Thread 16: Stories 1-15

Thread 15 archive: http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/S17236861
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>Gwendolyn
"Soldiers"
~~~~

>What the hell is this thing!?

The creature in question offered no clarification, instead continuing on her destructive path through the Griffon settlement. Spears, blades and catapults did nothing to deter her, it did nothing to even slow her down!

With the grace of a hawk, the Queen arced low, aiming her blade at what was hopefully a much more vulnerable skin on it's neck.

The shattering of her blade told her every inch of that black hide was likely as untouchable.

>Wrap it's legs! If we can trip it up, we can do something when it's on the ground!

"We tried! She snaps our cables like twine!"

A claw closed around his throat.

>Then use stronger cables!

"M-Majesty, this isn't going to work! It's too powerful!"

>I will not be shamed just outside my doorstep!

"THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO!"

Furiously, she tossed him aside. She would have her general's resignation by the end of the day, it seemed.

Nothing left to do, she could only watch as her soldiers ineffectually launched everything they had at it. They might as well have been fighting a rolling boulder. Hell, at least the boulder would cause less damage!

>That thing...

"Majesty... it looks like a-"

>I know.

Her blade may have been broken, but there was enough there to see her reflection.

>I knew those Changelings would bring death upon us.

There was no relief as the beast finally left the edge of the town, and continued forward. Only a sadness at the smoke and devastation.

>I just thought we'd bring it right back as well.
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>Timberwolf General
“Various timberwolves”
_________

>Assemble, my wolves! Though negotiations with the Ursa Majors of the west fell through, we won’t let it sour our hunt! Canterlot castle is our bone, and WE. WILL. HAVE IT!

“AROOOOO!”

“OW! Hey, buddy? That was right in my ear.”

“Yeah, damn, can you just talk? Like we do?”

“O-oh… sorry, I just… I dunno, excited….”

>Did everyone remember to file their teeth last night?

“I did!”

“Me too!”

“So did I!”

“…that was supposed to be *last* night? Dang, I fucked up. See, ha, funny story, I thought it was-”

It only took one mighty chomp from the general to silence the obvious weak link in their chain.

>Alright. Are we clear? Did everyone see that? That’s how you act if you want to get reduced to a pile of twigs and acorns! So how do we all act?

“NOT LIKE THAT SIR.”

>Good answer! Now! We storm on my mar-….

The cause for his sudden silence could be aimed at the pebbles. They were bouncing. The ground was rumbling. Every single tree in the area was shivering, and the quakes only grew more violent, until, like a beast rising from the deepest fathoms, a titanic creature lumbered into the timberwolf meeting hold.

>…
“…”

It was over before the general could give the command to run, to surrender, to do whatever that behemoth might want. The creature marched on, confusing the timberwolves being stomped to dust underneath its giant hooves as nothing more than mere twigs. Brittle twigs at that.

The general, reduced to nothing but a head with the rest of its body scattered to the four winds, stared out at his previously assembled army. He saw dismembered heads, same as he, looking about in horrified confusion and could only sigh. At least there were no casualties.

A certain head was trying to explain itself to a round of other heads angrily baring down on it.

“No really! I thought the teeth sharpening was *next* week!”

>…This could have gone better.
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>32
"Pommel"

Deep within the confines of the Canterlot castle, a battle of wills was taking place. Two friends, now enemies glared at one another as the prize laid between them, only one able to cease an unending torment birthed from a night of revelry.

>The Rezhulk is mine, damn you, back off!

"No, I want the magic anti-hangover mushroom!"

>I deserve it more than you do!

"Why?"

>Aside from it being mine? I can guarantee my headache is far far worse.

"Come on, we drank the exact same beer, there's no way! I'm the one that finally beat the giant doom ogre last night!"

>It was a troll.

"Whatever, fork it over!"

>No!

"Ok...ok...we'll play a game for it, will that work?"

>Depends.

"Rock, Paper, Scissors!"

>...

"...shut up."

>Look, I'm sorry, but the whistling in my head is far too bad for me to waste on this foolishness.

"Whistling?"

>Yes, it's driving me crazy!

"My head isn't whistling..."

>Hence why I said my hangover is worse!

"Alright...alright, eat the stupid mushroom. Hope it's not the poisonous one..."

>It isn't.

"How do you know?"

>Because...I do!

"Suuuuure ya do..."

>I don't need you planting doubt in my mind.

32 lifts the mushroom and pops it into his mouth.

"So who should I invite to the funeral?"

>Everyone but her royal stupidity and buckethead...

32 waits...and waits, then blinks and winces.

>Gah...what IS this!?

"What?"

>The whistling...it's STILL there!

"HA! I told you I deserved it more!"

32 flops onto the floor, hooves shoved into his ears.

>This is the worst!
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>Moose Lee
"Student"
~~~~~

The martial arts master was at peace. Floating in the air on a wave of his collected chi. Enlightenment was near.

