Chapter 02 - Taking the Dive

"Akiyuki?"

I looked up from my phone. The therapist girl was standing there, waiting for me. She greeted me with a smile.

I followed her back to her office and took a seat on the couch. The therapist girl sat at her disk and spun her chair around to face me. Another smile. She folded her legs, clipboard across her lap. I couldn't even remember her name. I only got to be here once every two weeks anyways.

She took out a small bottle of orange juice from her mini-fridge and slid it across the table. "I heard from the doctors that you really like this, so I decided to get you some." I thank her with a nod and crack open the bottle, taking sips. I sink further into the chair.

She jots down a word or two. "Does it help you relax?"

Another nod and another sip.

"If you've ever been to that one bar that all the girls go to, a lot of girls dunk their gems into the drink. You should try it if you ever feel on edge. Might help you out."

"Can I try it now?"

"I'm not sure if you can even fit your gem into the bottle, but..." She puts a pen to her lips, thinking for a moment. "Give me a minute." She briefly leaves the room, returning with a short glass, one that you would typically pour whiskey in. I carefully place my gem inside the glass and then pour in the orange juice.

Immediately, I feel... good. Warm. Comfortable. I'm not sure why I'm warm, since the bottle was cold, but I'm warm. I feel good. I think I fall across the couch and I feel like I'm drifting in empty space, except space is orange and warm. It takes me a while to realize that the therapist girl is trying to tell me something.

Her voice echoes, and is faint. "Akiyuki. Are you okay?"

I nod.

"Well, that's good. You certainly look happy." A pause. "How have you been since last time?"

"'s been alright." I try to talk formally, but my lips fail me. My mind fails me. "I... watch the sky...line. The... city. A lot. I... can't see from my room... though. It doesn't... my window doesn't... face the right way."

"Would you rather be able to see it from your room?"

"No, I think... that would be bad. I cry... a lot."

"Whenever you think about them?"

"Yes. No. Only when... I think about them... while looking at that building. The building is... strangely... strange."

"I think you're strong, Akiyuki."

"Emiri is... fine. Or just... Emi."

"I think you're strong, Emiri. What do you think?"

"I think... I don't want to think. I like... my room. It's very... calm. I get to watch people... go by. And it feels like I'm... not in the same time as them. I like watching... people. But I don't like thinking... about myself. I like... I like to think that my room is... detached from time. I don't want to go back to the real world. I'm... I feel happy in my room. Where it feels like... time stand still."

The void stayed silent for a long time. "Don't you think that'll just lead you to be estranged from everyone else forever? You know you can't stay there forever."

"Please don't say that."

"Sorry. It's just that part of my job is making sure you get back in shape to work again. You have school, too."

"I go... through the motions. I do what I have to. I'm... even keeping up in school. I think I'm ahead... in mathematics."

"You will still have to go back, eventually."

"I know."

"What will you do?"

"I... don't know. I haven't... thought about that."

"You should take some time to do so, then."

"Okay."

I don't remember how long I'm there. Orange is a bright color, but it's not harsh. Even though everything around me is orange and shades of it, it doesn't hurt my eyes. It's like a soft orange. A darker orange, probably. One that isn't too sweet and not too sour. The perfect mix of both flavors, one that's uniquely orange.

...I have to go back, eventually. But transferring squads is scary. Everyone else in the squad are so tightly bound that trying to fit in among them is like trying to disguise an orange amongst apples.

Apples are too sweet.

...I have to go back, eventually.

...I don't want to go back. I don't want to have to live with the constant worry of letting down my squadmates again. Maybe I wouldn't care as much because they'll never be as special to me as the others were, but I still don't want to let them die. I don't want to mess up. I don't want to mess up and have to watch my friends die again.

"Akiyuki?"

I'm such a coward. I ran away. I should've died there, with them. That would've been a more noble fate.

"Akiyuki."

The therapist girl was standing above me, shaking me awake.

"O-Oh. Sorry." I sat up, rubbing my eyes. My gem was still in the glass of orange juice.

"It's fine. You were talking to yourself in your sleep."

"Was I? That's... embarrassing."

"It's fine. It seemed to be for the better. Mostly, anyways." She picked up the glass and washed it out, rinsing my gem. She then placed it back on the table. "I'd like to see you try that more often. Another appointment at the same time?"

"Ah, sure. Yes."

"Alright then." She writes it down on her clipboard, which seems to be full of excited notes. "See you next time."