YOU ARE NOW TALKING TO A RANDOM FUCKASS. SAY SOMETHING, ASSHOLE!
▼: hey!
▲: OH, HEY.
▼: whoa hi karkat! what's up?
▼: man you sure are typing a lot of words.
▲: NOTHING MUCH, JUST A THOUSAND-PERIGEE VOYAGE OF DESPAIR AND PAIN TRAPPED ON A DESOLATE ROCK IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCK KNOWS WHERE, TRAPPED WITH A DOUCHEBAG IN SHADES, A KNOW IT ALL VAMPIRE GIRL, A KNOW IT ALL ALIEN WHO'S TAKEN A LIKING TO THE KNOW IT ALL VAMPIRE GIRL, A CRAZY FUCKING CLOWN THAT I HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO BECOME THE MOIRAIL OF, AND... TEREZI. YOU?
▲: OH, AND THE MAYOR I GUESS. WHATEVER HE COUNTS AS.
▼: oh.
▼: at least you have more than two people with you.
▼: if you count a sprite as people.
▼: well, okay, i have my nanna too.
▲: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW? HELL I'D GIVE ANYTHING TO GET OFF THIS FUCKING PEBBLE AND CHILL ON THE GOLDEN SHIP TO NEVERLAND WITH YOU AND JADE.
▲: ANYTHING TO GET AWAY FROM STRIDER.
▲: YOU GUYS HAVE YOUR ENTIRE FUCKING PLANETS TO EXPLORE!
▼: i didn't know you felt so strongly about it.
▲: MINIONS TO FIGHT, CONSORTS TO CHILL WITH, SECRETS TO UNCOVER, WHATEVER.
▼: well, you'd have to deal with strider sprite. i'd say he's even worse than regular dave.
▲: OH GOD, RIGHT. WELL I WOULD THINK HAVING KNOWLEDGE REGARDING THE GAME AND BASICALLY EVERYTHING IN GENERAL WOULD MAKE STRIDER LESS OF AN INSUFFERABLE STUPID PRICK, BUT MAYBE I'M WRONG?
▲: I THINK HE'D STILL BE BETTER THOUGH.
▲: AT LEAST I WOULDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH...
▲: WELL, NEVER MIND.
▼: no, tell me! i wanna know.
▲: IT'S JUST...
▲: TEREZI AND STRIDER ARE GETTING MORE AND MORE... I DUNNO HOW YOU'D SAY IT. OPEN ABOUT THEIR MATESPRITSHIP? LIKE THEY USED TO BE ALL SECRETIVE ABOUT IT AND EVEN THOUGH IT WAS A POORLY FOUNDED SECRET I STILL HAD AT LEAST A FAINT GLIMMER OF HOPE THAT THEY WEREN'T ACTUALLY DATING BUT. I DUNNO.
▲: IT'S GETTING TO BE A REAL PAIN.
▲: BUT WHATEVER, I ALREADY RUINED MY CHANCES WITH HER A THOUSAND TIMES OVER, I GUESS I KINDA JUST WANT TO MOVE ON FROM THAT.
▼: oh.
▲: WHICH IS KINDA THE REASON I WANT TO HANG WITH YOU GUYS INSTEAD, BUT. THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN SO WHATEVER.
▼: if it makes you feel any better, dave and jade were dating for a while. and it was super awkward, because that left me to hang out with my nanna all the time!
▲: WAIT, WHAT?
▲: YOU MEAN, JADE AND DAVESPRITE?
▼: but if you were here, we could have been hanging out.
▼: yeah, dave sprite. sorry haha.
▲: OH MY FUCKING GOD. DOES THAT PRICK HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING BEAUTIFUL? WELL WHATEVER. YOU SAID THEY WEREN'T MATESPRITS ANYMORE RIGHT?
▼: yeah, they broke up. and now it's even more awkward!
▲: WELL FUCK, MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO BE THERE.
▼: i don't even know where dave sprite is, i've been flying all over his land to find him and i've had no luck.
▲: I MEAN, I THINK THAT'D HONESTLY JUST MAKE THING EVEN MORE AWKWARD.
