Deleted Scene from "Proriger"

In the final version of "Proriger", there is a brief allusion to Ron telling a scary story about the Jersey Devil. That story was initially its own scene a bit earlier in the narrative, when the group gets a flat tire out in the Pine Barrens. I enjoy it as a character study, but needed to cut it because it interrupted the flow of the story.

***

Jack and Cliff got out to go fix it- Cliff going mainly to impress Joan- and I stayed in the car, content to keep my arm snug around Josie. Shirley was up front, while me, Josie, and Joan were all in the backseat.

We’d broken down on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere, with an endless sea of pines extending in all directions. It was the perfect place to tell a ghost story. So while Jack and Cliff fixed the tire, I decided to spin a yarn to scare the girls.

“That’s strange,” I said, looking deliberately out the window.

“What? What is it?” Josie asked, leaning over to look out with me.

“There’s hoofprints in the road,” I replied, squinting at what were obviously Cliff’s bootprints.

“Where? I don’t see any,” Josie said, leaning completely over me now and almost pressing her nose against the window to see. “Where are they?”

“Right there, can’t you see?” I said, pointing to the middle of the road. “Hoofprints!”

“People around here probably still ride horses,” Joan offered. She was peering out the window, too, leaning across both Josie and me to see. Curled up onto the seat, she took up about as much space as a housecat. “Y’know, because it’s so rural. I mean this road isn’t even paved.”

“No, no,” I said. “These look bigger than a horse’s hooves.”

“How many horses do you know?” Shirley quipped, though she was also looking out the driver side window. I had them hook, line, and sinker.

“My uncle owns a horse farm,” I lied. “I’m telling you, those are bigger than a horse’s hooves.”

“Well, what could they be then?” Josie asked.

It was the exact cue I’d been baiting them into. I turned back from the window and looked at all three of them long and hard. “You girls ever hear of the Jersey Devil?”

“Oh, Ron, don’t start,” Josie said, rolling her eyes and pushing herself off of me.

“No no, I’m serious!” I said. Josie might have been unimpressed but Joan and Shirley were staring at me in complete curiosity, waiting for me to go on. “Way back in 1735, a lady named Mother Leeds was about to give birth to her thirteenth child. She didn’t want the baby, so while she was in labor, she screamed out ‘LET THIS ONE BE A DEVIL!’”

“Can’t say I blame her,” Shirley said. “I mean, I want five myself, but thirteen is a bit excessive.”

“Well, the baby did turn out to be a devil,” I continued, “The delivery went normally- Mother Leeds gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby boy. But when the midwife held him up, she started screaming. The baby was changing, transforming into a monster right before her eyes. He grew a long donkey’s face, and wings sprouted out of his back. His little baby feet changed into cloven hooves, and his hands grew long, jagged claws. He snarled at the midwife, then let out this unearthly shriek and slashed her with his claws. He tore her to ribbons, and then ran around the house, killing his own brothers and sisters, as many as he could get, before vanishing up the chimney and flying away. The stories all say the Jersey Devil is immortal, and still lives out here in the Pine Barrens. He’ll hunt down anyone who dares to trespass in his woods. The same woods we’re broken down in… right now…”

I stopped to let that sink in, savoring the little sparkles of fear dancing in all the girls’ eyes. Then I roared and grabbed Josie’s shoulder.

“That’s a lot of baloney,” Josie groaned, “And you know it.”

“Is it?” I teased. “My uncle’s friends with a farmer down in Cold Spring. He said just a few years ago the farmer heard heard his dog barking late one night. Big shepherd dog, out guarding the chicken coop. The farmer thought it was a fox, so he got his shotgun, but when he went outside there there was no fox and his dog was just ripped to pieces. He only saw a pair of red eyes in the darkness, slowly moving away from him.”

“That poor dog…” Joan whispered, staring out the window again. Not at the road, though. This time she was looking warily out into the endless woods on our right.

“Don’t worry, Joan,” I said, “I’m sure the Jersey Devil likes the taste of girls just as much as he likes dogs. We’ll find out if we get stuck here after dark.”

Josie groaned again and I put my arm back around her and pulled her in real close. “I’ll keep you safe from any monsters, darling.”
“The only monster around here is you,” she said. Josie always hated scary stories. Kept her up at night, just like she was a little kid. I thought, she and Joan will be up all night taking turns watching for the Jersey Devil. I really wish it had turned out that way.
Josie huffed and looked away from me towards the passenger side window, and screamed.

“Boo!” Jack shouted, his face pressed right up against the glass. He immediately broke down laughing when Josie screamed, followed immediately by Shirley and Joan gasping and jumping up in their seats. “Aww, did we scare you?”

“You boor!” Shirley said, punching Jack’s shoulder as he climbed back into the car.

“You wound me, my love,” he snickered. “Was Ron telling you all a bunch of nonsense?”

“Not nonsense,” I replied, “Pure, unvarnished truth about the mortal peril we would’ve been in at the hands- or should I say hooves- of the Jersey Devil, had you failed to fix the flat.”

“Right, a bunch of nonsense,” Jack said. He started the engine as Cliff got back in. “Anyway, we got it fixed, mostly thanks to Cliff. Forgot my lug-wrench but Cliff here had one in his bag.”

“Mechanic in training,” Cliff shrugged modestly, stealing a glance at Joan. Us guys all knew this really was nonsense- Jack treasured his car like it was his baby, and had a toolkit in the trunk at all times for repairs- but it sounded good.

“Well, I sure hope this Jersey Devil of yours doesn’t like the beach,” Josie said, pursing her lips reproachfully.

“I think he’s allergic to sand,” I replied, sneaking my arm around her again. She let me. She never could stay mad at me for very long. Part of why I loved her.

Jack shifted into gear and got us rolling again, towards what wound up being the very literal end of the road for five of the car’s occupants. And then there was me.

Looking back now, I wish up and down that Jack hadn’t had a spare tire, so we wouldn’t have ever made it to the beach that night. Maybe we would’ve walked to the nearest farmhouse and asked to use the phone to call for a tow back to Philadelphia, unbeknownst of the fact that the courses of our lives had just been radically altered.

And I wish even more that I hadn’t told that stupid story. Scaring the girls for no reason about a monster, when… but how could I have known? I promised Josie I’d protect her from any monsters, but when the moment of truth came, I couldn’t.

As it was, we continued our drive and made it to Shirley’s place at quarter after eight.