Which is why it was so annoying when that little asshole who keeps stealing everyone's lunch burst in.

"MASTER! A great evil is headed our way!"

Little asshole or no, it was the warriors duty to face evil in all of it's forms, no matter how powerful!

With the speed of a jaguar hopped up on enough amphetamines to kill a rhino, he burst from his dojo, and landed poised and ready for battle on the edge of his village.

And then promptly dropped his stance, and his jaw.

>Oh hell no!

With that, he turned and he ran.

The student fidgeted awkwardly, wondering if this was a test of some sort.

At about the time the last building collapsed beneath her hooves, he summarized it was not.
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>Spike
"42"
~~~
42 stumbles into a kitchen, following an orgasmically amazing scent that pierces her soldier's discipline (mostly, since there were no threats around) and has her stomach rumble even if she would gain nothing but inches on her waistline from eating normal food

She enters the kitchen her nose leads her to and finds Spike baking in his pink, frilly apron making her stop and blink

"spike, what are you doing? I mean besides baking! And why the heck so much?"

>Well, I was thinking for 32's Martial Festival I might try an alternative to fighting to raise money.

"You're kidding, right? Why don't you want to fight?"

>Reminds me way too much of The Pit.

"Oh, ouch, yeah, I can see why. But it's gonna be different, and you can show how far you've come along in your training, even without Charity!"

>I know, but... Look, I'll accept any challenge that comes my way, but I kind of like doing this. Puts my mind at ease when I'm not feeling that... bloodlust.

"Well, I won't push you any further. Seems like there's another reason for this though..."

Spike smirks

>Yep, Cheerlie ones said she'd love to see the day when schools get the funding they need and the military needs to hold a bake sale. Guess where the money for the A-Team's going?
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>29
"MM"
~~~~

>Sweetie, I know you want to play, but I'm working right now. I'll help you do what you want whenever I get off.

"What's up?"

>This filly keeps tugging at my arm and pointing.

"Awww, what does she want to do?"

>Hasn't said. What do you want, baby?

"...Well?"

>She's just pointing.

"Is she mute?"

>...She's nodding her head... wait, what kind of cruel god would leave a pony mute after they died!? That's terrible!

"Right!?"

>I mean, philosophically, doesn't that confirm our god is an uncaring one?

"Feels like it. Dude..."

>Wow...

"..."

>...She's banging her head on the wall.

"Hope she's having fun with that."
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>Hydra head 1
"2"
'3'
-4-
~~~

>... We came on too strong.

"Told you so!"

'Bullshit, all we said was 'how you doin?'!'

"See? We came off like we cared about what she wanted, we need to be aloof, badass!"

>So, 'Hey baby suck my dick?'

'Dick*S*, with an S! You're not getting all of it again!'

"What kind of girl wouldn't run off when we said we had a bunch of those?"

'THE KIND WE WANT TO BANG!'

-Uh, guys, should we go see a vet or something?-

"No."

-But... these are my organs, I need them.-

"Four, we've been wanting to bring this up for a while..."

-...OH FUCK YOU!-

'See, this is why we voted you off the body while you slept.'

-EAT A DICK!-

>We'll probably have to, don't want yours rotting-NOTIT

"NOTIT"

'NOT-FUCK!'

-Well at least SOMEONE is getting some action!-
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>Spike
"77"
'Cheerlie'
~~~
"So... You intend to sit out the Martial Arts Festival to bake?"

>I don't see why not. Much as I hate to admit it: I'm not really a warrior like you or 42, or even Pinkie.

"Then why do you fight with such determination and always seek power?"

Spike smiles

>So I can always do what's needed of me. Just as you are always a servant of your queen, I will always be just an assistant.

"Spike, some days I wish you had been born a changeling."

>Yep, because then Chysalis would be too fat from all my baking to do anything but delegate ruling to other members of the hive, right?

Hiding in the shadows, 32 jots that down as one possible means of dethroning Chrysalis

>And, back to the point, baking's just a good hobby in general. Also a great way to let those you care about know you care. Nothing says love like home cooking as Applejack ones said.

"Hmmm..."

Later...