▲: *THINGS))
▼: oh. i see how it is!
▼: you're just gonna abandon me now.
▲: WHAT? NO! DUDE I NEVER EVEN WANTED TO BE THERE FOR YOU ANYWAY. YOU'RE STILL A PIECE OF SHIT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.
▲: IF I WAS GONNA HANG THERE ON THE SHIP IT WOULDA BEEN FOR...
▲: OK NEVER MIND.
▲: WHO EVEN FUCKING CARES, IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S EVEN POSSIBLE.
▼: jade?
▼: it would've been jade.
▼: admit it.
▲: WHAT? UH... NO!! COME ON MAN, THAT'S JUST SILLY. I HATE HER AND EVEN THAT IS COMPLETELY PLATONIC. SHE'S WORTHLESS AND DEFINITELY NOT MORE BEARABLE THAN ANY OF YOU OTHER FILTHY ALIENS.
▲: LIKE, NOT AT ALL, A WHOLE BUNCH OR ANYTHING.
▼: ummm, okay.
▲: THERE'S LIKE A LITERALLY 0% CHANCE I HAVE A FLUSHCRUSH ON HER, ESPECIALLY NOT ONE THAT'S ONLY RECENTLY COMING INTO FULL IN THE WAKE OF MY HEARTBREAK OVER TEREZI AND ATTEMPTS TO MOVE ON FROM HER.
▲: WHY ARE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING SO UNLIKELY? I DON'T KNOW. SO, HOW'S IT BEEN BESIDES THAT WHOLE JADE AND DOUCHESPRITE THING?
▼: oh, i know. you don't have to tell me.
▲: HA! DOUCHESPRITE. I'M A FUCKING COMEDY GENIUS. I'LL HAVE TO TELL THAT ONE TO GAMZEE.
▼: that one is pretty good.
▲: HE'D GET A REAL LAUGH OUT OF IT.
▼: except i already came up with it 2 years ago.
▲: OH.
▲: WELL, FUCK YOU TOO.
▼: hahaha!
▼: well things are okay here.
▼: i mean it can get pretty hectic because we have a bird and a cat and a dog.
▲: OH?
▲: IS THIS SOME KIND OF EARTH ANIMAL THING, CAUSE I'M NOT SEEING WHAT THE CONNECTION IS.
▼: oh i mean, dave sprite is a bird, and jade is like, part becquerel now. and then rose's sprite is her dead cat!
▲: WELL YEAH, I KNOW THAT.
▲: BUT HOW DOES THAT MAKE THINGS HECTIC? THEY'RE JUST ANIMALS JOHN.
▲: NOW, IF YOU HAD AN IGUANA THERE, THEN SHIT WOULD GO DOWN.
▼: what? dude, dogs chase cats and cats chase birds.
▲: WHAT? WEIRD.
▼: what do iguanas have to do with anything?!
▲: ON ALTERNIA, DOGS CHASE IGUANAS, AND IGUANAS CHASE BIRDS, WHICH CHASE POSSUMS WHICH CHASE CATS.
▲: YOUR EARTH SHIT IS SO WEIRD, DUDE.
▼: i guess so.
▼: but you created the earth, so it's your fault.
▲: ACTUALLY, NO, IT'S YOUR FAULT. CAUSE YOU DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND, SEE. WE CREATED YOUR UNIVERSE, BILIOUS SLICK, RIGHT? AND THE EARTH WAS CREATED INSIDE THERE. BUT WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY INFLUENCE OVER WHAT HAPPENED, THANKS TO JACK.
▼: oh, man, so now you're done claiming to be our god?
▼: funny how that works out.
▲: THE ONLY REASON I'M NOT YOUR GOD IS BECAUSE I NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO BE, THANKS TO...
▲: WELL, I CAN'T BLAME JADE FOR PROTOTYPING A FIRST GUARDIAN, CAUSE IT WASN'T HER FAULT.
▲: YOU WERE THE ONE WHO FELL ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL, BUT I GUESS VRISKA DID THAT?
