
★☆★☆: Thank you. ALSO DEFINITELY THE FIRST TIME ANYONE HAS EVER THOUGHT OF ME AS A COOL ELEGANT HERO, I will treasure it.
僕が見えるか
white lily: hm~
僕が見えるか
!
僕が見えるか
unintentional tilde, pretend it was
hm!
ghost infant
we just enstars now
white lily
I’m also in the Moelle and Mora boat of “pretty sure things I said to Bonten in the past are now being used as vague ammo against Tristan and Youji AND YET NOT ME SOMEHOW” and I’m just like
white lily
I hate being misconstrued so much
僕が見えるか
it is the literal worst.
僕が見えるか
I also hate it and I'm like. why would anyone think I would hide anything
white lily
time to just vanish off the face of the earth so no one can ever use my words against people I care about ever again
僕が見えるか
LITERALLY IN THIS PLURK I WAS LIKE hey I don't like x sentiment, can we not
僕が見えるか
god I still am fucked up about thinking about Rikki telling people I was talking about them behind their backs
僕が見えるか
yeah, tristan, that manipulative liar
僕が見えるか
I don't even like telling kids fake ghost stories at work
僕が見えるか
I FEEL BAD.
僕が見えるか
THAT GHOST STORY IS MADE UP, SMALL CHILD
white lily
how come I got into an actual public fight with Bonten and yet somehow we made up and I didn’t get nailed to a door somewhere
white lily
why am I the one who gets let off and not you guys for doing way less ????
Celizabeth Hood
I never heard anything about rikki but like i realized they were a fucko in kyr pretty quick like
dragillionaire
yeah, I dont think I said it before but I am glad to have and be in imeeji. I am glad to know both you and youji. I like you guys! and I don't think you're bad people. mistakes were made and I just hope we can all heal and go back to having a good time.
Celizabeth Hood
I dont wanan get in details since i dont know if ppl want that dragged but i remember them doing similar shit in public once and was like ,,,
Celizabeth Hood
Wh
XM8❤RUSTSPOON
I thought rikki was pretty neato until I was on barghest with her in kyr and then I wanted to die
XM8❤RUSTSPOON
and then it got faster co-healing with her in ffxiv,
Celizabeth Hood
I disliked them on celeste tho lol WHILE I MANAGED TO TALK THRU SHIT with tristan, go figure, and then i found out everything later
XM8❤RUSTSPOON
very unpleasant. 0/10, would not recommend. no fishing minigame could fix that
Aloof Processor
yeah, i honestly was slow in knowing the Rikki Hell but as soon as i got it, it was like "... o h. suddenly so much makes sense"
Celizabeth Hood
Aloof Processor: RIGHT LOL
僕が見えるか
rikki hell was bad.
僕が見えるか
least good comodding experience.
Aloof Processor
like I was even still playing with Rikki in Court, just. /waves hand sadly knowing things were bad but also was being oblivious
Celizabeth Hood
I sometimes think how much of my deco grief was tied into that (also mind u, i was also just bad fit after a while which was my b but still)
dragillionaire
rik...ki..........
dragillionaire
僕が見えるか
at least, these days, everyone can agree on that
僕が見えるか
rikki, very much not good
white lily
Rikki
S'M'LESS
saddest to me here is that I am hearing basically the same sadness and confusion from like, Bonten's side of things re: are all my words misconstrued now, what happened I thought we made up and were friends, I dont understand how this became a trash fire so quickly, have people I thought were my friends thought poorly of me for a long time
S'M'LESS
which I dont say to be like, poor bonten, or downplay anybody's injured emotions on this side either just
🌸 laila
I was thinking all these things about purity culture and how much I hate it and its immediate unpersoning of anyone who's deemed to have Done A Wrong Thing Once.
S'M'LESS
"well that's fucking tragic isnt it"
S'M'LESS
like OBVIOUSLY I DONT ACTUALLY but theres kind of a 'you want one person to be Actually Right and one to be Actually Wrong"
S'M'LESS
but instead there are just a group of people on either side going
white lily
🌸 laila: slightly manic laughter ah yes my chronically building fear for the past like year and a half coming to full fruition
僕が見えるか
I honestly don't understand how Bonten thinks that
ᴛᴇɴɴ
I also cannot even start to see how they can think that after floor's plurk
僕が見えるか
I can get her thinking Youji is mad at her, but I didn't even talk to her other than trying to clarify.
僕が見えるか
So.
僕が見えるか
yeah, I guess.
S'M'LESS
I mean, it was a trash fire long before floors plurk
僕が見えるか
It's hard when you're hurting
S'M'LESS
yeh
ᴛᴇɴɴ
where every person with even a fraction of an opinion came in to go 😬😬😬😬 eeeee yikes yikes yikes I was feeling weird about the game anwyay
僕が見えるか
It's easy to think people are against you, sometimes.
ᴛᴇɴɴ
I mean, yes, it was, but floors plurk made it an even more public trashfire to people who barely knew bonten
僕が見えるか
but I wish she had tried to talk to me.
僕が見えるか
If she did feel hurt.
僕が見えるか
by anything I did.
僕が見えるか
rather than what she actually did.
S'M'LESS
one can see how that would not be appealing when it appears the person in question is treating your attempts to get clarity as arguing with you
僕が見えるか
She had it clarified via email already
S'M'LESS
but that also applies for you
S'M'LESS
having read the email, not very well unfortunately
Nishi
... all right, I think I gotta step away with a pretty strong 'I disagree.' We can talk on it later if you feel up to it and I've chilled out some.
S'M'LESS
like, I mentioned in my letter that taking your stated intentions to he true, they did not come across to me at all in your correspondence
S'M'LESS
which sucks, again, for everybody
僕が見えるか
I'm still not the AC mod
S'M'LESS
right. I do think- as a general note for all scenarios - if you or Youji are not involved in a situation, probably dont use "we" in emails
S'M'LESS
since it does then come off as, at very least, this is something you both are aware od
僕が見えるか
PROBABLY.
僕が見えるか
however we both use we even we draft seperately
僕が見えるか
which, yeah
curє ☆ ѕtαr
i disagree with dane. using "we" in emails sent representing the mods is standard practice, and mods backing each other up on their judgment (if they handle different parts of the game) is also standard practice.
僕が見えるか
yeah. that's why we do it, even though we handle different things. but Dane saying that it made it come off as though we both had a hand in it
僕が見えるか
makes sense
curє ☆ ѕtαr
the implication is that the better thing to do would have been to be like, "don't look at me, blame youji"? i feel like maybe i'm misreading here since that seems like an obviously not great thing to suggest?
Ash!!1
Peeks in that's standard yea but its clearly caused some confusion here so it should be noted (tho I would hope this scenario doesn't rise up again)
S'M'LESS
it is definitely standard but yeah, IN SCENARIOS LIKE THIS it only, you know, made Tristan seem looped in