'Hoof made chocolates?! For me?! Oh, you are just the sweetest!'

She then hugs a scalded, messy 77 who still has bits of chocolate melted into his chitin

It was worth it
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>Bellringer of Notre Dam/ Handydog

All was quiet in the goat settlement of Clovenfield, here and there its gentle citizens milled about. No one would ever consider goats to exactly be the types for grandiosity, and for the most part, Clovenfield was a very small and practically designed little town.

Then you got to the center and wondered which one of them ate one bit of glue too many off a can.

The Cathedral of Notre Dam was a well known local oddity, constructed almost at the same time as the first home in the town, it stood as a monument to a god the caprine people had long since forgotten. Still it was the rock of the little burg, a place to congregate and gather in times of hardship, a place to celebrate a successful harvest, and an excellent way to tell time to boot.

It had been years since the town had had an honest to Celestia's mom bell ringer, Abbot Pan (the title mostly a ceremonial way of saying 'Janitor') had done his best, but between keeping the place clean and officiating the bi-weekly fight over who gets to marry some starry eyed doeling, he'd quite had his cloven hooves full.

So it wasn't much surprise when a stranger applied for the position, he was signed on without much hassle. The fact said stranger was three times their size, whirred a lot, and smelt of wet dog didn't bother the goats because...well, Celestia's mother didn't exactly give them the lion's share when it came to brains.

But he was their bellringer and he rang the bells. It almost seemed like that's all he ever did, never came down to socialize or chat...or eat or sleep. Just all bells all the time.

He was ringing it a lot today it seemed...the goats didn't pay it any mind, it had to just be the day going by fast. Has it been mentioned yet goat's are rather slow?

>Damn it, LOOK UP YOU MORONS!

Were those drums in the distance? A bit early for a parade, honestly, the Gala was only a few months ago.

>GIANT MONSTER INCOMING! THE BELLS ARE WARNING YOU!

Such a shame, it looks like those developers went and knocked down farmer Gruffy's grape orchard. And after those nice teenagers held a benefit for it and everything.

>IT'S *INSIDE* THE CITY!

Hm, looks like they put up the Hearthswarming Tree early in town square...it's blacker than it was last year, and a lot bigger too. Also there's four of them.

>FFFF-GERONIMO!

Chitania batted away the pathetic tower that stood before her, ignoring the figure that jumped out of it. She was glad to be rid of that infernal ringing. Though having done it she realized that was basically the only thing of interest in the whole town. Thoroughly annoyed, she continued her long march to vengeance.

The bell ringer meanwhile stood up, brushes himself off, and crossed his mechanical arms with porcelain hands.

>Well...shit, unemployed again
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"Can it move mountains
This power called love?
Can it part the seas
Or catch the heavens above?

Can love change us, inside and out?

We should know more
Its how we live
But we know so little
Can we even give?

O' how lil' we know what love is about

There was one of our kind
Surely he knew!
But he ceased to be one of us
And become one of you

This story of a simple changeling scout

Sent out to find food
A community of full hearts to eat
He donned persona
Of a baseball athlete

It began so simple but he began to doubt

The crowds would cheer
The crowds would roar
With each swing of bat
The ball would soar

"He's our number-one star!" his team would tout

They loved him unconditionally
So why did he pay so little a care?
Because his heart had been filled
By the love of baseball with his fans he shared

And a along came Leg Breaker, a criminal lout

Leg Breaker lost money
On his winning streak
He threatened, and postured, and blackmailed
But the changeling would not be made meek

But Leg Breaker knew a secret The Changeling didn't want out

But despite these threats
He wouldn't yield
Leg Breaker's best threats
Couldn't keep him from that dream field

And soon Leg Breaker would make a simple 'deal' a bout

Our hero went to playoffs
And to the mobster no one would heed
Our hero played before the world!
While Leg Breaker schemed"

"Using unicorn magic, around the stadium fell a shroud

It was the bottom of the ninth
The ball was pitched
Our hero swung
Her didn't miss!

But tragedy would fall before the play was out

The scout stole his bases
He charged for home
The crowds cheering for his glory
When the ball struck 'gainst magical dome

Like a strange, ringing gong, it sounded out

The ball had hit the barrier with such force
And then sent back a hundred fold
It rocketed towards our hero
and in his heart it made a great hole

Leg Breaker cheered cruelly "You're out!"