▼: let's just put it out there that you have it soooooooo bad for jade.
▲: WHAT? NO.
▲: ANYWAY IT'S EITHER YOUR FAULT, OR VRISKA'S. END OF STORY.
▲: BUT I DIGRESS. HOW'S SHIT GOING ON LOWAS?
▼: um, it's alright.
▼: i guess i'm getting really bored. and cranky.
▼: i just can't wait to meet up with all of you guys!
▼: i haven't heard from some of you since we got on this stupid ship.
▲: YEAH. I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET UP WITH... WELL, JADE AT LEAST.
▲: NOT THAT I LIKE HER I JUST THINK SHE'S BETTER THAN YOU ARE.
▼: soooooooo bad.
▼: that's how you've got it.
▲: NO.
▼: you wanna kiss her on the face.
▲: NOPE.
▲: YOU'RE THE MOST WRONG.
▼: you wanna kiss her on the face a lot.
▲: THE SINGLE MOST WRONG THING OF ALL TIME.
▲: IS WHAT IS COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.
▼: what's gonna be coming out of your mouth is how hard you're gonna mack on her human kiss makers.
▲: NO.
▼: i think if you gave her time she'd be okay with it, you know.
▲: STOP YOUR LIES, PUNY EARTH HUMAN.
▲: WHAT?
▲: YOU THINK
▼: i'm not lying!
▲: LIKE, HOW MUCH TIME?
▼: i mean obviously she just got out of a thing with dave sprite but i don't think she's thaaaaaaaat upset about it.
▼: i don't know! like obviously she hasn't even ever met you before.
▼: does she even know what you look like?
▲: YES, ACTUALLY.
▲: WE MET IN A DREAM BUBBLE ONCE.
▲: OR, WAIT. NO WE DIDN'T.
▼: huh???
▲: WELL BASICALLY SHE SAW MY CORPSE IN A TIMELINE THAT NEVER HAPPENED. TEREZI WAS THERE, SHE MENTIONED. THERE WAS LIKE FIFTEEN OTHER PEOPLE THERE.
▼: oh.
▼: maybe you should formulate a plan to make a really, really good first not-dead impression.
▲: HMM...
▲: THAT'S ACTUALLY NOT A BAD IDEA.
▲: HOW DO YOU THINK I CAN DO IT?
▼: um, i think mostly you should be yourself!
▼: because you're already friends with her and stuff.
▲: WELL, NO, THAT WON'T WORK.
▲: CAUSE "MYSELF" IS ACTUALLY A MASSIVE FUCKING ASSHOLE.
▼: i just think you should be careful not to accidentally insult her or hurt her feelings.
▼: i don't think that's true, karkat. and i don't think she thinks that either!
▲: WELL, HERE'S A FUN FACT FOR YOU: YOU'RE BOTH WRONG. I AM A MASSIVE PRICK, IN THE PAST, THE FUTURE, AND THE PRESENT, AND THERE'S NO CHANGING THAT.
▼: i don't think so!
▼: i think you just have a rough exterior. or something!
▲: NO. THAT ROUGH EXTERIOR IS AS DEEP AS IT GETS.
▲: DEEP DOWN IN MY CARDIOVASCULAR TUBE OF CARDIOVASCULAR TUBES, I AM REALLY...
▲: JUST A MASSIVE PRICK.
▼: maybe she's into that.
▼: ;)
▲: OH MY FUCKING GOD.
▲: YOU DID NOT.
▼: yeah, i kind of wish i didn't.
▲: WAIT, ACTUALLY THAT REMINDS ME. WOULD THAT EVEN WORK?
▼: ummm.
▼: i don't know.
▲: LIKE I MEAN. WHAT ARE HUMAN BITS LIKE, BASICALLY?
▼: uh.
▲: AH, WELL WHATEVER. I HAVE TO GO, STRIDER'S GIVING ME HASSLE.
▲: YOU'LL TELL ME LATER I GUESS.
▲: SEE YOU AROUND, EGBERT.
▼: sure, i guess i will.
▼: bye, karkat!
▼ HAS BEEN DUMPED.