He tried to tell them all
He killed a changeling and they should pay no mind
But when the body was examined
there lay only a pony of earth kind

Leg Breaker cried this fate was foul

And there were those among us
Who had seen the tale
From beginning to end
The scout's triumph and the mobster fail

And yet still, there are many who doubt

Had the drone used smoke and mirrors?
Have we all been deceived?
A changeling cannot become a real pony!
It's impossible to conceive!

But what if love could change us, inside as well as out?

Love can do much
This we know
It can chill the desert
Or melt the ice and snow

But still, how lil' we know what love is about

There was one of our kind
Surely he knew!
But he ceased to be one of us
And become one of you

This story of a simple changeling scout"
-A changeling urban legend/folk tale, as told by Changeling 32 and transcribed by Twilight Sparkle
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>Twi
"18"
'Chrys'
~~~
>Good news, everyone, I have found a way to take the malleable genetics of changelings and mix them with some unstable stemcells to create injectable superpowers! Though they only work on changelings.

'You bitch! You mean you just took away my special snowflake claims by inventing a way for other changelings to know the secret abilities of other changeling hives or queens?!'

>Well, not quite, I mean I had to make these new abilities from whole cloth since I don't really know any of those things to described.

'Oh... so... They're useful?'

>Should be! Why don't you it out?

'Whoa! No way! I'm not letting you inject me with any of your crap! Probably meant to kill me!'

>Oh, fine, be that way. Does any other changeling want super powers?

"Sure! I mean when even 55 gained fire abilities, I've started to feel left behind. Welp, let's Splice up!"

ker-inject!

"HOLYFUCKINGSHITGODTHISHUUUUUUUUURTS!"

Lightning begins arcing off of 18's body

'I knew it! I knew you were trying to kill me!'

The lightning settles

"Actually, after the initial pain, feels kind of tingly... so... Let's see, do I just do... this?!"

Zaps a random object

>Yes! Just like that!

'Fucking A! I could be shooting lightning from my horn?! Alright sparkle butt, shoot me up like Jimi Hendrix!'

>Alright, just let me- ... Oh, dear. It seems there was an error in saving my notes. And all the raw material I had been using is now gone. It seems 18 is now the only changeling with Electro-bolt

'... It's not fair...'

"Guess you've learned a valuable lesson in trust today, your majesty."

'18, if it's one thing you should know about me, especially after Jerkjack chewed me out, it's that I learn NOTHING! Ever.'

"Welp, suit yourself, I need to go find a wrench and start practicing my one-two punch!"

>Ain't nothin' like a hornful o' loightnin' is there?

NON CANON
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>Chrysalis
"Momsie"

~~~~~~~~~

Along long time ago...

>Mom... why did you put Chitania in the snow?

"Well Chryssy she was being a bitch... A Queen Bitch... And you know as well as I that there can only be one Queen Bitch of the Universe, right?"

>Yep... Its gonna be me!

"Ha ha... We'll see... I could still eat you, you know."

>Not if I eat you first!

"It'll take you a week to nibble through my Chitin!"

>Not if I go for just under the arm!

"...That's my girl..."
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Two nations, at war.

The river between them was precious, scarce, enough for both, but only barely.

That wasn't enough for either side.

They had been lucky when the black market arms dealers had rolled through. So many had been bartered for. Hell, they were likely richer than they ever dreamed at this point. But now, rockets, guns, all sorts of weaponry matched up on both sides of the river like a twisted mirror.

The tensions ran high. The time ticked away. Both sides afraid to reach out and take the precious water, afraid of setting off the cold war. Sure that such a brazen flame of defiance would set their world ablaze.

But in reality, it only took a spark. A single insult across the water.

It had been an accident, of course, when the pony on the other side leaned forward to scream one right back, and hit the trigger.

And then the world saw fire.

But in all the confusion, all of the eruptions and bullets, the shaking of their bodies prevented them from feeling the earth shake beneath them. All of the smoke prevented them from seeing the black shape race forward. All of the eruptions and fires prevented them from seeing that not a single shot made it to the other side.

And just like that, it was over.

Their weapons were exhausted, but they felt no sadness. In fact, they rejoiced! The gods themselves had decided that neither should die, that both sides should live in harmony! They shook hooves, embraced one another, enjoyed the feeling of being alive.

And that's when they noticed that the river had been totally destroyed.

The fighting would resume shortly, but for one single moment, on tiny little flicker in history, both sides voiced the words in their hearts.

>FUCK!
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>PotatoJack
“77”
‘Spike’
-SS-
_______

The fluttery, gut-dropping sensation of flight was one that took awhile to get over, especially the first time. There was always the initial fear, thinking you’d wind up as nothing more than a gelatinous splat on the ground. But once you got past that?

You were free.

As free as PotatoJack felt as she zipped around the towers of Canterlot castle, her 3DMG shooting out pegs that attached themselves to the cone-like roofs and swung her about at dizzying speeds. She didn’t even have her weapon out, no, this one was just for practice, for fun even.

>MMMMMMMMMHNNNNNNNG!

Far below on stable ground, 77 could only chuckle as the potato wedged into her maw muffled her elated yell.

“I do hope force of speed doesn’t shove that spud down her throat….”

‘Evenin’, 77!’

“Oh, hello there, team leader, poppet. What brings you this way, hm?”

‘Mostly giving Spoons some pointers concerning a few weapons and also showing her around the castle. She’s not only new to the Gun Club but Canterlot as well.’

“Ah, I see. Well, poppet, I trust you enjoy the tour.”

-…-
‘…’

“…have I said something amiss…?”

‘Hm? No… no, it’s just… she kinda finds the eyepatch scary.’

Another chuckle rumbled up from 77 as he turned to the very frozen filly, smiling down at her.

“Poppet, if you think this is scary, you should have seen what caused me to wear it.”

-...-

‘He’s totally right about that. The stories he’s told? I hear some Changelings are forever glued to the crying corner.’

-…-

‘But, uh, so! What’re you doing out here, eh? Just strolling?’

“Oh no, I’m assisting Spud.”

-‘Who?’-

“Pardon. PotatoJack. She’s up there, see?”

Spike and Silver Spoon glanced up to indeed see the reckless Changeling spinning like a top around the upper most levels of the castle, being pulled with such ferocity they were stunned her spine didn’t simply snap under the pressure.

-…she’s a daredevil, huh?-

“Ah, she just enjoys the feel of flight. Probably moreso than a natural-born pegasus.”

‘Fly high, Spud. But what’re you assisting her with, 77?’

77 had only opened his mouth when one of PotatoJack’s cable’s missed their mark completely, causing her to smash into the roof, tumble over the edge despite her flailing, and plummet towards the ground. Silver Spoon didn’t get the chance to scream when 77 reacted almost instantly and flung his bone knife; it struck a piece of PotatoJack’s clothing, effectively pinning her to the castle wall where she hung and swayed with comical swirls in her eyes.

“Because accidents do happen and we are a team.”

-I’ll go get her some help!-

Spike nodded, lifting a fist.

‘Gun Club.’

77 met it with his hoof.

“Gun Club.”

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>Aztec Pony Leader
"Various"
~~~~

>MY FOLLOWERS! Evil is at our doorstep, heading right this way! A vast evil of a size so large it would crush us like ants!

"Oh no!"

>Which is why we must summon our guardian, MOGOGO!

"YEAH!"

>LET THE SACRIFICE BEGIN!

"...Oh for the love of..."

"He doesn't NEED a sacrifice!"

"Why are you so hung up on this?"

"Seriously, every fucking day with this shit."

"It's raining, SACRIFICE!"

"The crops aren't as tall as I wanted, SACRIFICE!"

"My table is out of napkins, SACRIFICE!"

"Just ask the guy! He's cool about this!"

>...Just a liiiittle-

"NO!"

>FINE! WHATEVER! But when he can't fight at peak efficiency because no sacrifice, don't come crying to-

"JUST DO IT!"

>...MOGOGO, ARISE!

The center of the pyramid erupted upwards. From the newly formed hole, a massive stone golem rose up, shaking dirt and the remains of the temple from his rocky body.

>Okay, I meant the door. There is a door there. We made it for you. Do you think it's easy to fix that ceiling? It's not. It's rock. Rock is heavy and none of us are unicorns.

The golem just kind of stared.

>...Just go fight that big thing, please?

Heroically, he leaped through the air, landing poised and ready for battle on the edge of the city. The black monster, every bit as tall as he was, kept her pace, and smashed headlong into him.

But his grip held, and she stopped.

Or so he thought.

{...Wait, am I going the right way? Damn it, I knew I should have just gone through that mountain...}

The various villagers gawked openly as their guardian pushed and pulled, struggling to even make the giant monster flinch... or even notice him at all.

{...yeah, I'm going the right way. Well, that's a relief.}

Without warning, she resumed moving, and Mogogo was nothing but rock beneath a steamroller. Unopposed, she shattered the rest of the city just as easily as she had their guardian.

Amdist their broken homes, they could only huddle together, and weep.

>...I fucking TOLD YOU SO.
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